More fanart! YAY!

http:// kate33. /gallery/#/d4rmoto (remove spaces)


On Tuesday morning Draco told Bree that Umbridge wanted to see her in her office that evening. He said it in a pompous superior tone that told Bree that the blond ferret needed to be knocked down a few pegs. She transfigured his robes into a playboy bunny outfit.

In the Great Hall, five seconds later.

"! SNAPE!" came a shout from outside.

"SNAPE!" the person shouting run into the room. It was Bree Smith. Snape felt the urge to flee, but that would have been very un-Slytherin.

"I need a memory wiping potion!" Bree exclaimed when she got to the head table.

"What?" Snape questioned.

Bree grabbed Snape by the front of his robes "I need a memory wiping potion. The image is burned into my mind, I must get it out." She said.

Snape freed himself from Bree's grip. "Calm down and explain yourself, Smith." He demanded. The sound of laughter could be head from outside the Great Hall, along with a voice shouting "SHUT UP! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"Draco?" Snape questioned heading toward the door.

In the entrance hall a group of laughing students was surrounding Draco who was dressed in a Playboy Bunny outfit and wobbling on five inch heels. Bree whimpered. There was a flash from Colin Creevy's camera.

"The horror! The horror" the twins yelled.

"Can I please have a memory wiping potion Professor? Or a whole lot of alcohol, it's practically the same thing anyway." Bree begged.

Snape sighed. "Detention Smith."


554. Not allowed to transfigure Draco Malfoy's clothes into a playboy bunny outfit.

555. On a related note, not allowed to beg Snape to give me a memory wiping potion.

- Alcohol is not a memory wiping potion.


When the post came, Bree got two deliveries. The first was from Rita. It contained every rumor and dirty little secret that surrounded Umbridge. The second was from Ben. At Vince's order he had gathered defense books that were the best of the best, put them in a box that was bigger on the inside, charmed it weightless and sent it to Bree. It looked like she had only received one book, when actually she had gotten enough books to fill an entire shelf.

Charms was normal, but in Transfiguration Umbridge and her clipboard were sitting in a corner.

"Excellent," whispered Ron, as they sat down in their usual seats. "Let's see Umbridge get what she deserves."

Professor McGonagall marched into the room without giving the slightest indication that she knew Professor Umbridge was there.

"That will do," she said and silence fell immediately. "Mr. Finnigan, kindly come here and hand back the homework - Miss Brown, please take this box of mice - don't be silly, girl, they won't hurt you - and hand one to each student -"

"Hem, hem," said Professor Umbridge, employing the same silly little cough she had used to interrupt Dumbledore on the first night of term. Professor McGonagall ignored her. Seamus handed back Bree' essay and Bree saw that she had gotten an E.

"Right then, everyone, listen closely - Dean Thomas, if you do that to the mouse again I shall put you in detention - most of you have now successfully Vanished your snails and even those who were left with a certain amount of shell have got the gist of the spell. Today, we shall be -"

"Hem, hem," said Professor Umbridge.

"Yes?" said Professor McGonagall, turning round, her eyebrows so close together they seemed to form one long, severe line.

"I was just wondering, Professor, whether you received my note telling you of the date and time of your inspec—"

"Obviously I received it, or I would have asked you what you are doing in my classroom," said Professor McGonagall, turning her back firmly on Professor Umbridge.

Many of the students exchanged looks of glee. "As I was saying: today, we shall be practicing the altogether more difficult Vanishment of mice. Now, the Vanishing Spell -"

"Hem, hem."

"I wonder," said Professor McGonagall in cold fury, turning on Professor Umbridge, "how you expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I am talking."

Professor Umbridge did not follow Professor McGonagall around the class as she had followed Professor Trelawney; perhaps she realized Professor McGonagall would not permit it. She did, however, take many more notes while sitting in her corner, and when Professor McGonagall finally told them all to pack away, she rose with a grim expression on her face.

"Well, it's a start," said Ron, holding up a long wriggling mouse-tail and dropping it back into the box Lavender was passing around. Bree had pocketed her mouse when no one was looking and instead spent the class period vanishing her desk piece by piece instead of all at once as she had during the snails lesson.

After she left the classroom she found an empty stretch of hallway and released the mouse.

"Be free." She whispered to it as it disappeared into a crack in the wall. It would probably be killed later by a cat or an owl, but Bree felt that that was probably better than whatever happened to the vanished mice.

Bree had thought that the next time she would see Umbridge would be later that evening, but she was wrong. When they walked down the lawns towards the Forest for Care of Magical Creatures, they found Umbridge and her clipboard waiting for them beside Professor Grubbly-Plank.

"You do not usually take this class, is that correct?" she asked as they arrived at the trestle table where the group of captive Bowtruckles were scrabbling around for woodlice like so many living twigs.

"Quite correct," said Professor Grubbly-Plank, hands behind her back and bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I am a substitute teacher standing in for Professor Hagrid."

Harry exchanged uneasy looks with Ron and Hermione. Malfoy was whispering with Crabbe and Goyle; he would surely love this opportunity to tell tales on Hagrid to a member of the Ministry.

"Hmm," said Professor Umbridge, dropping her voice. "I wonder - the Headmaster seems strangely reluctant to give me any information on the matter - can you tell me what is causing Professor Hagrid's very extended leave of absence?"

Malfoy looked up eagerly and watched Umbridge and Grubbly-Plank closely.

"Fraid I can't," said Professor Grubbly-Plank breezily. "Don't know anything more about it than you do. Got an owl from Dumbledore, would I like a couple of weeks' teaching work. I accepted. That's as much as I know. Well… shall I get started then?"

"Yes, please do," said Professor Umbridge, scribbling on her clipboard.

Umbridge took a different tack in this class and wandered amongst the students, questioning them on magical creatures. Most people were able to answer well.

"And what are you planning to cover with this class this year - assuming, of course, that Professor Hagrid does not return?"

"Oh, I'll take them through the creatures that most often come up in OWL," said Professor Grubbly-Plank. "Not much left to do - they've studied unicorns and Nifflers, I thought we'd cover Porlocks and Kneazles, make sure they can recognize Crups and Knarls, you know…"

"Well, you seem to know what you're doing, at any rate," said Professor Umbridge, making a very obvious tick on her clipboard. She put her next question to Goyle. "Now, I hear there have been injuries in this class?"

Goyle gave a stupid grin. Bree answered first.

"That was me." She said, tugging open her collar to show off her scars. "Malfoy insulted a hippogriff even though we had been clearly warned not to do so. Everyone who followed instructions were fine, but I guess Malfoy had better things to do than listen to the Professor."

"I see." said Professor Umbridge, now scribbling frantically.

"Well, thank you very much, Professor Grubbly-Plank, I think that's all I need here. You will be receiving the results of your inspection within ten days."

"Jolly good," said Professor Grubbly-Plank, and Professor Umbridge set off back across the lawn to the castle.


Bree had to go Umbridge's office after dinner. Naturally she wasn't very happy about this. She decided that her anger was best expressed through song. And not any of the dumb High School Musical Stuff either.

"Seems everything I did was wrong and now everything's gone

Alone and silent, now this time is just for me

I never wanted a part of this that got inside of me

I thought I could get rid of you it's not true

I wanted to get away I've never known what to say

You were behind me but never all the way

And now I'll put up a fight this is destined to end tonight

A course of action, execution, start the sequence go!

One, Two, I'll start with you because you had the most to lose

Three, Four, on the ground, humanity is going down

Five, Six, now attack, this time with no touchbacks

Seven, Eight, in spite of all our instincts we must strike

Mass of destruction lies in my wake, all this is for me to take

You were beside me but this revenge is just for me

This tidal wave of obsessive rage needing to satiate

The forces behind a hostile state

One, Two, I'll start with you because you had the most to lose

Three, Four, on the ground, humanity is going down

Five, Six, now attack, this time with no touchbacks

Seven, Eight, in spite… start counting

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

All bets are off this time we're shutting off

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

And now, that's right, you all fall down

Taking my attack stance right now

Making sure you all get knocked down

Don't try anything that gets in my way

This time no one gets a say

Seems everything I did was wrong and now everything's gone

Alone and silent, now this time is just for me

I never wanted a part of this that got inside of me

I thought I could get rid of you it's not true

One, Two, Look at you, you have nothing left to prove

Three, Four, on the ground, your whole world crashing down"

"Bree, stop it!" Hermione interrupted.

"Why?" Bree asked.

"You're scaring the second years!" Hermione exclaimed, pointing to a group of Ravenclaws huddled in a corner.

"Well, it's their fault for not being used to it by now. They've already been here a year." Bree stated.

Hermione glared.

"Can't I at least finish the last verse?"

"No."

"Stupid over glorified hall monitor." Bree muttered as she continued to Umbridge's office.

"Hey!"


323. Not allowed to sing "My Revenge On The World" by Ayria when summoned to Umbridge's office.

- because it scares people, that's why.

331. The prefects find it offensive when I call the "Over glorified hall monitors."


When Bree arrived at the pink toad's office she was asked to it down. Bree declined.

"You failed to attend my class yesterday." Umbridge stated.

"Yes. Yes I did." Bree deadpanned.

"Do you have an explanation for your absence?" the pink menace asked.

"I was dead at the time." Bree replied with a straight face.

"Dead?" Umbridge questioned skeptically.

"Yep." Bree replied blandly.

"You do not appear to dead at the moment." The toad said dryly.

"I got better. But I'll probably have a relapse whenever you have a class." Bree replied.

"Really?" Umbridge said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. I'm deathly allergic to your classes, you see." Bree responded.

"And what if I don't believe you?" Umbridge asked.

"Well then," Bree began, a grin finally breaking out on her previously emotionless face, "that changes everything!"

"You see this uniform? You see it?" Bree asked while gesturing to her outfit.

"Yes, that was the next issue I was going to address." Umbridge said, distain in her voice.

"This is the uniform of the Smith Academy, which, thanks to the Tri-Wizard Tournament, is fully recognized by the ministry as a legitimate school, currently being hosted at Hogwarts. The head of the Academy gets to decide what the uniform is, what classes are taught to the Academy's students and can start new classes if the Academy can put up the money to hire a new teacher.

As the founder, head, and only student of the Smith Academy I have decided to remove your defense class from the curriculum and change that time to free study period, and considering your prior treatment of Smith Academy's student body, more specifically my body," Bree pointed to the back her here "the founder and head of the Academy, of which I am both, have decided that you have no authority over the Academy's students, of which I am the only one, for health and safety reasons." Bree explained.

"You can't do that!" Umbridge exclaimed, standing up to meet Bree at eye level and to try a stare her down. It didn't work. Umbridge had overlooked the fact that, even without her boots, Bree was taller than the old toad.

Bree leaned over the desk, grinning widely, a certain kind of terrifyingly cunning madness in her eyes. "I already did." Bree growled.

Umbridge sat back down.

"Now listen here you sniveling little plague on the earth." Bree whispered. "The pawns are in place. The ace is up my sleeve. This is my game; you're only here for my amusement. You are here to provide this years' challenge, and once I get bored with you I'll remove you from play. You're survival is dependent on how much you entertain me, but take this word of advice, if you hurt my friends or family I. Will. End. You. Your only benefit to me is the minor challenge you provide as you try to take over the school. You are not my friend. I do not like you. You can provide no useful service to me and you have little in monetary value. In other words; you are expendable.

On any given day, no at any given moment, I might decide to get rid of you. Now Umbridge, I'm going to leave now, but I want you to keep in mind, you're playing a game you can't possibly win." And with that, Bree left the office and went to Gryffindor tower.


199. "I was dead at the time" is not an excuse for missing class.


As soon as Bree got into the common room she heard Hermione say "I'm talking about you teaching us Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Bree stared at Harry, Ron, and Hermione. None of them noticed her.

Harry stared at Hermione. Then he turned to Ron, ready to exchange the exasperated looks they sometimes shared when Hermione elaborated on far-fetched schemes like SPEW to Harrys consternation, however, Ron did not look exasperated.

He was frowning slightly, apparently thinking. Then he said, "That's an idea."

"What's an idea?" said Harry.

"You," said Ron. "Teaching us to do it."

"But…"

Harry was grinning now, sure the pair of them were pulling his leg.

"But I'm not a teacher, I can't -"

"Harry, you're the best in the year at Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione.

"Me?" said Harry, now grinning more broadly than ever. "No I'm not, you've beaten me in every test -"

"Actually, I haven't," said Hermione coolly. "You beat me in our third year - the only year we both sat the test and had a teacher who actually knew the subject. But I'm not talking about test results, Harry. Think what you've done!"

"How d'you mean?"

"You know what, I'm not sure I want someone this stupid teaching me," Ron said to Hermione, smirking slightly. He turned to Harry.

"Let's think," he said, pulling a face like Goyle concentrating. "Uh… first year - you saved the Philosopher's Stone from You-Know-Who."

"But that was luck," said Harry, "it wasn't skill."

"Second year," Ron interrupted, "you killed the Basilisk and destroyed Riddle."

"Yeah, but if Fawkes hadn't turned up, I -"

"Wasn't the Basilisk dead before Fawkes showed up?" Bree asked. "And you did pretty well in the Tri-Wizard Tournament." She added. Harry turned to her.

"So did you." He stated.

"Yeah, my rampant madness does give me a certain advantage, but that's not something you can really teach." Bree replied.

"It's not like I could any better than you could." Harry snapped.

"I thought the point was to teach better than Umbridge." Bree stated.

"Will you at least think about it Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Fine." Harry said.

"Great well, I'm off to bed!" Bree said cheerily.

Line line line

The next morning, just after breakfast Bree was stopped by Professor McGonagall and man Bree didn't know.

"Someone in the school raised concerns about your mental health, so the Ministry sent Healer Michaels to evaluate you." McGonagall explained.

Bree looked toward the head table where Umbridge was sitting. The toad woman smirked at her. Bree sent a grin back and the smirk faltered. Bree adopted a neutral expression and looked a Healer Michaels; he was an old man with graying hair.

"Well, let's get this over with." Bree said.


Here's a link to the song Bree sings. youtube .com/watch?v=NWR8QB-XPfw