A/N: Should I apologize at the beginning of each chapter, probably, but would a small explanation suffice for the rest of the chapters, of course :) Life happens. I haven't forgotten. If anyone has Tumblr just know it's the fastest way to reach me about anything (it'd give me a push to finish sooner). It used to be "Wetwithemotions" but I changed it to animepetals (look for a sailor neptune avatar)
This chapter contains M rated stuff but also a lot of psychological stuff I went through personally. I really wanted to release this during mental health awareness month because I wanted to try and emphasize how real things like anxiety attacks, PTSD etc are. I unfortunately had a lot of these growing up and my partner has caught me in a similar situation (you gotta read to know) where he had to basically hold me til I calmed down. When people go through attacks they tend to "black out" and sometimes it's hard to get out of without the right help or support. Dealing with your mind alone is a really scary thing!
Anyways, rant over. I turn 21 next Sunday and I am super excited so if you guys don't get an update until the first week of June just know I am drunk somewhere and living it up (maybe).
The sky filled with red hues as the falling sun vanished behind the hills. The wind whispering beneath the tree leaves were the only thing to be heard. They sat close to each other, not talking, not touching, Temari looked over the lake in silence while Shikamaru kept his eyes closed. That silence was so loud, so endearing. Being in his presence made her feel stronger, more fearless- yet she wondered why she felt it now and not while she was with Hidan.
Temari let out a sigh and a sarcastic laugh.
"I couldn't do it." She shook her head. "I couldn't fend for myself. All my training was for nothing."
The wind picked up the more she spoke. It was almost if the wind was her mind and her mind was projecting mixed emotions the way it whispered. Shikamaru kept his eyes closed raising an eyebrow.
Temari clasped her hands together and stretched. "I don't deserve to be a jōnin."
She placed her palm over the grass and picked up a stone skipping it into the lake before getting up.
Shikamaru grunted and let out a small chuckle. "Are you done?"
"I'm ready to go home." She bit her lip hard, her heart was full of angst.
"I don't think you realize how much of an impact your absence has had on me. Troublesome."
Temari crouched behind him wrapping her arms around his shoulders laying her head in the nape of his neck.
"Would you have looked for me if nobody had told you?" She hummed in his ear.
"So the cruelest kunoichi does need saving huh?"
She responded quickly with a slight choke to his neck.
"Hey! Relax. I mean I guess if I didn't hear from you for awhile, I would have found out somehow. You know your brothers have it out for me." He opened his eyes just to roll them and catch a side view of her gaze.
"Hm. Just Kankuro, Gaara doesn't really know about romantic relationships like that yet. I don't think he understands what they entail." She snickered and placed her lips on his nape.
"Kankuro doesn't hate you. But we've also only ever had each other and Gaara. We never really made friends like that growing up so my brothers are essentially my best friends. I think he's just upset you've been taking most of my time lately."
"Troublesome childhood for a troublesome woman. Your whole family is-"
"Is what?" He could feel her tensing up behind him.
He inhaled, and before even getting the chance to speak Temari tackled him to the ground. They tossed around for a bit in the grass until Shikamaru managed to gain control and pin her down.
"I hate you" she grinned up at him. Strands of his hair started to fall from his pony tail and he let out a sly smirk.
"You love me."
"But do you love me?"
He collapsed on top of her burying his head in her breasts til he was comfortable shutting his eyes once again. She responded by running her hands through his hair.
"I'm going to make him regret the day he turned immortal."
As the darkness spilled over the sunset, Shikamaru led Temari back to his place. The two kept distance between one another as they walked back not saying much.
By the time they arrived, was pitch black outside with nothing but the glowing moon to be seen.
Temari plopped on his couch letting her arms swing from the side. Her eyes shut dramatically and she let out a huff.
"Are you hungry?"
"For you" she smirked.
Temari's eyes grew sleepy.
He began to talk to her about his new shogi strategies and what he thinks is going to end up happening with the akatsuki. His words were very articulate but also very long and boring.
The more he talked the more tired she grew.
Shikamaru's back was facing her as he dug through the kitchen.
"I have leftover dumplings in the fridge, some rice in the pot or I can steam some vegetables for you if you want."
Not getting a response, he moved onto the pantry. "What a drag, you came back picky a picky eater."
There was a faint hum signaling him to turn around only to see her asleep.
"Am I really this boring?" He turned back around to put everything away. Once turning back around she was gone.
"Temari?" He instantly noticed that his bedroom door was opened and followed suit.
She stood by the window. Her kimono was to her ankles revealing her bare body glowing under the moonlight.
Her eyes were sore and dry, she was choking on the words she wanted to say.
"I don't see the abuse… but it's still there." She shivered.
"Temari, move from the window before someone sees you." He tried to pick up her kimono only for her to step on it.
"I feel so... useless?"
"Temari stop it, you know useless girls come from Konoha."
Shikamaru was waiting for her to laugh but got crickets instead. He scratched the back of his neck confused as if he should feel aroused or concerned.
"I need you to-" her eyes were fixated on the land outside the window. She clenched her fists.
"Well, what do you need me to do, Tem? Don't leave me hanging."
Temari turned her head slightly to face his. What she was experiencing was more than just paranoia, anxiety, whatever you want to call it. It was lustful PTSD. The kind you remember but are disgusted by. She hated the way Hidan's body felt on hers. His coarse hands covered in her own crusted blood, sometimes the previous victim's. The way he licked her neck and bit on her. She hated everything about him and she was conflicted because he never let her walk away injured. It was as if the injuries were there as a warning so she wouldn't leave. He healed her every time because he wanted her in his presence, he wanted her to be with him and follow Jashin.
And as crazy as everything already was, at one point she believed someone truly wanted her despite the abuse.
"I want you."
Temari shook her head vigorously gripping her chest and began to shriek with wet eyes.
"Get him off of me!"
Shikamaru quickly grabbed her from behind as her face turned red and her body began to shake. Here pupils were big and focused. If she hadn't gone through torment you could have easily thought she was possessed.
He reflected on how his dad talked to him when he cried about Asuma's death and hoped his words would help her in this situation too. There was too much hurt going around and he couldn't bear to see anyone else he cared about go down the rabbit hole.
"I-I'm proud of you" He squeezed.
Temari gritted her teeth now humming with her anxiety.
"Let it out, let out all the sadness, hate and fear that's building up inside of you"
Temari struggled from his grip trying to pull herself away. "I'M WEAK! I don't deserve to be called a jōnin!" Her heart was racing a million miles per hour.
"I let them down! I let my mother down!"
The only thing he could think to do was keep talking to her. He was hurting with her but couldn't imagine how she truly felt.
"He can't hurt you anymore. I won't let him hurt you anymore. Let it all out. The first step is letting it all out."
Temari burst out sobbing allowing her body to go limp into his arms. He hoisted her up bridal style, and sat on the bed cradling her.
"Don't let anyone tell you what you are and aren't. You're strong and don't have to prove yourself to anybody. Hidan can't hurt you anymore, I put that on my life."
She closed her eyes allowing her heart beat to slow down. Even the toughest of kunoichi fought their own demons and could only take so much.
The night carried on as Temari fell asleep in Shikamaru's arms. He watched her sleep to make sure she was alright rather than joining her.
Shikamaru heard a thud outside of the window quickly summoning his shadow possession jutsu.
"Hey dumbass, it's just me calm down!" Ino shouted gripping onto a tree branch outside of his window.
Shikamaru, now annoyed motioned Ino to quiet down as he pointed to the sleeping kunoichi.
Ino quickly took notice, got down from the tree and went straight to his door instead.
He moved his body upward to try and have her lay down on the bed alone, but she was gripping him tight and grunting in her sleep.
"I'll be right back." He whispered and kissed her temple.
"Ino what are you doing here?"
She wore sweats and a hoodie and had looked like she had been out for a while.
"I've been looking for you both all day. When she said she was going for a walk I figured you two would be in the same place."
Ino looked down at her feet and frowned.
"What is it now?"
"Don't let her stay in Konoha past tomorrow afternoon. There's word that Hidan was seen heading this way, and he's not happy."
Shikamaru balled a fist and cursed.
"I'll kill him."
"How would you even do something like that to an immortal?"
"If I can figure out a way to attack without him being able to perform his ritual after, I'd say I have a pretty good chance."
"Just tell me in the morning the details. Get her out of here as soon as you can." Ino let out a small wave.
"She can defend herself you know."
She cocked her head back. "You don't want to risk anything, he's crazy. Just please get her out of here. He can probably sense her or some shit I don't know. Do this for her."
"And what if she doesn't want to leave?"
"Hide her."
When Shikamaru came back to his room, Temari was awake waiting for him at the edge of the bed.
"Uh, did you hear all of that?" He said shyly.
"I did. I was hoping we would get to spend some more time together though."
"I can take you back tomorrow if you want instead of sending you off."
"I don't think that'd be a good idea. I'll be okay."
They both stared at each other with mixed emotions.
"I want you." She got up letting the bed sheets fall from her bare body standing inches away from his face.
"Please."
Her breasts were perky. The moonlight glazed over every curve leaving a shadow on the side of her face.
"I-I-uh"
"Oh. I get it." She grabbed her shoulder and looked away.
"Sorry."
A small part in his brain panicked. "N-no! It's not that I don't want to... are you sure?" He was concerned about how fast she was going considering everything she just went through.
"Please." She put her arms behind her and got on her knees.
"Don't be gentle"
Nervous but willing, he dropped his sweats revealing the bulge in his boxers. She placed both hands over it caressing gently before pulling them down. His erection was rushing with veins popping out.
Without question, she started stroking his dick with her tongue before fully sucking on it. Her hair was now out of all its pony tails giving him the advantage of pulling her hair. The longer she sucked the faster she got.
Her moans grew loud and just when he was about to bust he pulled out and threw her on the bed.
"Not yet."
Shikamaru placed her on all fours pushing her back down into an arch before entering her. His cock dripped with her fluids as he pushed into her. Temari's eyes rolled back as she screamed his name. He had one hand gripping her ass and the other pulling on her hair.
After several minutes of hitting it from the back, he pulled out and positioned her on her back shoving one of her breasts into her mouth pinching the other with his index and thumb.
"Do you like me?" She said at random. He let out a muffled laugh as he sucked on her pink nipple.
"No, I hate you."
"I knew it." She pushed his head away only for him to bite harder.
"Yes woman I love you sheesh."
"I said like." She smirked.
"Shut up."
"Make me crybaby"
He then grabbed her face kissing her hard. As they wrestled tongues, Shikamaru pushed his dick back inside her once more catching her moans in his mouth.
"More" she whimpered.
Temari dug her nails deep into his back the more he thrusted himself into her. The room grew hot with the windows steaming up.
"Ngh" her thighs gripped tight around his abdomen as she came all over his dick.
He followed soon after pulling his out cumming all over her breasts.
"Good because I was getting tired." He wiped the sweat off his forehead and laughed.
"I need a towel."
