TW: Eating Disorders, Self-Harm (cutting), Minor mentions of blood.
Annabeth hates herself, and she can say that with absolute certainty.
Maybe it's the way her mother designed her brain (just one blimp in the wiring as Athena forgot about her and messed her up) or the way she fucked her own self up, but either way, she can tell you that yes, she does hate herself, and yes, she does cry herself to sleep most nights because they still hadn't found Percy.
(Thalia insisted he would be fine, that it would turn out that he wasn't harmed. Annabeth didn't believe her.)
As she stares at the remaining lettuce of a salad she shouldn't have eaten, shouldn't have added that 200 calorie dressing to something she didn't even know the calories of, she felt... blank. She hardly remembered even grabbing the gods-damned salad, but she did know that she had ate most of the lettuce and all of the chicken. Cheese was in it, too, and that only made it worse, so she turned her focus to the half-written essay infront of her that she needed to turn in by Friday (it was Wednesday, now, 3pm.)
She could smell the strawberries a camper was eating maybe 23 feet away from her, farther down the shore than where she hid beneath the dock. Piper, she remembered, was looking for her, wanting to eat with her because Leo and Jason were busy, but Annabeth just... couldn't. Piper wouldn't judge her, but she would, and she couldn't face that.
Annabeth would have to hang out with her sometime else - soon - so that the daughter of Aphrodite wouldn't get suspicious, but that she could focus on later after finishing her essay.
It's not easy convincing Chiron she isn't hungary for dinner, but she knows if she sits at the dining pavilion she'll be tempted to eat more than the 150 calories she's left with after her idiot self ate lunch.
She's busy, anyway, having at least one other paragraph to add to her essay, and then she needs to train - at least a little - to try and work off the weight she must've gained from the salad.
(There's disappointment in Chiron's eyes as she patiently explains why no, she doesn't need dinner, she had a late lunch).
Annabeth's brushing her teeth when Piper corners her.
It makes sense, she'd been avoiding her for coming on three days, unsure what the girl wanted. Annabeth had just hoped it wouldn't be now, when she was itching to add to the not-even-scars on her uper thighs, only shorts on while she waited for her laundry to get done (three minutes, then she could put on pants, to hide the scars she so desperately needed hiding).
"Annabeth, are you avoiding me?" Piper asked as she poked her head into the room after knocking. She was direct, and normally the child of Athena could handle it, but right now her leg was barely handling her weight, and she just wanted to take a shower and cross out her stomach, too, since she couldn't be good and not eat.
She sighed, breathing out harshly through her nose even as she shook her head. "No, what's up?"
"Are you sure? I've been trying to talk to you since Sunday, I need help with some of the greek-y words Chiron thought I should know."
Of course she doesn't even wan't to ask me how I am, she just wants my stupid brain, Annabeth thought.
Of course, the cruel voice in her mind whispered back, why would she want to talk to you? You're fat, and you can't even go a day without eating. A shame, especially since you won't even exercise properly to get rid of what you eat.
Annabeth could cry, but Piper was in front of her, waiting for a proper response after an appropriate amount of time. "I'm Sorry," I'm always sorry. I'm so, so sorry. "I've just been really busy. I can help you with the words sometime tomorrow, if you still need it then."
Piper nodded, a small smile and a 'thank you' on her lips and then she was turning, heading back out the door to do whatever she did at 7:30 on Wednesdays, and Annabeth was left alone again, trying not to cry as the dryer dinged and Annabeth could finally grab a pair of pants and go take a shower so she could cut in peace with the water as hot as possible.
It was fine. She was fine. Everything was fine.
Hello! I'm back after an unplanned break of writers block, school being unnecessarily stressful, and bad mental health. I'm trying to get back into writing fanfiction (why during state testing, I'll never know) so here's an angsty one-shot I wrote because I ate a salad today.
Love you guys, stay safe! 3
