Did a lot of internet research and tried to get things as accurate as possible.


There was an empty house in a lower income suburb just out side of D.C. Bree was going to stay there until she saw everything the Smithsonian had to offer, or until Death Eaters showed up, whichever. So far her favorite had been the Natural History Museum's gem and mineral collection. The Hope Diamond was the most well known gem of the collection, but there were other notable pieces of jewelry, some of which had been gifts from Napoleon to his wife. There were amethysts, opals, emeralds, moonstones, sunstones, cat's eye gems, and a few star rubies and sapphires. Some were set in jewelry, others left loose, there were also a lot of uncut gems, left in their natural form on display. There were precious metals, unsmelted gold and platinum.

Bree knew that there was a lot more not on display in the vaults. She wanted it, wanted it all, and magic would make it so easy, wouldn't it? But no, it was the Capital was the most magically warded city in the country, so she was not doing that, and she couldn't think of why she wanted to anyway. Instead of thinking about it she went out and bought a bottle of rum.


There was someone in the living room. Mutilple someones. Bree crept downstairs in her animagus form, lacking her usual feline grace, thanks to the alcohol in her system. Three teenagers in black clothing with dark eyeliner and hair dyed black had painted a devil's trap in the middle of the living room floor and surrounded it with candles. Bree didn't think it was unusual for teenagers to attempt summoning somthing from the other side, and to do it around Christmas, well, that was just the perfect way to rebel against their parents holiday cheer, wasn't it?

Bree pushed open a door, making it creak. The teens jumped.

"It's just a cat." the female member of the trio stated.

"Okay," the taller of the two boys said. "Let's get started."

They sat in a circle around the devil's trap and started chanting something in latin, but the words certainly wouldn't summon any demon. Bree couldn't help but laugh and shift back into human form. She wouldn't realize until later that she had started laughing while still a cat.

The polyjuice had long since worn off as Bree had intended to retire for the evening, so she had her own body, but she had left her features just a bit off. Her eyes had slit pupils, her teeth were sharper and her grin was just a bit to wide. She laughed even harder as two of the teens, the shorter of the two boys and the girl, backed into the far corner of the room since Bree was blocking the only exit that wasn't a window.

"Calm down." the taller boy ordered. "We summoned it, we can control it."

Bree's laughed turned into a giggle.

"What are your names?" she asked.

"I'm Cameron." the taller boy said. "This is Ava and Donny."

Bree looked curious. "Not exactly a manly one there Donny, youre not a enuch, are you?"

Donny spluttered.

"Nevermind." Bree said. "So tell me, Cameron, Ava, what was it exactly were you attempting to summon?"

"A demon." Ava answered, finding some courage thanks to Cameron. "That's what you are right?"

"No. I was here before you started your silly little ritual, remember?" Bree replied. "Not that you would have summoned anything the way you were going about it. That Latin you were chanting was an exorcism and that circle is a devil's trap, used for imprisoning demons. With that as your main focal point you're not to get one no matter what you do, and even if you do somehow manage to summon somthing I don't think it would end well, what with your entrails spilled out on the floor."

"That wouldn't happen." Cameron protested. "If we summon it they we'd be in control."

"That's like saying the bear won't maul you just because you freed it from the zoo." Bree responded. "The only demons that do anything for humans are are crossroads demons, and even then you'd have to play by their rules. They'll grant one wish for a price, you won't have to pay for tens years, but the payment is your soul. Once the ten years are up you'll be dragged off to hell. If you manage to die before the ten years are up, too bad, you go to hell, but that's if they choose to negotiate with you."

"So how do you summon one?" Cameron asked.

Bree gave him a flat look. "Trust me. You don't want to summon one. Hell is a place you don't want to be."

"My life is hell." Cameron told her.

"Your life is hormonal teenage angst. It'll pass. And even if your parents are truly awful people that make you sleep in a cupboard and shove meals in through a catflap in the door, there are police for that and CPS and eventually you'll turn eighteen and can move out. Hell is forever." Bree replied. "And anyway, you've already proven yourself completely inept when dealing with the supernatural, and I'm not talking about this botched summoning. You told me your names."

Donny sneered. "So, what does that have with anything?"

Bree tilted her head. "You do realize that I haven't told you my name, right? I never tell anyone my real name. Names hold a certain power. It is never a good idea to tell something that clearly isn't human your real name because if you know how to use it, having someone's name is almost as good as having their soul. And I have your names."

"What- what are you going to do to us?" Ava asked fearfully.

"Well, you know, it's been a long time since I've had fun." Bree stated, moving away from the door. "Let's play a game. It's called cat and mouse. You'll be the mice. All you have to do is run back to your hole, I mean home, and I'll chase you. You know what cat's are like right? Anything they catch they like to bat around until they get bored and kill it, so you'd better pray I don't catch you. But I'll be nice. You have one minute starting... now! Run little mice! RUN!" She started laughing again.

The teens didn't waste time, they sprinted out of the room. Of course, Bree had no intention of following them. She put out the candles, went back upstairs and settled in to sleep.


Bree barely dodged a couple of the Death Eaters the next morning. Fortunatly she had time take a sip of Polyjuice and take on Shauna's appearence once more. She headed south, all the way to New Orleans. It was a few days before News Years and the rain was keeping everybody indoors, which was fine with Bree, she, well "Shauna" really, had some work to do.

She sauntered in a pub, wearing a short dark red dress under a raincoat with black ankle boots and her red bandana as a head wrap and carrying a black umbrella. The pub was all hard wood and worn around the edges, with just a little bit of New Olreans flair in the form of Mardi Gras beads and a few masks hanging from the rafters. She hung up her coat and umbrella on the coat rack by the door and approached the bar, her footsteps made the floorboards creak. A man with sandy brown hair was restocking the shelves and had his back turned.

"We're closed." He said.

"Even for me Tommy boy?" Bree questioned is Shauna'a slightly husky voice. The man, Tommy, turned around quickly, which let Bree examine his face. He was good looking, with blue eyes and fair skin and a scar over his right eyebrow. Tommy was a fighter, and sending a wall of muscle to collect on his debt would not have gotten the desired results. Tommy required a lighter touch and with the real Shauna on a private beach at some tropical resort while Bree was using her form someone had to cover her rounds.

"Shauna!" Tommy exclaimed. "I wasn't expecting you today.

Bree laughed. "When have you ever expected me?"

"Good point." Tommy conceded.

Bree sat down at the bar.

"So, what'll it be?" Tommy asked.

"Rum, just a shot. I've got other stops to make after this." Bree replied.

"Any preferences?" Tommy questioned.

Bree shruged. "Not really, so long as it's dark."

Tommy poured her a shot of black rum. Bree sipped it slowly, savoring it, but it was still gone rather quickly.

"So, how's business?" she asked.

"Ah well, a bit slow." Tommy replied. "It's the off season you know, not as many tourists."

"Still, you must have some business, I bet you get all of the local girls, maybe a few guys even, everybody loves eye candy after all." Bree replied.

"Well, there are a few relgulars." Tommy agreed. "But if you just wait until Mardi Gards, I'll make a fortune."

Bree pouted. "But Tommy, if I don't show up with the money it will cause problems. You don't want me to get in trouble, do you?"

Tommy hesitated for a moment as Bree looked up at him through her eyelashes.

"Alright, I'll see what I've got in the safe." Tommy said.

Bree walked away with a roll of fifties.


The magical district in the big easy was an eclectic mix of new and old. There was french wizarding tradition, along with Lousiana Voodoo and Hoodoo. Voodoo and hoodoo had similar roots. Both evolved from African traditions brought to the new world by slaves, but Voodoo is a more structured religion while Hoodoo is a set of magical practices that are meant to improve the user's daily life.

The district didn't really have a name, though it was hidden somewhere inside the French Quarter and the magic around the place made it so that the truly desperate and needy could find it, even it they didn't have magical blood, though they never remembered much about it and could never find it again later. The district was almost indistinguishable from the rest of the French quarter unless you looked into the windows or paid attention to the trickle of watery red mud that was running down the street.

Bree found the shop she was looking for, Miss Zibi's place, and went in. It was more normal then one would expect from a shop in any magical district, well lit, with some cabinets, a few apothacary chests and a counter with an intrically engraved 1920's style cash register on it. There was muttering coming from the back room, separated from the rest of the shop by a white curtain.

"Gonna need more brick dust."

"Excuse me?" Bree called.

"About time!" an older woman that was probably Miss Zibi exclaimed, pushing the curtain aside as she emerged from the back. She was a bit on the short side, her skin as dark as Mississipi mud, with deep wrinkles. She was wearing a mauve dress, a blue shawl, a multi colored head wrap, and large hooped earring. She waved her wand, which flipped the shop's open sign to closed and pulled down the window shades. She waved it again and the lighting in the room turned and eerie shade of green, purple smoke swirled in the air, and the cabinets spat out tribal style masks, chicken feet, and dried bird wings, and a multitude of other items that went by too quickly for Bree to indentify as they hung themselves on the walls and rathers. The apothacary cabinets grew into glass fronted shelves that displayed the expected, and unexpected, potions ingredients along with pins, needles, nails, railroad spikes, bluing, coffee, salt peter, gunpower and anything else a conjure man or woman might need. Candles sprang up all over and finally a round table and two chairs appeared on top of the faded purple rug in the middle of the room, followed by a pale yellow table cloth.

Bree flinched when a bucket of cold water was thrown at her. She spluttered and wiped water from her face, pausing when she noticed that her she looked like herself again.

"I don't deal with people unless they're in their own skin." Miss Zibi explained.

"You could have said something and I wouldn't have taken the next dose of polyjuice." Bree stated.

Miss Zibi snorted. "Would have taken too long."

"Fifteen minutes is too long?" Bree asked incredulously.

"Yes. We must start right away." Miss Zibi replied.

"Start what?" Bree questioned.

"The reading." Miss Zibi explained, forcing Bree into one of the chairs. "You're late enough as it is."

Bree looked confused. "Did Cartwright tell you I was coming?"

"No." Miss Zibi replied. She sat down across from Bree and pulled out a deck of cards and began to shuffle them. "The spirits told me you were coming and that you had a need."

Bree frowned. "Well, yeah, I need-"

"Doesn't matter what you think your need is." Miss Zibi interuptted. "We'll use the cards to find it."

"I..." Bree began hesitantly. Miss Zibi stopped shuffling the cards.

"If you don't like that you can just walk out right now." she stated. "I'm very selective about who I help, all I ask is that we do it my way."

Bree figeted. Miss Zibi had been recomended by Cartwright as someone who might be able to make the price less likely to kill her.

"Okay, we'll do it your way." she said.

"Good." Miss Zibi replied, speading the cards out on the table. "Now the point of this reading is to take a look at you, your life. Then will see what can do. Now take seven."

Bree did and Miss Zibi picked up the rest of the cards.

"Good, now lay them out face down." Miss Zibi instructed. "A row of three, with two above and two below."

Bree laid the cards out.

"This card represents what your past." Miss Zibi explained, flipping over the first card from the middle row It was labeled "The Hierophant" and was upside down.

"Quite the trouble maker, weren't you?" Miss Zibi said. "There was an authority figure you didn't like. You disagreed with their methods and beliefs and you rebelled.

"I won." Bree replied stiffly.

"You're sure about that?" Miss Zibi asked.

Bree nodded. "I'm alive. The authority figure, not so much."

"I see." Miss Zibi replied. "Next card, what's influencing your present."

She flipped the next card over, it was upside down as well.

"The Magician, interesting." she commented. "You shouldn't allow yourself to be swept away by someone new and exciting, they may not have your best interests at heart."

Bree frowned. "I'm not."

Miss Zibi looked skeptical. "If you say so."

Bree scowled, but didn't say anything.

"You can probably guess what this represents." Miss Zibi said as she flipped over the last card in the middle row.

"The future." Bree stated.

"Precisely." Miss Zibi replied. "The Chariot. Victory, though you'll have to work for it. If you do it right you'll come out of the conflict stonger than before."

Miss Zibi turned her attention to the top row.

"Now we see what you have going for you." She said, turning over a card. "The High Priestess. Your subconscious mind may be trying to tell you something. What have your dreams been like lately?"

"I've been taking dreamless sleep potion ever since-" Bree cut herself off. "That's not important., anyway, before that when I did dream, or remember dreaming, it was mostly nightmares."

"Maybe some meditation is in order then." Miss Zibi suggested.

"I'll think about it." Bree replied.

Miss Zibi turned her attention to the top row.

"Now we see what you have going for you." She said, turning over a card. "The High Priestess. Your subconscious mind may be trying to tell you something. What have your dreams been like lately?"

"I've been taking dreamless sleep potion ever since-" Bree cut herself off. "That's not important., anyway, before that when I did dream, or remember dreaming, it was mostly nightmares."

"Maybe some meditation is in order then." Miss Zibi suggested.

"I'll think about it." Bree replied.

Miss Zibi flipped over the next card. "Now here's a potential opportunity. The Three of Pentacles. It seems you'll have the chance to team up with someone, perhaps they will aid you with the victory predicted by The Chariot, so long as you use some effective planning."

She moved on to the bottom row and flipped over a card. It was the Wheel of Fortune, upside down.

"Bad luck." Miss Zibi stated. "Outside forces are working against you, and it's more than just the price."

"Care to elaborate?" Bree pressed.

"There's been a lot of talk about, you know." Miss Zibi replied. "Among the spirits that is. Some think you have potential, some think you're entertaining, some think your a threat. Some want to test you, some want to watch you, some want to get rid of you. But we'll talk about that later, right now we need to see the last card."

Shr flipped it over.

"Another reversed card, an obstacle." she announced. "Temperence. In this posistion it shows that something is out of balance and a lack of long term vision. Perhaps you need to think more about your future and what you mean to accomplish."

"I just want to keep my family safe." Bree told her.

"And how does running accomplish that?" Miss Zibi asked. "All it does it let the price grow."

"What?" Bree asked, confused.

Miss Zibi looked suprised and slightly incredulous. "You didn't realize? As long as the Dark Lord goes undefeated he can keep hurting people, trying to hurt the people you care about he has to hurt the people you care about, and everytime he tries to hurt the people you care about more pain is added to your debt. As your debt grows it becomes easier for outside forces to effect it and scew the odds. The spirits aren't affecting you directly, their trying to make it more likely that the price will kill you."

"What?" Bree whispered.

"Don't worry. I can put the odds back in your favor." Miss Zibi assured. "First we need to cleanse the negative energies, then we'll replace them with positive ones."

Miss Zibi got up and took a few of jars, a bowl, and what looked like a small copper cauldron with holes in the off the shelves and arranged them on the table. She pulled out a charcoal disk, lit it, then blew out the flame and dropped it in the cauldron and let it smoulder. Then she took a little of each jars' contents, powders and herbs mostly, and mixed them together in the bowl before sprinkling the mixture on the charcoal and covering it with the lid. White smoke began to swirl in the air and the room was soon filled with it.

Black smoke began to bubble up from Bree's skin. She choked and coughed. Miss Zibi handed her a handkerchief.

"Cover your mouth and nose and try not to breathe it back in." she instructed. Bree held it against her face and they sat there as the black smoke was drawn off and dissippated. Eventually the smoke stopped coming off of Bree and Miss Zibi let the incense burn out.

"Wait here." Miss Zibi ordered before going to the back room. What followed was a series of explosions, sparks, and smoke that painfully reminded Bree of the twins at work. Miss Zibi emerged from the back room and presented Bree with a small bag that had been sewn shut.

"Keep that on you at all times, never let it get wet, and never open it." She said.

Bree took the bag from her, she could feeling the magic in it. "What is it?"

"A mojo bag I made for you." Miss Zibi answered. "It'll protect you from most things."

"How much do I owe you?" Bree asked after tucking the mojo bag away.

"I don't do this for the money." Miss Zibi replied. "Besides, you've been paid for."

Bree's brow furrowed. "By who?"

"By the same woman that gave you that." Miss Zibi explained, pointing at Bree's bandana.

"Oh." Bree said, usure of how to reply to that. So much had happened since she had washed up on the island. "Do you know- I mean, she's not human, is she?"

Miss Zibi hesitated a moment before answering. "She is what she wants to be, and no one can be sure what that is. SHe is harsh, untamable, and subject to her whims."

"Like the sea." Bree commented, rembering something Mama had told her.

"Like you." Miss Zibi replied. "That's why she's taken an interest in you. She thinks you have potential."

Bree was unsettled. It was one thing to be told that supernatural beings were interested in her, it was another to have actually met one of them. It wasn't like her deal with Yuko, even if Bree hadn't fully unstood what she had agreed to Yuko hadn't really been trying to trick her, and looking back on it she really should have realized that how long Voldemort was around to hurt people effected how much pain she would have to endure. the problem with Mama was that she was like the sea, like Bree, and Bree knew better than to trust anyone that was like herself. Mama's actions and motives weren't as clear cut has Yuko's. You can't get something for nothing, and surely Mama wanted something.

"Thank you for everything you've done, but I really have to be going." Bree told Miss Zibi. She drank from her flask and took Shauna's form again before leaving the shop.

Miss Zibi sighed and looked at a white crab that had been hiding on one of the shelves.

"I hope you know what you're doing. Getting that girl tangled up in Sparrow's affairs can only lead to trouble."


Shauna's form was great for scoring free drinks. All Bree had to do was flirt a little and then disappeer before things could get serious, drink in hand. The rain had cleared up and New Years eve celebrations were in full swing. After the count down there had been a fireworks show over the Mississipi river. Bree had watched with a hurricane in her hand.

Bree was grinning by the end of it. The expression looked a bit unsual on Shauna's face, but she managed. She loved the glittering pyrotechnic display. The whistles and bangs, the all the colors of the rainbow exploding in the sky. It reminded her of fifth year when Fred and George had... Bree's grin faded. She put down her drink and turned away from the display. She didn't feel like partying anymore so she began heading back to her hotel.

She went down a side street, away from the rowdy partygoers.

"Finally changed your face I see."

Bree turned. Cyrus was there. He was in bad shape, leaning heavily on a black knob handled cane with his arm in a sling.

"You lose a fight?" Bree questioned.

"Something like that." Cyrus replied.

Bree sighed. "Why are you here?"

"I got a little worried after I heard about your death." Cyrus answered. "The Joker isn't really someone you should be messing with."

"I'm aware." Bree said. "The rules don't really apply to him. I saw it when I tried to kill him, he's wrong. At first I thought it was just because he's the Joker, but that's not it. Something happened to him that wasn't supposed to happen to anyone, but now that he has there's something that he needs to do that only he can do. He's part of a time loop, and any attempt to kill him before the loop is complete would be completely and utterly pointless."

Cyrus was silent for a moment, considering Bree's words carefully. "You know who he is."

Bree smirked. "Yes. But that's not what you're here to talk about, is it? And discussing it would be pointless and depressing. So let's go back a step. Yes, I changed my face, but I'm still me on the inside." She said, remembering their conversation from last time.

"You sure about that?" Cyrus asked. "Because you havn't been acting like yourself lately."

"I'm just playing a role. It doesn't change anything." Bree answered.

"Really? And what about the drinking?" Cyrus questioned.

Bree glared. "Life has been stressful for me lately."

"I wonder, just how did you aquire your taste for rum?" Cyrus asked.

"Does it matter? I just like it." Bree replied defensively.

"You're changing." Cyrus stated. "I wonder if you'll be able to recognize yourself in the end."

He vanished. Bree returned to her hotel room and went to sleep.


The next morning Bree boarded a bus headed for Florida. There weren't that many people on the bus but there were more stops along the way and people would be getting on and off the bus. Bree just had to stay awake a dose herself with polyjuice every hour.

Simple right?


And now to see what would happen if this was a crack-fic.

She wanted it, wanted it all, and magic would make it so easy, wouldn't it?

"Whoooosh!"

Bree blinked and turned away from the exibit case and saw a guy with blue skin who was wearing red tights. He was running around with his arms sticking out while making "whoosh" noises.

He stopped in the middle of the room.

"Attention citizens!" he shouted. "My criminal activity senses have told me that someone somehwere, maybe here, is thinking about maybe doing something that might be illegal, possibly, and I am here to say..." he took deep breath. "CUT IT OUT!"

Bree stared. "I, what? Who are you?"

The guy gasped dramatically.

"You don't know who I am! This looks like a job for... my theme song!" he declared in his best "hero" voice.

"Super-teen extraordinaire Freakazoid! Freakazoid! Runs around in underwear Freakazoid! Freakazoid! Rescues Washington D.C. Freakazoid! Freakazoid! Unless something better's on TV Freakazoid! Freakazoid! His brain's overloading It has a chocolate coating Textbook case for Sigmund Freud Freakazoid! Freakazoid!" he sang. "Redacted acted dacted da da da da dacted. Re re da da da dacted. Redacted acted act. He turned into the Freakazoid He's strong and super-quick He drives the villains crazy 'Cause he's a lunatic His home base is the Freakalair Freakazoid! Fricassee! Floyd the Barber cuts his hair Freakazoid! Chimpanzee! Rides around in the Freakmobile Freakazoid! Freakazoo! Hopes to make a movie deal Freaka me! Freaka you! He's here to save the nation So stay tuned to this station If not, we'll be unemployed Freakazoid! Freakazoid! Freakazoid!"

"Freakazoid." a fat cop with bushy eyebrows said.

"Yeah Cosgrove?" Freakazoid replied.

"You don't criminal activy senses." Cosgrove stated.

"Oh yeah... So why am I here?" Freakazoid asked.

"Probably a part of some fanfiction author's attempt at curing her story's case of Cerebus Syndrome." Cosgrove replied.

"Ew! Cerebus Syndrome makes things so dark and icky!" Freakzoid complained, throwing his hands up into the air. "Why can't writers just stick with comedy?"

"Well, in this case she's just going along with the source material. It got pretty dark after the fourth book." Cosgrove replied.

"Yeah, I guess. Freakazoid said sullenly before perking up. "Well, I'm off to deliver comedy to the masses!"

He stuck his arms out and started making the "whoosh" sound again.

"Freakazoid." Cosgrove said.

"Yeah Cosgrove." Freakazoid replied.

"You can't fly." Cosgrove stated.

"Oh yeah." Freakzoid said. He put his arms down and walked out.

Bree went cross-eyed trying to figure out what had happened.


Cerebus Syndrome: Sheesh do I have to do everything for you people? Go look it Tv Tropes, but be careful it is not a happy place! IT IS NOT A HAPPY PLACE!

www dot youtube dot com / watch?v=WIIvpPGYjLs (remove spaces)

Now back to your regularly scheduled author's note.


Well now, that's what happens when you watch old episodes of Freakazoid episodes on Youtube.


Triva

Technically Miss Zibi's name is Misi-ziibi.

Without a loan Tommy wouldn't have had enough money to repair his bar after it flooded.

The "small copper caldron" is an incense brazier, it's kind of like a incense censer except it sits on a table instead of hanging from a chain.