Chapter 16:
(Olivia POV)
I couldn't breathe as it was settling in. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I didn't hear him right. "What did you just say?" I needed it not to be real. I needed him to tell me it wasn't real. "I'm Camilo Madrigal." No, I refused to believe it, it had to be a joke a really bad joke, "Cameron this is a really bad joke. It isn' funny." He shook his head in my hands, "I know, but it's true I'm Camilo Madrigal." I started breathing heavier as the idea cemented in my mind. I took my hands off him and placed them on the ground he was Camilo Madrigal. My Cameron was Camilo. "I want to go back to the church," I said. "Liv," Cameron started, no wait Camilo ughh, "TAKE ME BACK TO THE CHURCH CAMILO." He placed his hand on mine and I wanted to jerk it away but another part of me wanted to leave it there still I shuddered back, "Ok."
He took my arm and guided me through town back to the church but I hated that I had to rely on him this much. Cameron was my best friend and I could trust him with anything but, Camilo. Camilo lied to me Camilo tricked me, Camilo took advantage of my trust. Before I knew it we were back in the church and I was stewing inside. He lead me to my spot and I sat down silently. I could feel him siting down next to me. I wasn't sure what to say or what to do until I finally said, "Camilo?" He put his hand on top of mine and I felt like crying, "Right here." I pulled my hand away and brought my arm across my chest. "Was it all a lie?" I asked. "No it wasn't all a lie. I did lie about who I was but that was it. Everything else was the truth.' I wanted to believe him. I wanted this to be a misunderstanding and for us to get back to where we were before but, I couldn't "How am I supposed to believe you."
I waited for his response and when he finally spoke I felt myself crack inside, "Because I'm your best friend and you are mine." It echoed in my mind over and over again as I shook my head, "No. My best friend's name is Cameron. He comes in here on the last Thursday of the month and sits with me. He reads me books, he brings me things to feel and we talk. I can trust him always. I trusted him to guide me out of this church. I don't know who you are." I hated feeling like this, "Liv no." I shook my head again, "Olivia. Only one person gets to call me Liv." "Olivia," his voice broke and I hated how much that hurt me. Why was this so hard. I whispered out, I can't see anything. I am completely at the will of others all the time. I have to rely on what people tell me is and isn't there. It requires me to believe that you are always telling me the truth and that I can trust you. I can't trust you because you didn't always tell me the truth." I released a quiet breath, "I think that you should leave." "Do you want me to leave?" He asked. I knew the answer was no but I couldn't say that, "I think that you should leave." He didn't move and sat quietly next to me the rest of the day leaving before my Papa came to get me. No wonder he always left an hour before Papa arrived.
I was completely detached as Papa picked me up. He didn't seem to notice the difference and I was grateful for it. Over the next few days I just retreated further and further into myself until one day when Papa was at work I just started to sob into my lap. I fell into a routine where I would wait until I was alone and then cry into my lap until he came back. I hated it but it was all I could do.
- two months later -
I heard Camilo walk in to the church but I refused to speak to him or acknowledge that he was there. I refused to cry in front of him. I refused to do much of anything. I let myself feel numb but that was pretty much it. Time went by agonizingly slow as I just waited for Camilo to leave. Eventually after he left Padre Sanchez came over, "Olivia how are you?" I shrugged not even trying to look in his direction. "I didn't see you working on anything did you run out of yarn?" I shook my head still in complete silence. I felt his hand on my shoulder, "Olivia?" I let out a breath, "I just didn't feel like working today. I have some blankets from home for you." I heard him shuffle over and lift them up from my basket, "They are great Olivia." I nodded my head still keeping my head looked forward. He let out a breath, "Olivia..." he started but then the door opened and I can tell from the footsteps that it was Papa. "Olivia it is time to go," he said as he helped me up to my feet. He guided me to the cart and guided me to the house.
- three months later -
I sat in the church and I planned on staying completely still like I had done every time before. Camilo was there. I knew he was there, he came the last five months even though I haven't been talking to him. I hated this and it hurt so much because I needed my best friend but every time I thought about saying something to him I felt a sharp pain in my chest and knew I just couldn't do it. Why did he have to be a Madrigal? Why did he lie to me about it? Why? Why? Why?
Suddenly I felt something roll into my side. I felt the top of it and it was a small ball but it felt like glass or plastic or something like that. No, I was getting sucked in. He was sucking me back in. I kept moving the ball under my fingers when I finally slipped and asked, "Why are you here?" "Because I want to spend time with my best friend," he said but I didn't accept that. He knew what I said so why was he still here, "I thought I told you not to come here anymore." "No you told me you think that I should leave. You never said you wanted me to or that I had to. I'm not leaving you Olivia," he spoke softly. I let out a breath why was he making this so difficult, "You will. Everyone does." I rolled the the small ball over to him at least I tried to. Soon the ball was back at my side, "Liv I am not leaving you." Why was he making this so difficult? I knew that he was going to leave me. Everyone leaves. Everyone but, Papa that is and he even leaves me alone for the day.
- 9 years ago -
(Olivia POV)
I wanted to play with Mamà today. She had been so sad lately and she hadn't been leaving her room. I knew that she had been sad for a while but this felt different and I wanted to make her feel a little bit better. I made my way downstairs and opened the door. "Hi Mami do you want to play?" I smiled as I went over to her bed. She just rolled to face away from me, "Not today hija."
Did I do something wrong? I touched her side lightly, "Mami?" She winced and groaned at my touch, "Are you hurt?" I asked. "Olivia please just leave." I walked around to the other side of the bed. I knew that Mami got hurt from time to time but it never kept her in bed before. I then saw the front of her nightgown was stained a dark red, "MAMI!" I screamed and she tried to shush me. Papa came running through the door. He then picked me up and left me outside before slamming the front door shut and going back inside. I tried to pull open the door but it wouldn't budge. Soon after Papa burst through the door and ran into town to get help. Why didn't Mami say something? Why didn't she tell me she was hurt? Why was it so red?
(Olivia POV)
I rolled the ball back at him, "You need to stop. We aren't friends, I can't trust you."
I knew that I was lying to myself. Not about the trust but, about him being my friend. Being silent as often as I am gave me a lot of time to think and I did know that he was the only friend I had ever had. Which made him lying to me so much worse. I felt the ball at my side, "Ask me anything I promise I won't lie to you." I turned to try and face him, I wanted him to see everything he was doing to me, "How will I know that?" I harshly rolled the ball in his direction. I heard him take a breath, "What do you need me to do so that you can trust me? I will do it. I promise just tell me." I knew the one question that was repeating over and over again in my mind and I knew that I just needed to ask, "Why? Was I just some joke or charity case or something?" I felt his hand on top of mine and it felt so right for it to be there, "You were never a joke and you were never a charity case."
I felt like I was on the verge of tears as I let out a shaky breath, "Then why? Why did you talk to me? Why did you lie to me? I just need to know why?" I was struggling to maintain control but, I wanted to know the truth. I listened as he told me everything sniffling here and there as I was struggling not to cry as he talked about the day that Mama died.
The more he told me the more sincerity I could hear in your voice, "You see, my entire life changed when I turned 5 years old. I went from being a kid to being an adult who was responsible for the happiness of an entire community. My life is just being whoever other people want me to be. No one really ever cared to get to know me because that was never good enough. I'm a babysitter, a ladder, something small to fit in the crawl space. But, when I was with you on that day you didn't want me to be anyone else. When I saw you the day you went blind sitting on the rock, I saw you watching us and it felt so unfair that you weren't able to play. I knew that I could get in trouble but, you looked so sad. I just wanted to make you smile. To make you happy. So I invited you to play. If I knew what was going to happen I would change it. I never wanted you to get hurt or to pay the price of my stupid choice. When your Papa took you away I thought I would never see you again. I thought that I ruined your life and that was the end of it. And then I was passing by the church one Thursday and there you were sitting there. I knew that it was risky to talk to you and I knew that I could get in a lot of trouble if I got caught but I had to see if you were ok. Then before I knew it we were talking and laughing and you quickly became the best friend I have ever had."
My cheeks felt warm and I knew that he was cracking through the armor I spent the last 5 months building to protect myself from all these feelings that were swirling up. He squeezed the top of my hand slightly, "To the rest of the world I am a Madrigal, someone who has a gift and must serve the community to honor the miracle we were given. I am a tool that is at their disposal all day everyday until the day that I die."
That wasn't who he was though. I knew that from just sitting with him. I hated that no one else say that though He continued on, "With you though, I was never a Madrigal. I got to be myself and actually figure out what that meant. You didn't want me around to see what I could do for you or who I could turn into for your entertainment. You just liked to have me as someone to sit next to you in the church. You even thanked me each time I came like you weren't expecting me to come back the next time." I smiled to myself, " I was never certain you were." And it was true I was always waiting for the day that he wouldn't come and each time he proved me wrong. I was still waiting for the why though. I wanted him to give me a reason. Something that I could understand and maybe something that would give me a reason to forgive him, because I really wanted to forgive him.
"I was dreading telling you who I was because I was terrified that if I told you I was a Madrigal you would never want to speak to me again. Talking with you and spending time with you is what I look forward to the most and I didn't want to lose that. Olivia I really, really care about you. More than I have cared about anyone before. I don't know how else to describe it but, if I had the words I would tell you. I can't lose you. I promise that you are never going to lose me either, but if you want me to leave me alone. If you don't want to ever hear from me again. Just say the word and I am gone. I just want you to be happy." Finally, a reason. A pretty good reason too. I knew our families didn't like each other. I knew what Papa said about the Madrigal family. I knew how much trouble I would be in if we ever got caught.
- 9 years ago -
(Olivia POV)
I was wrapped in a hug by a nice boy who was telling me his Aunt was going to do everything in her power to help Mama. That was when I felt myself being ripped away and brought inside. I then saw Mama and started to cry, "MamÃ?" I rushed over to her bedside. Papa grabbed me and brought me back, "She is gone Olivia." I cried a little bit harder and I was harshly turned around to face Papa, "This is the Madrigals fault. You are never to talk to any of them ever again." I stuttered out, "B-But the Madrigals are nice. That boy that was here he was..."
WHACK
"NO THEY ARE NOT! THEY ARE THE REASON YOUR MAMA IS DEAD AND YOU ARE NEVER TO TALK TO ANY OF THEM EVER AGAIN!" I shuddered back as my hands rushed to my cheek as it began to burn. He grabbed my arm and brought me upstairs to my room the door slammed shut behind him.
(Olivia POV)
I understood what he meant and I nodded my head. I took my hand and followed it up his arm until I reached his cheek. I needed to make sure I was looking at him when I said it. As I felt him though I knew it wasn't the same as that day, "You feel different." He nodded his head, "I don't look like myself right now. I didn't want to risk us both getting in trouble, although Padre Sanchez does know that it is me." I nodded my head bringing my other hand to his cheek, "I really care about you too." I took a deep inhale, "If you ever lie to me again I will disappear from your life and you will never see me again, understood?" He vigorously nodded his head, "Yes understood." I wrapped him in a hug, "Good because I missed my best friend." I felt his head resting on top of mine, "Same here." My heart was beating harder against my chest. I felt warm inside and completely at ease while also being nervous.
- 10 years ago -
(Olivia POV)
"And they all live happily ever after," Mami said as she closed the book. I looked up at her as she laid in my bed. Papa was working tonight for some reason which meant we had the house to ourselves. I think we both liked it better that way. "How did the princess know she loved the prince?" I asked. Mami smiled down at me brushing my curls out of my face, "Well she at first she thought he was handsome, which is not a bad thing but it is not everything. She fell in love with him as she spent more time with him." "What does that mean?" I asked Mama and she brought her hand to her face as she bit her bottom lip, "Well he was incredibly brave, bold. He made her laugh. He was protective and strong. He made her feel comfortable and gave her butterflies," she started tickling my stomach as she said that and we both laughed a little bit, "He was her best friend." She said with a bright smile.
"Is that how you felt about Papa?" Her smile changed almost like it was strained, "No... your Papa and I... are complicated." She took long pauses between each part trying to think about how to best explain it, "Mija I want you to promise me something." I nodded my head, "Promise me that when the time comes you will know who your best friend is and what you both deserve." I nodded my head, "I promise." She wrapped her arm around me, "How about another story?" I nodded my head and she flipped open the book to a new page.
(Olivia POV)
- 7 months later -
Camilo was my best friend. I knew that and I knew that I could ask him anything. Why did this seem so hard then? We were out in our limbo away from the eyes of all of Encanto and I knew that if I asked him he would tell me the truth now. Finally I took a breath and asked, "Camilo what do I look like?" He paused for a minute and I was feeling more nervous about the answer. He then started half thoughts saying, "You-uh... your eyes are so... your hair its..." before giving up and saying, "I don't know if I can tell you." I was suddenly feeling really insecure. I knew that I probably always looked like a mess. I couldn't see my dress or hair to fix anything that might be wrong. I don't know what I was even expecting him to say. I probably look like a disaster.
"Wait," he said and then he took my hand and placed it on his arm, "I shape shifted. Right now I look exactly like you. If you want me to explain any feature more let me know." I nodded my head as I took his hand. I made his way up his arm, my arm, I wasn't sure what the correct one was anymore and made my way to the face. This was nice but, not what I wanted. I wanted to know what he saw when he looked at me, "What do I look like?" He sounded confused, "What do you mean? I thought..." I shook my head, "What do I look like to you?" I felt him change back and smiled at the fact it was him now, "I don't think I can Liv." "Why?" Why couldn't he tell me? Did he not want to hurt my feelings. Did he just not know what to say? Why wasn't he saying it?
I heard him take a breath, "Your eyes are really big and wide. They are a deep emerald green." He was actually doing it. I needed him to tell me more, "What else?" "Your hair," I was getting nervous about this trait, "always seems to fall in big, thick black curls." I nodded my head encouraging him to tell me more. I could feel heat rushing to his cheeks and my heart was pounding in my chest, "Your smile has a certain twinge to it almost like something is preventing you from genuinely smiling." If only he knew I thought to myself. I leaned in closer and I felt my eyes closed, "What else?" I felt the word, "Liv," hit my lips and I knew we were on the same page, "It is ok. I want you to." I felt his arms wrap around my head bringing me in closer as our lips collided. With each movement the kiss deepened and I could feel myself becoming more and more relaxed. When we separated I said, "Thank you." It immediately felt wrong and I laughed at my own ignorance, "I don't really know what I am supposed to say in this situation. I've never done anything like this before." I could hear the happiness in his voice, "Neither have I." "So what do we do now?" I whispered. "Would you like to be my girlfriend?" He asked and I didn't even need to think about it, "Only if you'll be my boyfriend."
