Her eyes travel down my body and back to my face in the most sensual, yet respectful way. Like she only knows how to do so. I might as well be doing exactly what she's doing over me. Hell… Those ballet classes are being well noted. I've never been more dazed than right here, right now.
Her hands hold the door slightly open, a smug smile transforms into a widening one as time runs by. I'm growing eager with every second spent outside her bedroom. It's not my first time staying with her, but it sure feels like it. Nothing is the same once you've met Chloe Beale. Every time feels like a first, spontaneous and unknown. Bizarre, but in a good way. Plus this tension between us can't be cut with a knife. Exactly the kind of tension that makes me feel on fire, energized to an indescribable level.
"Are you going to make me wait out here?" I tighten the grip on the strip of the bag, looking past her, beside her, looking anywhere but at her. So, right after you check her out, you just can't look at her? Real smooth, Beca.
She shifts her weight to the right foot, rolling her lips together for a moment.
"No." She says softly, lending me a small smile. She takes a step back, leaving enough space for me to enter her room. I wait for her to move a bit back, but since she doesn't, I give her a questioning look. She just smiles at me. "Come in." She says, and I lunge forward, stepping inside, trying to let in between as much space as possible.
Her room still smells the same as before, vanilla and lavender. Even when she isn't here, it always smells like this. It soothes you, it relaxes your body. And I deeply believe she does this on purpose, so every time a person comes in, enjoys the visit. I hear the familiar click of the door behind us, announcing shit's got real. It's just us.
I glance back over my shoulder to see Chloe observing me. I really don't know what to say or what to think, I am so fucking useless sometimes. This awkward silence between our lines is driving me insane. She's driving me insane with all these mixed signals. I just walk over to her desk, settling my bag on the task chair.
"How have you been?" I hear her ask softly, still by the wall, resting her shoulder on it, crossing her arms over her chest.
I frown unconsciously, deliberately revealing my confusion. Surely, Chloe has a purpose with the question. It's been long since we have been alone in her room, since she was a senior in High School, about two years ago.
"I've been good." I make the answer short and concise. It's not a lie. It's no truth either.
"Hmm." She pulls away from the wall, dropping her arms by her sides and starts towards her bed. "Enjoying the senior perks?" She lets her body fall on bed, crossing one leg under her body, pulling a pillow closer to her body.
I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. "Living the dream."
She presses her lips together, doing that weird pout she does when she seems to be out of words to continue the conversation. But who am I kidding? Chloe never runs out of words. That's not in her nature. It's one of the things I like most about her.
"What are you doing tonight?" She asks kind of serious, but she gave her act up when the corners of her mouth twitched, making my left eye twitch. Her innuendos. My mouth goes dry, I swallow and I am sure she sees my throat bob.
"Um," I can't move at all. "W-we are, the movies." I point the thumb over my shoulder, nodding. "Yes. The movies."
She smiles warmly at me, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her sight on my now fidgeting fingers. I bet she's enjoying how I make a fool out of myself by being this idiot who cannot be as confident as she usually is in front of her. There's not much I can do here, not much to settle either, so I just open my bag and start to take out my jacket. With my peripheral sight, I see Chloe standing from bed. She makes it to the room's chest and fixes her hair up into a messy bun.
"Make sure to leave the night lamp on for me?" She starts to zip down her dress.
"Where are you going?" I hate when I can't keep my brain from speaking out loud.
She smiles brightly, bringing her dress down her shoulders. "Dancing." I drop my jacket accidentally, let out a silent gasp, and I try to pick it up fast, my sight never straying from her. "I'll take a shower." She says too innocently for me not to suspect this is all on purpose. "Make yourself at home, Becs." My eyes are on her, leisurely scanning her skin and her provoking lingerie. My body temperature is rising up exponentially, to the point of sweating. She just picks her dress up from the floor, letting it sit on her bed. I wet my lips, trying to memorize the faint freckles on her shoulders as she slowly disappears into the bathroom.
"Thanks." It comes out strangled. I shake my head once, to snap out of whatever I am in, and it kind of works. It comes to my senses that's best if I spend the night elsewhere in the house, anywhere except here. Because she's confident about all that, and I really don't stand a chance against it. I am certainly going to lose it if she strips out of her clothes like that in front of me. "Make yourself at home…" I say ironically under my breath, picking up my bag from the task chair, slinging it over my shoulder. I open the door and when I'm about to go through it, a strong hand stops me as it holds my bag. I glance back to see Chloe only wearing a white towel around her body.
"Why are you leaving?" She stares at my bag then at me, questioning the sudden change of mind. "I've thought you were settling in."
My jaw is clenched, as I look at her. I really don't know what to answer, so when she quips her eyebrows, expecting me to explain, I know I have no choice but to say something, even if it's stupid. I exhale, lowering my sight. "I can't be around y-." I inhale, and look around. "I need to leave."
"Don't." She eyes me, trying to figure me out perhaps, but she won't. She never does, never will. Because Chloe doesn't understand me. She has tried, several times, but nothing. She's gotten closer to me, but never gets to know me wholly. She can't seem to uncover the best nor worst of me. And I can't let her in.
I can't.
I can't stand being close to her. Chloe makes my breathing falter, my muscles twitch, my mouth speak without permission, my heart race, my skin itch... She makes me unwillingly weak to the bones.
The only thing I can do is walk away from this scene, leave her hanging there, like before, like I've done millions of times with the purpose of avoidance. Yet, I am stopped by Chloe's sudden movement. She pushes the door close little by little, invading whatever barrier exists in my personal space. I jerk back, looking at her, and she's just staring down at me, making me walk against the door until my back is flattened against it, and when the door clicks, I know it's closed. Chloe's pupils are dilating, little by little as our bodies are flushed against each other. I can't feel my legs anymore, or my hands, not even my lungs functioning properly.
"I like your earrings." She whispers, pushing my hair behind my ear to run her index finger over them. "And your tattoos." She pauses, looking back into my eyes. "And their meanings." Her left hand slides to the back of my head, mildly fisting the collected hair. My breathing is completely erratic, and my heart is frantic as if I'd drank five Red Bulls. "The way you bite your lip..." I didn't know I was biting my lip. Oh, fuck. All I know is my breath hitches, and I don't dare to blink. "You know what it does to me, Beca." Her voice is low. I swallow hard and loud, and try to look away, but she takes my face by the chin, putting it back up. "Look at me when I talk to you." She says softly, running her fingers down my neck. "I've missed you." She finally whispers with a warm smile. And I melt. Again. Recklessly falling in her little game.
I can't concentrate on anything else but her, her touch, her devilish fingers that go down over my chest and abdomen. Slowly, burning, consuming. I whimper when I feel her dextrous finger snap open the button of my jeans. She rests her face beside mine, and I feel her labored breaths on my neck. At a leisurely pace, she pulls down the zipper and the bag I had around my shoulder falls to the floor when I lose grip. She manages to slip her slender fingers under the elastic band of my underwear.
My breath is caught up. I feel like I am on fire. Every nerve in my body responds to her whether I like it or not. I bite my lip down and as soon as her fingers reach my wet folds, I hold on to her for dear life. I wrap my left arm around her neck, as we look into each other's eyes and she fucks me. Literally. Against the door. I am breathing her and she takes me all in, making me hers in any way she wants it. When I'm about to moan, she covers my mouth gently with her free hand, our noses grazing.
"Quiet." She manages to say softly with a grin, and I nod.
"Chloe…" I whisper and she meets my gaze, and I slip the fingers of my free hand in her fiery, red hair. Chloe looks at me, really looks at me for the first time.
"Don't look at me like that, Beca." She murmurs, her eyes on my lips. "You're killing me."
I have to swallow another moan, as she keeps on making me hers. My head falls on her shoulder, trying to find the will to compose myself up and face her again. And I do. "Chloe, please." I beg, looking at her blown pupils. I want to kiss her. I've been waiting for too long to know how her lips feel on mine. We have never been like this before, struggling to be apart from each other. I am drawn to her and I can't find the will to pull back.
I'm the one closing the distance between us, my hand holding her face in place by the cheek. She inhales sharply and holds her breath, as our lips touch. The kiss hesitated from her part. But then I feel her exhale loudly through her nose, realizing her need to finally start breathing again. Her hand freezes, not frictioning against my sex any longer. Her whole body comes to halt except her lips. Instead, she pulls her hand away from me as our lips find their rhythm.
Slow kisses, those that make you melt from inside out. Both of her hands are now on my hips as I manage to take the lead for the very first time. This is our first kiss. And I stop, not to torture her or myself, but to change the angle. We both open our eyes and I kiss her again, looking at her. She's looking at me, her pupils still blown, but her eyes are different. She gives me a slight peck and stares at me. There's a knock on the door but we don't even care. We are not concerned or startled.
"Yeah?" Chloe asks firmly, perky as she shows the world she is, still pinning me against the door. Her eyes on mine at all times. How did she manage to compose herself so fast?! All I know is I am still feverish from our encounter, disoriented and in desperate need.
"Beca are you ready? We leave in ten!" I hear Jesse say.
"Okay!" I say a bit high pitched, my sight does not stray from its aim but others do. Chloe is not looking at me anymore.
Chloe starts to zip my jeans, and fasten the button. "I didn't please you." Her sight is on the floor now. And for the first time in three years, Chloe Beale is ashamed. Ashamed for not giving me an orgasm. I place both of my hands in her face, trying to get her to look at me. See my real intention. To see what I really wanted from her.
"I am pleased." I say solemnly, giving her a peck on the lips, her breath hitches again.
Chloe glares at me. "Don't lie to me."
I hold her close to me, drawing circles at the nape of her neck. "I've never lied to you nor I will."
"Did you have sex with anyone?" Chloe asks sternly.
I shake my head. "No."
"Are you dating someone?" She looks down at me, studying my body language.
"No." I whisper into her lips.
"Is someone hitting on you?" She clenches her jaw, and I feel her tremble. I am really enjoying the power I have right now. Making Chloe Beale ashamed, nervous and jealous is really making me...very damn hot.
"I cannot be held accountable for that, Beale." I answer honestly. I see how her eyes darken, but before her wrath is set free, I intervene. "I've been hit on several times."
"I dislike when people hit on you, Beca." Chloe pulls me by the hips into her. "It drives me crazy." She whispers into my mouth, checking me out with those predatory eyes I enjoy most. Why? Even though she likes to play control freak behind walls, and I am very much aware how devious she can be, I acknowledge I am her weakness. That sometimes I get to turn tables. Sometimes, when I have the control, I really want to embrace it and never let it go. "Don't go out tonight." She says after a moment of exchanging glances.
I stare at her, narrowing my eyes. "Sorry. Not gonna happen, Beale." I say with confidence. "Jesse would be very heartbroken if I don't go. Plus, he was very excited when he discovered my will to see a movie with him."
"You're a softie." She teases.
I shake my head, my eyes landing on her towel-covered chest, enjoying the trail as I get back to meet her eyes. "I'm not."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night." She pulls away from me, walking into the bathroom again. Before she even reaches the bathroom's door, she lets the towel fall into the floor, rubbing in my face how stupid I was to not even take advantage of the very naked body hiding underneath it. Dumbfounded. Lesson learned, Mitchell.
"Beca!" I hear Jesse call desperately from downstairs. "Hurry up!" I fix my clothes and hair rapidly, before I go meet him. I know I am still flushed, so I take in a few deep breaths, hoping my face goes back to its normal state. If they ask...the reason for my tomato face I was… taking a shit? I roll eyes at myself for being plainly stupid as I make my way to Benji and Jesse. Charming.
"Adjust your bust before it combust." I tell him as I walk down the stairs.
He looks at me with that weirded-out face of his, his eyes growing sizes as I walk by him. "Excuse me?!" He scoffs, following me to the door where Benji already awaits. "What does that even mean?"
"Hakuna your tatas." I deadpan.
He frowns, still lost. "What the fuck?"
I roll my eyes, with a satisfied smirk on my face. "Benji, could you-?" I gesture him with my hands, putting on my jacket.
"Calm your tits down." Benji says with a chuckle.
Jesse's eyes drop to his chest, inspecting the area. He frowns and glares at me. "They are very down. Tamed." He says insulted.
"Let's go weirdo." Benji and I laugh at him, and I get to flick his left nipple with my middle finger.
"Ow!" He holds his left pectoral. "Rude!"
"So sensible." I snicker and Benji tries to control his blush because he hasn't gotten over our sexual jokes. And finally we are bound to go to the movies. I've never been more glad that either Jesse or Benji questioned me about my flushed face. Maybe I'm a great actor and I got it under control or they will ambush me later, firing questions that won't have a decent answer, and for fuck's sake, they never will.
Worst part of our movie night is when I can't even concentrate on the movie. I hate the fact I won't be able to criticize it as soon as it's over to make Jesse all flustered. Not liking movies is like not liking puppies. Well, dogs smell and are too cheery for my taste. I like cats. I can relate with them. The top bitch animals, and the embodiment of sarcasm, all in a ball of fur.
Not even with the bunch of crappy thoughts, I'm not able to deviate my train of thoughts. They, inevitably, go back to Chloe. I can't stop thinking about how her hands have explored every inch of my body throughout the years we've been friends with benefit. And even though our sinful actions are disrespectful to Swanson-Beale's home, it doesn't feel that way. On the contrary, this game, where she's set all the rules ever since we started in May 2012, has never felt so right.
That month, I remember that every time I stayed at Jesse's, I'd sleep with Anna, except that one day. Anna brought her best friend Emily to the house, so I had to share a room with Chloe for the very first time. At first, I was kind of uncomfortable with the idea of spending time with Chloe because she was older than me and also we were so unalike. Sincerely, I thought she was gonna make me sleep on the floor as soon as I came up to the room. Though at that moment, it might have been the best idea. Let me explain…
Jesse, Benji and I spend all night eating junk food and playing video games in the basement, where Jesse's 'Gaming Centre' lies. When it was time to sleep, Benji and Jesse settled in his room, while I retrieved my stuff from his room. I place my sleeping bag under my arm and grab my toothbrush.
"Night guys." I say hesitantly before leaving the room. "See you in the morning." In that very moment, I figured how nervous I was, even sweating because I didn't know what to expect from Chloe. Even though she was a nice sister, and she was very welcoming and warm, I was never let alone with her, ever. Sure, we'd established conversations before, while there were birthdays or pool parties on July 4th, movie nights and stuff, but no sleepovers. No room sharing.
I close Jesse's door as I step out of the room, inhaled deeply, stopping by the bathroom first. After brushing my teeth and making gross mouthwash gargles, I walk over to Chloe's room, which is about two doors away from Jesse's. The door is slightly open, and through the slit, I can see her sitting in front of her desk. She's typing furiously, with purpose, as she might say. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun, and she's just wearing short PJs and a black t-shirt. I've been so hypnotized by her simplicity that I have no idea for how long I've been staring at her until she stops typing. She's noticed my presence, I swear. And I am not wrong. She swings around in the chair and looks directly at me, wearing a small smile. I clear my throat and knock on the door twice.
"Can I come in?" I ask embarrassed, deeply sure my cheeks are as crimson as Little Red Riding Hood's cape.
Chloe places her hands on her thighs, palms flat against them. "Of course, Becs." She nods, winks and twirls in her chair, her attention completely back on the laptop. I take a few steps in and remain on my feet, hugging the sleeping bag so tight against me, it appears to look as thin as a bed sheet. I scan the room, finding silly boy band posters of the Backstreet boys, N'sync, others less girly like Linkin Park, P!nk, photos of the concerts she has attended, and photos of her with some of her friends. "You can settle on bed if you want." Chloe startles me, snapping me off my reverie. My eyes find her again, she's still giving her back to me, typing on her laptop.
"Um, I just," I worry my lip unconsciously, and look around, finding the perfect spot on the floor. "I'll settle on the floor." I chuckle nervously. "I brought a sleeping bag and all." I show it to her. It doesn't take enough time to make her spin around on the chair again. Her eyes set on mine. She doesn't say a word. She just crosses her arms before her and stares. I mean, how rude! She's making me feel self-conscious.
"You are sleeping in bed, Beca." She says, her tone deadly serious. Her eyes gleaming beautifully, her eyebrows knit together. "There's no way I'll let you sleep on the floor." She says. "It's not humane."
I have been standing in the same place since I entered the room, not able to find the will to take a step towards the bed nor place the sleeping bag on the floor. Now, I am doubting whether to make a move. Who would? Chloe is piercing my skull with her eyes, and I am terrified of whatever is going on or whatever I've said that offended her. "I-I, it's alright. I've slept many, many times on the floor. I don't wanna make you uncomfortable."
She doesn't move or interrupt me. She just stares at me, bewildered maybe? I really don't know. Yet, I am yearning to know what she's thinking. Even when I feel petrified by her, I am intrigued. Interested in her. Yes, I have a stupid crush on her, ever since she gave me a lingering kiss on the cheek on my birthday last year. But that's not the point. She's making me feel uneasy, like I am in no control of myself. "Uncomfortable?" She arches an eyebrow. "Why would you make me uncomfortable?"
She crosses her leg over the other, confidence pouring through her every pore. My eyes are not on hers at the moment. They stray down to her toned, defined thighs, to the dip that forms between the muscles. And all hormonal thoughts rushed into my mind, and I feel hot all of the sudden. I start to sweat like an imbecile, feeling my ears all hot. No one has ever made me feel this way. Nervous and cornered, like a little animal in a pen. "I-I, um." I run my tongue over my lower lip, feeling my mouth all dried-up. "I don't know. Perhaps because this is your room, and I've never been here before?" Finally, I meet her gaze.
She stands up, her eyes are dark now. I've never seen them so dark before. I really don't know what's going on. She strides across the room until she reaches the door, closes it and locks it. I stare at her dumbfounded, unable to discern my surroundings until she stands before me.
"Beca," Her voice is low, and her eyes are holding mine in place, glittering at the dim light of her night stand lamp. "Were you checking me out?"
My mouth does this stupid thing it has NEVER done before and I am babbling. I cannot form words. I press my lips together and my cheeks are burning. She fucking knows. What am I supposed to do? Answer? Remain silent? Run? I lower my head, ashamed of my teenage-boy hormonal drama, and mutter.
"I am sorry." I shake my head, biting my lower lip, trying to find a way of making breathing a bit easier, because the pressure in my chest is driving me insane.
"Apology accepted, Beca." Chloe says, taking a step closer to me. I don't move. Not even an inch, afraid of fucking things up again. "Go to bed. I'll be there in a few minutes." She enjoins in a voice so low, yet so firm, I opted to not complain and follow the demand. It only takes a few moments for me to get to bed, lift the cover and slip in. When I look back at her she's back on the desk, entrapped in whatever she's working on over there.
Minutes go by and she's still consumed by that freaking homework or whatever she's doing. Seriously? I've been battling my eyelids for some minutes now, waiting for her, and I am pretty sure I am about to fall asleep.
I wake up in the middle of the night, startled. The first thing I notice is how dark the room is. Chloe's not working on her laptop anymore. Where the fuck is Chlo- I feel someone stir beside me. Slowly, I start getting my senses back. I feel a heat covering the right half of my body, legs intertwined, and a hand holding my t-shirt by the hem, slightly over my left hip. I look to my right to see Chloe's face inches apart from mine. She's awake. Looking right at me. I am officially a mush.
"Bad dream?" She asks. Her breath smells like peppermint, fresh. So, she just got on bed, I suppose.
"No." I shake my head. She starts to push her hand up my side. My breathing hitches at it. It hovers over my left breast, and I am suddenly hot. "Chlo-" My voice falters. I might combust right here. She pushes herself up with one arm, placing herself over me. Her hand slides down all the way to my thigh, and she places my leg over her hip. My eyes never left hers. My breathing is erratic, frantic, desperate, shallow… all the things you feel with adrenaline. She rocks her hips into mine and both of my hands land over her shoulders, gripping her shirt, and I let out the air I've been holding for God knows how long in my lungs. I moan softly and she just smiles at me, rocking hips again, making mine involuntarily rock onto hers. She places her head beside mine as she keeps this little game that's driving me insane. I can feel all of my senses heightened, blooming with every friction she gives. I am starting to sweat as she keeps doing that, I feel my body reaching climax, and I hold onto whatever I get my hands on. "Holy shit…" I say breathlessly. That's when I feel Chloe kissing my neck softly, up and down, not sucking but caressing it with her lips.
"You smell so good, Beca." She whispers, swathing me with her kisses.
I just really don't know what's going on in here. I just let everything happen, enjoying whatever prank the destiny is playing on me. I slip my hand into her hair, pulling it as she continues her torture. "I shower." I mumble.
She stops kissing my neck to laugh. Chloe pulls back, to look at me, finding my eyes with her shocking blue ones.
"You really are a mess when you are kindle."
I nod. She wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of her hand, rocking her hips again. I gasp at her movements, and I hold onto her, digging my nails into her lower back as she keeps on teasing me like she is. She stops to nibble my ear, tugging it delicately. "Your pajamas are cute." I feel her hands pulling down my long reindeer pajamas, along with my underwear, my breathing hitches. "But I bet it looks cuter on the floor." I feel cold at the lack of touch, but hot as soon as I see Chloe pulling down her shorts. She surveys my body, her eyes gleaming in what I interpret as excitement. And in one smooth move, I feel her core against mine. "Fuck…" I gasp, holding onto her shoulders, my hips matching her rhythm. She's looking at me, her mouth hanging open. We are both desperate for friction, so we move furiously against each other, and whenChloe comes. I ask myself if I've ever seen something so beautiful.
Her head is beside mine, buried on the pillow, muffling her moans. She rocks a few more times, and I feel myself coming off again. I have to bite my hand in order to not wake the whole house.
"You okay, Becs?" I hear her ask concerned. I bet she refers to my gasping-for-air desperation.
"Yeah." I say turning my face. I see how rosy her cheeks are, and how her hair is not held by a bun anymore, and how a few strands of hair stick to her sweaty face.
"Earth to Becaw!" Jesse yells by my ear as we walk out of the movie theater.
I grimace at his action and slap his left shoulder. "Asshole!"
He feigns being insulted, placing a hand on his chest. "I'm a gentleman."
"Of course." I spat, zipping up my jacket. "How could I ever forget you are..." I say dryly, sling my hand into my pants pocket. Even though I am burning up at the memories I share with Chloe, I must chill out. Not show how uneasy I am or how Chloe influences my behavior. It always has been hard, but nothing like now. This attraction is beyond controlling, and I wonder if my age is playing tricks on me again. I won't deny I've always had feelings for Chloe. She was my crush in High School. She was my friends-with-benefits during her senior year, and occasional, more like semestral fling once she started out college. And now, she's the one to put an end to my dry spell.
Jesse's phone chimes, and my senses are instantly back.
"Party at Swanson-Beale's?!" I hear him say, confusion flowing out with each uttered syllable. "What the even heck?!"
Benji pulls the phone towards him. "Who sent this?"
"Anna and Em." Jesse glances at me, then back at Benji. His phone chimes again, and his eyes immediately grow sizes. "Whoa…" He turns his phone to me, showing the picture of a crowded patio, people with their hands up, holding cliché red cups or dancing. I recognize a few faces of our classmates (Fat Amy, Stacie, Lilly and Cynthia Rose of course), friends from Chloe's college like Aubrey, fucking Tom and Bumper. "We must get home." Jesse says solemnly, with a nod.
"Must is an understatement." I say under my breath.
