Part One: The Idiot Cook

Things had been going well until the warships showed up. How they'd gotten the massive vessels into the floating bay Zoro had no idea. The World Government had a lot of intel on just about everything in the Grand Line, though, so they had access to routes unknown to most. Whatever method the crafty bastards had used, two five-masted barques crawling with marines had cut off their path to open sea and penned the Merry in. To make matters even more exciting, there had been a Rear Admiral on board and several half-way competent fighters. Naturally, Luffy had taken gleefully to the fight and tackled the Rear Admiral's ship while Zoro claimed the one on the right and carved his way through their ranks with equal fervor. He did love a challenge, and stomping marines was decent entertainment. That did, unfortunately, still leave the Merry at the mercy of the warships' firepower. Nami had not been happy.

The red-haired navigator cursed extravagantly when Zoro and Luffy abandoned the ship to fight and shouted orders at Sanji, Usopp, and Chopper. To Zoro's mind, it was necessary. How else were they to get through the wall of wood and iron blocking their way? The Merry was small and agile, but even the trusty caravel needed an opening. Sure, they might have been indulging themselves a bit by each taking a ship, and they may have even gotten a little carried away as evidenced by the destruction on the Rear Admiral's side courtesy of Luffy, but they were pirates. If you weren't having at least a little fun, what was the point? Luffy's hooting laughter seemed to punctuate his own thoughts. He did admit that they may have underestimated the artillery side of things, though.

Wave after wave of cannon fire suddenly belched from the gunports of Zoro's ship. The massive barque shook with the recoil, and Zoro paused slicing through the shoulder guard of a barrel-chested marine to look out behind him as the wall of iron balls careened towards the Merry. Nami was no fool, though, and had anticipated the action. The Merry made a sharp cut then straightened to present as small a target as possible. The waters behind and to the sides of the small ship erupted in a spray of white-capped seawater but most of the shots missed. The handful that were still on target suddenly exploded in mid-air and several rebounded back at the warships. Two struck Luffy's ship and tore great chunks from the mizzen mast. Zoro saw a suited figure land lightly on the lip of the crow's nest.

The swordsman smirked at the gape-mouthed marine as he saw the blond head turn his way, middle finger raised and wagging.

Another wave of shot boomed from the double row of gunports on Luffy's ship this time. Again, the Merry dipped and turned, throwing the suited figure against the flagpole, but the move left her portside open to Zoro's ship which took full advantage and shot off another round. Zoro held his breath as the rain of iron bore down. The suited figure pushed off the main yard and with a sweeping blur of kicks, deflected the cannon fire down into the sea around them, but the second volley soon followed. Using the momentum from his first attack, Sanji flipped gracefully into the main mast and used it to rebound back into the air. The timber groaned as he pushed off but held, and the slight flex of the wood added to his leap. Lashing out with both legs in a show of flexibility that made Zoro wince, Sanji connected solidly with the two foremost shots and pool-shotted them into two others. The number of targets was too many even for him, though, and a cannonball skimmed the deck, taking out a portion of the railing. Usopp shouted in dismay from his position on the topsail, and Nami barked terse instructions to Chopper at the rudder before turning her full displeasure on Zoro and Luffy. Even the marines around the swordsman seemed to wither under that scathing tirade.

"Yeah, yeah…" he groused and abandoned his fun to deal with the rows of smoking 24-pounders.

A great ripping sound suddenly filled the air followed by an ear-splitting crunch. Three out of five of the great masts on Luffy's ship were only being held up by rapidly tearing rigging and a fourth had split the deck as it toppled. The barque was fetching towards the keel. The helmsman of the ravaged ship steered hard to port to stabilize the vessel, and a gap appeared between the two ships. The Merry ran for the exit.

Another air-shaking shockwave of gunpowder vibrated the decks of both warships. The damaged ship was firing as it turned—one last attempt to bring down the little caravel before it slipped away. Zoro cursed as he saw the remaining eight cannons on his ship adding to the barrage. Not even the cook's creative rebounds could handle the way the ships were angled now.

He shouted a warning as he saw the blond spin into the air, legs whipping around like a dervish to create a small cyclone of his own air pressure. Iron shot caught in the whirling draft spun off course and others dropped in mid-air to the deck, robbed of their momentum. Sanji came out of the kick with a flutter of suit pants and pinstriped blue—no suit jacket now—but there was no time or way for him to address the remaining few. One chewed a furrowed path across the wall of the galley, and another glanced off the aft deck before detonating over the water behind them. The Merry was lucky, Sanji wasn't. Two cannonballs caught up in the whirlwind collided against each other in the air and exploded directly behind him. The force threw the still-airborne man down hard against the deck. He crashed with bone-crunching speed into the forecastle and glanced off the railing before tumbling into the churning sea.

Nami and Usopp were shouting and screaming. Zoro heard Luffy's yell as the rubber man rocketed back to the Merry. Zoro knifed into the sea.

The clashing wash from the dueling ships seized the swordsman and sent him tumbling like a kite in a gale. He rolled and spun, whipping end over end until he was sucked alongside the Merry and shot out into her wake. He broke the surface, eyes darting for any sign of blond or blue. Seeing nothing he dove back down and followed the pull of the water like a lodestone.

Suddenly, there to his left, he spied a flash of light followed by a halo of gold against the turbid green of the water. Kicking with all his might, he surged forward and caught the silver links of the cook's belt chain in his hand. He pulled the other man in, seized him by the lean waist, and swam for the surface. At his touch, Sanji came alive, struggling and thrashing. Zoro gritted his teeth as a shoe connected with his shin.

"Stop…wiggling…!" Zoro gasped as they broke surface.

Sanji continued to kick and strain at the arm wrapped around him until Zoro headbutted him lightly.

"You…!" Sanji sputtered, finally seeming to recognize the other man. The blue eye, barely visible underneath salt-matted bangs, was slightly wild. Blood ran into it from an unseen cut, and he scrubbed it away with a shaking arm. "Let go," he growled.

Zoro obliged with a roll of the eyes. "We've gotta—"

The iron-shod side of one of the marine ships suddenly loomed.

"Oh cra—"

The pull of the water around the large vessel sucked them in and dashed them against the hull before spitting them back out behind the ship towards the vegetation-choked side of the bay. Zoro's head rang with the impact, and he found himself again on the searching end for his crewmate. He'd seen the cook's head bounce off the side of the great rudder before they went under and didn't give him good odds for consciousness after being knocked again so soon. This time when his fingers found and curled around the length of leather belt there was no resistance. Zoro brought them both up and paddled for shore, trying to keep above water and below the notice of the marines. He turned once and saw the Merry in the distance, far past the warships and in the open water. The sparkle of a spy glass caught his eye, and he hoped it meant Usopp had seen them. He was counting on it.

...

The sun was a sullen orange orb high overhead when Zoro finally dragged them ashore. They'd ended up far further east than intended thanks to the pull of the currents ringing the island but at least far away enough from the marine ships to feel somewhat secure. He dumped Sanji's limp body onto the rose-hued sand and sat down heavily beside him.

"Oy, Cook. You with me yet?"

There was no response.

Zoro sighed and rolled the other man over for a quick check. The water-logged pain in the ass was still breathing at least, but an ugly bruise was spreading over his temple and into the hairline. Zoro studied the pale face impassively. The way the golden eyelashes fluttered against his cheek was interesting but didn't give him much hope that the other man would come around any time soon. Annoyed, Zoro wondered if slapping him would hurry things along. He doubted Chopper would approve, though.

"At least your ass is skinny," he grumbled at the inert form as he hauled the other man up and over his shoulder. He was tired and sore but lingering on the shore was sure to invite trouble. Cook in hand, he trudged into the cover of the jungle.

He walked for a while in the stifling heat until he found a shady overhang carved into the side of a rocky hill. The ground was soft with some kind of fuzzy blue plant and the shade inviting. He unceremoniously deposited Sanji into the space and went for a look around. The air was slightly cooler here, and he thought he could smell water. Water would be a very good thing to have, indeed.

Mindful of the shit he'd get if he got lost now of all times, Zoro kept the rocky hill firmly in sight as he circled the immediate area. To his satisfaction, he found not just water but a whole stream and elevated pool full of the stuff suspended over a subterranean lake. Natural holes and dips in the rock basin holding the water created small, glittering waterfalls that spilled into the gap below. Zoro leaned over the side to see how far the drop was and wondered if it was worth exploring. Maybe some other time if they ever came back to the island, he mused.

Crossing over to the elevated pool and mindful of the edge, he tasted the water experimentally. It was cold and lightly sweet. He dunked his head in and took a big gulp, letting it rinse the drying salt from his skin. He longed to shed his clothes and just dive in, but he had to think of a way to get some to the unconscious idiot first.

Zoro scanned the area and decided it would be best just to bring him over and splash his face (or perhaps just throw him in). He returned to the shady alcove and was not surprised, but still a little worried, to see that Sanji hadn't moved. He crouched down by the other man and took a closer look at the head injury. The bruise was nasty but didn't look too bad. Zoro touched it carefully, feeling for any soft spots or breaks in the bone. Everything felt solid enough, so he lifted the other man's head gently and probed around the back. His fingers found a tender lump and dried blood on the crown of golden hair, but he'd expected that. The strands slipped through his fingers as he checked, as fine as the silk wrappings he used for his blades. Not even sea salt and blood could dim the luster. Zoro stared for a moment, then with a huff, reluctantly disentangled his fingers. He rocked back on his heels, considering. There was nothing he could really do for a concussion except wait for the other man to come around.

His eyes trailed down to the other man's chest. It rose and felt softly under the thin, soaked fabric of the blue pinstriped shirt. Zoro snorted as he remembered Sanji ironing the collar that very morning. What was the point when you were a pirate and liable to be blown up by cannon fire and drowned in the sea? He had to admit that the color suited him well at least—not that he's ever tell the preening ass that.

With another long-suffering sigh, he pulled the shirt free of the damp slacks and unbuttoned it to check for other injuries.

"You just had to get yourself blown up and then flattened by a ship, didn't you?" he muttered as he peeled back the material. Pale flesh and hard muscled planes met his eyes. Zoro made an appreciative noise at the sight. The cook was scrawny compared to proper fighters, but there was no denying the grace and power behind what he did have. It was a shame he was so insufferable.

Zoro gently prodded and poked as he turned Sanji onto his side. The other man was black and blue from left shoulder to the sharp jut of hipbone, but nothing seemed broken. Cracked possibly but not broken, at least. The searching fingers and methodical inspection found only intriguing angles and sculpted ridges that flowed smoothly under his palms. Satisfied that the damage wasn't too bad, Zoro sat back and rubbed his own aching neck. He glanced down at the wet slacks. Did he dare take those off?

Sanji groaned then and curled onto his side, startling him. The long, deadly black-clad legs drew up to his chest and then straightened slowly as if the position caused too much discomfort. Zoro watched, fascinated as hard muscle flexed and rippled under the thin layer of water-logged material. The other man might be all lean lines and foul mouth but damned if he didn't enjoy watching him maul marines with them or walk or work. If he wanted to, Sanji could kill with those thighs. Zoro decided he didn't dare. Yet.

"Hey, you awake?"

The barest of soft breath was the only reply.

"Time to go, Stupid Brows," Zoro said and lifted the other man up. He was more mindful of the battered side this time. When he slung him over his shoulder, he adjusted the position.

A short walk later and he was back at the clear pool of water. Zoro stopped, looked out over the pool in surprise, then threw up his free hand as if to say, See?! I can get to where I want to be just fine!

Naturally, the most vocal and annoying of his directional detractors was out cold and unable to witness it. Zoro dumped him on the, admittedly soft, ground a bit harder than intended.

Sanji groaned again and shook his head. His long fingers curled in the mossy undergrowth.

"Now are we awake? C'mon, Cook. I'm tired of carrying your ass around."

Contrary to his words, his shoulder tingled pleasantly from the warm contact of the other man's bare stomach and chest. Zoro blinked slowly, processing the sensations, and thought that maybe he'd been at sea too long.

Sanji sat up and touched the back of his head gingerly. His shirt fell open and he stared down at it in hazy confusion.

"What happened? Where are we?"

"You got blown up and fell off the ship. Then you got hit by another ship."

"I got hit by a ship…" Sanji repeated slowly. He was still looking at the hanging sides of his open shirt.

"Big bastard too. Five-masted."

"And where are we…?"

"Back on the island. East side, though. The marines are still sniffing about, so I took us in farther."

Sanji looked out over the tree line. "We need to swing back around then, head to the rear of the island where that inlet was. It's the only place they can pick us up from now…"

He raked a trembling hand through his disheveled hair and looked up at Zoro with an unfocused but skeptical blue eye. "I'm amazed we didn't end up at marine HQ with you leading the way."

Zoro narrowed his own eyes. He wondered if maybe the other man wasn't better out cold. It wouldn't take much to put him under again. "And whose fault is that? I had to fish your ass out of the sea twice."

"Like hell you did! Whose fault is it that I ended up in there in the first place?!"

Zoro crouched down and brought his face close. The smell of salt, blood, and cigarette smoke tickled his nose. He grinned, canines in sharp relief against his lips. "Yours. Can't even handle a few cannonballs, Shitty Cook?"

Sanji shoved him back and stood up quickly—too quickly—wobbling unsteadily. Zoro's fingers twitched with the urge to reach out.

"Maybe you should…"

Blue eye blazing, Sanji spun on his heel away from the swordsman and stepped...out over the gap between the pool and the water below. With a squawk, he plummeted down into the lake.

Zoro gaped after him. The loud splash and silence that followed snapped him out of his surprise.

"Oh, come on!"

He ran to the edge, and not seeing movement, jumped in.

...

To be concluded in Part Two: The Idiot Swordsman