THE EYES OF GOD
Eventually, the side door to his office opened and in strode a very ornately adorned Eye of God. Very un-Gilead. The High Guardian slid his files to one side, stood and extended his hand. "Welcome to headquarters. We're always in service to Gilead here, and always wanting to cooperate at the highest levels."
The Eye shook the High Guardian's hand, and said, "Yes. As are we." He then turned and stuck out his open hand to me, and while we were shaking he said, "You must be Jeff Jeffreys. I've heard quite a lot about you. Thank you for coming in." He looked back to the High Guardian and added, "Thank you for setting this up. My apologies if my request sounded like usurping your oversight into one of your officers. Indeed, meeting here is a good compromise."
Obviously, something was going on. Equally obviously, I had no idea what it was. The Eye sat in the chair at the side of the High Commander's desk, I remained standing, as per protocol.
The Eye opened, "Let's get to it. Jefferys, are you enjoying your assignment with Commander Blaine?"
I said, "I value the ability to serve Gilead had such a high level, in a Commander's home."
The High Guardian said sharply, "Jefferys, that's not an answer to his question."
The Eye interrupted, "No, that's all right." Turning back he said, "Jefferys, it would be helpful if you would give me more specific answers to what I'm asking."
I looked straight ahead and said, "Certainly sir."
He then added, "It keeps meetings like this shorter. Jefferys, there are only a few returnees from Canada, those lost children of Gilead who have, by God's mercy, made their way back. I don't know if you know this, but you're the only one that I know of who's serving like you are. I know we have none within the Eyes of God."
He continued. "My experience with returnees is that they are very much ideologically committed to Gilead, sometimes hyper-committed. Not that there's a problem with that. But I've also noted that occasionally one or two grow disillusioned with the realities of daily life here."
He leaned down and pulled a file out of his briefcase. He opened it, not showing either me or the High Guardian any of its contents. "Here's one, a returnee now with insurrectionists. The thing about this one, is that we're convinced that the person made that hazardous journey from Canada and away from infidels, with very good intentions."
He paused. "We're convinced that this person only subsequently became associated with subversion. Apparently, he'd had unhelpful expectations as to how Gilead really operated."
I said, "Perhaps I can be helpful, sir. I know what it is to return. I also know that I had to deal with the false and fake news in Canada about Gilead. I grew up with it. I'm the first to acknowledge that coming home was a shock. I was grateful for reeducation. I am equally grateful for being entrusted with a Guardian's responsibilities."
"Yes," The Eye said. "A Guardian's responsibilities. We're going to get to that."
At that, the High Guardian spoke up, "I'm not sure I can consent to what you're proposing."
The Eye said, "It's not without precedent."
What was he proposing? I'd not yet heard anything offered?
The Eye turned back to me, "Jefferys, here's the thing. After this meeting the only way you're going back to the Blaine's is if you consent this. These days," he said looking at the High Guardian, "the officer in question has choices."
The High Guardian added, "Not like in my day."
Once again, risking opening my mouth when I should have kept it shut, I said to The Eye, "Sir, can you please be specific. I need to know what I am assenting to."
It was the High Guardian who responded. "Jefferys, the Eyes of God service wants to second you. It's a temporary secondment into their service. It's been done before, but that was a long time ago."
The Eye added, "We need information about Commander Blaine and his household." By 'his household', that must have been a reference to martha Beth. I mean, who else was there? The two grunts who worked for me? Give me a break!
I said to The Eye, "Sir, my only desire is to serve Gilead. My only caution is that I've never been called to serve in an Eye's capacity. I value training, indeed I've been the beneficiary of it countless times. As a Guardian. I'd be cautious about entering into a situation I'd not been trained for."
The Eye said, "Well, that is certainly your call. But as mentioned, if you decide your calling is elsewhere, I'm afraid that from today on forward you'll be reassigned, most likely to another District."
The High Guardian broke in, "This is exactly what you and I talked about. Knowing what he now knows, how can you trust the veracity of any agreement he might make to serve in this way?" Yes, my ultimate superior said that in my presence.
The Eye responded, "Me, I trust the metrics. Jefferys scores high on the commitment scale, a commitment to Gilead. With returnees it is mostly like that. Jefferys is somewhat unique, he's shown no subversive tendencies, so that one can be crossed off."
The Eye concluded, "Me, I'm confident in any decision he might make."
As long as Blaine's Chancery meeting was not yet over, I would more than likely get back to the vehicle-pool before he was needing transport home. As it was, I was able to get back my message to him. Indeed, 30 minutes later he strode out of the Chancery building and we were headed home, none the wiser.
As it was, I don't remember a time when such a ride had been devoid of conversation, even if just random kibitzing. Knowing the Commander as I did, I couldn't help but think he noticed it too.
I NEED TO TALK
I was lying on my bunk above the garage at the Blaine household, wondering what it was I was supposed to be seeing. Truly, there was very disrespectful language being used - about the faith and potentially about Gilead. But did it really rise to the level of serious sedition? There had been 'goings on' at Jezebels, but that had involved a lot of other Commanders, too.
The Eye of God fellow had suggested I simply report what I was seeing, and leave the interpretation to him. What was I to do if I never found big things, like a cache of weapons or anti-Gilead literature? What if I never found Commander Blaine engaged in adulterous sex? Was I to report the things I have seen at Jezebels, with regard to other Commanders? Half the Chancery would be on the Wall.
Would I draw attention to myself by not seeing anything?
This was impossible. I was not cut out for this. Perhaps in the morning I should just drive over to the Eyes of God headquarters, surrender myself, and take another post in another District. Some other posting could not possibly be as complex as this one. But that would take me in the wrong direction from my selfish search.
What I did was this - I picked up the phone to the house, called the Commander's office. Yes, it was the middle of the night. He picked up as I knew he would and I asked if I could see him. Right now. He said to come right over.
He was already on the far couch when I came in to his study. He said, "Are you sure you don't want a drink, Jefferys?" I assured him I did not. He said, "Well, at least sit." I did. On the couch opposite.
HITTING THE WALL
Ok, everyone seems to know stuff I don't.
I eventually took that drink. With no prompting, Commander Blaine reminded me of what he'd said way back when, about his time when he'd been a Guardian, but had also been recruited into the Eyes of God. Commander Blaine had been the one talked about at the High Guardians Office! Recruited for both Guardian and Eyes services!
Worse, methinks he can read me like a book. I'm ashamed to report this next thing. I cried. Right there in The Commanders' office. I thought the thought I never thought I'd think.
I should have stayed in Canada. I was of Gilead, but Gilead was a foreign country to me. Even while now in its service, I was hard pressed to piece together two sentences about how Gilead actually advanced God's realm. Or promoted fertility. Even though officially the core reason why God had called this righteous culture into existence, 'creatio ex nihilo' was what we repeated at reeducation, was for the fertility crisis - what was Gilead doing? When it came down to it?
I stopped crying. Apologized to The Commander for my tears. Wanted to leave, instead I asked for a top-up of my glass. I was not even a drinker.
"No need, son, no need. I've been to the front, son. I've seen big tough soldiers reduced to calling for their mothers. No need." He reached down and pressed his 'service' button, "I think we should get Beth in here."
Another first. When she arrived, she was not in her martha garb. Night-robe. Ratty hair-net. I thought, "why not."
When she saw that we had whisky tumblers in our hands she said, "Ok, I'm glad I didn't stop to get coffee. You do know it's the middle of the night don't you?"
"It's a bit of a crisis," the Commander said. Please, please, please, sir, don't tell her I'd just been blubbering. When Beth sat, shaking her head as a refusal of Blaine's offer of whisky, she added, "with our wee boy here?"
Blaine said, "Yup. Apparently, he's hit a wall." Another first. The mention of a 'wall' that had not been a reference to some sort of particicution. To be honest, I had no idea what I had hit.
Beth then said to the Commander, "You think he's been approached?"
Blaine said, feigning being oblivious to me being there, "Well, we could ask him."
Beth then turned to me, and asked me in the tone of a mother catching her son's hand in the cookie jar, "Jeff. Have you been asked to spy on us? On this household?"
They seemed to know so much. Meaning that they seemed to know the way things worked, and I didn't. I mean, the way things really worked. Here, in Gilead. I was trapped.
I don't know why I said it, but it was where my mind was. "Can you help me with the Červeňák's? And what is a 'Romani' anyways? What happened to the Jefferys?"
Beth and Blaine looked at each other. Finally, Blaine said, "Jeff, get some sleep. We've got a busy day coming up in a couple of hours. One thing I promise, I'll move heaven and earth to find those answers."
Beth interrupted, "Romani are gypsies. On Gilead's early hit-list with Jehovah Witnesses, Catholics, Baptists, Muslims, gays, Masons…. the wall was littered with them." She paused, "Romani were harder to find than most, they'd had a long history of persecution requiring them to hide in plain-sight wherever they were. The Červeňák's, it seems, were not so hidden."
"My parents were killed?" I asked to no one in particular. I turned to Beth, "Did you know them?"
She said no. "I just knew of them." She then paused. "Here's something for your spy masters. The night of the trafficking? When you were four? You were pointed out to me. They'd called you the 'Romani-boy'. That's all I remember."
Okay, now there was something solid to report. Even if of sedition two decades old. Beth had lied to my face about her innocence regarding my trafficking. Bald faced lied. Beth just confessed to have seen children being taken. And Commander Blaine? He was listening just sipping expensive whisky.
I should have stayed in Canada.
