Never.
Never before had he seen such blank faces, such horrified expressions. It was beyond the point of heartbreaking. It was bone-shattering, so much so that Hiroki wanted to burst into tears himself. But he couldn't- he was shocked to the point of utter disbelief.
They didn't respond. They just stared. Stared at the man who announced the stillbirth of their second son. Meanwhile, the first wailed, not yet held by his papa and daddy. He was forgotten as the nurse quietly asked the new parents if they wanted to hold him. They didn't even look at him. Just stared some more.
The nurse took the first son away in silence, and his screams could be heard down the hall. Shinobu's grip on Hiroki's hand, a strong, powerful hold only moments earlier, simply fell away. Shinobu's head tipped back, his eyes locked sightlessly on the ceiling. When they glazed over and lost the final shred of focus, Hiroki realized he had slipped into unconsciousness.
Miyagi had yet to move. Hiroki doubted he had even taken a breath. And then, he spoke, his voice almost inaudible.
"What?"
Nagasaki, who had simply stood between Shinobu's legs, looking grave, let out a long sigh.
"He's stillborn."
Miyagi staggered to Shinobu's legs, his ebony gaze sliding down to the doctor's hands that still cradled the bundle.
"What a beautiful baby," Miyagi croaked, his lips twitching. "Why isn't he crying…? Maybe he's just quiet."
Hiroki's lips parted as the skin around Miyagi's eyes creased. Nagasaki spoke gently.
"He's stillborn, Miyagi-san. He's de-"
"NO!" Miyagi roared. He swept his arm across a nearby table of instruments, sending them flying into the wall. A jar of tongue depressors shattered against the tile floor. Hiroki put his face in his hands, staring through his fingers. Miyagi whirled around to face the doctor, his teeth gritted and his eyes wild with fury. "HOW DARE YOU JOKE AROUND ABOUT THAT?"
Miyagi grabbed the sleeve of Nagasaki's medical coat.
"You… you can't… make such a serious topic into a joke…" Miyagi wheezed.
"I'm sorry," Nagasaki said softly. Miyagi's hold loosened and he sank to his knees. He gripped the metal bedpost beside him, holding onto it for dear life. He stared expressionlessly at the floor beneath him.
"Nagasaki-san," Hiroki choked. "Please tell me it's not true."
Nagasaki flicked his gaze to Hiroki, his eyes glimmering with sorrow.
"I'm sorry, Kamijou-san. I wish I could say that I was joking."
Hiroki squeezed his eyes shut and ran his hands through his hair.
"I need a phone."
"Hiroki, why won't you talk to me? Hiroki?" Akihiko asked as Hiroki walked purposefully into his apartment, not bothering to take off his shoes.
"Hiro-san!" Nowaki exclaimed with a smile as he swept out of the kitchen with Fuyumi in his arms. "Welcome home! I heard the good news, how did it g-"
"One of them is dead," Hiroki said. The room went absolutely silent. Nowaki's smile faded. A second later, Misaki ran out of the kitchen, Hitomi balanced on his hip.
"What?" Misaki asked, squinting at Hiroki as if he hadn't heard him right.
"The second twin was stillborn," Hiroki rasped. He pinched his lips together and clenched his fists as he looked down at the floor.
"Oh my God," Nowaki whispered. He took a step towards Hiroki. "Hiro-san… that's terrible… is there anything I can do?"
Hiroki glanced up at his fiancé for a brief moment, then flicked his gaze to Misaki.
"Misaki, do you have any duffel bags that I can use?" he asked. Misaki blinked.
"Uh… y-yeah. Hold on," he croaked. He made a strange movement, as if not knowing where he was going, then went to Akihiko to hand Hitomi to him. He stumbled to the staircase and began to slowly climb them.
"Hiro-san, what do you need a duffel bag for?" Nowaki whispered. Hiroki turned back towards him.
"I'm going to stay with them at the hospital. Then I'm going to live with them until they stop grieving."
Nowaki shook his head.
"You… but Fuyumi, she-"
"She has her daddy. She'll be fine."
Nowaki's eyes widened for a second, then narrowed angrily.
"You're just going to abandon your daughter?" he asked quietly in his dangerous voice.
"Of course not," Hiroki said. He spotted Misaki descending the stairs with a black duffel bag in hand. Hiroki went to the bottom of the staircase to receive the bag, then walked towards the guest bedroom. Nowaki followed him.
"Hiro-san! You can't just leave! You're going to Sweden soon, remember?" Nowaki said. Hiroki got to the guest bedroom door and put his hand on the knob.
"I'm not leaving their first son to die because his parents are too shell-shocked to take care of him. I am his godpapa. I was chosen specifically for situations like this," Hiroki said firmly. He opened the bedroom door and slipped inside, Nowaki closely behind. Hiroki knelt beside the luggage bag and began shoving clothes into the duffel bag.
"The grieving process for a stillborn could take two years or even more, Hiro-san!" Nowaki exclaimed. Hiroki looked over his shoulder to see Nowaki placing Fuyumi in her crib.
"As long as it takes."
Nowaki whirled to face Hiroki, his eyes flickering with anger.
"You told me you wanted to spend Fuyumi's first Christmas together with me!" he yelled. Hiroki hauled himself to his feet and turned to face Nowaki, staring defiantly up at him.
"I know what I said! But right now, Miyagi and Shinobu need me!" Hiroki barked back. He and Nowaki glared at each other, and Hiroki saw Misaki tiptoe into the room. He went to the crib, scooped Fuyumi up into his arms, and left once more, silently shutting the door behind him.
"They need you…?" Nowaki murmured lowly. He gazed darkly at his fiancé. "No, Fuyumi needs you. I need you!"
"You. Are. A. Pediatrician, Nowaki!" Hiroki shouted, gesturing to Nowaki as if it was obvious. "You can provide Fuyumi with so much more than I can!"
"She needs her mother! There are some things a pediatrician can't offer, Hiro-san. And that's the maternal bond!"
"She's perfectly healthy!"
"Whose baby is more important to you, Hiro-san? Shinobu's and Miyagi's, or ours?" Nowaki asked furiously.
"Ours, you idiot!"
"Then why are you leaving for their baby?"
"BECAUSE HE NEEDS ME MORE!"
Hiroki yelped as Nowaki rushed forward and grabbed his wrists. His grip was so tight that it forced Hiroki's clenched fists to open, and he clawed at the air in vain.
"You're going to Sweden soon, and I won't see you for months," Nowaki snarled. "A week ago, you cried on my chest because you were so sad. What the fuck happened?"
"Stop being so selfish!" Hiroki raged, thrashing against Nowaki's grasp. "Shinobu and Miyagi just lost their baby! I can't just leave the only baby they have left to rot without their full care!"
"I won't let you go," Nowaki hissed, tightening his grip even more. Hiroki's wrists creaked in protest and he wilted slightly, his mouth stretching open in pain and his eyes squeezing shut. "I'll lock you up. I'll chain you down. I don't care. I want to spend every waking moment with you."
Hiroki's eyes snapped open, and he gritted his teeth in fury.
"Every waking moment? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN I GAVE BIRTH, HUH?"
"I was performing surgery! I had to, Hiro-san! It was something I couldn't avoid!" Nowaki shouted. "You fucking know I wanted to be there for you when you gave birth, but I can't control those situations! They just come up!"
Hiroki glared up at Nowaki, gnashing his teeth.
"Then you should understand why I'm leaving."
Nowaki's grip loosened slightly as his eyes widened and his lips parted.
"No…" he whispered. His angry expression returned. "No! No! I won't allow it!"
"Let go."
"No!"
"Let go!"
"No!"
"LET GO! AKIHIKO! AKIHIKO, HELP!" Hiroki screeched. Nowaki stared at him in horror. Seconds later, Akihiko exploded into the room and grabbed Nowaki's arms. He wrestled him off of Hiroki. Hiroki hurriedly stooped down to shove a few more articles of clothing in his duffel bag. Nowaki thrashed violently against Akihiko's grasp.
"I didn't hit him! I didn't!" Nowaki barked.
"Idiot! Just calm down!" Akihiko growled.
"NO! Please, Hiro-san! No, please!" Nowaki begged between dry sobs as Hiroki gave him one last fleeting glance and rushed out of the room.
