Summary: Chester honestly hasn't given Allegra that much thought since Ryan's friendship helped mend the broken pieces of Chester's heart. And, sure, having her back is uncomfortable and awkward, but he still wouldn't have dwelled on it if not for Alex Danvers deciding to be a bull in a china shop.

Neither he nor Ryan really label what it is they've got together. Not a specific one, anyway. Sometimes they call it friends with benefits - or benefits with friendship when they're a little tipsy and feeling silly - and sometimes they'll call it a queerplatonic relationship. Sometimes they're roommates who sleep together and sometimes they're life partners. Whatever they call it, their relationship is committed and monogamous and the last thing Chester wants is for a past relationship to cause them problems just because he never got closure on it.

Notes: The first installment of my Armageddon Revised series; over on Tumblr if you check for the tag #ArmageddonRevised then you'll be able to find the episode outlines I wrote to fix issues I had with the mini series. While I'm not going to write the entire thing as prose, a lot of my favorite scenes from the rewrite will find themselves expanded on further as stand alone fanfics.

Happiness (Is Not a Fish You Can Catch)

Chester still remembers vividly how giddy he felt waking up next to Allegra. He'd wanted show her how much he cared and had thought 'breakfast in bed'. How romantic, right? Except his fridge was a wasteland because he'd forgotten to do the grocery shopping the day before. She'd still been sleeping, so he'd left her a note in case she woke up before he got back and he rushed out in yesterday's clothes in order to buy them something indulgent and tasty.

Except she was gone when he got back. And then Allegra was avoiding him at Team Flash meet ups. And then the Legends were being picked off one by one by the Legion of Doom and... and Cisco, once upon a time Chester's best friend and mentor... the Reverse Flash killed him too.

When it was over and Chester was just starting to process all their losses, Allegra dropped a metaphorical bomb on the team. She'd gotten a job offer in London and she was taking it. Iris was so proud of her and Eobard encouraged her to follow her dreams. Frost and Caitlin were both so happy for her. Only Ryan seemed to notice that Chester felt like he was drowning.

Ryan was the one who would drag Chester out of STAR Labs and back into the real world. Ryan made Chester get dinner when he worked late, go for drinks when he was stressed, and have fun when Chester seemed to have forgotten how. They'd play ridiculous video games together or compete to see who'd go the most over par while playing mini-golf (or putt-putt, as Ryan insisted on calling it) or play bumper-ball bowling or... basically, Ryan put Chester back together. Or maybe it was just that he gave Chester the support he needed to put himself back together. Either way, Chester sort of... caught feelings for the other man. Which was a little new and scary at the time because Chester was in his early thirties and had only figured out he was bi a few days before Ryan kissed him the first time.

It was also a little worrying because Chester knew Ryan was aromantic and the last thing Chester wanted was for his fuzzy, romantically inclined feelings to ruin yet another friendship. He'd been worried enough when they first started having sex that he'd be, like, so terrible at it that he'd scare Ryan off. But throwing the romantic feelings he'd caught into the mix had made Chester extra afraid of ruining things between them.

So it was Ryan who ended up making the first move. Who said, "I know I told you that I don't do romantic relationships after losing Amanda. But I want something with you. I don't know what to call it, but I want it with you."

Chester wanted that too. And it took a lot of time and open communication for them to build a relationship that worked for both of them. They lived together and slept together and were best friends. When they had to stick a relationship sticker on it - because they were in the mood to label things or because it was easier to convey what they had with a label - they called it a queerplatonic relationship. They were partners. Roommates. Best friends. Committed. Monogamous. Their relationship had lasted years and all the speed bumps and arguments and redefining of boundaries that came with a committed relationship.

And now... Allegra coming back didn't change things. Not for Chester. He'd closed the book on what happened with her years ago and while part of him still wondered why she'd acted the way she had - why she threw away their friendship like it was nothing, and it still hurt to remember that - he was happy with what he had with Ryan. He didn't want a second chance with Allegra. Not romantically, anyway. If they could be friends again, he'd love that chance. But Ryan was the one Chester woke up to in the morning and he was still, after all these years, in awe that he got to have that. Every single morning. He loved Ryan and he knew Ryan cared about him and about their relationship and... there was nothing Chester could imagine that was better than what he had now.

So where Alex Danvers got off thinking that a decade old missed opportunity was somehow more important than dealing with the Reverse Flash and Damien Darhk teaming back up, Chester just... didn't understand. She walks in, accusing Chester of being the one who'd ghosted Allegra - which meant Allegra lied to her, which pisses Chester off even more - and then proceeds to not listen to a word he says. And he can't work like this. He's so angry and flustered and can't think straight and it's not until he's stormed out of his own lab, because she just wouldn't leave, that he realizes he left Ryan back there.

Chester stopped in the middle of the hallways and leaned against a wall, dragging his hands over his face and through his hair and just... trying to breathe normally again. He'll go back and let Alex know exactly how much of a presumptuous bitch she's being, but he needs to calm down first. He just needs a few moments to gather himself. And then he'll go back for Ryan.

"Chester?"

Or, apparently, Ryan will come to him.

"Ry," Chester breathed, pushing off the wall and immediately wrapping himself around Ryan in a hug. His embrace is returned as fiercely as it's given and they just... stand there for a long while. Foreheads pressed together as they both try to collect themselves. But, eventually, they pull apart and Chester grumbles, "the nerve of her, trying to tell me I should fix Allegra's mistakes and take her back like what you and I have doesn't matter."

"To be fair," Ryan said quietly, "I don't think she really realizes we're partners."

Chester blinked. Opened his mouth and then shut it again. Blinked again as he tried to make that compute. Finally... "but she's gay. How could she not notice? What lesbian looks at two men who are always each other's plus ones - for years - and think 'oh, yes, there's nothing going on there at all'?"

Ryan let out a startled laugh.

"I mean, I know she's more Eobard and Iris' friend than the rest of Team Flash's but it's not like we've been that discrete." Chester waved his arms wildly. "Years, Ry. I'm pretty sure we've made out in front of her during the last big Justice League team up."

"I... I think you're right." Ryan chuckled in amusement. But he still seemed... nervous.

"You know... when I first caught feelings for you, I totally thought I was going to ruin everything," Chester said quietly.

"I remember. We were already enjoying some side benefits to our friendship," Ryan leered a little as he spoke and Chester laughed. "You were afraid because of how things went with Allegra."

Chester nodded. "I knew you weren't interested in a romantic relationship and I didn't know enough about queerplatonic relationships, or how you felt about QPRs, to know if you'd be open to discussing the possibility of redefining our relationship. And I didn't want be getting the... the emotional fulfillment I needed from our relationship at the expense of making you uncomfortable. I was convinced I'd made everything so complicated and then you just... came right out and asked exactly what I was afraid to. And while what we have may not have been the relationship I imagined having ten years ago, it's the relationship that makes me happy now. That I can't imagine being without. I just... want to be sure you know that."

"Happiness isn't a fish you can catch," Ryan muttered, looking away uncomfortably.

"Isn't that an album title?" Chester asked when Ryan didn't elaborate.

A small smile lit up Ryan's face for a moment. But he just shrugged.

"This isn't... uh... it's not your way of saying you aren't happy with what we have, is it?" Chester felt something in his chest clench. But Ryan was already shaking his head no, eyes wide.

"No, no, no, I just... sometimes I... my dating experiences before you were basically people who'd break up with me for not being enough. Because I don't... I don't feel the same way they did. Except for Amanda. And I thought she and I would... but then she died and I never thought I'd meet someone else who just... accepted what I can give and call it enough. Except then I met you. And normally I don't worry about whether I'm enough, but I know how much you cared about Allegra and how much she hurt you and I really don't think she ever got over you and it makes me doubt myself. Because she can give you something I can't, if she pulls her head out of her ass anyway."

Chester hesitated, because what he had to say was a little meandering. But then... Ryan was used to Chester's unusual segues by now, right? "When I was a little kid, my parents got me a goldfish and a little goldfish bowl for him to live in and... Goldie didn't live very long and I never got another pet fish after that. But I, uh... I did research. To find out why my goldfish died when goldfish are supposed to have an average of, like, ten or fifteen years. It was the tiny little bowl. My parents didn't know that it was inadequate living conditions for a goldfish because the pet store people said it was fine and they trusted that. And I thought my parents knew everything, so I didn't question it either. I mean, the awful treatment pet store fish receive before being purchased also contributed to my fish dying so quickly, but..." Chester tried to rally his thoughts and get to the point. Goldie was still a bit of a sore point for him and was the first time he'd learned that animal cruelty didn't have to be deliberate. It could be well meant ignorance too. "Happiness is absolutely a fish you can catch. But if you don't nurture that happiness and create a healthy environment for it to flourish, then it's gonna wind up dying too soon. And maybe I could have had something with Allegra once upon a time. But that fish is dead. Which I'm starting to realize is a weird metaphor but I'm not done with it yet."

Ryan laughed again, but this time Chester thought he could actually see the insecurity starting to shift away from his shoulders.

"You and I talk about how we feel and discuss our boundaries and when we make decisions about our relationship, it's always something that we can both enjoy."

"We make our metaphorical happiness fish a healthy environment to thrive in," Ryan finished for Chester.

"Exactly."

"It was a music album. The happiness fish thing." Ryan shrugged. "Teen me might have overplayed it a little during senior year. Pretty sure it was already a few years old at that point but there were a couple of songs in particular that just landed with me that year."

"Maybe we should listen to it. Pool together all our favorite hits from the 2000s, have a nostalgia 'I can't believe it's the 2030s' weekend or something. Once this is over and we've kicked the Reverse Flash's ass again. As a treat." Chester beamed at the thought. "Oooh, we could binge watch What's New Scooby-Doo. That was in the 2000s, right?"

"I think so. We should also drag Caitlin out putt-putting with us one last time for the year. Before it gets too cold out and certain people who shall not be named start complaining about thick winter coats messing up their aim," Ryan teased.

Chester didn't dignify him with a response. Well... he might have stuck his tongue out at Ryan. Just a little. His warm, puffy coat did throw off his aim, though.

"Nice thing about having a sexy bff as my qpp," Ryan added, after a moment, "are all the cuddles benefits."

"Definitely," Chester agreed, laughing as Ryan grabbed his hand and dragged him the rest of the way to the break room. "I take it we're couch-bound?"

"Yup. Feeling a definite need for some post-emotional conversation cuddles."

And while they couldn't break for long - not with the threat Barry Allen posed to Eobard and Iris hanging over their heads - it was nice for them to have a few moments to just be... soft and cosy and cuddle. And to put on a fresh pot of coffee before heading back to their (thankfully empty) lab.


Notes: Much as I like Alex, her behavior in the bad future episode of Armageddon was atrocious. It was something I considered dropping altogether when creating my revised episode outlines, but ultimately I decided that I wanted to address and refute the amatanormativity that the show writers turned her into a mouthpiece for.

There'll be more with Alex and Caitlin in a later story in this series, as Caitlin helps Alex understand just how much she screwed up not only by sticking her nose in a decade old drama without learning all the facts, but also by treating romantic love as though it's the only thing that makes life worth living.