Force Dyad

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A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly read and reviewed the last chapter.

Chapter Thirty-Breakdown

There was a softness in Ben's eyes and a gentleness in his smile when he greeted Rey after she went in search of him. She found him in the midst of planning another expedition. "You deserve some fun after such a strenuous day yesterday." He teased lightly.

Rey slowly met his playful gaze, guilt clouding her vision. She suddenly didn't want to tell Ben about her conversation with Finn and the rash promise she'd made. She saw doubt flicker in Ben's eyes as he picked up on her growing tension. Rey remained mute, the words she needed to say getting stuck in the back of her throat.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Ben asked in concern.

Rey maintained her silence, her eyes roaming his face with continued trepidation. She looked at him. Really looked at him, with fresh eyes unburdened with familiarity and youthful innocence. No one feature made Ben so handsome, she thought, though his eyes came close. People often spoke of the colour of eyes, as if that were of importance, yet his would be beautiful in any shade, she decided. From them came an intensity, an honesty, a gentleness and vulnerability that he allowed no one else but her to see. It was a privilege he afforded no one else and she wondered how often she had inadvertently taken advantage. She had the ability to hurt him, even to break him, and that newfound knowledge frightened Rey.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Why are you apologising?" Ben's tousled black hair, thick and lustrous, ruffled slightly in the breeze as he spoke.

Rey concentrated on the inky black strands of his hair as they became disarrayed by the gentle winds. He had beautiful hair, she thought, it was quite distracting, just like everything else about him.

"Why are you looking at me so funny?" Ben angled his head slightly so he could get a better look at her face.

"I'm not." Rey mumbled, a slow blush creeping up her cheeks. What was wrong with her? She didn't understand her sudden fascination with his face and hair. It was just Ben. She shook her head to clear it.

"Are you not feeling well?" Ben continued, blissfully unaware of her chaotic thoughts. "You look flushed." He placed the palm of his hand on her forehead in an attempt to gauge her temperature.

"Don't!" Rey snapped, pushing his hand away impatiently. "I'm perfectly fine. Stop treating me like a child, Ben."

"You're certainly acting like one right now." Ben answered, barely able to conceal his impatience with her sudden switch in mood. "You're not usually this immature."

"Immature, am I?" Rey felt resentful tears fill her eyes. She hated being thought of as a child. She was on the cusp of womanhood, she deserved to be treated like the adult she was becoming. "The problem is you still see me as the five-year-old child you rescued from Jakku all those years ago."

"No, I don't." Ben's frustration continued to boil over. He had no idea what they were even arguing about, or what had started it. "Where is all this coming from?" He reached out through their bond, hoping to make sense of Rey's wayward emotions, but she brought the shutters down, deliberately hiding from him. "Talk to me!" He demanded.

"Some space will do both of us some good." Rey retorted, going completely off on a tangent.

"Space?" Ben exhaled slowly in an effort to compose himself enough to speak calmly. "Fine! I'll leave you to your own devices today if that's what you want. I just hope you're in a better mood when I get back. I just- "

"That's not what I meant." Rey interrupted him.

Ben's dark eyebrows sloped down into a serious expression. "Then what do you mean?" He asked quietly.

Rey averted her gaze, she could no longer look at him, the guilt had become too much. "Finn made contact."

"I see." Ben's voice was too steady, too calm. "What did he want?"

"He wants me to come back to the temple for a short visit. We haven't seen each other in so long, and with Skywalker away, he thought it would be an opportune time for me to go." Rey said in a rush. "And I agreed."

"Without consulting me?"

Rey felt her former irritation returning. "I make my own decisions."

She finally found the courage to look Ben's way again. He was pacing. She watched him move, there was something of the warrior in him combined with a gentleness that made her heart reach out. She had behaved badly. She had hurt him; it was the last thing she wanted to do. She couldn't even explain why she had. Maybe she was still the immature child he still perceived her to be, she thought miserably. She felt the heat rise in her face again and she cast her gaze to the ground.

"Rey?"

The gentle cadence of his voice when he said her name, made Rey's breath hitch. She bit her lip, becoming more and more ashamed of the way she had acted. She dared a glance up at him from under her thick eyelashes, in that same instant he turned and caught her eye; before she could turn away with shyness a resigned smile spread across his face. "You have every right to visit your friend, Rey." He said tiredly. "You say Skywalker's away?"

"That's what Finn said. And Voe's gone, too."

"What do you mean gone?" Ben frowned again.

"Finn didn't elaborate." Rey swallowed thickly, changing the subject again. "Ben, you don't have to chaperone me. I know how you feel about the place. I can go on my own."

"I can handle a short visit. Where you go, I go." Ben reminded her bleakly before turning and walking away.


Ben's sadness drained through him rather than skating over his skin as he and Rey piloted Grimtaash and left the Tython system behind. It travelled through every cell in his body to reach the ground. He felt like his peace of mind had gone with it. The closer he got to the Skywalker's Jedi temple, the more he could feel the familiar darkness press in on him. Snoke's long forgotten voice began making itself heard again in the far recesses of his mind, spreading the usual poison. The sound of it robbed him of his best senses and replaced it with a paralysing fear. He sat in the pilot's seat, muscles cramped and unable to move. He only knew his eyes were still there because he could feel himself blink, still instinctively moisturizing the organs as he concentrated on the viewscreen in front of him, the endless void of space calling him ever onward to disaster.

A loud pounding began in his ears. He tried to breathe easier, to try and bring his heart rate down to a sensible level. He remembered as a child, how he used to wake in the night and wish for the sun. The darkness had tormented him even then, his imagination supplying many beasts with fantastical jaws to lurk beyond the range of his vision, to scare him into embracing the dark, to find solace in its shadows.

Ben felt like he was drowning and there was no hope of being saved. The blackness of his memories started to spread through his mind, clouding his thoughts and taking him back to places he never wanted to revisit. It been a big mistake leaving the sanctuary of Tython behind. He pressed his palms to his ears trying to block out the sound of Snoke in his head, but it didn't work. His voice only grew louder and louder. Ben just wanted Snoke's voice to go away. For the darkness to leave him alone. Was that so much to ask?

Just when he thought all hope was lost, he heard Rey's voice calling his name. Without him being aware that she had even moved from her seat, he felt her cool hands resting on either side of his head, the way she had done once before in the distant past, her soothing touch guiding him back to reality. She was his light in the darkness, his anchor, giving him hope when the darkness creeps in.


The guilty thoughts continued accelerating inside Rey's head as she piloted Grimtaash alone. She was filled with shame, blaming herself for Ben's panic attack. Coming back to the source of his former misery had cost him his peace of mind. She should have insisted he stay behind on Tython, even though deep down she knew he wouldn't have listened and still come with her anyway. He was stubborn, but she was selfish. He was resting now, his eyes moving fast beneath his closed eyelids as he suffered troubled dreams.

Rey shuddered at the memory of his attack. His pain was her pain. During the episode Ben had no control over his feelings -his emotional torment had bled through their bond -Rey had felt everything he felt. The first she had been aware of his silent struggle was when an invisible hand seemed to clasp over her mouth, cutting off her airways; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline piercing her heart, unloading in an instant. She remembered her ribs heaving as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate her lungs with air. Her head like a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing her mind into blackness. She had wanted to run; she needed to freeze. Sounds that were near felt far away, like she was no longer in control of her body that was paralyzed beyond all feeling….

Rey tried again to contact Finn at the temple, to tell him that she had changed her mind and couldn't come after all. There was no way she was going to subject Ben to any more emotional trauma. He had been so strong to repress it all this time, but coming back to the temple had brought it racing to the surface.

Rey felt a growing sense of unease when she continued to get no response from Finn or anyone else at the temple. She was well within comm range, and she found it strange that nothing was forthcoming. She considered waking Ben, to ask his advice on what she should do, but decided against it when she checked on him and found that he had finally fallen into a deep sleep.

The decision was once again hers to make. Rey activated the autopilot while she checked over Grimtaash's multi band transceiver- an upgrade Ben had added to the communications array when he had restored the starship. She found it was functioning perfectly. The fault had to be at the other end. This left Rey with a dilemma; she had no way to contact Finn without going to see him in person.

"I have no choice." Rey mumbled under her breath as she deactivated the autopilot and took over the reins again. She decided she would make a quick stop at the temple, pay Finn a very short visit and apologise that she couldn't stay. If she was fast enough, she could be in and out of the temple before Ben was even aware that they had landed.

It was a decision that would come to haunt Rey for a very long time.

A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.