Another week had passed at the Malfoy Manor and it was now the beginning of May. Nothing significant had happened per se - Draco and I had considerably flat lined our drama and begun to operate around each other in quiet submission. The words he had enforced in the darkness of the ballroom had impacted my hopes of reconnecting with him in order to make my imprisonment more bearable. I had instead decided to simply shut down my emotions and be obedient. I effortfully did not pester the other inhabitants of the home as I went about my hobbies in the background. The Manor was consistently silent as though abandoned, and I rarely saw Narcissa or the elves in the expansive superstructure. It was as though I was existing in the astral realm, not able to see the living around me, floating around as if to haunt the place in beautiful pastel dresses.
He spent his days away from the house trying to chase Harry Potter down, often times coming home looking dirty, angry or tired and at odd hours. He refused to tell me any information about the war whatsoever. I learned very quickly to stop pressuring him when one night he reached his limit with the questions and punched a hole in the wall of our bedroom. What was most burning in my thoughts was how Lucius had suggested Harry was fond of me. I wanted to know what that history was all about. I was also curious as to the importance of the person named Granger dying, but these topics seemed to enrage Draco more than anything else. He was evidently filled with anger, pain and resentment towards his father for whatever he was being made to do but he forbid any form of offered support.
So I left him alone. I saw him late at night when we would carry out the routine, almost wordlessly now. It had become drastically more bearable and even pleasurable as Draco demonstrated his willingness to be gentle with me, in exchange for my promise not to kiss him. After the first night's failure on his part he held up his resolve quite well at avoiding my face, simply burying his in my neck. The agreement provided an odd sense of team work, and it prevented episodes of adversity or crying.
During the days I established a schedule to maintain my sanity and wellbeing. I would read for several hours in the morning in the gigantic and ancient library, trying to understand the history of the British Sacred 28 families more profoundly. I read about the history of the Death Eaters, the dark lord, Hogwarts, Harry Potter, wandless magic... anything I could get my hands on that might strengthen my skills in the current predicament.
I learned that the powers Neville had been suggesting I was developing previously were in fact linked to ancestral Veela traits including the wandless blue flames when angry, and another horrifying idea that they used to morph into lethal half-bird half-human creatures. This part especially terrified me at the notion that I could evolve, but the texts suggested that the morphology abilities had long been bred out for hundreds of years. The flames however, were still seen in recent times by pure blood lines. The fact that they would only appear when I was angry or distressed eased my mind slightly, knowing that I wasn't entirely at fault for not having conjured anything yet.
Another notable ability was that of seduction which I had already known about. My mother had always stressed how I had to be careful with men; that I would always be mesmerizing and intoxicating, able to get my way no matter what, even break hearts dramatically from a stare or cause men to react in ways that might embarrass them. Although this power too was slowly fading in our blood line, I had certainly used this to my advantage my entire life - taking whatever boys I wanted as mine. The fact that dancing was one of my natural instincts was not shocking either as the texts clearly described this method being used by Veela as a way to draw in unwary men for the kill in ancient magical wars. It wasn't that surprising that I had thought chasing after Malfoy would be an easy and noncommittal achievement.
When I was done reading I would snap my fingers and call for Nibbles to help me in the gardens. She and I had begun to form somewhat of a functioning relationship. Over the past month of working with her enough time had passed for me to study and predict her biting compulsions. She was so incredibly filled with anxiety from abuse that she had refined a nervous out lash in the form of biting that seemed to relieve whatever was pent up inside. I'd started to talk to her quite loquaciously, asking her about what made her happy, what she liked to dream about, her favorite foods. Slowly, achingly, she'd stopped biting me altogether. She was now becoming calm and reassured, and would appear at my call with a slight smile on her face for our afternoon sessions in the sunlight.
I told her about my memories as a young Parisian girl on the golden Mediterranean coastline. I would surf and swim for hours. The men were gorgeous and tanned, the air sweet and salty. Fantastic champagnes and incredible local wines, truffles and brie cheese, cigars at night... It had been luxurious and thrilling. I had a stern but loving family. They were high class and expected much out of me, but our estate had been bright and inviting and filled with friends constantly. I was now regretting how unbelievably stubborn and reckless I had always been, which had led to me being sent to Hogwarts as punishment, and coincidentally had led to me being stuck in the mopey country side of England as a prisoner to a corrupted family.
Most of the gardens around the house were chalk-full of forgotten magical plants now covered in brambles and weeds. I started by separating them carefully and moving them to my originally cleared plot, which I now knew was below Lucius' office window. Before approaching the garden plot I would strategically bend down and peer my eyes in through the window to verify that he was not inside. Nibbles was very noisy and talkative and I had to shush her many times as I cleared us to safely garden. I would have to check the window constantly throughout the day, dreading the notion of looking up to him suddenly leering at me from behind the glass like a wicked viper.
I chose plants to focus on that were strategic and that I could possibly use to my advantage later if I needed to. Sneezewort, for improving spellcasting through Strong Invigoration Drought. Aconite, for a Wide-Eye Potion to keep me awake if I needed it. While on a walk with Nibbles one day I found an abnormally and quite frankly shocking amount of Fluxweed and Knotgrass growing in a small forest nearby, and we had spent a few hours moving some back to the plot. These were helpful for not only producing Polyjuice Potion, but also for brewing alcohol which could be amusing if Draco continued to prohibit me from drinking. And finally we moved a few Fanged Geraniums to the front of the plot because they were simply aesthetic. There was a Venomous Tentacula on the western side of the building that I was dying to have in the plot. But without magic it would be impossible to try and move, and although Nibbles had her magic she was far too nervous to agree to move it for me. I decided not to force her as she stood tearing in front of me at the suggestion.
Then my days would conclude with me taking a bath in the ridiculous clawfoot tub with far too many bubbles up around my neck. I had begged Draco to get me a variety of vanity and self care products that he'd begrudgingly come home with piece by piece. The thought of him going into fancy shops for women had - on more than one occasion - caused me to break out into fits of hysterical laughter when I found them at my sink in the bathroom. I now had the finest moisturizers and perfumes and glittery body oils. He didn't seem to care what I requested and never complained about the price, just groaned at the idea of actually having to pick it up from the embarrassment.
From there I would put on my ballet dress and dance until it was late and dark outside, the large glass arched windows that spanned three stories would cast columns of moonlight into the massive hall. It was peaceful and private, and I longed for those moments all day. My magic would be insanely high and energized by the time I came back to the bedroom and it would lead me into the night time routine feeling confident and prepared.
The first evening of May I came back to the room and changed into my night gown to read until he came home. I was sitting curled up in Draco's throne-line desk chair when the door opened. I expected it to be him so I didn't look up immediately from my text on wandless magic.
I heard someone cough and as I lifted my eyes I noticed there was three people in the room; Draco, followed by Narcissa closing the door, and Dr. Hallewell approaching me like I was a feral animal. Draco looked nervous and pale in his black Death Eaters robes and he spared me a mysterious, sympathetic look. Dr Hallewell held his hands out in a gesture of creepy friendliness at my now worried face, "Mrs. Malfoy, how lovely to see you again. I see you're quite healthy since last we spoke." His beard now had shiny blue beads woven into the long braid, and he was wearing a pristine white suit. He looked like he was heading to the horse races.
I stood from the chair and my eyes flickered between the Doctor that I had come to despise seeing and Draco for help. He swallowed when he saw how scared I was and just looked away down at the floor with a guilty expression. His hands were in his pockets which I recognized as being defensive.
"What es going on?" I inquired in a tiny, unfriendly voice, slowly lowering the opened book onto the desk.
Narcissa stepped forward a few steps looking dictational, her milky white hands clasped appropriately before her pitch black dress, "Dr. Hallewell needs to check your fertility, Madeleine. This is not an event of endangerment or humility." Her voice was silken and womanly, assuring even. She gave me a slight, very quick flash of a forced smile.
"Yes girl, go and lie on your bed then. This won't take long," Dr. Hallewell pointed at the four-poster bed and I walked across the room and laid down feeling completely dizzy. I had never considered myself to be infertile, but what if I was? Would they cast the killing spell on me immediately? Would they force me to work in the house like a useless slave? Feed me to the dark lord?
The Doctor pulled up a spare chair next to me and began casting diagnostic spells over my abdomen. The entire time he was performing the spells I glued my eyes to Draco, who was still looking straight down at the floor across the room, obviously concerned. All I could see was his nose and long eyelashes. Was there something he knew that I didn't?
The Doctor suddenly frowned and tilted his head at the shimmering colors forming above me. "I see what the problem is, Narcissa." He sighed and placed a beefy hand on his knee, removed his spectacles and twisted to look at her, "She's perfectly fertile. She has a pregnancy prevention charm cast over her. Most young witches do these days, it's no surprise. A quick fix."
He swung his wand around and one of the colors completed vanished into the air like dust in the wind. Draco was now watching with an odd look on his face, "She was obliviated. Probably had it beforehand and didn't know it was there." Narcissa nodded, looking relieved.
I was confused, because I'd removed the charm myself when Lucas had broken up with me. On my way to Hogwarts I didn't have it on, and I would frequently remove it at the slightest of dry spells with boys. It tended to make me overtly emotional and irrational. My eyes were searching in front of me as though reading an invisible glyph, when Draco cleared his throat again and I met his gaze. He had a serious warning expression now.
"That should do it Narcissa. Always a pleasure," Doctor Hallewell smiled as he stood and they left the room.
I sat up with my heart beating rapidly as Draco removed his robes and threw them at the desk. I had known that the chance of becoming pregnant was greater every day, but it had just been reinforced in my mind and I was terrified all over again. I put my hand on my forehead as if to check my temperature, "Draco, I don't want to be pregnant."
He sighed from where he was now sitting at the desk, looking out the window, "I know." He offered no other response, just sat there with his fingers pressed against his lips.
I continued on as I stared at the ceiling paneling, "I swear et, I did not know about de prevention charm." Would he punish me? Was he planning on ways to do it? Perhaps the moment had finally come for me to be thrown in the dungeons for insolence.
He leaned forward and put his hands on his forehead, elbows to the mahogany desk. He pushed up the fluffy platinum hair and covered his eyes. "I know, Madeleine," was all he said, once again and sounding annoyed now. He was practically stonewalling me and I started to feel resentful at his absence in the conversation.
"'ow could you know dat?" I spat, frustrated, "ef I didn't even know."
His head whipped around to face me and his eyes were burning with rage, "Because I put it there! That's why!"
My eyes widened to saucers. I was so dumbfounded I simply sat there blinking at his seething expression, trying to process the controversial information. The Lionspurt on his desk chose the most inopportune moment to act up and clamped down on the sleeve of his dress shirt, causing his gaze to turn away from me. "What is this fucking thing doing inside the house?" He fumed at it and fought against the plants teeth with a growl, ripping his sleeve in the process. He stood from the desk clearly disinterested in being in the plant's proximity and tugged his torn shirt off.
I pulled my knees up to my chest as he changed into a long sleeve and sweatpants. "Why? Why?" I asked quietly.
He looked at me, now completely dressed causally and ran his fingers through his hair to shake out all of the gel that had been formally holding it in place. He looked like he'd just gotten off of a soccer field in his athletic clothing, "I did it because neither of us want to be pregnant. On the contrary, if you don't get pregnant than you'll be forced to partake in far worse things. I thought I could buy some time until Potter was eliminated. Unfortunately, my father sees right through everything I do."
I slumped my chin down onto my knees and shut my eyes. I supposed it all made sense, but one thing was bothering me still, "Why make me 'ave sex every night pointlessly den?" Had he just convinced me to do it for his own pleasure? The thought of it threatened to deepen the width of the chasm that had already developed between us.
He looked impatient as though the answer should've already been obvious, "Because if anyone were to invade either of our minds, do you really think they wouldn't check that? And it's a good thing we have been because that's already happened to me, twice." He shook his head and rolled his eyes like I was an imbecile for even asking.
I pressed my lips into a thin line in defeat. He was totally right, and I couldn't object to any of it. But if it was this much distraction and trouble to deal with me when he didn't even want the so-called heir, and he claimed to have no feelings for me, than why not just let me endure the far worse things?
Unbeknownst to him, I was aware of what the alternative was. To act as some kind of double agent by using my charm on Harry, who clearly had a proclivity towards me. This, actually when thought of, was much more alluring and freeing. I could work with Harry to figure out which side meant more to me and possibly break away from the Malfoy's altogether.
I hadn't had much exposure to the other side of the war. All I knew was two days spent with the resistance, who'd been less than friendly for now obvious reasons. And besides that, I had just been trapped at the Malfoy Manor, manipulated, threatened and treated like an unwanted pet.
He was studying my face now from where he was standing, frozen, suspicious. "What are you contemplating?"
My heart lurched as I turned to face him, "What are de far worse tings? Why not just rid yourself of me and send me out to dat?" I fought the frown that tugged at my facial muscles, "You 'ave made it clear you don' care about me. Why waste your precious time wit' me?"
He raised an eyebrow with a stern expression. His eyes flicked around my face as though the answer would be written in fine print there. Finally he just came and sat next to me on the bed, and gave me a serious look, "It would be dishonorable for my family reputation to sink that low. It would mean having you out there spying in filthy settlements on The Order. I don't have to care about you, just because I don't want my wife running around like a savage with Potter. Can you imagine the pleasure it would afford him?" He looked suddenly inflamed by the words coming out of his mouth.
I was glaring, feeling a spiteful surge rising in my chest. He was unbelievably selfish then, to have subjected me to torment from his family just so he could maintain his pride with his enemy. For all he knew, not sending me out to spy on Potter was costing him the war. "At least wit' 'im it would not be forced," I bitterly spat.
The murder in his eyes was blinding as he slowly turned his gaze on me, inhaling sharply. I was almost certain he was going to kill me and I froze, completely petrified mere feet from him. His nostrils flared and the lines between his eyebrows were so deep he looked maleficent beyond description. He spoke lowly through barred teeth, "I'll show you what rape actually looks like if you ever suggest something like that again." Every word was soaked in acid and I was frightful that he really meant it. His face was so contorted from the notion he was almost unrecognizable.
Without the pregnancy prevention charm on however, I was feeling less emotional and more bold. He had pulled the last straw in my compassion for him, and I was returning to my normal state of reckless character already. I foolishly pushed him further in a shaky voice, "It is just a shame dat I was obliviated. For all I know 'arry was my true love. Maybe he was better dan you in every way."
It took him milliseconds to slap me so hard my head spun completely to the side, and tears instantly formed in my eyes from the force of it. I let my hair hide my face as I stayed there, gasping softly, afraid to meet his gaze. The gravity of what he'd just done on an angry whim hung in the air between us as we both breathed rapidly.
He eventually left the bed in a snarl and I heard the door slam shut to the room. My face was flaming from where he'd hit me without mercy. I reached my fingers up as I wept gently from the physical abuse. I took in a deep, angry breath and exhaled in grief, begging myself not to give in to fully crying.
I stood and wiped at the bristling tears, deciding that I would go to the garden to gather supplies for potions that would allow me to sneak around the house at night. I felt suddenly determined and impatient, despite the late hour of the night. I pulled on my boots and a long shimmery blue cloak, and grabbed a tiny satchel. I tugged the massive hood over my golden locks, preparing to sneak out into the night.
