Amazing. What an exceptionally wonderful life Colonel Mustang has.

Without any regard to the plans, very exciting plans may he add, Mustang was given a spontaneous and unnecessary (in his opinion), diplomatic mission to Creta with only one-day notice. He was to take a 2-hour train ride and then go on an extremely long and exhausting trek across the desert with only a small blond and large armored friend to accompany him. So here he was, out of breath and sweating, walking through an isolated desert with a terribly simple map and suitcase in hand.

Yes, his life was nothing short of wonderful.

Damn the military. Would it have killed them to at least give me a camel? Mustang thought as he wearily dragged his booted feet through the sand, clutching his military-issued jacket to his side. He squinted his eyes as he scanned the same surroundings he did fifteen minutes ago. There was nothing but sand for miles and miles. He huffed out a loud sigh at the conclusion which he immediately regretted thanks to his dehydration. He was really starting to wish he had listened to the officers at border control when they told him to stock up on water instead of acting angry.

He let his gaze drift to his temporary bodyguards. He subconsciously scowled at the sight of Edward. The boy had been more irritable, if that was even possible, with the sudden change of plans. Hell, Mustang couldn't even blame him this time, he was too. He never thought he would see the day where he said it, but he'd even take paperwork over this

"It is so unbelievably hot", Mustang grumbled under his breath. He could practically see the heat waves at the horizon line. He took another look at his subordinate. His eyebrow slightly twitched in annoyance when he noticed Edward's relaxed state. Of course, he'd be riding on Alphonse's back.

Damned brat. How dare he look so comfortable while I'm back here suffering?

He was trudging behind them at a snail's pace, throwing himself a small pity party when a brilliant idea popped into his mind. He picked up his pace and walked alongside the boys.

"Fullmetal", Roy's hoarse voice cut through the still silence of the area.

His call remained unanswered for a while before Ed replied with a tired, "Huh?"

"Get down"

"Why?", Ed drew out the last constant as he raised his head from the shoulder of Alphonse's armor.

"Because I ordered you to. Now get down"

There it was, abuse of power. The exploitation of power is heavily looked down upon among citizens but damn was it convenient. You could make a simple request, tag "that's an order" behind it, and you'd get almost anything you want. One of the greatest luxuries a higher-ranking officer could possess. Roy relished in the glory of the small victory he achieved.

"Can't you tell I'm tired?" Ed complained as he reluctantly got off his younger brother's back. He stood with closed eyes, slightly swaying side to side with exhaustion. Taking advantage of his limited awareness, Mustang shoved his suitcase into Ed's hands.

"Alphonse, bend down"

"Um ok," The young boy hesitatingly kneeled into the sand. Roy laid out his jacket, straightening out the edges before getting on his back. He shifted his position a few times before settling, "Okay. Now walk"

Being the obedient boy he is, he stood from his position and began walking, leaving a dazed Ed behind. Edward snapped open his eyes, a little later than he should have, and ran up behind Roy. He struck him with an open hand in the highest part of his back he could reach.

"Hey, you bastard! Get off of my brother; I was on him first," He yelled at the man indignantly.

"It doesn't matter who was on him first. I'm on him now. Besides, it'll do you some good to walk. Hopefully, you'll grow an inch or two," Mustang spoke nonchalantly.

"My height is perfectly fine the way it is. Now get the hell off of him!"

"Can't you see that I'm hot? Go away, pipsqueak," Roy turned his head the other direction after performing a 'shooing' motion with his hand

"Call me pipsqueak again! You'll be more than hot when I'm done with you!"

"Colonel, if you're really that tired I can carry you both," Al spoke up.

"No way, Al. Let him walk. He needs it anyway. You know the metabolism slows with age"

"Brother, don't be rude," Alphonse chided lightly in response.

"I bet he's not even that hot. He's probably just hitting menopause early"

"I'll have you know I'm only 28," Mustang stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah? Coulda fooled me. Now get down," Ed yanked the back of Roy's shirt, sending him into the sand. A not-so masculine yelp escaped from the man's throat as he fell into the sand.

Edward threw the Colonel's jacket at his head and suitcase on the ground before getting back on Al, "Lay down and go to sleep. Maybe a helpful traveler will save you before you die of heatstroke"

"Tch, some subordinate you are" Roy yanked the jacket from his face as if it had thrown itself at him purposefully. He rose up from the ground slowly before he dusted the sand off his clothes.

"Some CO you are. Trying to force a 13-year-old to carry you"

"I didn't force him. I asked"

"Really? I remember you ordering him to"

"Colonel, It's really no trouble. I can carry you both," Alphonse offered once more.

"No, you can't! There's only enough space for me," Edward protectively gripped Alphonse's bicep plates.

"Tell me Alphonse, was Fullmetal always so selfish?" Roy walked back to the group before setting his suitcase on the ground as he rolled the sleeves of his button-up.

"I'm not selfish. I just don't wanna share my brother with you."

"I'm sure you were a delight on the playground. Now scoot over. That's an order"

The teen sucked his teeth and mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, 'lazy bastard'. Roy uttered a small thank you to Alphonse when he put his suitcase in the compartment he often hid kittens. Again, Roy placed his jacket on the boy's back, did a few practice hops, then jumped. When he did so, the jacket slid across the armor causing him to completely go over Alphonse's shoulder and headfirst into the sand.

Edward instantly burst out into rambunctious laughter at the scene. He held onto Al's helmet to prevent himself from being tossed off as Alphonse rushed to help the man back up.

"You okay, old man? You didn't break your hip, did you?"

"Brother! Why didn't you help him up?"

"It's fine, Al. You're so polite and mature, unlike your brother. Sometimes, I forget that you're the younger one," Mustang shook the sand out of his hair with his hand while spitting out the sand that had infiltrated his mouth.

"With the way the lieutenant bosses you around, I forget who's the superior officer"

"Here's your jacket, Colonel. I'm gonna bend down this time so you won't fall", Alphonse interjected before another argument could start.

Mustang repeated his earlier motions, without jumping, and successfully got on the kind boy's back. With both of the alchemists properly aboard, Al began walking.

"This is uncomfortable," Ed complained, not even five minutes into the ride.

"You don't say," Mustang sarcastically remarked.

"Get off. You're too big" Ed nudged Roy's ribcage.

"I'm not too big. Just because you're small doesn't mean everyone else is a giant" Roy nudged Ed back in his arm.

"I'm not small. Get off, fat ass" Ed pushed Roy's stomach with more force, almost causing him to fall off.

He grabbed onto Al's arm plate, steadying himself before he pushed Ed back, "My ass is the perfect size. You get off"

The alchemists continued to push and nudge at each other, trading insults all the while. Again, Ed pushed Roy so hard that he had to quickly wrap his legs around Al's torso and grab hold of Edward's braid just to stay on.

"How about I just carry one of you in my arms and have one of you on my back," Alphonse suggested to the two, both ending the fight and obtaining their attention.

Roy released his grip on Ed's braid while simultaneously elbowing him in his stomach to get him to stop pushing him.

"That's actually not a bad idea," Roy said as he jumped down and circled around Al.

"How are you gonna carry one of us if someone is already on your back?" Edward asked, resting a hand on Alphonse's "stomach".

"In my arms"

"Bridal style?"

"Yeah"

"Oh. Fullmetal, get into your brother's arms," Roy said simply.

"What? No! You get in his arms"

"No"

"Why not?"

"I'm a grown man, not to mention a Colonel. What would I look like allowing a kid to carry me bridal style?" Mustang turned his head in the opposite direction while crossing his arms, looking a tad bit offended.

"You didn't mind it when you were on his back," Ed countered

"That's different!"

"It's not! Now hurry up so we can go! it'll be night by the time we reach the village if you keep holding us up," Ed swung his hands in the air exaggeratedly.

"I'm not holding us up! I don't see why I have to be carried. Why can't you do it?"

"Because I don't want to"

"That's not a reason!" Roy turned back around to Ed.

"It is!"

"it isn't!"

"It doesn't matter. I was on him first anyway"

"It does matter!"

"Al, who do you think should be carried?," Edward and Mustang jerked their heads back and asked in unison. The boy looked should be caught off guard to be asked his opinion.

"Well, Brother was on my back first. It's only fair that he gets to stay", Alphonse sheepishly responded, rubbing his gigantic hands together.

"Hah! You heard him, Mustang"

It was a comical, not to mention, ironic sight. The widely feared, infamous Colonel Roy Mustang and 'Destroyer of Ishval', was reduced to the butt of a joke by two children half his age.

"I can't believe this. Humiliated by teenagers," Mustang spat as if the words themselves tasted vile. His jacket rested in his lap as he dramatically held his face in his hands. Edward, on the other hand, rode atop Alphonse's back, smiling the biggest, smuggest smile he could muster.

"You doing okay down there, princess ?"

"Shut up. We will never speak of this," Mustang vowed shamefully, his voice muffled by the cushion of his palms.

"As you wish"

Yup, wonderful. Colonel Roy Mustang's life was just absolutely wonderful.