Notes: For the Femslash February prompt - Vacation
Busman's Holiday
Brianna never talked to her sisters about it, but in the night she could hear the stars sing. Of course, living in a hidden bunker at one of the poles of Telos meant it was pretty much always night.
When she had guard duty at the entrance to their bunker, she'd sit hidden from sight within the entryway, just before the door, and be ignored by whichever sister was stuck on duty with her. The others would sometimes chatter amongst themselves, but Brianna was the youngest and the least among the Handmaidens and her face honored her mother. Who was not their mother. So they had little to say to her and she was quietly glad of it.
The silence gave her leave to listen as the stars sang to her.
She hears the song more strongly coming from Meetra Surik. The Jedi Exile. And while Atris warns her handmaidens against this fraud of a Jedi, Brianna cannot help but be drawn to the song. She asks questions she shouldn't and receives answers that make her long for autonomy beyond her station. She was pledged to service to the Jedi. Atris was the last of the Jedi. And yet...
And yet...
Brianna stows away aboard the Ebon Hawk. If Meetra Surik is truly a Jedi then, technically, Brianna is sworn to her service too. If she is not a Jedi, then Brianna is sworn to destroy that which would threaten the resurgence of the Jedi Order. Either way... someone should go with the Exile, to represent Master Atris.
She tells herself that she isn't going because of her own desires, but to protect her mistress. And, perhaps, if Brianna tells herself the lie enough times she might even start to believe it.
First stop after Telos was Dantooine. Once home to a temple for the Jedi Order, the temple had been destroyed by Darth Malak and nearly all within had perished. The remains had been picked over by looters and the corpses left to rot while the local insect population moved in and thrived, becoming a large and powerful menace to any who sought entry into the once thriving community turned tomb.
Meetra had arrived there with T3 and Brianna, having set Bao-Dur to the task of sussing out the local political situation with Atton while Kreia, the witch, did as she pleased. And, honestly, Brianna was relieved the others were not there to witness the grief on the Exiles face at the sight of the place that was her home.
When they arrived at the doors to the lower levels, pried open without care for the elements that would ravage the inside, Meetra had placed a hand upon the metal... and then her forehead as, quietly, she wept.
It was not the Jedi Code as Brianna was used to hearing from Master Atris that Meetra recited, quietly, as she gathered herself.
Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet the Force.
It's the code recited by children. Younglings. Atris had mentioned it once in answer to Brianna's curiosity. Her words had been disdainful.
"Why that version of the code?" Brianna blurts out as they, finally, head into the destroyed temple. She feels her cheeks blaze with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. It's not for me to question."
"A Jedi encourages questions. Or should, at any rate. How else is a person meant to learn if they cannot first ask?" Meetra smiled softly, full of pain for the memories of the place they find themselves. "That version of the code comes from the oldest translation of the Jedi code into aurebesh. It is simpler than the more accepted modern translation, but it is also truer to the original texts. Much like Atris, before I went to war I studied to become a Jedi Archivist. And the many alternative translations of the original Jedi Code fascinated me. I'd intended to write my thesis work on the subject, but... I found Revan's call to arms persuasive and promised myself I'd finish the work after the war.
"It never came to pass, unfortunately. And somewhere along the way I lost the draft I already had written. So if I ever did decide to try again, I'd be starting over from scratch."
"How is it truer to the original code?" Brianna asked quietly, spinning her vibroblade so that it landed in the thorax of a particularly large laigrek that wandered too close. She yanked her blade out as they passed it by.
"The oldest known version of the code is written in a language that has been dead for over twenty-thousand years. And there are two alternate versions of the code that date back somewhere between five hundred and a thousand years of the first version. It's possible these two versions were already in use at the time of the first version of the code, but records from that era are sketchy at best. The first known code is considered the original code of the Jedi... but I suspect it was the culmination of several precursors based on the writing from the tome it was discovered in." Meetra sounded truly interested in what she was saying and Brianna found herself longing to hear more.
"Since the language it was written in is dead, I have no idea what it would have sounded like. But it was one of many meditations utilized by the Jedi of that time, though it was considered the most important. The passage leading up to it spoke of balance between something called the Ahsla and the Bogan, the light and the dark. I actually attempted to write my own translation of the tome, but I didn't get very far with that either. I do, however, remember my tentative re-translation of the original code."
"I'd like to hear it, if you don't mind," Brianna offered, feeling an odd sort of stillness sweep over her. It was a warrior's stillness, yet not. She longed for something with movement and violence and yet beauty and grace... an upswelling of emotion she didn't yet comprehend.
"First... did Atris ever explain the meaning within the Jedi Code to you?"
Brianna shook her head, slowly. "The Jedi Code was not for Handmaidens. We serve the Jedi, the Jedi serve the Force. That is the way of things and will ensure the Jedi's survival when the time comes."
"But when will the time come?" Meetra asked. She shook her head. "A question for Atris, when I see her again. Anyway, the first line of the code is Emotion, yet peace in the old code, which is generally taught to younglings for the simplicity of the word structure. The modern code has the stricter wording of There is no emotion, there is peace. Which is actually potentially misleading, in my opinion. No living sentient is without emotion. Even droids develop emotions over time, albeit different from what organics experience. Right, T3?"
The little droid chirped a cheerful sounding affirmative.
"Emotions are an unavoidable side effect of being alive. So on first blush, it's easy to mistake the line as being an admonition to purge oneself of emotion. That only in the absence of emotion can there be peace. And yet, if that code is intended to have the same meaning as the old code, then why does the old code deem that peace can exist despite the existence of emotion?"
Brianna frowned. "They contradict each other."
"It does sound that way," Meetra agreed, but her growing smile glowed with warmth. "Some might argue peace is, in and of itself, an emotion. One feels at peace when they experience quiet moments of happiness or joy. So it would be equally accurate to say Within emotion, peace is found. That's not what I went with in my tentative translation, by the way. I feel like I should warn you I was a bit more pretentious then than I am now."
Surrounded by the echoes of death all around her, echoing at Brianna from the very stones... and yet Meetra was a beacon in the dark. Unable to help herself, Brianna laughed.
Before leaving Dantooine, they pick up two new crewmembers. Mical was a former Jedi apprentice who'd once studied at Dantooine's enclave much as Meetra once had. Brianna can't say she's impressed by the obvious Republic spy. But Meetra seems amused by him and he is, ultimately, rather harmless.
Their other new recruit, however, is the one who gives Brianna pause. Visas Marr, apostle of the Sith Lord who hungers to catch and devour the Jedi. She slunk aboard ship and tried to kill Meetra only to pledge her life to Meetra's when the Jedi - and how could someone who glowed with such light be anything but a Jedi? - spared her life.
Brianna is suspicious of this Sith child. It's the one thing she and Atton agree on.
The ship is starting to feel a bit crowded. Brianna hopes they don't pick up anymore new faces on Onderon.
Dxun is wet, muddy, and full of Mandalorians who think their way of fighting is the only honorable way to battle.
Brianna wins their respect, despite being a much derided Echani, by winning in their battle circle. The only one able to best her there is Meetra. It makes Brianna wonder...
She'd never felt interest in her people's rituals for courtship in battle. Until now. And she burns with the shame of it. As a Handmaiden, her dedication should be to protecting Meetra. Not...
Not...
Meetra asks Brianna to travel to Onderon with her and the Mandalorian leader, Canderous of Clan Ordo. She agrees.
Force help her, she agrees.
Iziz is a beautiful city. Too bad Brianna has only eyes for Meetra. Can't appreciate what she doesn't even notice.
"Alright, so the plan for tomorrow is we meet with Mandalore's contact who will set up a meeting with my former Master, Kavar," Meetra recounted as they settled into their room at the spaceport hotel. The Mandalore's short range ship used for visits to the various cities of Onderon was not equipped with any sleeping facilities. It was basically a cockpit with three chairs and a fresher.
It was either sleep in the chairs or find accommodations elsewhere. So elsewhere it was.
"It might take a few days for the meet up with Kavar, so maybe we should think of this as a... vacation." Meetra sighed and lay back, stretching out on her bed. "I wonder if there are any decent massage parlors in the area. I could use help working these knots out of my back."
Brianna told herself it wasn't jealousy at the idea of someone else's hands touching Meetra that made her tense. It was just... a sympathetic reaction to knowing Meetra felt stressed.
"I've never been on vacation," Brianna said quietly. She's not sure that time spent in a place that sings of treachery, deceit, and the oncoming storm of war is a place she can find relaxation anyway.
Meetra rolled on her side and gave Brianna a sad look. "Not even as a child?"
Brianna shrugged. "I was the..." she hesitated and then said, "I was the least of my sisters. And I favored the face of my mother. I was raised by my father and his wife."
"Who was not your mother," Meetra filled in, sitting up slowly.
"She was not." Brianna hadn't understood that when she was very young. As she grew older, though, she came to understand that she was the living proof of her father's indiscretions. The woman who'd raised Brianna forgave her husband for straying.
She did not forgive Brianna for existing.
"I never earned the right for such frivolities as I could not best my sisters in a fight. Not even once. Those who fought well and with honor were gifted with time for themselves. Visits to places of their choosing. My time was better spent on my studies and practice so that I might finally show signs of improvement."
"Well, you've earned some time for frivolities now," Meetra told her. "We're going to have a fun vacation, just the two of us."
That made Brianna's thoughts turn to the katas of courtship again. She tells herself 'no' and pushes those thoughts away even as she flushes at the thought of Meetra meeting her ever parry and thrust.
"Well, I mean... it's not a true vacation since we are here on business. But... consider it a busman's holiday," Meetra rambled on cheerfully.
Brianna side-eyed the Jedi. "Busman's holiday," she echoed dubiously. "I've... never heard that term before."
"Basically, it's when someone goes on holiday but their work manages to find them anyway."
In the morning when they discover Ordo's contact has been arrested for murder, that phrase comes back to Brianna and she mutters under her breath, "busman's holiday indeed."
Iziz does have massage parlors. And, after proving Ghent's innocence they even have time to avail themselves of a full spa treatment.
Massages, Brianna decides, are actually quite nice.
Though not nearly as nice as the view of Meetra stripped down to her underthings during the steam bath treatments. At least there the flush that permeates Brianna's skin can be attributed to the blessedly relaxing heat that sinks into her body.
The city still sings of death to come, but if Brianna focuses on Meetra's light then she hears the promise of reconciliation and rebirth. The song of life after death. And with her focus settled there, it turns out Brianna can enjoy her vacation after all.
