I don't know what that night happened, but Mirabel danced happily and uninhibitedly for hours, enthusiastically hugged everyone one after another, and even kissed Abuela. And I… I couldn't help but goofily smile to see her enjoying herself like that.
"Having a good time, cuñado?"
Agustín's voice startled me and made me want to be swallowed by the earth. Would he have realized how I felt about his daughter? And what was I feeling for his daughter? How could I even be having those thoughts?
"Uh… yeah. Ehe… It is nice to be back and… well, having Casita back too.
"That's right… The Gonzálezs' house was very cozy, but… there is nothing like home."
"True…"
"Bruno…"
Agustín calling me by my first name? He too? As exciting as it had been when Mirabel had done it only a few hours before, I was pretty sure that from his mouth it meant I had just gotten myself into trouble.
"Mirabel…"
Ay, Dios…
"She is more radiant than ever. I had never seen her smile like that. My three daughters are infinitely happier and more natural today than they were a few months ago. Thank you."
"Wha… what?"
Surely that was not what I was expecting.
"Why would you thank me? I did nothing; it was Mirabel the one who…"
"You gave her the courage that we didn't know how to give her."
"Uh, I just…"
"It is clear that she adores you and I can understand it, you know?"
"She wha…?"
"Take care of her, okay? She trusts you."
Oh… So that was it. He knew it; he knew that she trusted me and that my dirty mind loved her in a completely different way. I loved her… I finally had had the courage to admit it, just before sealing those feelings under lock and key. I was her uncle and that, and only that, was what I was going to be to her.
"Count me in, Augustín. I would do anything for that… kid."
"I know. I trust you too."
There was an aching silence between us during which only the overwhelming racket of the party made sure to hide the sob I couldn't hold back. Agustin didn't notice, Mirabel didn't know, and Julieta smiled tenderly at me from the other side of the courtyard, probably thinking that I was moved by her husband's words of gratitude. Once again, my sorrow would be only for myself.
That night, for the first time, I slept in that huge bed that I hadn't asked for.
The next morning, someone knocked rhythmically on my door, pulling me out of the few hours of sleep I had managed to get into the wee hours of the morning when my body, exhausted from keeping up with my mind, succumbed to exhaustion. I bolted out of bed, scared of what might be waiting for me outside, and when I opened the door, there was no one in front of it, but everyone was slowly making their way out of their respective rooms as Mirabel walked happily down the stairs.
"But, what…?"
"Morning, tío Bruno!"
Luisa appeared at my side with a relaxed smile that mystified me even more.
"Goo… Good morning, Luisa."
"It's everything okay, tío? Is something worrying you?"
"Oh, no, yeah, it's just… Did you knock on my door?"
"Oh!, of course! You couldn't know! That was Mirabel. She's been doing it every morning for years. Casita wakes her up and she is in charge of waking up the rest of the family."
"She does?"
"Mirabel is one of those people who have a jolt of energy in the morning. Before, I had been training for hours by the time she called me, but now I'm taking it more calmly and, honestly, I'm surprised to see how she does it without having to force herself."
"Yes… you both are amazing."
"Look, Camilo has finally left his room. We are all ready. You coming down for breakfast, tío?"
"Oh, sure, I'm coming."
"Maybe you should change your pajamas first."
"Right, yeah… I'll be there right away."
Mirabel… She didn't let me sleep at night and she woke me up early in the morning… I needed to find another bed.
"Good morning. Have you slept well?" Mirabel asked as she patted the empty seat next to her between her and Agustín.
My face must have given me away because, when she looked into my eyes, her eyes widened scandalously and she reformulated the question.
"Have you slept at all, Bruno?"
The omission of the word "tío" stirred my guts again and, at the same time, caught the attention of all those present who fixed their gazes on Mirabel in surprise.
"S… something. I've slept."
"Bruno?" Abuela asked unable to get out of her astonishment.
"What?" Mirabel replied filling her mouth. "That's his name."
Abuela didn't say a word, but I could tell from her distrustful expression that she hadn't liked it. Then she sighed, shook her head as if to shake off some ridiculous thought, and began to speak.
"Familia, now that we're all here…"
"I'm sorry," I said feeling bad for making them wait.
Probably, she wasn't talking about the minutes I had been late for breakfast but the ten years of waiting. But, of those years, despite how hard they were, I didn't regret it one bit. I would have done exactly the same thing again that day if it had been necessary; although the parting would have been way more difficult this time. Abuela seemed to need nothing more though, so she just smiled at me and continued.
Her words must have been some nice message of reunion and celebration, but I couldn't hear a single one of them, for the moment I bowed my head after my brief apology, Mirabel's warm hand gave me a comforting and loving squeeze on my thigh under the table, and, what was even more difficult to manage, she left her hand resting there.
I looked at her startled and she gave me a beautiful smile of support, or maybe thankful, I don't know, but I didn't know how to react, so I just swallowed as discreetly as I could and continued looking at Abuela fighting for withdrawing my attention from the fire that went through my pants and from all the collateral sensations that that was causing me.
As much as I craved that touch, I had to run from it.
"La familia Madrigal!" everyone chorused as Mirabel gave me one more squeeze and finally removed her hand from my leg.
"Bruno."
"Mamá! Yes! I'm sorry, I…!"
"Uh… Bruno, cariño. I think it would be good for you to spend the day today touring the Encanto and observing the daily tasks of the people in town. That way, perhaps you will find something in which you can collaborate."
"Ah… okay."
So that was it. Phew…
"I will lead you!" Mirabel exclaimed vigorously standing up next to me.
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That won't be necessary. I can go by myself. You... you can go about your business without worrying about me."
"No worries. Anyway, I have to go there. And I know everyone by heart; I'm sure I'll be of help."
Shit. After everything the poor thing had been through, how could I put distance between us without making her feel rejected again? I wanted her to know that she wasn't useless, but I… I couldn't let her stay by my side all day. I couldn't deal with that tension that invaded me next to her; I didn't want to cause an accident.
"It seems like an excellent idea," Abuela said nodding as she smiled lovingly at her granddaughter.
"No! Mamá, Mirabel is too necessary for her to waste the whole day with me. I will manage alone. I'm already grandecito."
Apparently, playing offended was effective. They both shared an awkward look and a pitying grimace, and Abuela gingerly took my hand.
"It's okay, hijo, do it your way. I trust you."
I didn't know guilt could hurt so much. The rough, plump feel of my mother's hands was something I had long forgotten. By the time I got it back that day in the river, it had been so much more than ten years since the last time. It was lost with the trust and the support that I lacked for so long; it was lost with the shame I made her feel. But, now… now that her love had returned unconditionally, my heart was putting the worst possible obstacle on it. She trusted me, Agustín and Julieta trusted me, Mirabel trusted me, and I… I was in love with her fifteen-year-old granddaughter and daughter. Perfect.
"Thank you, mamá," I vaguely answered.
"See you this evening?" Abuela asked with a hint of fear in her eyes.
She trusted me, but every time she saw me go, it was obvious how her heart sank as if I was going to disappear again. I guess that was to be expected.
I nodded and retreated to my room to get ready under Mirabel's pained gaze.
It had been many long, hard years of desolation, but at times like that, I missed my hole in the wall.
