Force Dyad
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A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly read and reviewed the last chapter. I hope everyone had a Happy New Year.
Chapter Twenty-One-A Revealing Talk
Rage continued to build inside Ben like deep water currents. He had done everything right - everything -and still Skywalker refused to acknowledge he had failed with Voe. And now Rey had paid the price for that failure. His mind was in a chaotic mess as he stormed toward his uncle's study-the dark voice inside his head urging him on to damage, to destroy, to seek vengeance.
"Skywalker did this. Are you going to continue to let him get away with it?"
Ben was barely aware of the sound of running footsteps as Tai hastened to catch up to him. "Wait! Stop! Ben, think about how what you are doing will affect Rey."
Tai's desperate entreaty made Ben stop in his tracks. When he finally turned to face Tai, his eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard. In that moment he was already far away. Tai was the enemy. Just like Skywalker. Just like Voe. He drew in a deep breath; his burning hard stare lasting just enough for him to think of the most brutally cutting thing he could say to tear Tai down with. But before he had a chance to speak, Tai got there first.
"You know it can be really exhausting trying to be your friend." Tai's voice was heavy with defeat. "I don't think you really see other people, Ben. You go off to some place inside your head where no one can reach you. Just like now."
"What?" Ben's jaw remained rigid with tension.
"Its like you don't see people. You look right through them." Tai continued wearily. "When something bothers or displeases you, your focus goes elsewhere, as if the person reaching out to you has suddenly become non-existent."
Ben blinked in confusion. Indeed, his focus was somewhere on the tree behind Tai, as if he had become invisible to him or he could not bear to see him at all, now that he had crossed some invisible line, offended his sensibilities.
"I've seen you do this to others before, but I thought our friendship would make me immune. But now I see that you treat me just the same as all the others." Tai shook his head and frowned heavily. "Sometimes I feel like giving up on you completely." He admitted in a low voice. "But then I see you in moments with Rey, and I catch glimpses of the real you. I see the gentle, tender, understanding side that you keep hidden from everyone else."
The blood drained from Ben's face at Tai's honesty and his heart hammered erratically as his boiling rage slowly ebbed away.
"I've never been afraid of your anger." Tai's unwavering gaze held Ben's. "When it comes, it burns hot and fast and soon goes away. But I am deathly afraid of your coldness. You let it coat you like a protective shield that nobody can break through. When you get like that, I know it's pointless trying to reach you. Any well-intentioned words of mine would only fall on deaf ears."
"The only deaf ears are Skywalker's." Ben said thickly. "You expect me to just let this slide? To let Voe get away with it again? She deserves to be punished."
"And you want to be her judge, jury and executioner?" Tai demanded. "When I said that you don't see people, Ben. I meant it. Have you ever taken a moment to consider why Voe acts the way she does around you? And why it's only you who seems to provoke such negative reactions out of her? Because I can assure you, she is a different person around me and Hennix."
"She's jealous, manipulative and full of hate. She's not a jedi and never will be. Skywalker refuses to see it because it would mean admitting that he failed." Ben retorted bitterly.
"There is a thin line between love and hate, Ben." Tai said quietly. "Voe has felt both extremes when it comes to you."
"What are you talking about?"
Instead of answering his question, Tai asked one of his own. "Do you want to know what's worse than hate?"
"Enlighten me." Ben said scathingly.
"Indifference is worse."
"And why would that be worse?"
"Indifference; lack of interest, concern, or sympathy." Tai explained as if Ben needed to hear it defined. "It's something cold that never stirs itself, never cries with passion; indifference ignores, abandons, acts as if the other person doesn't matter at all. It is as cold as the void, an emptiness that cares not if the other suffers. That's what Voe feels every time you look right through her as if she doesn't exist. She means less than nothing to you and she knows it, when in reality she wants to mean everything."
Ben's eyes widened slightly and his breathing escalated. There was a dull thudding in his ears as things slowly clicked into place.
"Now do you understand what I meant when I said there is a thin line between love and hate?" Tai continued remorselessly. "Are you finally beginning to see what has been right in front of your eyes all along, Ben Solo?"
Rey awoke to soft sheets, and the morning light trickling in through the partially covered window of the infirmary. Shedding herself of the remaining glimpses of a dream, her eyes were still shut as she soaked in the warmth of her covers before slowly lifting her heavy lids to greet the new day.
"Hey, sleepy head." Ben greeted her as she tried to focus her gaze. "It's about time you woke up."
"Huh?" Rey blinked, closed her eyes, and blinked again. She sat up, dragged her feet off the bed, and rubbed her knuckles onto her eyes. "I'm hungry." She said, stretching her arms above her head and yawning.
"Of course, you are." Ben said with a hint of a smile forming at the corners of his mouth. "I've brought you some breakfast."
Rey's eager eyes lit up with delight as he lifted a tray that had been placed on the small cabinet beside the bed and settled it across her lap. He had brought all her favourites. Ben watched in silent amusement as she immediately began to demolish the food. She ate fast, only pausing long enough to take an occasional sip of water to wash it all down. He was pleased to see that the bones in her wrist were fully healed. She showed no signs of distress as she used it.
It didn't take long for Rey to polish off the last of the food. Ben took the tray from her and placed it back in its former position. "Can I leave here now?" She pleaded.
"You're good to go." Ben agreed. "I'll leave you alone to get ready."
"Ben?" Rey asked, making him pause. "Did you stay there all night?" She pointed to the uncomfortable looking chair placed by her bed.
Ben nodded. "Yeah." He said with a faint smile.
Rey looked at the uncomfortable chair and wondered how he had managed to fold his long body into it. It would be a test of endurance for someone of average build, it must have been really cramped for Ben. He was so tall. "You didn't have to stay. But thanks." She replied gratefully.
"You don't need to thank me, Rey. I had a lot of thinking to do anyway."
Rey darted an anxious glance at him. "About Voe?"
"Among other things."
"What will happen to her?" Rey persisted.
"Get dressed." Ben urged her. "We'll talk afterwards."
The bright sunshine kissed Rey's skin with warmth as soon as she stepped outside of the infirmary to find Ben waiting for her like he'd promised. He wasn't alone. BB-8 was with him. As soon as her eyes fell on the little orange and white droid, Rey's lips parted in a wide smile. "Hey." She immediately ducked down to fuss over him.
BB-8 let out a series of excitable whistles and beeps as he rolled back and forth. Rey hugged him before adjusting the aerial on top of his head which became slightly askew. "I'm happy to you see, too." She said, laughing. "I'm perfectly fine, BB-8. My wrist is all fixed up. See?" She turned her hand palm upward so the jittery astromech could inspect the repairs for himself. When he declared himself satisfied, Rey patted him on the head in reassurance and pushed herself back onto her feet.
When she returned her attention back to Ben, she found him squinting up at the sun. Its bright rays brought out the infinite hues of green around them. It felt as if the light flowed, the energy within as the water in a river, making her feel more alive.
Ben finally glanced down at her; his expression pensive. "We need to pay a visit to Skywalker." He revealed. "BB-8 has something he needs to show him."
"He captured what happened yesterday?" Rey asked.
"Yes, I've reviewed the footage."
"And?" Rey felt her anxiety creeping up on her again. "He'll have to believe us now. Right?"
The sun's rays highlighted the solemn light in his dark eyes. "I don't think it makes much difference either way anymore, Rey."
"Why?" Rey whispered. She could see the wind stirred embers of worry clouding his vision and it made her afraid. She sucked in her lower lip to stop it trembling as she waited for him to speak.
"Whatever the outcome of his decision regarding Voe, I can't stay here anymore, Rey." Ben admitted gruffly. His chin wobbled slightly as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn't hide how he was feeling. Not from her. After his revealing talk with Tai, he knew he had to get away from the jedi temple, from Skywalker and everything he represented. "I feel stifled here. I need to get away. I don't like the person I'm turning into here."
Rey's eyes filled with liquid tears, they soaked her thick lashes and dribbled down her cheeks. She knew he had only stayed in the first place for her sake. He had been unhappy for a long time but had tolerated it just to make her happy. He had given up a lot to give her a settled life, she wasn't a small child anymore, it was time to return the favour. "K.'" She said.
A light wind ruffled Ben's hair as he took in the look of resolve on her face. She was already wiping away the tears. "What about your friends? You like it here. This is home to you now."
There was never any question that he would leave without her.
"I'll see them again one day." Rey answered with a tremulous smile. "I like it here but its not really home. You gave up everything to make me happy, its my turn now. I want to do this."
"Okay then." Ben's voice was husky with suppressed emotion and he was unable to say anymore. Instead, he hunkered down and scooped her up into a hug. Even though sadness still enveloped him, a strange sense of relief left him feeling giddy. After a minute, he set her back down on her feet and stood up. He wiped away a stray tear of his own as he looked down at her. "We better go and give Skywalker the good news."
"He won't like it."
"I don't care." Ben found he didn't. He was done with trying to appease Skywalker. He just wanted to escape the toxic atmosphere of the temple for good and there was nothing that his uncle could do about it. He had no claim on him or Rey anymore.
"Where will we go?" Rey asked as she tried to keep up with Ben's long strides as they made their way across the manicured lawns leading up to the temple.
"I have no idea." Ben confessed. "Where would you like to go?"
"We can visit Magda." Rey suggested. "We haven't seen her in forever."
Ben's face relaxed into a smile. "I like that idea."
"And isn't your father competing in The Gauntlet against Greer Sonnel again this year on Corellia?" Rey reminded him with wide innocent eyes. "Wouldn't it be exciting to drop in and see him race?"
Ben glanced down at her. "You're not very subtle, Rey." His voice held a hint of amusement. "Since when have you been interested in the Five Sabers race?"
Rey just smiled as she skipped alongside him.
A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.
