Chapter 15:
(Olivia POV)
I sat with Cameron not sure what he was going to say, "I brought some stuff." My interest was piqued and I couldn't wait to see what he was thinking about giving me. I had my hand held up open leaning back against the bench. Suddenly I felt something hard. It was round and smooth as I meandered my fingers across every surface of the object before I tried looking at him, "What is it?" "A button," was all he said. I needed to know more where was it from, what did it do? "What else can you tell me about it? What does it look like?" I said trying to find out more. "It is small. It is black. It is a button, I don't know what else you want me to say about it." he said. I pouted I wasn't satisfied with that answer and let out a huff, "You can do better than that." He took a moment before I could here his satisfied tone, "It is a small, black, circular item with four holes in the center. It is often used for clothing." Now we were going somewhere and I smiled to myself, "Better. Was this one used for clothing?" He let out an amused breath as he continued to talk to me about it and how it belonged to his Papa and how the discarded button was saved specifically for me. I loved that he thought about me for this, "My hero." I commented.
I placed it down on my lap smiling to myself. He then handed me something else that he later told me was wool like the wool I used for my yarn but that didn't make any sense. He laughed at my reaction and I frowned because I didn't understand what was so funny about it not feeling like the wool I knew. When he didn't respond for a moment he quickly added, "Wow I was just going to nod again." Hearing him verbally describing his usual reactions made me laugh. People apparently would nod at me a lot when they dared to talk to me but not many would admit to it afterward, usually Padre Sanchez would tell me about it sometime later. I could hear the smirk in Cameron's voice as he said, "Oh so you can laugh and it is ok but when I laugh you frown." I nodded my head as I continued to laugh, "Yes. That is exactly how it works." "And you get to nod. Humph." He said exasperated as we were both laughing now. This was so much fun. It was so exciting to experience something this new. I don't really get to experience much outside my little world and all these new introductions were just making my world a little bit bigger.
He placed one last item in my hand and I immediately recognized it as my finger ran over the material, "Is it leather?" I asked. "Yeah it is." He said as he started to explain more and more about it to me but I just kept running my things over it trying to make sure I knew exactly what it was. It was too familiar and I was right about it being leather.
- 10 years ago -
(Olivia POV)
I hated them. I hated the leather belts that lined the walls. Why did Papa need to lead them in my room? I knew why but still. I heard an angry thud as a door slam shut as people were shouting downstairs. I hated it when Mama and Papa would fight. I hated everything that was happening. I hated the belts. I hated the yelling. I hated my room. I hated the stupid vase I broke downstairs. I hated the doors slamming. I hated the angry steps that were coming upstairs. I looked up from my arms as Papa walked through the door taking a belt off the wall. I really hated today.
(Olivia POV)
I snapped back to reality and put the piece of leather down. I wanted to acknowledge Cameron in some way. I wasn't sure if this was right but, I moved my hand along the bench until I felt his hand. He turned his palm up and I smiled as I interlocked our fingers, "Thank you." I really did appreciate everything he did. We talked a little bit more and conversation was just so easy and flowed so naturally. He was so patient with me and was always correcting himself when he did some nonverbal cue. At some point he said, "I have to go." I smiled at him dipping my head slightly, "Thank you for sitting with me." "Anything you want me to bring next time?" I could feel my cheeks rise as I smiled, "Next time?" I was so happy that he wanted to come back again. "Yeah next time." "Surprise me," I said and continued to smile as he walked away.
After I heard the church doors close I felt the items on my lap that Cameron brought me. My hand reached the leather again and I frowned. I didn't like how familiar it felt or how I immediately recognized what it was when he handed it to me.
- 6 years ago -
(Olivia POV)
I laid down in bed keeping my eyes closed as Papa was getting ready for work. I didn't want him to go. I didn't like when I had to stay here alone. I always knew what that meant and I really didn't like it. I heard his loud footsteps making their way over as he touched my shoulder, "Olivia wake up." I let out a breath and sat up. He pulled me over towards the edge of the bed, "Come on Olivia we don't need to go through this every time." I sighed, "Papa, please..." I felt the belt loop tighten around my ankle and then another loop tied it to the bedpost. He kissed the top of my head, "Nice and secure. Don't worry I won't be gone too long." I sighed, "Papa can I please not..." I could feel wind brushing against my face and I knew what he was doing, "Can you see that?" I shook my head. I then heard a loud thud, "Could you see that?" I shook my head again. "How do I know you won't get hurt while I'm gone?" "But Papa..." He just said, "No, not now maybe in a few years when you are more responsible. I will be back in a few hours." I heard the door slam and I leaned down and felt the leather. I could never tell where the buckle was or how he got it on or off. I leaned back on the bed and sighed. I hated that belt.
(Olivia POV)
- 5 months later -
I sat in the church taking out my knitting. I was starting a new piece and had many different balls of yarn stacked on top of everything. I had three blankets that were folded up and as I moved them I felt all the different objects that Cameron had brought me throughout our time sitting together. The button, wool, a stone, a shell, a piece of glass... the scrap of leather. Most of them made me smile especially when I thought about the stories that Cameron would tell me about each thing. I loved everything about it. I also found myself becoming increasingly more attached to Cameron. He was a constant that I could count on. My life was restricted to the confines of the buildings Papa would bring me to and I likes the little crack of it opening whenever I was with, "Cameron," I said excitedly as I heard him making his way over.
"Hey Liv is this seat taken?" Another thing I liked about Cameron was that he started calling me Liv. It made me feel warm and good inside, "Is it ever?" I felt him slide into next to me his arm brushing against mine, "Yeah by me." I let out a small laugh. I put down my knitting to the side, "What are you always working on when I get here?" I was surprised by the question. I thought he knew i mean I was never trying to hide it and he could see. I picked it up, "I'm not great at it and I have no idea what they look like but," I said already starting to defend myself, "I give them to the priest and he gives them to people that need it in town." Cameron was quiet for a moment before he said, "That is amazing." It wasn't really I wouldn't be surprised if it looked terrible, "It is one of the few things I can actually do." He let out a long sigh, "It is amazing Olivia don't try to make it sound like anything less."
I turned to try and face him, "Tell me something?" I asked. I wanted to know more about him and I wanted him to tell me something new. "What do you want to know?" He asked and I shrugged, "Anything." He laughed, "Think you can narrow it down a little bit?" I let the question mull over in my mind, "Talk about your family." It was a topic that he never talked about it. He was quiet for a moment before saying, "I have an older sister and a younger brother. We all live in the same house as my Abuela, Tía, Tío and their daughters." That wasn't what he normally said when he would talk to me. I know that we only met a few times but still, "Cameron? What's wrong?" "Nothing," he said trying to brush off the question. "You went quiet. The way you talked about your family you were telling me about who they are but you weren't talking about who they are to you. Do you not have a good relationship or something?" Suddenly I felt like I was prying and felt so guilty as he started saying, "No, no it is nothing like that." Still I could tell that there was a problem, "So what is wrong?" He let out a long breath, "My family expects a lot from ever member of it. Everything I do is for the family. I don't even know who I am outside my family."
I wished he could see himself how I saw him (well not saw) I moved my hand along the bench to his hand, it wasn't that far away, and I tapped on his hand so I could hold his hand, "Well to me at least you are someone who makes me smile, makes me feel normal and connected with people. Someone who comes up with the greatest stories I have ever heard. You are so sweet and kind and you sit with me for hours every time I am here. You made me feel less alone." I let out a breath wanting him to understand, "I have no idea who you are in your family but to me you are the best and only friend I have ever really had and there i no one else I would ever want you to be." I was smiling at him and it was the most authentic I felt in years.
"Well what can you tell me about your family?" He asked. I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to talk about Papa. Maybe this would be a good time to talk about her, "My Mama was really pretty. I remember that. She used to sing to me all the time and read me stories every night before I went to sleep. She loved me a lot. The day that she died Julieta Madrigal came to our house and tried to help her but, she couldn't." I heard him sigh, "You must miss her." I nodded my head even though I didn't remember everything about Mama, I did know that she was sad when she got sick. " I know that I was little, but after she died everything changed." I hated how everything changed and I could feel myself tearing. Suddenly Cameron told me, "I"m going to come closer and wrap you in a hug." I liked how he did that. He always told me what he was doing before he did it so that I wasn't startled or anything. As he gave me a hug I leaned into his arms and started to calm down, "I haven't talked about her in a really long time."
- 8 years ago -
(Olivia POV)
I was trying to maneuver my way through the house. I had lost my sight for awhile now but I was still having problems in our house. Papa was home and somewhere else so I had free rein of the areas around me. I don't know when and I don't know what it was on but I tripped and found myself on the ground. Papa soon rushed over, "Olivia what were you doing?" He lifted me up and carried me over to the bed, "Sorry Papa." He kept both arms firmly planted on my shoulders, "You are the only piece of your Mama I have left Olivia. You have to be more careful." I put my hand on top of his, "But I'm fine." His grip on my shoulder tightened, "But you could have gotten hurt. I will not lose you like I did her Olivia. You are more too fragile so just stay still." He released my shoulders and I could feel the imprint of his hand on my shoulder. For the rest of the night every time I shifted slightly on the bed he came over to me and then walked away.
(Olivia POV)
I took another breath before saying, "Thank you. I really needed that." it was true Papa didn't like it when I talked about her but I felt like I could tell Cameron anything, "Always, but hey I brought something with me that I think that you would like, but this one is not for you to feel." I couldn't imagine what it was he always brought me something new, "What is it?" "One of my brother's favorite stories." I could feel my teeth squeeze together as I became more excited, "Read it to me." I listened intently as he read smiling. I tried to picture the images he described in my head. When he finished I looked over at him, "I have to go" he said. I nodded my head and said what I always said, "Thank you for sitting with me." "Should I bring another story with me next time?" He asked and even though he came back each time I was always surprised, "You are coming back?" I could hear him smirk, "Yeah, next time." I nodded my head about the books and refocused on my knitting.
- 1 month later -
I was brought to the church and Papa had me sit down, "I will be back in a few hours." He said and I nodded my head as I got to work. I had some time before Cameron came and I was almost done with my fourth blanket for this month. A little while later I heard Cameron, "Hey Liv." I was shocked that he was here so early and smiled up hopefully in his direction, "Cameron? You're here early today." "Yeah, well let's just say that there is a lot I want to get done with you today." I smiled at that when I heard Padre Sanchez, "Olivia, Cameron here asked me if it was alright if he took you out into town today." All the breath was sucked out of my longs, "Really?" Cameron then stuttered, "O-only if you want to." I couldn't believe this. No one ever let me go outside the church or the house and now I had the perfect opportunity, "I would love to, but are you sure that it is ok Padre?" I didn't want to get anyone in trouble but then he said, "Yes. It is as long as you are back by 5." I stood up and took the arm that Cameron offered out to me.
As I felt the sunlight hit my face as we exited the church nerves took over my entire being, "What if people in town tell Papa?" I could feel Cameron's words coming down from above and I could suddenly tell that he is noticeably taller than me, "most people in town haven't seen you in years, and I'm not going to take you anywhere too crowded, do you think you can trust me?" I firmly nodded my head I knew that I could trust Cameron I would trust him with anything actually. He guided me through town and I was completely dependent on him but I kind of liked it. I knew that he was taking care of me and I new that he was going to protect me. I felt completely safe.
The texture under our feet changed when I suddenly felt wind brushing against my face. I lifted my head up and faced it as Cameron guided me somewhere. I rested my arms on some type of stone wall taking it all in. I heard water trickling and the wind embrace me, "What does it feel like?" He asked and I suddenly got what he meant when he told me he didn't know how to describe something. I just didn't have the words. "I can't describe it. It is just nice and cool." He then said, "yeah it is one of those things that reminds us that the air is still there, taking care of us even if we can't see it." I loved how he could take anything like the wind and give it such a deep meaning, "So we are finally on an even playing field?" I joked as we both couldn't see the wind. He let out and amused breath, "I guess we are."
He then continued to lead me to a spot in the middle of a grassy field. I was able to lean back against a tree and felt around experiencing every texture and surface in our own little limbo as Cameron so aptly called it. "There is something I have to tell you Liv," he said and I knew that I had to talk to him too, "Yeah there is something I have to tell you too." I could feel his hand brushing against mine, "Oh you go first, what do you want to tell me?" I released a long breath, "When you asked about my family I never told you about my Papa." Why was this so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I felt him squeeze my hand, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I shook my head, "No I want to," He had to know about Papa and why I am like this, "My Papa, he is really protective of me. He says that I am the last piece of Mama that he has left. When I was little I used to ask him to take me outside or into town, but he never wanted to risk it. One day when I finally convinced him to let me out of the house. He told me to sit on the rock and wait for him. Some kids were playing ball not that far down and one of them invited me to play. I knew that Papa didn't want me too, but it looked like so much fun." I said thinking back to that day, "You know that you really don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Cameron said but I just nodded my head, "I want you to know. I went down to play with them. It really was fun. Someone kicked the ball away and Papa came back. He was really mad at me for not listening to him and staying away. I wasn't paying attention and the kid through the ball back and it hit me in the back of the head I fell to the ground and I was never able to see again."
He paused for a minute taking a long breath, "Have you ever thought about seeing Julieta Madrigal?" I knew that that was pointless Papa had tried years ago and it didn't work I didn't want to get Cameron's hopes up and that is exactly what I told him. I hated how Papa broke his vow for me and it was useless. I hated how the miracle didn't work for me. I hated that if I just listened to Papa nothing would have happened. "If I had listened to him. I would still be able to see. I wouldn't be so useless." Just like that I was crying again.
Suddenly I felt myself being held by Cameron and I rolled deeper into his arm. I could feel his arms and slowly calmed down. I didn't move my hands off of him though. I began making my hands up his arms. I was feeling what he looked like and it was amazing. He finally spoke, "You know I don't like hearing you talk about yourself like that." I let my shoulders rise and fall, "Why? It's true." His hands went onto of mine and brought them to his face and he shook his head, "It is not. What happened wasn't your fault. The fact that you can't see has never been your fault if anything it was mine." "What do you mean?" I asked suddenly feeling a pit forming in my stomach. I didn't like where this was going, "I was the little boy who invited you over to play."
I couldn't believe what he was saying, "What?" I felt him nod his head, "I'm so sorry." I felt my heartbeat increase rapidly, "Did-did you always know that it was me from that d..." He was nodding his head again, "Yes I did." Faster and faster, "So coming in to listen to the choir practice that was a lie." He nodded his head again. Suddenly I could feel tears coming down to my thumbs. "I shouldn't have invited you over. You were going to stay where you were and then I ruined everything and invited you over. I'm the reason that you went blind." I suddenly shook my head, "No, it is not your fault." I wasn't sure how I felt about everything right now but I did know that it wasn't his fault. He nodded his head, "Yes it is." I shook my head, "How could you have known that I was supposed to stay away from everyone you were only a little kid yourself. It was my fault, I shouldn't have come over at all." He let out a long breath, "I knew I was supposed to leave you alone Liv." "How?" I asked my heart beating out of my chest at this point, "Because I'm... I'm Camilo Madrigal." No, I thought to myself. No.
