Force Dyad

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A/N-I don't normally say much in my author's notes, other than to say I'm very grateful to my readers for taking the time to read and review my stories. But after reading some of the comments on the last chapter, I felt compelled to apologise if any of you found the last chapter in any way upsetting. It wasn't my intention. I cried a bit thinking about it. So, I'm very sorry. That's all I wanted to say, really.

As I just couldn't post an author's note on its own, here is preview of chapter thirty-three…the only part of it that was edited.

Chapter Thirty-Three-Reaching Out to a Friend

Ben didn't get very far in Grimtaash before he broke down completely. He left the starship floating in space as he let his anguish swallow him whole. There was hope before. Just a tiny flicker against the wind. With the open eyes of a sad child, he'd reached out, fingers extended. In that moment Snoke made his offer he had a choice of kindness or cruelty; it took no time at all for him to decide to accept. If it meant a choice of existing in the darkness without Rey or surviving in the light alone, he had quickly chosen the former. Snoke had seen his dying ember of hope and prayed on it, leading him down a path that would only end in wretchedness and sorrow.

Ben sat in the dark pit that had become his world, the only decorations his own nail marks on the console in front of him, where his fingers dug in too tightly, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. Before, whenever he had sunk into despair, Rey had always been there to pull him back to the light, her mere presence a balm to his wounded soul. He hadn't understood how much he relied on their unique bond to make him feel whole before it was wrenched away from him so cruelly.

It made Ben realise that being lonely and being alone were such very different things, so very, very different. He had been lonely growing up with the parents who were supposed to love him more than any other... then, later on, he had been lonely and alone when they sent him away to train under Skywalker. Rey had been the one who had eased his loneliness through those dark days, lighting up his life when she randomly appeared, giving him someone to take care of, to nurture. He had given everything he had inside of him to keep her safe, and he had failed even to do that.

In his isolated state he became more conscious of his choices and emotions. Ben knew the moment he started to cry, releasing the negative emotions that held him back from thinking rationally. He cried slowly, with tears dripping down his cheeks and the soft hum of his own voice echoing throughout the cockpit. When it came down to it, Rey had been the only person who knew he existed and breathed. Their bond had been as simple and beautiful as the rising sun. He meant nothing to anyone, only her. She had been the only one who saw the light in him, when others only focused on the darkness.

Ben's tears fell into his parted lips and stuck to his thick eyelashes. He could taste them, rolling down his parched throat. He was alone. So alone.

In losing her he had lost himself.

In his grief Ben knew that Rey would be upset that he had allayed himself with Snoke. He was ashamed. For most of his life he had resisted the evil voice inside his head, constantly twisting things, trying to manipulate and mould him into something he didn't want to be. Snoke was just another in a long line of people who wanted to use and abuse him for their own purposes. He was done with it. It was time to make a stand, to get past his despair and prove to himself that he could be strong, that he could withstand his silent torment and forge his own destiny and not let it be chosen for him by others. He would try, for Rey's sake, he would reach out to the only other person in the galaxy who had ever shown him unconditional love…. Magda.


Ben relaxed under the gentle gaze of Magda's eyes as he unburdened himself to her. Her holographic image flickered occasionally as she listened intently to him speaking. His tears flowed as he spoke of Rey and about the terrible events at the temple and the horrific aftermath.

"I didn't want this, Mags. I feel lost. I failed…I failed to protect her. After all the promises I made to keep her safe, I wasn't there when she needed me the most." Ben wept.

It was his tears that kept his soul alive in the furnace of his pain. They couldn't extinguish what had passed, yet he was glad to cry, because if his tears were what saved him from becoming a monster, a person indifferent to suffering and sorrow, then crying was the smartest thing he could do.

When he finally succumbed to silence, Magda began to talk. There was something in the way Magda spoke that gave her away, her keenness to seek information. She started with the easy questions, pulling details from him that in the haze of the moment he had forgotten. The more questions she asked, the more Ben began to doubt his own version of events. Then Magda asked the one question that had been burning in the back of his own mind.

"Did you see her body?"

"No." Ben whispered, his throat tightening at the painful memory of seeing the heavy masonry from the explosion burying Rey and Voe under a ton of rubble. "But I knew, Mags." The knuckles of his right hand turned white as he hit himself on the chest, right over his heart. "I couldn't feel her anymore…I couldn't…." He lowered his head, clenching his fist tighter. "It was like she had fallen right out of existence." His mind began to race as he questioned everything that had happened all over again. If their bond was severed, then it had to mean she was gone? Didn't it? But what if…?

Ben stared at Magda, desperately yearning for her to give him a glimmer of hope.

"I don't pretend to understand the bond you share with Rey. But until I see her dead body with my own two eyes, I won't believe she's gone, and neither should you." Magda chided him. "In your grief at what you think happened, you allowed Skywalker and the others to distract you from finding out for sure. Go back, Ben. I feel it in my bones that Rey is still alive. Have faith in her and yourself."

Ben stared at Magda, his vulnerability shining through. He had allowed himself to open up to someone who truly cared about him and his reward had been one of hope. He didn't waste anymore time procrastinating. With a renewed sense of purpose, Ben engaged Grimtaash's propulsion systems, and swung the starship back around in the direction of the jedi temple.

A/N-thanks for reading!