One fine day with a woof and with a purr, Diglett was stirring up some good times in his kitchen with a big whisk in his left nostril. He had the flexing expertise of a legendary being like the great Dialga himself (known for his delicious funnel cakes). Diglett had accurately measured the ingredients and was finally getting everything together for the big finale. One day soon, there would be a cake-tasting factory here.
But then poor old Diglett made a grave miscalculation and got too close to the pepper while whisking. The subtle vibrations reached the shaker's perch and tipped it over. Trace bits of the spice flew through the air and landed right on the tip of Diglett's nose. The mole Pokemon sniffed violently in reaction and ended up with a terrible dose of tingles along his nasal sensilla.
Diglett sneezed so hard that a coconut fell from the top shelf and landed in his cake batter. The power of the coconut was so impactful that a Drapion from Ontario heard the deathly "ploop" and immediately succumbed to a fatal heart-attack. His Skorupi cousins were so very crestfallen and began singing a mystic song in his honour.
As Diglett noticed his recipe was tarnished, he also noticed the strange creature crawling out from the bowl itself.
The creature was brown-furred with creamy skin, it looked like a cross between a Primeape and Mr. Mime. The most distinguishing feature had to be the bright red tie around its neck however.
"Who are you, O entity of the batter?" asked Diglett ever so politely.
"I'm Donkey Kong, your boyfriend, Candy!" chuckled the newcomer. He bashed his fist through the cupboard and withdrew three cards. "And I challenge you to a duel!"
Diglett gasped and whipped out his Duel Disk in response. He had to believe in the heart of the cards with all his heart and cards or else this so-called "Donkey Kong" was going to destroy everything he held near and dear, like his precious fedora collection.
DK slammed down the three cards on his own duel disk that was shaped like a golden banana. The cards summoned three banana holograms that each had 2000 Attack Points and 800 Def Points.
"Dang, I cannot beat that with all these Kuriboh's in my deck!" Diglett mused aloud. He picked up a pickled pepper from his pepper peck and threw it straight into his opponent's nostril cavity.
DK choked on the pepper because he was exclusively a nose-breather. He fell into a deep pit of Sevipers located due north of Diglett's kitchen. There, DK's flesh was picked off his bones by the ravenous serpents and the poison deteriorated his ugly blood.
However, DK was really attractive and one of the Sevipers fell madly in love with him. The Seviper gave DK CPR and DK grew his skin back and he was able to fly out of the pit and challenge Diglett once again.
"I am a vampire now though!" laughed DK, alluding to his lack of blood which gave him a rather pale complexion.
Diglett nodded and took out his trusty SMG. He blasted the monkey monstrosity until he ran out of ammo.
Ten days later, Diglett awoke with a fork stuck in his nose. He was tied to a chair and there was a banana peel on his head.
DK trudged over to the little Ground-type Pokemon and sneered more wickedly than a Girfarig on a pancake farm.
Diglett looked at his unfortunate state and wept bitterly. Fortunately, the ropes binding him were not salt-proof, so the tears melted them away. Diglett was free!
"Curses!" growled DK, he hopped into his banana backpack that he partially stole from Banjo the Honey Bear and hopped on back to the batter bowl.
"No, you shall not escape, fiend..." Diglett seethed. Diglett used Stomping Tantrum and the bowl flipped over, capturing DK underneath. DK was crying because he was immensely claustrophobic and, yes, it was indeed the night before Christmas.
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" a plump avian Pokemon chirped merrily as he arrived from the chimney.
"It's Delibird!" cried Diglett. He ran up to the holly-jolly birdbrain and gave him hug with the fork still in his nose.
Delibird granted Diglett one Christmas wish for being a very good lad this past year. The wish granted was to have the fork removed. Using amazing ice magic, Delibird plucked the fork out and placed it in the blubbering behind of a Wailmer. The Wailmer was very enthusiastic about this fork because it felt like he now had a shiny tail that he could show off to all his whale friends.
"You did a good job capturing that no-good Donkey Kong!" said Delibird to Diglett with a beaky smile.
Diglett was surprised. "How did you know about such an incident? I told no one!"
Delibird held up his Nokia and showed off the video he had just downloaded off of molesvsmonkeysonchristmaseve dot com.
"Crikey! I guess I'm some sort of celeb these days," said Diglett happily.
Delibird nodded. "Do you want to ride in my sleigh, Diglett?"
And so they did, and it was the most rocking Christmas ever!
THE END
