I don't own, so don't sue.


Thanks to all my reviewers, you are the reason I update.

To Coolgo: If Bree, The Master from Doctor Who, and Voldemort ever met The Master would be quickly annoyed by Voldemort and would destroy him, then proceed to take over the wizarding world. The Doctor would show up to stop him. Bree would end up on the TARDIS. She'd meet Jack. Get offended by Jack coming on to her and would A) shove his head in the nearest toilet, B) Hex him, C) Make jokes about "Captain Jack Sparrow/Harkness, or D) all of the above.


502. I do not have ties to the mafia.

503. Not allowed to tell Mad-eye about Transformers as if they are fact, he's paranoid enough as it is.

504. There is no house elf mafia.

505. Not allowed to tell first years that pants are optional.

-not allowed to tell first years that any part of the uniform is optional.

506. The Order of the Phoenix does not "Charge into battle naked, like the Celts" and I am to stop telling people that it does.

507. Not allowed to carry around a jar of dirt, periodically put my ear to it and ask "Where is the thump-thump?"

508. Not allowed to put a Horcrux inside a jar of dirt.

509. Not allowed to dress up the owls to look like Harry.

510. There is no goblin mafia.

511. Not allowed to tell Dean that American Football is better than European Football.

512. Not allowed to map the Weasely Twins freckles in order to prove that they're not identical.

513. Not allowed to charm inanimate objects to parade through the school.

514. Not allowed to recreate the D.C mini from the movie "Paprika." (The D.C mini allows you to enter people's dreams.)

515. Not allowed to have a pillow fight.

- especially if it involves charming the pillows to fight in gladiator style combat.

516. The Death Eaters do not have cookies.

517. Not allowed to replace all of Draco's clothing with a frilly pink tutu.

518. Oliver Wood is not psychotic when it comes to Quiddicth.

- McGonagall made this rule. It's a lie because she has the same problem as Wood.

519. Not allowed to sing songs from Sweeny Todd in the hall.

520. I do not Have the right to an attorney when given detention.

521. Not allowed to imply that it's Madam Pomfrey who's in charge of the school.

522. Not allowed to name any of my pets Percy just so I can say "Bad Percy. The rug is not your toilet."

- nor am I to name them Dumbledore.

- or Snape.

523. There is no nipple twisting hex and I am not to invent one.

524. Not allowed to tell first years that the sorting involves gladiator style combat.

525. Not allowed to tell Ron that he's the friend that nobody likes.

526. Tonks' parents did not "Flip a coin and decide to raise her as a girl."

527. Not allow to transfigure Draco's clothes into a French maid's outfit.

528. Not allowed to say "Don't drop the soap" when someone tells me that they are going to take a shower.

529. Not allowed to leave a pair of active omniculars in the boys shower, then sell them to the highest bidder.

530. Not allowed to leave cat toys on Professor McGonagall's desk.


Chapter One of "Bree's Hogwarts Experience", which is the spin off/companion of this fic, is up. Go read it and review it.

Review this story as well please!