She decided it would have been better for him to sit out the game, not that he could object it too much, wobbling to a sit as he felt himself perk up a bit after finishing the granola bar, but he was still wobbly, unstable; it would be no use having him out there, slowing his team down. So watched the last two rounds, thrilled to see that Jackson's team had taken a resounding loss, though he couldn't see himself being part of the reason that his team, or more like Kwan and the others' team, had taken the win. She eyed him softly from across the gym where she had been sitting before, but Dash looked away, though he had smiled back at her for a split second before he saw her coming back over to him, urging the other students to begin heading to the back doors, she made it back to his side, where he looked at her curiously.
"Feelin' okay? You're looking a little better, though I thought I would, you know, send you to the nurse-," The boy's expression fell.
"NO." Hearing his own voice, and seeing the older woman's face twist into confusion, he quickly regained himself, smiling gingerly as he rubbed the back of his hood, laughing awkwardly.
"Um, what I meant is, I can't go, because..." Trailing off, he searched his mind, his thoughts, for something that would make at least a little bit of sense, but he couldn't think of anything.
Nothing.
He couldn't exactly tell her, he knew, for some reason, that his father had told the school to stop seeing him there, making the concerned woman (at least from as far as he could tell) even more worried, he guessed, though, if he were being honest, he figured it would be better to just turn around and ignore the question altogether, but that would look even worse, wouldn't it? It was so much easier when people DIDN'T ask his questions, when they DIDN'T wonder about him. Most wouldn't, that same majority going about their lives and not taking single moment to mind the lives and thoughts of others.
Then there were people like Tetslaff and Nurse Bellworth, ones that meant well, wanted the best for others, and that was precisely why it was so difficult for him to lie, to come up with anything as he stood there, surely with a stupid expression on his face. But now he was caught, certainly more than he had accounted for as his infuriatingly slow thoughts churned.
'Come on. Think Dash, think!' But nothing came. It wouldn't make sense to say that he just couldn't because the question of why would surely follow. She'd probably press the issue, he was sure, not to mention that she could just call down to the office herself if he didn't respond at some point. Hell, if they thought it were bad enough (which he was sure to tell them that he was definitely just fine, mind you), they may even...they may even send him home, the thought sending icy fingers down his spine as he just considered what his parents would say, and on a day like Friday, too?
There would be no way for him to get out of that one so easily, remarking the admittedly lenient punishment his father had dished out, rubbing gently on his shoulder as his back throbbed.
'It could have been worse.' The boy reminded himself darkly, looking back up at the lady before him that had begun to reach toward him. He could feel his heart begin to thrum a bit faster in his chest, bracing himself for the worst when suddenly, her stopwatch went off, cuing the end of the short, five-minute break that she had given the class before heading out to the field, and Dash sighed with relief (very discreetly of course) as she clicked the button, rubbing the back of neck as she considered him for a moment.
"Listen, I won't pry, okay? But I just thought it would do you some good to lie down for a bit. No harm in that, right? I'll be honest, kiddo. Before, when I gave you that granola bar, you looked just about ready to keel over. If..if there's something going on, don't hesitate to say something, alright? Just take it easy around the track for the day if you don't want to sit out." With that, she pat his shoulder gently, the boy feeling every degree of shame he could as he jerked under her grasp, but either she didn't notice it or didn't mention it, she left his side, corralling the last remaining students to the back door leading to the field and track, picking himself as he prepared to spend the last fifteen minutes outside, thankful that it was just a bit warmer than usual today then it had been the last few mornings, but that didn't stop him from pulling his jacket in close to himself, walking slowly across the gym to join the others.
He watched as the others jogged ahead of him, some others walking like him, but for the most part, the grand part of the class were active, rushing to get in the most laps before the end of their period, and with that, the end of their school day.
For some odd reason, Dash didn't tend to smile when that time came each day, even though he figured he should be, right? That he should be happy to return home and just...relax, but...that wasn't really the case.
'What? What am I talking about? Of course I enjoy being home with mom and...and dad. To think otherwise would be stupid.' So he didn't pursue that train of thought, reiterating over and over that things were fine, that he was happy.
That he definitely didn't dread going home that day, and spending the long weekend there.
Alone.
With them.
...
...
...
Looking ahead, he could see Tetslaff walking with a few other students, having light conversation as they went along. She smiled kindly at them, though her voice was much, much louder, much more boisterous and vibrant than when she had been speaking with him just a few minutes earlier. He could see it now, hear it, too, the way she practically whispered at him.
Like she was talking to a spooked cat, his mind couldn't help but ponder as he grabbed the sides of his jacket and pulled them tighter to himself, bracing against the breeze that nearly blew it open.
He didn't know why that irritated him, the thought that she might have been treating him differently than she did the other students.
There was nothing wrong with him where she had to try and be nice to him on purpose.
If she had to try that hard, well, the boy thought with a flare of temper as he turned away from her just as she had noticed him staring at her, than she could do that for someone else.
He didn't...he didn't need her help.
He didn't need her pity, her sympathy, the voices seemed to agree.
There was nothing wrong, anyway.
So what did she know?
She would just do better to stay out of it.
But his stomach seemed to think otherwise, grumbling softly, even with the addition of the granola bar that, admittedly, wasn't very much to eat, but did help with dizziness, feeling it only a bit as he whipped his head around to look for Kwan and the others, and sometimes a bit of fatigue, but not much.
Not enough to help with the way that he dragged his feet along, but he could perk up just long enough to keep up appearances when students passed him, especially since he could see a few of them pass looking back to point and whisper.
Now he was getting annoyed.
Part of him wanted to know what the fuck had been so funny that they needed to look his, point at him, laugh at him.
He just didn't intend to follow through until he felt himself shout at them, but it just...slipped.
"WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY, HUH? IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY, THEN WHY DON'T YOU TRY SAYING IT TO MY FACE?!" Luckily, Tetslaff had been much further down the track when he yelled at them, nearly throwing off his hood with anger as he snarled at them, face gripped with rage as they sped off, jogging up ahead, though they could still be seen laughing, even when he glowered at them.
He was going to pursue when Dale and Star, jogging alongside each other, caught up to him, just before Kwan and Paulina, lingering in the back a bit as they slowed down to match Dash's slow gait, the boy trying his best to hide his limp, and with moderate success, though he sucked in a breath as he felt his body begin to grow more fatigued.
The others didn't seem to notice.
'Good,' The boy thought solemnly and tiredly,' I don't really feel like trying to come up with another excuse.'. The five of them walked in silence for a bit, something Dash could definitely use, though he could do without with them staring at him, each one of them practically boring holes into him with each uneven step he took.
"Look, guys. If you want to say something, please, just get it out, but you ogling me is just gonna piss me off." Kwan seem to lag a bit further behind at the tone of his voice, and Dale whistled in surprise, looking passively at Star and Paulina that clicked their teeth, looking him up and down as if he were a stain or something, a bug they had accidentally stepped.
He could only imagine what they might be thinking.
"Oh, okay. Look, Dash, we're here because we've noticed you've been acting like a real spaz lately, and we thought we'd be decent enough to tell you so you could, you know, cut the shit? That little stunt you pulled today was really fuckin' weird, so if you're gonna be spazzing out, just know that you are making us all look bad." The girls nodded in agreement, flipping their hair as a few of the other girls in their class, also popular, passed them, going ahead to chat with them, leaving the boys to themselves as the walked along at Dash's pace.
Over the noise, he saw some teachers come, one by one as they eased toward him, grasping his arms before he felt himself pull away, and only then did he notice something odd, something akin to a dry throat as he felt his mouth open and close, the voices so pervasive that he hadn't even heard what the teachers had said.
Not a word as they went to restrain him, feeling his body collide with the ground, the air knocked from his lungs all at once before he finally heard it.
A deep, guttural sound that echoed around the classroom and into the hallways as students began to gather at the door.
The sound of his own screams.
Dash didn't look at Dale.
How could he when he couldn't exactly dispute him, nor could he really explain what had happened just an hour before? How could he explain writhing around on the floor, making a complete fucking ass of himself? He wouldn't be able to explain the shame of them looking embarrassed by him.
Nor could he particularly make sense of the deep, ridged shame that made his body tremble at the thought that he done something to make them upset.
And then there was fear.
Fear as he considered them leaving.
Leaving him behind.
They couldn't, he reasoned with a frantic smile that broke across his face, laughing off Dale's statement as he looked up at last, but he looked wrong.
He looked terrified, even with that smile plastered on his face.
He readied himself to speak, making his voice as even as he possibly could.
"Aw, man. I, uh, I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. It looked pretty dumb, right? I must have looked pretty stupid, so it's a good that it was...it was just a prank. Something I did to to mess with people, so I guess it worked, right?" Chuckling, he tried not to let it show how much it bothered him.
What else could he wasn't...wasn't there at that moment...that he was...to imply something was wrong with him...
There was nothing wrong with him.
Everyone has those moments, you know?
So what if he had thrown himself onto the ground, and that he had basically had a fit in the middle of class?
"It was funny enough to everyone else, so maybe they'll forget about it. They'll say 'Oh man, that was so funny! Did you see the way he was shaking! He looked like he was about to pee on himself!'. Come on, guys, it's fuckin' hilarious." Waving a hand dismissively, he listened as Dale chimed in again.
"Okay, yeah, you did look pretty stupid. Like, dude, your eyes rolled back and everything. Hell, you were screaming so much, all of us thought you were just being weird for no reason. Right, Kwan?" Turning around to the lagging youth behind him, Dash didn't follow, thinking about what the former had said.
'You did look pretty weird'
'Dude, your eyes rolled back and everything'
'All of us thought you were just being weird for no reason'
He laughed.
He laughed as Kwan spoke for the first time during the conversation, his tone too serious for him to be smiling.
He should be smiling.
It was funny.
Hilarious.
Amusing.
Comical.
Why did he have to be so serious?
"I...I don't know, guys-...," It was precisely at that moment that Star and Paulina reappeared, clearly miffed as they threw up their middle fingers at the other girls.
That conversation went pretty sour.
"Fuck those guys. Anyway, what's going on? Kwan, why do you look so serious right now?" Star piped in, flipping her hair again, and Paulina followed suit, pointing Kwan.
"Oh, are you talking about all that stuff you said about Dash before? Like with the,-" Kwan quickly interjected, cupping his forehead as he pulled them all to a stop.
"Look, none of that is important right now. Seriously, guys, I'm not sure if we should be joking about,-" Dale overtook him, beginning with a laugh as he leaned on Dash's shoulder, paying little mind to the flicker of discomfort that sparked across his face, like a light that needed change, a broken bulb that revealed the dark for just a moment before his shining, bright disposition returned.
"Dude, you just heard him tell you that it was all just a joke. Something stupid he did to get laughs and to be honest, right now, everyone is talking about it. Some even snapped a few pics of it and everything. Knowing it was, like, a prank or some shit, it makes this even funnier." The girls looked to Dash, and grinned.
Dash tried to smile back, but kept his mouth closed.
For some reason, he felt like he wanted to vomit.
"Oh, so you made all of that up? Oh my god, you totally convinced us. You were all like-," Pausing to bring her hands up to her chest, she began to shake, making a stupid face as she did so, as if she were being electrocuted.
Was that what he looked like?
He felt himself shrink again.
He felt really small.
Too small to laugh like he was supposed to.
'Wow, you look ridiculous.'
'No wonder they're all laughing at you.'
"...And we were like, dude, you really need to chill out. Seriously, that was really freaking good." Dash nodded, smiling faintly as he heard the whistle blow, and the three of them, Dale, Star, and Paulina, walked ahead, continuing to reenact Dash's violent movements.
The way saliva dripped from his mouth.
The way he cried out, screamed...
He smiled, though.
He was just glad they found it funny.
Dash turned away from Kwan with a slow, low chuckle, not noticing how the other held out his hand, but gave up, jogging to catch to him as the rest of the class gathered around her, collecting for the "End-of-class" announcements and meeting they always had.
He came closer to the front, but a bit further away than how close the others had huddled together, sitting on the grass together but Dash resolved to stand.
He may not be able to get back up if he did the same.
Clearing her throat, she raised her hands and voice to call their attention.
"Alright, guys. I'd say that was a pretty successful class, huh? Nothing too hard or strenuous that you guys couldn't pull off. I wanted to start easy this class, see, because I know what you all are really waiting for are...sports! Fresh this year with a new look and uniform to boot!" Much of the class cheered, and even Dash felt his mood lift a bit at the mention of it.
Noticing their enthusiasm, Tetslaff continued, holding the same energy.
"We aren't yet, but tryouts should be coming some later this month, likely around the 20th so that we can start coordinating with the other schools, getting uniforms, and such, and they come pretty soon, so start talking to your parents about collecting the money you need if you plan to tryout this year." Students began to whisper amongst themselves, chattering on about the sports they wanted to play, what color they wanted their uniforms to be; Dash listened in, finding little to say as he considered doing the same this year.
That would just take convincing his parents to let him do it this year, too.
He couldn't recall a time where his parents had been openly supportive of his interests, though he guessed it was really kind of them to not care if he did or not.
They could tell him to stop talking about, or worse yet, the boy understood with a great deal of fear and uncertainty, they could just tell him not to do them at all. They could tell him that he wasn't allowed to play at all, but they didn't.
That's how kind they were, he reflected quietly to himself.
He wouldn't have to worry about a uniform either.
He could just borrow one for each game.
It was fine, he figured.
Sure, his uniform wouldn't be the CLEANEST, but...but he was good.
At least, he liked to think he was.
"We'll talk more next class about the details a bit more, but I think it's high time to get you all out of here for the day. Rinse up, get dressed, and be ready when the bell rings." She beckoned them to come with her, the students following her, still bustling with activity as most planned out what it is that they wanted to do.
They all funneled into the cool air of the gym, the girls going to their respective lower rooms, and the guys to their own, Dale and Kwan pushing ahead as Dash wavered in the back, but something felt...off.
Stepping into the locker room, the boy gave paused, frozen as he watched the other students pass him by.
Reaching down just at the helm of his pants, they were wet...
Really, really wet.
...
Oh no.
Going as fast as his body would allow, he rushed to another stall, but sucked in a breath, seeing they were all filled. There were a few other students waiting as well, hardly noticing his paling expression, the way he squirmed at the growing wetness in his pants, and the foul smell that began to fill the space.
'Please, God. Please tell me this isn't happening. Not now, please not now-,' At the first chance he had, he stumbled into the bathroom, ignoring the other students' comments as they huffed with irritation with him having stolen their spot, but Dash couldn't care less.
Bending his bottom over the toilet, Dash didn't have to push very hard for loose stools to come pouring out, splattering into the toilet, its messy contents causing a fair bit of discomfort, but nothing that he wasn't used to feeling.
This was familiar, standard, but even the toilet paper that he had tried to stuff in there was smeared with brown and red, blending into a singular stain of dark brown as he peeled it from his soaked underwear, the grey, torn boxer briefs sticky with waste and blood, Dash dry heaving as he piled them in as best as he could into the toilet.
He stifled a whimper as a he grabbed a bit of paper to wipe, dabbing at the sensitive area until he felt himself become a bit drier, but that didn't help with the smell. Not one bit as he pulled his underwear and pants back up, disgusted by the sticky squelch that pressed against his bottom once he'd gotten them back up again.
Flushing the toilet, he opened the stall, feeling uncomfortable but masking it as he motioned to get to the sink, squeezing a generous amount of soap into his palm and running them under warm water to wash his hands.
'Just play it cool,' Though he was having a hard time staying still, shifting as his waste squished and pressed against his body.
He couldn't go home like this, smelling like this...looking like this.
He'd have to get in the showers.
