Author's Note: You gotta love that scene in Aliens where the android stabs between the guy's fingers and he just ends by saying, "That wasn't funny, man!" Classic.


Chapter 2

The Birthday Boy

"Cake!" Boomer shouted in eagerness once he saw the pastry sitting out on the table. Once he saw something he could eat right away, he didn't bother with a plate. He just dove face-first into the cake and inhaled most of it into his cheeks, getting frosting in his hair and all over his face.

"What flavor is it, Boomer?" Butch asked him curiously.

"Caramel and chocolate!" Boomer was happy to report, licking his chops clean with a clear sense of relish.

Good enough for Butch and he dug right in too.

"Sweet!" he said pleased, and starting pawing out handfuls of cake for himself, never even taking the time to try to cut himself a piece.

Elmer watched this feeding frenzy like he was witnessing something out of a zoo. He visibly cringed hard, but wisely chose to keep his mouth shut. He also wasn't about to start complaining about not having any cake left for himself. If food was what it took to keep these three savages happy, then he was fine with going a little bit hungry if it meant sparing him from their possible harassment.

"So whaffs wiff Caspher sha frien'ly ghoff over here?" Butch asked with a full mouth anyway in the middle of his sloppy eating, getting slobbery pieces of cake everywhere with some of his words.

Elmer winced at the gross table manners, but he didn't care about the nickname. At least they didn't know enough about him yet to call him a paste-eater or dweeb.

"I dunno." Brick said with a shrug, having been the only one not to immediately start stuffing his face. He looked at the boy boredly before looking at something else that was sharp right next to the cake. He grinned at it. A knife.

Elmer gulped hard and cringed, especially when Brick picked it up.

"Hey Casper, wanna see a trick?" He asked with a manic smile.

"N-N-No!" Elmer said, backing out and wanting to leave.

Brick pulled him back in though, grabbing him by his wrist. He placed that same hand back down on the table, and raised his knife high in a downward grip, making Elmer think of that Alfred Hitchcock movie, Psycho. He thought he was about to be stabbed in the back of his hand, but Brick simply warned him to spread out his fingers lest he chop one of them off by mistake.

Elmer spread them out as far as he could manage, trembling as he did so and praying to whatever god that was up there that he would come out of this with all of his working digits.

"Ready?" Brick asked with a grin. His brothers looked on with wickedness.

"H-Have you ever done this before?" Elmer Sglue asked shakily.

"Nope!" Brick cackled, and then he went right to stabbing.

Elmer squeaked as he began and he could barely stand to look. At first Brick began slow, trying to get himself into a rhythm, stabbing all between the spaces of his fingers, then he gradually picked up his tempo until he was going at blinding speeds. Elmer was genuinely amazed, feeling like he was watching a scene on fast-forward as the stabs came a lot harder, faster, and scarier.

Now he'd really get one of his fingers chopped off for real if Brick chose now to make a mistake. He was even starting to make deep indents into the table they were sitting at. Elmer gulped and felt himself about to pass out, counting mentally in his head as he begged for this to be all over.

Brick finally did begin to slow back down, but then he finally nicked one of Elmer's index fingers on the last stretch of stabs, making Elmer cry out "Ouch!" and pull his hand away to place his bleeding finger in his mouth.

"Whoops!" Brick said with a smile. "Well, I almost had it!"

He didn't seem too apologetic and his brothers only laughed at this, but at least Elmer only came away with a cut, instead of something that he would need the emergency room for. He took his finger out of his mouth and looked at the damage to it, seeing the shredded skin but deciding that it really wasn't too bad. It wouldn't even need stitches. Only a bandage at best.

He hoped that this would be the end of the nearly sociopathic boys tormenting him, but like three sharks smelling (in this case, literal) blood in the water, they were clearly hungry for more.

"So kid, what's with the hat? It your birthday or something?"

"Uh..."

Elmer twiddled his thumbs, unsure of how honest he should be about something like that. It didn't seem like it would hurt to tell them, even with the crass and rude behavior they had shown before, but it wasn't like he could really hide it either. He had a shiny blue ribbon on his chest that flat out said 'Happy Birthday' on it. Not to mention all the balloons on the table and the presents in the background. It was pretty obvious.

Butch swallowed before pointing out, "Yeah, it is! Look at that dumb little badge!"

Elmer self-consciously covered it up, feeling himself blush with embarrassment.

Boomer however seemed much less teasing and said in a congratulatory tone, "Happy birthday, kid!"

Since he sounded genuine enough, Elmer put on a wan smile, replying shyly, "T-Thanks."

"Yeah, we mostly blew up on our first birthday." The blonde went on to share, nodding his head almost fondly. "Quite a celebration, huh guys?"

"Shut up, Boomer." Brick said flatly.

The less that was said about that, the better. Though he was annoyed by his brother's words, Brick went on to smile sinisterly.

"So," he drawled ominously. "How old are you supposed to be today?"

"Uh, s-six?" Elmer said uncertainly, not liking how Brick was looking at him.

"Six years old, huh? So," He suddenly hoisted Elmer into the air by the front of his shirt. His fist was reared back. "How do you want those birthday licks served up?"

Crud! He should've known! "Anywhere but the face!" Elmer replied hastily, powerless to defend himself. As he screwed his eyes shut tightly, waiting for the pain, he could only hope that this boy wasn't cruel enough to try to hit him below the belt, especially where his boy parts were!

"Hm. Well, you are wearing glasses. Tell ya what." Brick suddenly dropped him, right back into his chair. "I'll let ya off with an Indian burn. Six twists. How does that sound?"

Figuring anything that didn't involve him being beaten into a pulp was practically a luxury, Elmer hastily agreed. "Y-Yeah. Yeah, sounds good."

He held out his left arm slowly, all without being asked. This wouldn't be so bad, right?

Well, he thought so, until Brick got a firm grip with both hands and simultaneously crushed and twisted his flimsy little arm like he was wringing out a wet rag.

He forgot; these kids had superpowers. That meant that he could snap Elmer's arm like a twig, and there were a few points where it truly felt like he came close.

"Ah! AUGH!" he howled, practically feeling his bones on the verge of breaking.

"Tada! Your very own personal tattoo!"

Elmer cradled his raw arm in the crook of his other elbow, just thankful that he hadn't actually ended up with any radius or ulna fractures!

"Augh… t-thank you."

His mother decided to come out of her bathroom break right at that moment and her eyes lit up in excitement at what she saw in front of her.

"Elmer!" She said, finding all of this to be a wonderful surprise. "Who are these lovely looking boys? Are these some of your friends?"

"Uh-"

"We sure are!" Boomer told her, smiling up at her with glee.

"Yep!" Butch smiled too, but his carried more of a mischievious air.

"Oh yeah," Brick drawled, pulling Elmer in for a rather "chummy" hug that involved getting the kid into a headlock and driving his knuckles roughly into his curly head. "We and this kid go way back. Stuck like glue the four of us are."

Elmer smiled up weakly at his mother, trying to give her some peace of mind even as he himself was slightly suffering.

"Oh, that is so wonderful, honey! See? What did mommy tell you?" She put her hands on his hips, giving him an 'I-told-you-so' kind of look. "You just had to give it some time for your real friends to show up!"

She didn't want to be a stuffy old adult, so she left the children to their own devices, walking off to catch up on things with some of her own friends that were roughly her own age.

"Okay! You can s-stop now!" Elmer gritted out, once his mother was out of sight and Brick was still giving him that painful noogie with his fist. He began to struggle mightily to get out his headlock.

Brick only smiled at his discomfort and if anything, intensified his efforts. "Nah, I think this is pretty fun!"

Both Boomer and Butch grinned at this with Butch bringing up, "I wonder if ya kick up enough friction if the top of his head will catch on fire!"

Elmer squeaked with horror at this hypothetical possibility while Brick was more than happy to test it out. "I can certainly try!"

"N-No! Please!"