"Hiro-chan!"

Hiroki looked up and turned around, searching for the source of the voice. He spotted his mother coming towards him out of a group of wedding guests.

"Hey, Mom."

"Oh, sweetie!" Tomoko wailed, throwing her arms around Hiroki's neck and hanging off of him. Hiroki had to stoop down slightly to support her, lifting his champagne glass up and away to avoid spilling on her.

"Mom…"

"Mm…" Tomoko hummed, nuzzling Hiroki's chest. "You look so precious. My baby boy's all grown up!"

"I'm thirty."

"Where's Wacchan? I saw him earlier, but I haven't seen him since the first dance."

"I'm not sure, actually. Akihiko and Miyagi came by earlier to go with him and get some drinks at the bar, but they haven't come back in like a half hour," Hiroki said, glancing around for his idiot husband.

"They probably just-" Tomoko began.

"At this time, the groom and the best men would like the bridegroom and the men of honor to take the dance floor," boomed the voice of the DJ over the speakers. Hiroki looked up from his champagne, confused.

"Did I hear that right?" Hiroki asked, turning to Tomoko, who was also blinking up at the ceiling.

"I think so," Tomoko said slowly. She looked at Hiroki and shrugged. "Maybe it's just a special little dance or something."

"Oh, jeez. Nowaki's such a fuckin' sap. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that it's going to be some slow dance, complete with moonlight and the third profession of eternal love for the night? Cue the sparkly shit. I'd better go amuse him," Hiroki said dryly, waving his hand dismissively.

"Oh, sweetie, don't be mean. Wacchan is trying very hard to make you have the best night ever."

"I know he is," Hiroki said with a sigh. He handed a nearby waiter his empty champagne glass. He turned away from his mother to walk towards the dance floor, but looked over his shoulder just before he left. "But he's already achieved that ten times over. I don't know how much happier I can get."

Hiroki weaved through the crowd, quietly muttering his 'excuse me's and his 'pardon's. As he moved through the mass of people, he suddenly found Misaki and Shinobu materializing at his flanks with equal looks of confusion on their faces.

They finally burst through the crowd to the dance floor, which consisted of a huge circle around the tiled floor set up in front of the DJ booth. In front of them sat three beige folding chairs. It immediately reminded Hiroki of lap dances.

"Well, I'm out of here," Hiroki said in mock-cheer, clapping his hands together and grinning widely. He spun around on his heel, only to find Alrik standing in front of him with an apologetic look on his face.

"I'm sorry, Kamij- uh… Kusama, but Nowaki gave me specific instructions to not let you or Misaki get away," Alrik said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly as he chuckled nervously. He forced all three ukes to sit down on the chairs, Hiroki in the middle and Misaki and Shinobu on either side of him. Misaki and Hiroki immediately turned in their chairs to bark questions at Alrik.

"What about me?" Shinobu asked, looking over his shoulder at Alrik, who blocked them from behind.

"They told me that you wouldn't need to be guarded."

"Why?" Shinobu asked, squinting. As if on cue, deafening screams suddenly filled the room, drowning out everything else. Screams from women. Hiroki, Misaki, and Shinobu whirled around just in time to see the crowd parting on the opposite side of the dance floor to allow the three tall figures through. As they passed, women practically frothed at the mouths with the amount that they were screaming and whistling. The men, meanwhile, simply stared.

"You've gotta be shittin' me," Hiroki groaned, slapping his hands over his face.

"I-I-I-I-I-I-!" Misaki sputtered in disbelief.

"NO FUCKIN' WAY!" Shinobu screamed, launching to his feet.

The three tall figures were none other than the semes. And as they sauntered towards their ukes with smirks on their faces, Misaki and Hiroki slumped in their seats in disbelief. Shinobu, of course, was on the verge of jizzing his pants.

They were lined up from left to right: Akihiko, Nowaki, and Miyagi. Normally, the cocky looks on their faces would have been normal.

…If they hadn't been in full cosplay.

Akihiko was dressed as Prince Charming, his white overcoat crisp, clean, and neat over his black slacks. He had a rapier strapped to his waist with a golden hilt that matched the golden sash crossed over his torso and the gold medal pinned to his chest.

Nowaki was dressed in the same attire he had been wearing earlier, except a tuxedo jacket had been added. The tuxedo jacket was unbuttoned and disheveled, and the cobalt tie was loosened slightly. He looked rugged, disheveled, and wolfish. Just the way Hiroki liked it- but Hiroki was too embarrassed to even look at him.

…Then, there was Miyagi. He, much to Shinobu's delight, was shirtless. He simply wore a pair of faded blue jeans with a black cowboy hat atop his head, the brim pulled down low to shade his eyes. He wore fingerless leather gloves, and had a rolled-up bull whip hooked to his waist. As he walked, the tattoos on his shoulder and back flexed and rolled in time to his muscles.

Hiroki, remembering that he had never asked Miyagi what Shinobu's reaction to the tattoos was, was suddenly sure that Shinobu had creamed himself over them. Shinobu was pointing at Miyagi and making rude gestures at him that told the whole crowd what sexual things Shinobu was going to do to him that night.

And as if things couldn't get any worse, the second the semes stopped on the opposite side of the dance floor, music began blasting over the speakers.

Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine
Candyman, Candyman!
Sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine
Sweet… sugar… Candyman.

"I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES, YŌH!" Shinobu shrieked shrilly, breaking into a furious sprint towards Miyagi, his arms flailing wildly as he went. The crowd went ballistic, cheering for Shinobu as he streaked across the dance floor like a bat out of hell. Miyagi caught Shinobu and spun around once to soak up the excess momentum. They immediately set to work on dancing, earning screams from the audience.

I met him out for dinner on a Friday night
He really got me working up an appetite
He had tattoos up and down his arm
There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm.

Hiroki and Misaki watched in horror as Shinobu and Miyagi broke out into the most fast-paced dirty dancing they had ever seen, practically having sex right on the dance floor. Hiroki was tempted to be afraid for the baby, but he reminded himself that it was Shinobu, and the poor fetus was probably already accustomed to that sort of vulgar behavior.

He's a one stop shop, makes my panties drop!
He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman,
A sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman!
Oooh, yeah!

Shinobu's back was to Miyagi, and Miyagi simply grabbed Shinobu by the front of the hips and ground into him. He lowered his head to devour Shinobu's neck, much to the audience's excitement. Shinobu bent over and rolled his hips against Miyagi's groin in time to the beat, bracing himself with splayed fingers on his popped knees. Miyagi grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, taking him by the bottom and squeezing hard. They made out in the center of the dance floor, tongue and all. And all Shinobu did to hide it was take Miyagi's hat off of his head and use it as a makeshift curtain.

The crowd roared.

Akihiko stepped forward next as the second verse began.

Misaki whimpered.

He took me to the Spider Club on Hollywood and Vine
We drank champagne and we danced all night
We shook the paparazzi for a big surprise
The gossip tonight will be tomorrow's headline.

"No, no, no, NO!" Misaki chanted, frantically scooting away in his chair as Akihiko approached. Akihiko simply stopped in front of his lover, bowed down low, and gave him a dazzling smile.

"May I have this dance?" he asked sweetly. Misaki relaxed ever so slightly.

"I don't think so, Usagi-san, I can't da-"

Without warning, Akihiko's hand shot out, grabbed Misaki by the wrist, and yanked him off the chair and into his arms. Misaki squealed, digging in his heels as he was dragged by force out into the center of the dance floor, where Miyagi and Shinobu had continued to dance in a less… sexual way.

"Get this homo off of me!" Misaki howled, thrashing against Akihiko and reaching out towards Hiroki desperately. "Save me, Kamijou-sensei!"

Hiroki trembled as he gripped the edges of his chair and watched Akihiko dance with Misaki. His dancing was far less vulgar than Miyagi's and Shinobu's but ten times more complicated, his moves consisting of a lot of fast-paced spins and very, very low dips. The audience responded just as enthusiastically as they did with Miyagi and Shinobu, whistles and bellows filling the room.

He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop!
He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman,
A sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman!

As a break in the lyrics started, Nowaki finally crossed the dance floor, heading towards his new husband.

"Oh, no. Absolutely not," Hiroki said, raising his hands in surrender. "Nope."

Nowaki stopped a few feet in front of him and simply outstretched his hand, making no move to grab Hiroki.

"I said no," Hiroki said in a firm voice, crossing his arms and legs to defend himself. He upturned his nose. Several of the audience members shouted 'Aww's and 'Do it!'s.

He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop!
He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman,
A sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman!
Oooh yeah!

"HIRO-CHAN!" a voice suddenly shouted- his mother's. Hiroki's tightly shut eyes snapped open. "GET SOME!"

"Mom!" Hiroki screeched in pure horror, spinning around in his chair to see his mother with her fists clenched in determination. Masanori stood nearby, slapping his forehead in embarrassment.

"Hiro-san."

Hiroki turned back towards Nowaki, who was smirking at him.

"Are you admitting that you can't dance, Hiro-san? Hm?" Nowaki said, his eyes glinting with mischief. Hiroki flushed scarlet.

"Of course I know how to dance!"

"Then why aren't you?"

"Because I don't want to!"

"I think it's because you don't know how."

Any of the crowd who was close enough to hear what Nowaki said started 'Ohhhh!'ing, much to Hiroki's annoyance. Hiroki put his tongue in his cheek and uncrossed his legs.

"Fuckin' brats never learned to not patronize their elders," Hiroki grumbled, slowly hauling himself to his feet. The crowd let out a thunderous roar as Hiroki gave Nowaki a scrutinizing look-over, complete with his hips popped, his hands on his hips, and his lips pursed. Nowaki raised a challenging eyebrow.

"Give me your best shot," Nowaki taunted, beckoning Hiroki towards him. Hiroki rolled his eyes and stepped towards Nowaki briskly. Instead of breaking into dance, however, Hiroki launched himself at Nowaki and latched himself to him. One leg coiled around one of Nowaki's, and his hands grabbed fistfuls of Nowaki's hair and yanked. He shoved his tongue in his husband's mouth, earning a surprised grunt. The crowd went absolutely wild.

Well, by now I'm getting all bothered and hot
When he kissed my mouth it really hit the spot
He had lips like sugarcane
Good things come for boys who wait!

Hiroki wrenched himself away, tugging on Nowaki's bottom lip with his teeth as he broke the kiss. The audience screamed as Hiroki wiggled his eyebrows and smirked.

"That's not dancing, Hiro-san," Nowaki breathed shakily, his hair even more disheveled than usual and his lips blood red.

"So? Grinding and making out is all you brats do nowadays anyway," Hiroki countered.

"Touché."

Nowaki pulled Hiroki in more towards the center of the dance floor, joining the other two couples there.

Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine
Candyman, Candyman!
Sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine
Candyman, Candyman!
Sweet… sugar… Candyman.

Nowaki's version of dancing was somewhere in between: half dirty and half formal. A lot of it consisted of twirling and grinding, with the occasional dip. Sometimes, Nowaki would grab one of Hiroki's hands, throw him out, then bring him back in like a yoyo. That ended with them tightly wrapped together, face to face. Every time, Nowaki's lips would just about capture Hiroki's, only to pull away to twirl him again in a flurry of white and black.

He's a one stop, gotcha hot, making all the panties drop
Sweet… sugar… Candyman
He's a one stop, got me hot, making my -ugh- pop
Sweet… sugar… Candyman
He's a one stop, get it while it's hot, baby don't stop
Sweet… sugar…

He's got those lips like sugarcane!
Good things come for boys who wait!

By then, the rest of the audience had joined the three couples on the dance floor, but Nowaki and Hiroki were still lost in their own world.

He's a one stop shop with a real big -ugh-
He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman
A sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman!
A sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman!
A sweet talkin' sugar coated Candyman!

"Yes!" Hiroki couldn't help but to cry as Nowaki grabbed him by the hips and ground hard against him, his fingers splaying over his bottom and squeezing. Hiroki threw his head back and coiled his leg around Nowaki's hips to increase the friction. Nowaki took the opportunity to make out with his little husband's Adam's apple.

Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman,
Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman!

Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine,
Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine!
Sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine,
Sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine!

Jane lost her grip and down she fell,
Jane lost her grip and down she fell!
Squared herself away as she let out a yell,
Squared herself away and let out a yell!