I wipe my eyes when Billy calls my name, but he stops in the bedroom doorway.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I sniffle.
"Bullshit. You're crying."
"Yeah, well… when you find out the man you love doesn't love you the same way it—"
"Woah… hey!" He throws his jacket on the floor and stands next to the bed. "You know damn well that's not the reason!"
I flinch, my heart pounding at the anger radiating off of him, and his eyes glow red for a second. He shuts them tight and takes a deep breath.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "Why don't we both stay calm, huh?"
I can only nod. He sits on the bed and takes my hand.
"I'm willing to talk about it."
"Really?"
He nods.
"Thank you." I throw my arms around his shoulder and bury my face in his neck.
"It doesn't mean I'm agreeing to turn you."
"I understand."
"Good." He pulls back and holds my face between his hands. "I'm sorry I walked out that way this morning. I just needed time away to think."
"I guess I can expect that from time to time. Especially if you agree, and we're together for the next few thousand years."
I grin, and Billy finally huffs out a laugh.
"Yeah." He rubs his thumb over my bandaged side. "How do you feel?"
"I'm ok."
"I want to take you somewhere. If I do agree to turn you, you'd have to go there yourself."
"Where?"
"A feeding den. I need you to see the life you'd be living. We wouldn't be able to feed off of each other, except maybe for fun from time to time." He grins. "We would both need to feed on willing people, like I did before."
"Oh."
"Without being jealous."
"I'm not jealous," I pout.
Billy smiles and brushes his thumb over my jaw. "Yes, you are. It's ok. Honestly, I don't like the idea of you feeding on some guy, either."
"And this… den… what's it like?"
"You'll just have to see. Think you can be ready in an hour?"
I nod, and he kisses me.
—
The den is a club. The music pulses, and dancing lights swirl around the room. Billy keeps a firm grip on my hand as he pulls me to a private section in the back. He gives his card to a man standing guard at the door. Satisfied, the guard hands Billy his card back and lets us in.
Inside is quiet. A low hum of music penetrates the space, but it's more intimate. There are couches with men and women splayed out, some with vampires attached to their necks.
"It's all just done in the open like this?"
"There are some private rooms. Like I said, some people do find it very intimate. They don't want to be on display. Since they're doing us a service, we accommodate."
"And I'd have to do this."
"At least once a week. More often at first."
Billy's eyes shut, and he swallows hard.
"Are you ok?" I ask.
"I'm fine."
"You need to feed, don't you?"
"I don't need to, no."
"But being here… you want to."
"I can wait until we get home." He wraps an arm around my waist and smiles.
"You should do it while we're here. I can watch… practice not being jealous."
I smile, but Billy pulls me into a corner.
"You don't have to do this."
"But if you turn me, you'll have to feed here again. I need to know that I can handle that."
Billy doesn't speak. He leans down and covers my lips with his. There's a slight hint of red around the rim of his eyes when he pulls away.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure."
He takes me by the hand and leads me to a blonde woman reclining on an oversized chair.
"Do you mind if she watches?" he asked her.
"Not really."
Billy sits next to her and something deep inside my gut hurts when his lips connect to her neck. That jealousy only lasts a moment when I realize he sank his fangs right in. There was no buildup like what he does with me. He's only feeding. Sure, her face is lit up with hints of pleasure, but that's her. Not him.
He's done before I expect him to be. He thanks the woman, then takes my hand.
"Well?"
"Well… I think I'm ok with it."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"And you'd be able to come here and do this when you need to feed?"
I look around and nod. "I'd have to, right?"
"Yeah, you would."
I feel the signet on my back burning, and squirm.
"What's wrong?"
"Your mark… it's hot."
"Your back?"
"Yeah."
Billy looks around and pulls me into his arms. His eyes lock onto something, or someone, and he puts his hand on my back, over the mark. I feel the burning fade.
"What was that?"
"Another vampire was super-focused on you. He was ignoring my mark. That's why it burned. It was warning you."
I shook my head. "That's insane. It warns me?"
"It's there to protect you." He brushed his thumb over my chin. "You're mine."
"Forever?"
Billy sighs and leans his forehead to mine. "We'll talk about it."
"Thank you."
"Ready to go?"
I nod, and he takes my hand to lead me out of the den, and out of the club.
The ride home is mostly quiet, but Billy holds my hand in his lap. My mind is filled with images of the den, and the fact that if Billy hadn't been with me in the presence of that other vampire, things could have been bad. He obviously didn't care about Billy's mark.
I lean my head back and close my eyes for a moment.
"What happens to my mark if I'm turned?"
"It would go away."
I squeeze his hand. "I don't know if I like that."
Billy smiles. "You wouldn't need it anymore. You wouldn't be a human under my protection."
"Makes sense, I guess."
Back at home, I raise the question that's been bothering me most.
"If I become a vampire, you wouldn't be able to feed on me anymore, right?"
"Right."
"Are you afraid of losing that?"
"What do you mean?" His brow furrows as he pulls me to sit on the sofa.
"You said I taste sweet… you would lose that. Is that why you don't want to turn me?"
Billy sighs and squeezes my hand. "I honestly don't know what would happen there. It's true, I couldn't feed on you, but it's not just your blood that's sweet to me. It's all of you."
"And you might lose that."
"I might. But, sweetheart, that's the least of my concerns in turning you."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive." He runs his fingers through my hair at my temple.
"What's your biggest concern?"
"Honestly? What if I turn you, and I'm killed?"
"What are the odds of that happening?"
"Small, but not zero."
"But small. Why worry about it?"
"Because the worst part of this existence is being alone. It's losing people you care for, century after century. Heartbreak after heartbreak."
"Then spare yourself that heartbreak with me. Keep me by your side."
Billy nuzzles my neck. "I wish it were that simple. I'm usually a more selfish man, but with this…" He pulls back and brushes his thumb over my bottom lip.
"Be selfish, Billy."
I kiss his thumb and he brings his lips to mine.
"Are you really sure this is what you want?"
"I want you. Forever."
Billy lifts me from the sofa and carries me to bed. He holds me in his arms after we make love, and his fingers brush over the mark on my back. I can sense a sadness in him.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothin'."
"Don't lie to me, Billy."
He sighs. "I only got to dig into the mark a little. What if I turn you, and the mark goes away, and your feelings change?"
I lift myself up on my elbow and look down at him. That's what's really bothering him?
"You said that the way the mark appeared was because we had a connection. If our connection was strong enough to form the mark, why would losing the mark break the connection?"
He shrugs and looks down.
"Billy," I brush my fingers over his jaw, and he looks up, "I loved you before the mark. I'll love you after."
"You loved me before? Not just attraction?"
I shake my head. "I loved you. Long before."
Billy flips me onto my back and kisses me.
"I loved you then, too."
"Then that won't change."
He stares at me for a long moment, and brushes his thumbs over my face.
"Ok."
"Really?"
He nods, and I throw my arms around him.
"Thank you."
"It won't be pleasant."
"I know."
"I'll be there every minute, until you're better."
"I love you."
"I love you. Get some rest," he says as he lays back and pulls me against him. "Tomorrow. Ok?"
"Tomorrow."
