Chat Noir's Amended Guide for Rooftop Safety
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Zag and I make no profit from this work of fiction.
Hello Miraculers! It's me again! So…a big thank you to my amazing friend Chat Noir on Discord for this silly prompt ("Plagg, give me a paw!"), and because I'm going on a writing spree today, this might end up a bit shorter than the rest! But anyways, welcome to the series' next installment! Didn't I tell you I'd be back with more! Enjoy the crack guys!
Adrien Agreste considered himself a regular guy. Well…as regular as a teenage supermodel can be. A model who was also a superhero, running around in a skintight leather cat suit and battling people infected by evil butterflies. Okay, maybe not so normal after all…
Chat Noir was everything Adrien wasn't. Funny, charming, slightly egotistical, relaxed, all the good stuff. Adrien was a blank canvas on which his father painted the perfect image which the world saw, but Chat Noir was dark as the night. While donning the mask of his hero persona, the teenager felt free, and there was nothing better than dashing around the Parisian skyline at top speed to clear his head from all the responsibilities his civilian self was forced to to deal with.
Though…maybe doing parkour on rooftops at top speed in pitch black darkness wasn't the best idea. Night vision or no, Adrien was still human at his core, and humans…well, they aren't cats. Which is how this beloved fashion icon and superhero had ended up stuck in a wall of all places, having ploughed directly through an unfinished building, thinking there was a surface to land on. Oh, how wrong he was.
And so, with his Cataclysm wasted on a spider web he happened to put his hand through while trying to get free, Adrien Agreste was well and truly stuck, the only sound in the otherwise silent night being his Kwami cackling madly at his owner's predicament. Truly a miracle, one of the kind of shitty luck that Black Cats personified.
"Kid, how did you even manage this?", Plagg asked as he stopped to take a breath. "Oh Sugarcube is going to lose her shit!" The Kwami then continued his cackling session, not at all interested in actually helping the poor boy.
Adrien sighed. "Plagg, give me a paw would you?", he begged, annoyance at a level that would have Hawkmoth suffering a migraine. Or at least Adrien hoped as much, then at least something good will have come out of this day.
The God of Destruction waved him off nonchalantly, continuing to laugh. "Nah, kid! You're fine like that! Besides, we have a great view from up here! Might even see your Lady passing by!", Plagg loudly teased, unable to help himself.
Adrien had been frustrated before, but now we was very tired and wanted to go home. "Plagg! I'll give you fifty wheels Camembert if you get me out!", the teenager promised, his tone one of despair.
The cheese-addicted Kwami's mouth watered at the prospect of such a delicious, wonderful prize…but Plagg resisted. He'd already munched on the cheese in Adrien's pocket, so –while he didn't want to- he could transform. Though, messing with his charge was quite fun, especially since once Plagg explained to him that he could have just transformed again all this time, Adrien would surely laugh at his Kwami's little joke. It wasn't often he heard the kid laugh, and Plagg knew there would be no hard feelings.
On the other hand, Tikki would surely skin him after finding out what he did, since his kit would tell his 'Lady' and she would tell Sugarcube. So yes, Plagg was likely to be skinned alive tomorrow, so might as well have a little fun while he still could!
"Plagg! Stop laughing and get me out of this!", Adrien screamed at him, and this time, he was genuinely pissed. The God of Destruction ceased his cackling, blinking once to let a second pass, making sure he hadn't misheard.
Flying over to Adrien's face, Plagg did his best to look remorseful. Maybe his definition of fun didn't always align with his kit's…he'd probably have to apologize. Wasn't that the human custom? "Okay, just say the words!", the little God insisted, holding out hope that Adrien might understand the joke.
His human blinked once, then twice, then for a third time, expression unreadable. Then it dawned on him. Plagg had been screwing around. Again. Adrien wasn't so much mad as he was tired, so he just angrily mumbled the transformation words, Cataclysming the wall he was stuck in –the building was being demolished anyways, so no harm done- and jumped back home, much more careful of where he was landing.
The moment Adrien got inside his room he dropped his transformation, threw Plagg a piece of Camembert and booted up his computer. The Kwami looked remorseful as he caught the cheese, and tried to apologize, but Adrien just said they'd talk about it tomorrow. And so Plagg took his leave –to the other side of the room- and promptly decided he'd never play another practical joke on Adrien again…but that didn't mean he couldn't do it to his other holders!
On patrol with Ladybug the next day, the spotted heroine received a little booklet from her feline partner, titled "Chat Noir's Amended Guide for Rooftop Safety". Upon asking what it was, Chat just told her to read it. Shrugging, Ladybug opened it and did as requested.
Rule 1: When patrolling the city, ensure to check where you are jumping.
Rule 2: Upon executing parkour, it is advised to not use unsafe areas as landing zones.
Rule 3: Under no circumstances is one to not check in at the end of patrol. Safety first, people.
Amendment: If one is ever unlucky enough to have Plagg play a prank on them, do not, I repeat, do not start yelling at him. It will simply cause further cackling and may lead to Akumatization. Also, good f*cking luck guys. You'll need it!
Ladybug then naturally asked about that last bit, to which her partner responded by explaining last night's shenanigans. As Plagg had expected, Ladybug found the situation quite funny, though she did admit that if she was the stuck it wouldn't be so hilarious. And upon returning home, the heroine relayed this information to her Kwami. Unbeknownst to Plagg, Tikki did indeed lose her shit.
Okay fine, this wasn't so much crack as it was a prompt fill, but the prompt wasn't exactly the best okay? Still, I hope you enjoyed the series' fourth installment, because more is on the way. I am currently planning to give Hawkmoth a mental breakdown (yes, again) so stay alert for the next entry! Until then, stay Miraculous everyone!
