With or Without You

By Erin

(written: July 20–24, 2021)

Note: Title inspired by U2's song, "With or Without You."

Summary: In parallel universes, Kanan and Hera face death.

Shel's Note: This story was written by my teen niece so please be constructive in your criticism.


ONE

Kanan held Hera in his arms as he felt the life drain out of her.

"K'nan," she whispered, reaching up to touch his cheek with a trembling hand.

"I'm here," he soothed, steadying her hand with his own bloodstained one. It was her blood, released from her veins by the smuggler's knife that had been buried in her chest from their quarry's throw. "I've got you," he promised.

"Go," she clenched her eyes shut as she gave a sputtering cough. "Finish…th' mission. You have to…leave me."

"No," he firmly told her. He'd sworn long ago to remain by her side until the end. If that meant the smuggler they were supposed to capture for Vizago snuck back and shot him…at least he wouldn't be forced to continue on without her for the rest of his days.

Hera's hand feebly pushed at him as she tried to get him to leave her. Kanan simply readjusted his grip on her and cupped her cheek with his hand.

He gently wiped away some of the tears trailing down her cheek with his thumb, aware that he was crying as well.

"Go," she whispered again, weaker this time.

He shook his head - if he tried to speak past the lump in his throat, he'd probably start openly sobbing instead. Losing her - knowing there was no hope of saving her - already felt like his soul had been torn in two and, if he left her to die alone, it would shatter whatever was left.

"Hurts," she gasped.

"I know," he choked out. He had to remain steady. Do this last thing to make it easier for her to let go. "It'll be over soon."

Her hand fell from his cheek; she was quickly losing strength.

Their eyes met: hers, emerald green but slightly unfocused; and his own teal ones, betraying the agonizing heartbreak he refused to let loose.

And he made a decision.

"I love you," he told her. "I know you didn't - don't - want to deal with any of that in the middle of this fight, war, whatever it is. But I want you to know before…" Kanan's voice cracked and he swallowed a sob.

Supporting the back of her head with his hand, he pressed his lips to hers. She didn't have the strength to kiss him back, but that didn't matter now.

He continued pressing kiss after gentle kiss to her skin until she let out her last breath.

"I love you," he whispered, burying his face in her neck as he held her body tighter. "I love you, I love you, I love you. I'll always love you, Hera. Always."

Eventually, he returned to the Ghost. Not home; it was Hera who'd been his home. But he needed to bring her back, tell the others…give her a proper burial. There was no point in finishing the mission now; he wouldn't be able to keep it together long enough to catch the smuggler.

Nor did he think he could face the one responsible for Hera's death without reaching out to the Dark Side for help exacting revenge.

And finally, when she was laid to rest on her home planet of Ryloth, it was Zeb who found him that night at the gravesite; Zeb who offered a shoulder to break down on; Zeb who walked him to his room and sat with him for a while, no questions asked; Zeb who kept the whole crew together when it felt like their hearts had been ripped out.

But Zeb wasn't Hera.

He couldn't be.

Because she was gone.


TWO

Hera stroked Kanan's hair, doing her best to soothe him as he slowly died due to a blaster bolt near his heart.

He'd taken that shot for her in the midst of a huge firefight, and now, hidden in the small nook she'd managed to drag him to, he was paying for it.

"It's okay," she told him, her voice shaking, as he grimaced and his hold on her hand slackened a little. "You can let go if you need to." She didn't mean their hands. "It's okay."

She could barely get the words out but forced herself to keep talking anyway. He always said how much he loved her voice so the least she could do was make sure it was the last thing he heard.

"Y' gonna be…alrigh'," he whispered. "'S gonna be okay."

He was in pain but he was still trying to comfort her. He was dying but he was telling her things would be okay.

"Shh, love," she stroked his cheek. He was looking at her but she could tell he wasn't quite seeing her.

They didn't have much time left.

"Kanan," she murmured, "I should've said this so much sooner, but…I love you."

He blinked in confusion, struggling to breathe.

"I mean it," she insisted. "I didn't say it before because…I was afraid, I think. I don't know why." She shook her head as tears leaked out of her eyes. She didn't bother to wipe them away, didn't want to stop holding Kanan for even a moment. "But I love you. And I'm not just saying that out of pity or because…because I'm going to lose you, but because it's true."

She only hoped he'd believe it.

Blinking to clear her eyes, Hera studied his face - his dearly beloved face, she thought as the sharp pain of heartbreak stabbed her chest - and realized he was weakly smiling up at her.

"Love you too," he wheezed.

And then she was kissing him, kissing him as the light faded from his eyes and the breath left his body.

"Kanan," she whispered, and then she said his name again, louder, and then she screamed it. Because it wasn't fair; how could she lose him, how could she have lost him, how could he be gone when she was finally ready to love him the way he deserved?

"Kanan," she whispered again in a small, broken voice.

She pressed her face into his chest and listened for the heartbeat that wasn't there, that would never be there again.

Because he was gone.

THREE

Kanan winced as Hera nestled beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. It seemed like he ached everywhere these days. He'd felt a twinge of pain in his chest just when he'd lain down in bed.

Despite his discomfort, he didn't ask her to move. With the chaos of their visiting grandkids - Jacen's children - and with Ezra and Sabine and Zeb and Kallus here as well, it was rare that they had a moment to just be together.

Still, he enjoyed the peace and happiness now that the war was over and the Empire was gone. At least all the scars and gray hairs and nightmares had been worth something: a galaxy free from the tyrannical rule of the Emperor.

Hera let out a content sigh as she tilted her head up to kiss his cheek. Even though Twi'leks aged differently than humans, she was no longer the same young activist he'd met so many years ago on Gorse.

Then again, he considered, he wasn't the same drifting scoundrel he'd been when he'd first met her either. He was so much more now, all thanks to her.

"I love you," he murmured, curling an arm around her waist and pulling her a little closer.

"I love you more," she replied, as competitive as ever. "And don't even try to argue. You know neither of us has the energy for that."

"Oh?" Kanan let his eyes close. "Caf not cutting it for you anymore?"

"No," Hera tiredly said. "Just been…really tired lately."

He gave a knowing hum. "Worth it, though, to spend time with the kids."

"Mmhmm," she agreed.

He lazily stroked one of her lekku. "'M glad I met you."

She didn't bother to question what he meant and simply nodded, "Me too."

They remained in each other's arms until they both fell asleep.

It was in the early hours of the morning that Ezra felt his bond with Kanan splinter. He reached out with the Force and discovered that he also no longer sensed Hera's bright presence.

He sensed the peace emanating from their room at the other end of the hall but still felt a pang of sadness to know that Kanan and Hera were gone.

Something brushed the edge of his mind - a familiar presence. It shouldn't be possible. But somehow he knew it was Kanan. Kanan, reaching out one last time to teach him one last lesson:

No one is ever really gone.

The End