Nowaki leaned back in his office chair, propping his elbow up against the armrest and holding his mouth in his hand. He stared at his beautiful, precious daughter, who innocently sucked her fingers as Hiroki stood over her and washed her.

He couldn't see his fiancé's face, but he knew Hiroki's body language well enough to know that his face was contorted. Nowaki's grip tightened on the phone ever so slightly, and he felt relieved that his beloved couldn't see his own pain-filled face.

"Um… want me to give the video camera to Miyagi so he can record Eiji and Fuyumi together?"

Nowaki smiled sadly.

"No, it's fine, Hiro-san. You'll be grocery shopping, so it won't be fair if I get to watch them and you don't."

"Okay…"

Nowaki's brow creased, and he shut his eyes.

"Hiro-san…" he trailed off, forcing his voice to sound comforting. His eyes opened as he heard the splashing sound of Hiroki taking Fuyumi out of the sink bath. He looked up just in time to see Fuyumi's little baby butt, and he broke into a huge grin and snorted.

"What is it?" Hiroki asked.

"Nothing… I just saw Fuyumi's cute baby butt," Nowaki chuckled.

"Wha…? Nowaki, you're even a pervert towards babies. That's a felony, you know."

Nowaki tipped his head back and laughed.

"It's perfectly normal to think baby butts are cute, Hiro-san!"

Hiroki laughed- a sweet, ringing laugh, and Nowaki's heart clenched. His smile wavered as he put his hand over his heart and clawed his shirt. He watched his laptop screen intently as Hiroki laid Fuyumi face-down on a dish towel and began gently drying her with a white hand towel. Fuyumi cooed and closed her eyes in content. Nowaki's heart throbbed again and he clenched his jaw.

"Ha, I guess her butt is kinda cute," Hiroki said, patting Fuyumi's bottom and chortling.

"See, what did I tell you?" Nowaki said, willing his voice to remain even. He watched as Hiroki put a fresh diaper on Fuyumi and re-dressed her in a new outfit.

"Okay, well, I'm going to let you go. I need to take a shower and get dressed really fast."

Nowaki frowned and his eyelids lowered.

"Alright. I probably won't be asleep by tonight, so if you want to video chat, I'll be-"

"Nowaki," Hiroki interrupted warningly. Nowaki gritted his teeth and covered his eyes with his free hand as Hiroki said the words he dreaded to hear every time they said goodbye. "I'll talk to you again tomorrow night. Please don't force yourself to stay awake for me. You have work tomorrow."

"Hiro-san… I don't care about work. Please, I really want to-"

"Nowaki…" Hiroki trailed off gently. Nowaki ran his hand through his hair and tangled his fingers in the ebony locks, yanking slightly. "I understand that you want to talk to me. But you need to have plenty of rest. It's the final stretch for you, so you need to work extra hard, okay? Your patience will be rewarded."

"I know…" Nowaki muttered, releasing his hair and looking up.

"I'm going to go now, Nowaki. I love you," Hiroki said quietly. Nowaki trembled, gripping the armrest of his chair as he watched Hiroki pick up the phone.

"I love you too, Hiro-san."

He saw Hiroki's thumb move to hang up, and he jolted.

"Ah! Wait!" he exclaimed. Hiroki's arm froze and his thumb hovered over the hang up button.

"Yes…?"

"Um… I really love you, Hiro-san," he said, his voice quieting down sheepishly. Hiroki was silent. Nowaki watched as Hiroki grabbed the camera and pointed it towards his face. He stooped down so Fuyumi was next to his face.

"I really love you too, Nowaki," Hiroki said gently, smiling serenely as a blush tinted his cheeks red. Nowaki's heart practically split in two. "Me and Fuyumi both love you very, very much."

I miss you so much, Hiro-san. I want to see you right now, Nowaki's mind screamed. He pinched his lips together to hold it back: he couldn't be selfish. Couldn't make Hiroki worry over him. Had to be strong, had to follow through with his plan to protect Hiroki. Had to be a man worthy to be Hiroki's husband and Fuyumi's daddy.

"I love you two very much, too!" Nowaki exclaimed, laughing. Hiroki smiled into the camera.

"Alright. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodbye, Nowaki. Say goodbye, Fuyumi," Hiroki said. He made Fuyumi wave her hand towards the camera with a hand on her elbow. "She says bye-bye."

"Goodbye," Nowaki breathed. Hiroki gave him one last dazzling smile before the live feed from the camera went offline. A second later, Hiroki's beautiful breathing and Fuyumi's adorable cooing on the phone cut out into the dreaded dial tone. Nowaki held the phone up to his ear for a few more seconds, hoping that perhaps Hiroki was just making the dial tone sounds with his mouth and would come back at any moment to-

Nowaki growled at his own stupidity and snapped his phone shut. He held it in his clenched fist, staring blankly at his laptop screen. He shakily leaned forward to set his phone down on his desk. Then, he stood, wobbling on quivering legs. He staggered to a nearby wall and pressed his forehead against it. He stood there for a few moments before gruffly reaching down to unbutton his pants and shove the front of them down. His erection, still rock-hard from seeing Hiroki's bare legs, throbbed in pain. The skin around the organ was rather red, a victim of vigorous masturbating over the past month.

Nowaki shut his strained, shadow-rimmed eyes and furrowed his eyebrows as he gripped his member and began pumping it almost violently. He ignored the pain, and tried to focus on mimicking the feeling of Hiroki's warmth. Every few strokes he'd tighten or loosen his grip to imitate Hiroki's heat clenching around him. He imagined Hiroki's legs, and the heart-shaped birth mark on his left inner thigh.

"Ah," Nowaki grunted, pressing his forehead harder against the wall. He reached up to brace himself with his free arm. "Hiro-san…"

His thoughts strayed to Hiroki's ecstasy-filled face on the last night that they had sex. His chestnut hair haloing around his perspiring face, his russet eyes glittering and half-lidded with desire, his hot, wet little mouth stretching open to let out a high-pitched moan…

"Ugh… oh… mm," Nowaki hissed, gritting his teeth and tipping his head back. He squinted up at the ceiling. "Oh God, Hiro-san…"

The images in his head continued to roll, and he soon thought of their playful contest on that same eventful night…

"If I come first, I'll make love to you again… but if you come first, I'm going to fuck you good and hard," Nowaki said in a low, rumbling voice. He was hovering over Hiroki, on hands and knees, but he was nowhere near Hiroki's face. Instead, his lips were positioned just over the tip of his beloved's weeping, twitching member. He licked his lips hungrily, tempted to devour his delicious dessert at that very second.

"Don't be an idiot. I've seen your face when I give you blow jobs," Hiroki scoffed. Nowaki smirked and lowered his head so he could look at Hiroki's face. His pretty little lips were just under the huge erection that hung before him, and Nowaki's member twitched in approval. Hiroki smirked back at him. "You'll definitely come first."

"Mmm…? No, I think you'll come first."

Hiroki scowled.

"Hey, I'm not the horny brat here. You are!"

"We'll see about that."

Nowaki clamped his lips around Hiroki's erection before he could say anything more, teasingly dipping his tongue into the soaked slit. Hiroki jolted in response.

"H-Hey! That's n-not fair!" Hiroki exclaimed. Nowaki pulled away and wiggled his hips invitingly.

"Then maybe you should get suckin'."

Nowaki grinned as Hiroki shuddered under him. He felt the tentative tongue of his precious fiancé on his swollen member a second later, the shy, heated wetness twirling around the head.

"Mmm," Nowaki hummed, urging Hiroki to quicken his ministrations. He wasn't left waiting as Hiroki reached up to hold Nowaki's hips in place and took his fiancé deeper into his mouth.

That's what I'm talking about, Nowaki thought, darting his tongue across his lips before descending onto Hiroki again. It went well for a few moments, but Nowaki soon noticed that Hiroki was bobbing his head clumsily: too fast to be orgasmic. Nowaki smirked around Hiroki's shaft: he had already won.

Nowaki resurfaced with a slight pop.

"Hiro-san, what's wrong? You seem a little rushed," Nowaki teased. Hiroki released him and glared down his body at Nowaki. His face was flushed with desire, which Nowaki noted with an innocent smile.

"Stop being so cocky, brat!"

"Hiro-san," Nowaki said, his voice lowering. Hiroki's creased brows relaxed slightly as a flicker of nervousness flashed across his russet irises. Nowaki's eyelids lowered and the cobalt gaze darkened. "I'm going to show you how to make an uke scream."

Hiroki let out a cute, inadvertent moan, much to Nowaki's delight. He turned back to his dessert and nipped at the head, dancing his fingertips up and down the shaft. Hiroki gasped and arched his back, his hands traveling down from their place on his fiancé's hips to claw at his thighs.

"Give up, Hiro-san," Nowaki growled before taking Hiroki deep into his mouth. He devoured the pretty pale organ up to the hilt, groaning as he ground it against the roof of his mouth. Hiroki cried out in ecstasy, but didn't surrender as he took Nowaki into his mouth again. He twirled his tongue shakily, but Nowaki was too far ahead. He fell away again and sighed a high-pitched moan. Nowaki did a certain something with his tongue -one of Hiroki's favorites- and he screamed, the erotic sound nearly sending Nowaki rocketing over the edge.

"Nowaki… ah… ahh…" he whimpered when his cries had dwindled. "Wait… let go…"

Nowaki felt Hiroki's member tense up against his tongue.

"Oh God… no… I'm coming… get off… oh! Ohh!" Hiroki let out a long, strangled groan as he came hard into Nowaki's mouth. Nowaki sucked Hiroki dry before finally releasing him. He slipped off of Hiroki and turned around so he was smiling directly at his beloved's flushed face.

"You came first, Hiro-san," Nowaki said suggestively. Hiroki squinted at him, still panting to catch his breath.

"Sh-shut up…" he sighed half-heartedly. Nowaki lowered his head to dot kisses all over his fiancé's face. He looked up again, a naughty smile on his face.

"You know what that means…?"

"Mmm," Hiroki hummed, watching with half-lidded eyes as Nowaki got back on top of him. He reached up to wrap his arms around Nowaki's neck. His legs mimicked his arms, coiling around Nowaki's broad waist and lifting his hips. He craned his neck to brush their lips together before pressing in harder. When he pulled away, he tugged on Nowaki's bottom lip with his teeth.

"Are you ready?" Nowaki purred huskily, reaching below him with one arm to hoist Hiroki's hips up to meet his dripping member. Hiroki's eyes lowered and he craned his neck once more to flick his tongue over Nowaki's earlobe.

"Want me to show you how to make a seme scream?"

"Ugh!" Nowaki choked as his seed splattered up against the wall. He panted and released his rubbed-raw manhood. Watching the semen dripping from his fingers, Nowaki pinched his lips together in sexual frustration. It was nowhere near enough.

He stood like that for a long time before trudging to the bed to retrieve a roll of paper towels underneath it. He went back to the wall he had soiled and wiped it clean of the evidence of his sinful acts. When he resurfaced, all traces of sadness had left his eyes, only to be replaced by an eerie darkness that seared his eyes to black.

He only blinked when there was a knock at the door.

"Nowaki?" asked the muffled voice of Misaki, tearing Nowaki from his thoughts.

"Yes?" he answered flatly.

"Um… I got something for you to eat out here," Misaki said softly. Nowaki glanced down as his stomach rumbled. He was only vaguely aware that he hadn't left the bedroom at all that day, too engrossed in intently watching his computer screen and waiting for his precious Hiro-san.

Nowaki fastened the button of his pants and zipped the zipper before going to the door and slowly opening it. Misaki stood before him with Hitomi balanced on his hip. Nowaki clenched his fists, reminded of Fuyumi's precious little face.

"I just got some takeout. I hope you don't mind," Misaki said with a timid smile.

"It's fine. Thanks," Nowaki said, his voice dull and listless. He stepped around Misaki and trudged into the living room. A second later, Akihiko came in from the balcony, putting his cigarette box back into his pocket.

"Did you find anything out today?" Akihiko asked as Nowaki went to the kitchen table and picked up the box of Chinese takeout that was sitting on it.

"No," Nowaki said quietly, furrowing his eyebrows at his food. He clenched and unclenched his free fist, envisioning several blunt objects that he could easily hold and swing.

"You'll find them," Akihiko encouraged. Nowaki glanced up at him, then looked back down.

"Yeah. I will," he muttered with dark finality. He set down his takeout box and turned to Misaki. He forced himself to smile apologetically. "Sorry, I'm not very hungry after all. I'll pay you back for it. I'm just going to go to bed."

Misaki and Akihiko glanced at each other fearfully as Nowaki left the room and retreated into his current home, the guest bedroom. He shut the door silently behind him, then went to the bed. He didn't even bother to undress as he plopped down onto its plush surface. Snuggling up under the covers with the blankets covering half of his head, he grabbed a nearby pillow and held it tightly against him. He buried its face into its softness and inhaled deeply, but it had long since lost Hiroki's scent. Nowaki tightened his embrace around the pillow, curling around it to mimic the warmth of spooning his beloved.

His unbearable heat that Hiroki had once spoken fondly of or complained about was no longer in existence. It had been so long since Nowaki had felt so separated from Hiroki. Even his trip to America, which had been a full year of not even seeing Hiroki, was nowhere near as bad as the chill he felt now.

Nowaki's face contorted as he uncoiled one arm from the pillow and reached up to grip the wedding ring on its chain necklace as hard as he possibly could. Even though it had been sitting under his shirt on his chest all day, it was as cold as any other hunk of metal.

And no matter how hot Nowaki willed himself to be, his body heat was not returned, and the pillow remained cold.

There was a soft knock.

"Nowaki… are you okay? Do you need anything at all?"

"No… it's okay. I'm absolutely fine."