Force Dyad

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A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly read and reviewed the last chapter.

Chapter Seventy-One-Making A Stand

The air was so brittle it could snap, and if it didn't, she might, Magda thought to herself as she regarded the Resistance General frostily. There was something so unforgiving about Leia's demeanour as she curtly accepted the glass of Xinphar - a pink-coloured alcoholic beverage that originated from Dac, the Mon Calamari home world. Magda hoped that the strong drink would loosen Leia's tongue a little and force her to relax enough to drop her guard. She was bound so tight, that Magda wondered how the woman could even breathe.

"You despise me, don't you?" Leia said, raising the sparkling glass of Xinphar to her lips to take a sip. She winced at the bitter taste, but eased up a little as a sudden warmth hit the back of her throat when she swallowed it down. "This is good." She conceded.

"I'm glad I've managed to offer you something you approve of." Magda replied brusquely. She leaned forward with the pitcher and topped up Leia's glass. "And for the record, I don't despise you."

"You think I'm a bad mother." Leia was always one to get straight to the point.

"That is your own assumption, not mine."

"But over the years Ben must have said – "

"Ben has said very little about you." Magda cut in quickly.

"I think that might be worse." Leia's hand shook a little as she took another sip of the fortifying drink.

"You would rather he slated you?"

"It would at least show he had some feelings toward me, whether ill or otherwise."

Magda felt like shaking the rigid woman sitting in front of her to loosen her up. Leia Organa – once a senator, a princess, a leader of the Rebel Alliance, now a general in the Resistance – sat slightly hunched, grasping the glass of Xinphar as if it was the only thing holding her to this plane of existence. She saw the glass tremble a little, the contents slopping over the top. Leia quickly used her other hand to balance it, the scales dropping from her brown eyes momentarily to reveal the vulnerability underneath. Magda could also see the fear.

Leia Organa Solo was definitely afraid.

"You don't like to be seen as weak." Magda surmised. She had yet to touch a drop of her own glass of Xinphar.

Leia snorted derisively. "Of course not. Show signs of weakness in front of your enemy and they immediately take advantage."

"Is that how you see me? As your enemy?" Magda challenged.

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Perhaps you seem me as rival for your son's affections, then?"

Leia bristled. "If you think this is about jealousy?"

"Isn't it?" Magda demanded.

Leia wanted to hurl her half empty glass of Xinphar at the female Mon Calamari's smug face. She didn't realise she had consumed so much of the alcoholic beverage already. Her grip on the glass tightened and two spots of red coloured her cheeks. "I am very grateful for what you've done for my son and Rey over the years. I can see he has formed a great attachment to you."

"Attachment?" Magda barely managed to disguise the sarcasm in her voice. "Why did you really come to see me, Leia?"

"To get to know you better. You have played a pivotal role in Ben's life."

"Please don't play games with me. We're both too old for that now, surely?" Magda persisted. "Why did you really come to see me?" She asked again.

Leia's lips thinned and she gave Magda the benefit of her most piercing stare. "I don't play games. And I have no ulterior motive in coming here, other than the sentiments I have already expressed."

"I call bullshit on both those points." Magda matched Leia's cold glare. "If you're not going to admit the real reason you came here, then we may as well end the conversation right now. I bid you a good day, Madam."

Leia couldn't remember the last time she had been dismissed so bluntly by another person. She had become used to the deferential treatment she received from her closest friends and colleagues. No one else dared call her out on her crap, except for Han when he had a mind to. She was incensed that Magda was daring to now, and in such a rude and abrupt manner. Hadn't she graciously granted Magda and her grandson sanctuary after they had lost their home and their livelihood? She was entitled to some gratitude. Instead, the female Mon Calamari was being rude and disrespectful. Where was the compassion she showered on others?

Leia rose unsteadily to her feet; she could feel the anger and resentment in her chest waiting to take over. It sat there like an angry ball propelling her towards a loss of control that had been building up like a pressure cooker. And, now, she was ready to explode. "You want to know why I came here?" She raged, the strong alcohol having done its job and loosened her tongue, just like Magda had been hoping for.

"Tell me." Magda urged; her tone surprisingly soft.

"I came here to prove that you are nothing but a fraud, Magda. I see right through you. I am warning you to stay away from Ben and Rey. They are not replacement children because you've lost your own. My relationship with Ben may be fractured right now, but he is my son. Mine! And I won't let you take him from me!"

As her inner darkness and anger bled through her, the glass Leia held caved in under the intense pressure from her tight grip. It shattered, the sharp shards cutting a crimson welt across the palm of her hand.


Magda spoke quietly, in a tone that soothed and showed great emotional warmth as she tended to Leia's wound. Leia felt like she was finally getting a glimpse of the true face of the female Mon Calamari that everyone else was privileged to see. "Is that better?"

"Yes. Thank you, Magda." Leia murmured, afraid if she spoke too loudly that Magda would hear the tremor in her voice. She was thoroughly ashamed at her loss of control. She always kept a tight rein on her temper, she couldn't believe she had lashed out like that. It was Ben's way, not hers.

"He is very much like you. Though he would never admit it out loud." Magda said lightly, as if reading Leia's mind.

Leia's brown eyes rose to meet Magda's. "You think so?"

"Yes, I'm not just talking in looks, if it was that, I would say he favours Han more. But personality wise he is very much his mother's son." A wry smile took over Magda's face. "Stubbornness being a major character trait…and both afraid to show their true feelings unless provoked."

Leia's eyes glistened with moisture as understanding dawned. "You provoked me deliberately to get a rise out of me."

"Yes." Magda admitted as she settled in a chair opposite the frazzled Resistance General. "I didn't enjoy doing that. But it was a necessary evil. I had to do something to breach those walls you've built around yourself. You are afraid, Leia. You've become adept at hiding it, but you've been afraid for a very long time." She filled another glass, with water this time, and passed it to Leia.

Leia took it gratefully and raised it to her lips. She then took a moment to compose herself before she spoke. "It all goes back to Vader. Has Ben ever opened up to you about his real grandfather?"

"Some." Magda admitted.

"So, you weren't being entirely truthful earlier? Ben did speak about me…his family?"

"Yes, he did."

Leia took another sip of the water to ease the tightness in her throat. "My brother Luke and I only ever spoke about Vader once after he died. After that it was a closed subject between us."

"Why?" Magda probed. "Whose decision was that?"

"Mine." Leia confessed. "I couldn't handle it. I locked away the fact that Vader was once Anakin Skywalker. I had a father. A good one. Bail is the only one I recognised as my father. I thought if I could focus on the good Bail had instilled in me, it would wipe out the bad I might have inherited from my birth father." She paused, breathing deeply. "I wanted nothing to do with Vader or his twisted legacy. So, I buried my conflicted feelings about Vader deep down inside of me, if I didn't acknowledge them, I didn't have to deal with them. It worked, most of the time"

Magda reached out and put one webbed hand over Leia's, offering her silent support and encouraging her to continue.

"Despite all my best efforts to the contrary, I couldn't completely bury my feelings. I hated him so much. Sometimes I think the only thing that kept me going in the aftermath of Alderaan was my righteous hatred toward Vader. And you're right, Magda. I was afraid. Afraid, because when I looked in the mirror, I could see the same darkness within myself….and I became infinitely more terrified. I was nothing like Vader. I couldn't be!"

Leia hung her head in order to hide her face from Magda. Her cheeks were burning with shame, with a thousand regrets. "And then I became pregnant with Ben. It was supposed to be a joyous time, but all it did was bring all my old fears and anxieties rising to the surface. I sensed the darkness in Ben, even while I was carrying him…."

"You know that darkness wasn't coming from him." Magda broke in gently. "It was Snoke."

Leia pressed one hand on her stomach and closed her eyes in defeat. "I know that now. But back then I was so fixated on my hatred of Vader, it blinded me to everything else. Vader made me watch my planet die, Magda. He froze Han in Carbonite and sold him to Jabba the Hutt. He cut off my brother's hand, and nearly took his life. And he tortured me. He tortured me until I screamed and shook and thought I would die from the pain alone. And in the end to realize the person who had done all of this was my father? Can you imagine how terrible it is to realize all you will ever know of your birth father is how much he enjoyed making you suffer? That is what I had to live with. I sent Ben to Luke because he brought Vader back to the light, and I was so convinced he would be the best person to guide him, to nurture him in the ways of the force."

"Have you ever had an open and honest conversation with Ben about this?" Magda asked, her eyes shining with compassion.

"I can't, Magda. It would hurt him. Don't you see that? To learn that his own mother, the one who was supposed to love and protect him, to nurture and care for him, sent him away because she was afraid to face the darkness within herself. To admit that I projected all my ambivalent feelings about Vader onto him. I did that. He was an innocent and I made him feel like a monster. I made him feel like he could never trust me, that he could never come home…."

Leia's grief came in waves, little ones, until they were so strong, she felt like she was being swept away by it. Beneath all the tears of regret she was finally allowing herself to shed, came the realisation that now was the time to stop being afraid and make a stand. To step up and reclaim the son she had lost because of her own failings. For the pain comes ready or not, her grief was absolute, her old self burned clear away and the new self, stepping forward. The transformation hurt, it came at a cost, but she couldn't live in her bubble of self-denial anymore.

"I need to speak to Ben. Do you think he'll listen?" She pleaded with Magda.

"I think he's been waiting to listen his whole life." Magda said.

A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.