She was silent too, a look of pure shock, followed by a sudden gaze of suspicion was painted on her face.
'Wow... I'm not even offended at this point, just genuinely intrigued by how they come to the same conclusion after minutes of meeting me. I'm starting to think I'm the weird one... Who am I kidding? I know I'm weird but still there's no reason to treat me like some criminal in the makin--
"excuse me," she said, cutting me off from my musings, her voice barely above a whisper, but clear enough to sound commanding. I took not of the way she spoke, elegant but not superficial, prideful but not arrogant, resounding but not deafening.
She's a lady, a real lady. I thought to myself. I didn't know what that exactly meant, but I knew I liked it. I liked it very much. 'the Hell is wrong with me, I sound like a teenage boy (which I am) in lov--
"what are you doing?" she continued cutting my thought processes for the nth time.
I took my time answering, "um…" I started, "you were reaching for the book...right,?" I added awkwardly, a sheepish grin spreading across my lips.
'Why the hell I'm I acting this coy' Her eyebrows furrowed examining my face, as though trying to solve a difficult equation.
The harsh glare she gave, though not intentionally, was terrifyingly piercing to my soul. She seemed to have caught on that fact. but, I would be lying if i said that I felt anything other than wormth in my heart, I didn't know what I was experiencing, but I knew the moment those eyes looked at me, they perceived, they saw me, they acknowledged my existence, and that all my suffering, my misery, my agony was somehow relieved by a little bit, and filled me with hope and fear, not the oh-I'm-gonna-die fear but the lovecraftian fear, the someone waking up an eldritch god waking up and dooming us all, kind of fear, she was terrifying, but dammit did it send tingeles down my spine, it was the kind of fear I took delight in, the kind I could get addicted too.
Then, after a few seconds, she replied quietly," Yes, thank you."
We stood there staring at one another, neither willing to break eye contact. My cheeks reddened, and I realised I'd been staring at her for longer than I'd intended to. I quickly looked back at the shelf and cleared my throat.
What was I saying again? Ah yes, the 'book' she had reached for. I looked at the book with an apologetic expression on my face, I couldn't help it. I always hated being caught staring. She seemed to realise that and she smiled softly.
"I apologise if that was rude of me," she finally said.
I shook my head vigorously. "No no, it was totally fine! You don't need to apologise!" I exclaimed quickly.
I noticed she hadn't moved from her spot either. She was standing quite close to me. I tried not to show it, but I was definitely enjoying the proximity of our bodies. It was strange how comfortable it made me. I didn't know why.
"Would you be inclined to hand me the book in your hand?" she said quietly, looking at me with a curious expression.
"Oh," I said, quickly handing over the book she was reaching for, the one I was holding.
I held out my left hand, and placed the tome in hers. As she reached up, she brushed her thumb along my hand. A soft and fleeting touch.
My fingers brushed against hers, feeling shivers all over my flesh as though I was stripped naked and thrown to a frozen lake, I gave her the book and proceeded to put my hands deep inside my pockets, hoping desperately that she hadn't noticed my sorry and pitiful reaction. I wanted to hold her hand more but, unlike Icarus, I did not wish for her warmth to burn my wings.
She thanked me and took the book. We both stood there, looking at books and picking up ones to read.
I wanted to ask if this was weird, but then again I wouldn't know because I've never done this before, and we were talking, and it was the most civil interaction I ever had. So I kept quiet.
After a while, she put down the book and sat back down in the chair. "Thank you," she said simply as she picked up the novel she had laid down earlier and began to read. I decided to sit next to her, which is exactly what I did. She glanced at me briefly with raised eyebrows, but then she resumed reading.
This was how my day went on.
There was not much else to say about the situation, nothing of interest happened that day and so I settled down pretending to read a book while watching the beautiful young lady beside me.
After a while, I realised I was gazing into the depths of her eyes, as she continued reading in silence. I was mesmerised.
after a considerable amount of time had passed I decided to stop burning holes through her face and actually read the book in my hands, 'crime and punishmen' a true classic one that I've read over ten times, dosotayevski for all the pain the world seemed hellbent on delivering to him, he did not lay face down and await for his inevitable demise, nor did he drown in self pity and curse and blame his creator, and in my humble opinion he had every right to, no he held on to the hope and he showed in his books clearly, especially his most famous one 'crime and punishment' for he displayed that, no matter how incorrigible and downright disturbing riskolniskov's actions and the way he justifyed them, that he could be redeemed that there was hope for redemption even for the vilest of creatures, even someone like m--
a sudden blow of air interrupted my thoughts, the girl besides me coughed. And then coughed again. I glanced at her and found her rubbing her nose with the back of her wrist, the way she acted like a little kitten was extremely cute.
She opened her mouth, trying to get rid of the itch behind her nose. When she realised that was impossible she closed her mouth. Cute indeed.
I looked away, and turned a page. I heard her exhale loudly and when I glanced back towards her she was now staring at me, I decided that I would the start the conversation for once in my life, quite the monumental moment that was.
"is something bothering you?" I asked quietly. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment before answering, "I suppose it is a matter of degree. Forgive me for being so forward, but I believe I should inquire your name first?" she responded, opening her eyes again.
'Oh fuck.'
Fuckfuckfuck, I thought to myself, I was so engrosed in monologuing about her cuteness that I completely forgot to ask her name. where the hell are my manners!...wait I don't have manners...oh thank god I have nothing to worry about.
"uhm," I stuttered "I'm..I'm Hikigaya, Hikigaya Hachiman..." I introduced myself, trying hard not to let my nervousness show. I was glad that I wasn't sweating.
The girl nodded, looking satisfied at that.
"it's a pleasure to meet you Hikigaya-san, I'm Yukinoshita Yukino" she said, extending a delicate yet strong hand.
why the hell would you go with an American Handshake? are you a fucking normie?! please say sike!, and here I was just starting to like you... I'm gonna pretend I didn't say that, I don't know what's happening to me today, I'm I sick? surely I'm sick, yep definitely sick.
wait I just realized I used the word *sike* damm you internet you f--
I grabbed onto her hand firmly,
She had beautiful skin, smooth and creamy, a bit warm to the touch, slightly calloused. It felt like a slice of heaven,
suddenly I didn't mind American culture slowly creeping into our society, we're not in the middle-ages, we as civilised and intelligent creatures should not take bowing as a national greeting, it was not only unproductive, but also a pain in the back, sometimes literally considering the elderly, truly a handshake was a revolutionary invention, to be able to hold the hand of another human to feel the warmth and tend-- I mean sincerity through such an honest but simple act, we as a civilised are required to adopt such a utopian greeting, it is our duty to uphold it, my duty to hold yukinoshita's hand in mine and--
okay calm down, you got this.
I could definitely make it reality wher-- stop it! control yourself Hachiman! don't go to the dark side!
"It's nice to meet you Yukinoshita..." I said, shaking my head a few times and mentally slapping myself a couple of times afterwards to stop embarrassing myself.
she smiled at me, I returned the gesture, then, we broke the contact with each other and returned to reading our respective books. The atmosphere between us grew slightly lighter; I noticed she had small upwards curve on her face. I really don't understand women.
"Would it be alright if I asked you some questions about these books?" I asked, turning to her, I gestured towards the books on her desk.
She hesitated for a second, before slowly nodding.
So I asked questions, asking her about her favourite authors and what she liked about their work, and soon enough we started discussing different works of literature as well. We exchanged several stories of authors I have known since a young age. Some I recognised, others I didn't and some I had absolutely no idea who they were, but still, I enjoyed it very much listening to her talk about the things she loved to read, I listened to her voice, so melodious and soothing. How much longer will I last until my heart bursts? I wondered, but ignored it. I tried to keep the conversation going by asking her about herself. But it became harder and harder to keep up, the flow of words coming to a halt after she finished giving me brief replies to some of my earlier enquiries. It was almost like the time when I had been speaking about the history of architecture and she had interrupted. She probably knew more than me, but she was doing a great job of keeping a straight face about it. I like to think she might've even enjoyed hearing me talk about these things. And if she was I didn't think too much about it and just kept chatting along.
At the end of it all, when we had finished comparing books and discussing them, the clock struck twelve times and I looked out of the window, I saw a little snowflake, it was snowing, how odd.
And not just any snow, but a large, fluffy, white, feathery kind of snow, it fell from the sky, falling straight down on the city streets. My eyes immediately widened as the flakes started to come down.
I looked over to see her staring at the weather too. Her eyes sparkled at the sight of the snowflakes, and she reached out towards them as they landed softly around her, and smiled to herself.
snow under the snow, how fitting.
she smiled as she watched the snow fall on the ground in front of her.
Her smile made my stomach do flips, I couldn't help but wonder what her smile would look like when she smiled fully, her full lips would be parted slightly in a slight grin showing off her perfect teeth, her eyes would crinkle slightly and her cheeks would turn a light pink colour due to the cold air.
Her eyes moved from the falling snow to me as it hit our table, and she composed herself, trying to hide her enthusiasm, how cute.
"would you be a gentleman and escort me to the bus station?" she inquired politely, with a bit of humour.
"it would be an honour malady."
A small chuckle left her throat. The corners of her mouth turned upwards a fraction, as I rose from my seat , taking my leave with a deep bow, as she stood up from hers and followed suit.
"shall we?"
and we stepped outside.
We made our way to the bus station, walking side by side in comfortable silence. I couldn't take my eyes off the girl as she walked next to me, her footsteps were steady despite how the snow was getting heavier the further away we went. My steps faltered momentarily, and she turned around to look at me, "are you feeling fine? you're walking rather stiffly," she questioned.
I shook my head,
"No.. I'm fine, it'll pass." I replied. A short distance remained till the bus station came into view and I began to slow my pace, I stopped abruptly causing both Yukinoshita's and herself to bump into me. I cursed silently inside my mind at having lost my focus, and turned my body slightly toward her. I smiled sheepishly.
She tilted her head ever so slightly,
"are you sure that you're okay? I was thinking we'd have a ride together on one of the buses," she suggested, glancing down at me and frowning at my awkward position on the ground.
I gave her a weak smile and shook my head.
Yuko stared at me, then averted her gaze,
"Well," she said finally, "I shall take my leave." She bowed slightly and continued walking away in the direction of the bus station, not even sparing me a glance.
I stood there awkwardly staring at her retreating figure before I shook my head and started running after her, calling her name. I stopped in my tracks when I caught up to her.
"I'm I gonna see you next week?" I shouted to her, trying to catch my breath as I ran alongside her.
she stopped walking. She didn't answer me, instead, she turned around and faced me.
"i guess you'll have to find out." she replied with a wry smile.
She walked away, her black hair swaying behind her. I stood there with my hands on my knees, catching my breath, my cheeks hurt from all the smiling, and the stupid butterflies were back in my stomach. this girl, she's gonna be the death of me.
I took a quick glance at my watch; I had 20 minutes before my bus leaves. I decided I needed to walk. I picked up my bag and started walking in the opposite direction.
I walked and walked. I looked at the trees on my way. There was something magical about walking alone on a snowy day. the snow reminded me of her, it was like the world was being transformed into a fairy tale where little snowflakes dressed up and danced around and sang songs about her, while she sat watching them from afar, basking in the pureness of it all.
The snowflakes themselves seemed to reflect the beauty of her personality, they seemed like tiny stars shining from her hair and eyes, and dancing around her with their little flutters. Snowflakes were the ultimate sign of purity, innocence, joy and hope. Everything else seemed superficial and boring in comparison, they were beautiful; they're magic.
Snowflakes weren't real though.
They're nothing more than a bunch of fluffy clouds and wind blowing around them, just like every other cloud and wind blowing around this planet. They don't have feelings or emotions. That is why I shouldn't let myself get too attached to her. Because if I did, things would only be painful for me.
