June 8th, 2004
Is something wrong with me?
I don't know.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't think other people are like this.
I mean, like they don't like the things that I do.
They don't like to be hit.
They don't like to be yelled at.
Isn't that how you are supposed to show that you like someone?
Isn't that how you are supposed to show that you...love someone?
How else would you do that, huh?
I really like him.
I want him.
So why?
Why doesn't he look my way?
Why does he frown when I'm around?
No matter how hard I hit him, spit on him, shove him into things, he won't look my way.
I just want him to look at me.
Just for a moment.
If that bitch Sam wasn't there, then he could see me.
Or if I just hit him harder.
Kick him, bite him, squeeze him.
Touchhim.
Then he'd notice me.
He'd love me.
But I'm supposed to like girls.
Dad said that's wrong to...to look at boys that way.
But...but I can't help myself.
Every time I think about him, the way he looks, him inside of me...
It makes me want to scream.
It makes me want to touch myself.
I want these feelings to stop.
Please make them stop.
