Loud gasping, piercing cries escaped her as she sat huddled in the corner of the loft of the Cuthbert's caliginous barn, in the spot, that she had learned from Matthew, was a very good spot to be in when she wanted to be alone with her thoughts, and cry her eyes out. Her shoulders shook heavily, and she didn't even bother to try to wipe away the tears that were rolling steadily down her freckled cheeks, and wetting her knees that were covered by the skirt of her dress, that she had pulled up to her face, with her arms wrapped tightly around them. Her two long red braids were coming undone, and stray locks of hair were sticking to her face because of her tears.

How dare he. How dare he approach her at the bonfire that night at the ruins, while she was drunk and couldn't even manage to utter a complete comprehensible sentence, and then proceed to tell her that she was somehow holding him back from following his dreams; marrying the most beautiful girl--no, woman in existence, the chance to attend the Sorbonne; the most wonderful medical school that he could ever dream of, and a life in Paris. Why would he say that she was the only thing that was holding him back? At first, his words had confused her. The morning after the ruins, when her head was clearer, and she was replaying those moments in her mind, she had even thought that it was possibly a confession. A confession of feelings. Now, she laughed bitterly to herself.

It was all too obvious now: all he wanted was her advice and direction on what to do. Why he was questioning whether he was making the right decision or not, now that he had just been given permission to propose, and all of his dreams were being offered to him on a silver platter, she had no clue. How dare he come to her, and give her false hopes, when he was simply looking for a ready-made answer to solve his problems? Whatever his problems may be...

How could she have been so blind? So stupid? Another wrecking sob escaped her. She had written him a letter, a letter that she bore her very heart in, she told him that she loved him, and several days later, he still hadn't even acknowledged it. When Marilla had told her the day before, when her and Matthew had returned home from their attempt to bring Ka'kwet home, that Diana had brought the heartrending news that Gilbert was going to propose to Winifred, Anne knew then. She knew that she had made a complete fool of herself, and she knew that she had completely misinterpreted Gilbert's actions.

She was heartbroken to say the least. She had thought that the dance practice had meant... something, that surely he had felt the same spark, and that night after the protest as they sat together on Ms. Stacey's porch, they had just seemed to connect somehow, and his eyes seemed to be shining with admiration, and possibly something more. She thought that had to have meant something. Now she realized that the only thing it meant was that she was a fool. A complete, utter, fool.

Anne looked up when she heard the barn door open, and footsteps rustle the hay that covered the floor. She heard the creak of the wooden ladder as someone climbed up onto the loft. Wiping away hot tears, and blinking several times to clear up her eyes, she looked up to see the kind face of Matthew. He gave her a small sympathetic smile, and grunted as he lowered himself onto the ground to sit beside her.

"I see... you're uh, putting this spot, into use again."

Anne merely sniffled in response, and a hiccup escaped her. She wiped once more at her eyes, that were now red and puffy from crying.

"Oh, Matthew... my heart is shattered, and it's all my fault." She said thickly. "I tricked myself into seeing something that wasn't there, no matter how much I wanted it to be. Gilbert is going to marry the girl-- woman, of his dreams, and that girl is not me, and he's going to attend the Sorbonne, become a wonderful doctor, change the world through medicine... he'll get to live out a marvelous life in Paris, the city of romance..." Her voice trailed off for a moment, and she curled into Matthew's side, and wrapped an arm around his chest. "I want to hate him for breaking my heart, but I can't bring myself to. I'm happy that he is going to be happy, although... selfishly, I want him to be happy w-with me. I... I love him." Her voice broke, and she collapsed onto Matthew's chest. He pulled her closer, and stroked his hand over her back soothingly, as shaking sobs overtook her.

"I love him, Matthew. I love him."

"I know, child... I know. I'm so sorry." He continued rubbing her back. "It'll be alright."

"How, can it possibly be alright?" Her voice shook, now containing sparks of anger and frustration as she spoke face down into Matthew's chest. "Nothing is alright! You should just leave me up here to die alone, of a broken heart! I was a fool to think that anyone could ever love me like that. Who could ever love plain, freckled, red headed Anne Shirley-Cuthbert?" She sat up, tears once again streaming down her face, and huffing agitatedly.

"We love you, Anne. Marilla and I, y-you know we do."

"That is true, and I will forever be grateful, but I mean that no one will ever love me romantically. I shall die an old maid, while Gilbert goes along and marries... her."

"Just because... Gilbert, may be marrying someone else, doesn't mean that... you'll never find... love." Matthew said softly. "I think... that he is the fool.. for givin' you up."

"No, he isn't," Anne croaked. "Winifred is beautiful. She will make the most lovely bride. She has supportive parents, who are simply thrilled that she is going to be marrying a future doctor, and..." Her voice broke again.


3 years later *

The snow fell steadily as Anne made her way to the Blythe-Lacroix home. Everywhere she looked she saw nothing but white. The branches of the surrounding trees were blanketed with snow, and all of the land in sight seemed to be a winter wonderland. Her boots sank into over three inches of snow, and she struggled to keep her long skirt in hand as she tried to avoid getting it damp. The icy winter wind nipped at her nose, and she could see her breath. She soon reached the front porch of the house and stomped the snow from her boots. She was there to watch three year old Dellie while Bash, Hazel, and Elijah went to Carmody to get some Christmas shopping done.

When she knocked on the door and it was Gilbert Blythe who answered, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Gilbert hadn't been in Avonlea for several years, after proposing to, and marrying Winifred, they had then moved to Paris where he was attending the Sorbonne and living in the flat that the Rose family owned.

"Anne."

She hadn't seen him since the day the students of Avonlea had received their collage entrance exam test scores. She didn't want to approach him that day, because she didn't think that her heart could bear any further pain. Just looking at him, talking and laughing blithely with the others, brought hot stinging tears to her eyes, and a knot in her throat.

When they had learned that they had tied for first place, and he had approached her, offering his congratulations and smiling at her as if he had no knowledge whatsoever that he had broken her heart, Anne had no choice but to blink back her tears, and put on a brave face. She accepted his congratulations, and offered him her own. That was the last time that she saw him.

After she left for Queens, and came home for Christmas a few months after, the Cuthbert's had invited the Lacroix family over, and Bash had mentioned that Gilbert had been writing from Paris, and wanted him to wish them all a merry Christmas from him. Anne had smiled then, the pain had lessened in those months away at Queens. She had her studies to keep her busy, and her and the girls were constantly going on little adventure around Charlottetown: going to different boutiques and shops, and Anne had even discovered a wonderful little bookshop that she would spend many hours in, browsing at books and constantly buying more.

But seeing him again, now in front of her, and being the last person in the world that she was expecting to open that door, she felt her eyes widen, and she took a sharp breath, taking a step back.

"G-Gilbert! W-What brings you back to Avonlea? I mean, how are you? And W-Winifred?" Her voice was high, and she blinked several times.

Gilbert smiled at her. "Fine. We're both fine. We decided to surprise Bash and everyone with a visit for Christmas. Bash has been after us for years to come and visit, but until now I wasn't able to get away from school." He looked her up and down, a faint smile still on his face. "Oh, I'm sorry, come in. It's freezing out here."

Anne froze. Even though it had been years since he had broken her heart, and she had accepted the fact that her love had been unrequited, and that she would move on, the thought of being alone with him and Winifred still made her rather uncomfortable.

"Oh, no need! Bash had asked me to come over and watch Dellie, but if you and Winifred are visiting, I'm sure that it won't be necessary for me to stay. Unless, you both were planning on going with them too...?"

"Actually... it'd be nice to visit with you for a little while, and catch up. ...If you want? Winifred and I are tired from the journey, and were going to stay behind anyway."

Anne's voice caught in her throat. "Th-That would be really nice." She managed to say. She groaned internally, and hoped that it wouldn't be as awkward as she already knew it would be. But she couldn't refuse him, she saw how genuinely happy he was to see her, and admittedly, she had missed him too.

Gilbert nodded happily, and opened the door wider for her to step in. The warmth of the house greeted her and she breathed in deeply, allowing herself to warm up. Gilbert took her coat and hat, and hung them by the door for her. He then wrapped her into a tight hug. "It's really good to see you Anne." He said softly. She smiled, and hugged him back, telling him the same.

Gilbert then ushered her into the parlor. Winifred was sitting on the sofa, with a book in hand, but instantly looked up with a smile as they stepped in. She was dressed in an elegant cream dress, with lace at the collar and sleeves. She had a few of her lovely golden curls framing her face, while the rest were piled into an updo at the top of her head.

"Hello, Anne." She greeted. "How nice to see you again."

"Hello. It's very nice to see you again too! Surprising, to say the least, but I'm very happy to see the both of you." Anne turned around to smile at Gilbert, as he entered the room behind her, and went to sit beside his wife.

Anne took a seat on a chair near the crackling fireplace, and warmed her hands in front of it, still slightly numb from the cold.

"Has Bash, Hazel, and Elijah already left?" She asked. "It's much more quiet than usual. Usually Bash or Elijah would be chasing Dellie around the house playing tag, and Hazel would be after all of them, scolding."

They all chuckled. "Yes, they've gone," Replied Gilbert. "It took some persuading to get them to go, after the shock of us arriving this morning, but we didn't want to disrupt their plans, and we told them we were wanting to rest anyway. And Dellie is taking her nap right now, so that's what explains the quiet." Suddenly he stood, and looked at both Anne and Winifred. "Oh, I'm sorry! Can I get anyone some tea? Anne, I'm sure you're still freezing, and Winnie, is your stomach still bothering you? I think I saw some mint teabags in the kitchen."

"Yes please, Gilbert, if you don't mind." Winifred said, a grateful smile on her face. "Anne?" She asked.

"Please." Anne nodded. "Thank you, Gilbert."

Gilbert nodded, and left the room. As her husband's footsteps grew fainter down the hallway, Winifred turned to Anne expectantly. "So tell me Anne, how is your family? I found them quite charming when I last met them."

Anne smiled, touched that she cared about the welfare of her family. "They're doing well. Matthew's heart was bothering him again last year, but after some bed rest and lessening of his work a bit, he is doing very well."

"I'm glad to hear that." Winifred said kindly.

This isn't as awkward as I was expecting, Anne thought, and felt herself relax. Things of the past may not be the happiest of memories, but she knew that she had gained the ability long ago to move on, and her life no longer felt as hopeless and broken as it once did.

Gilbert soon returned carrying a tray with cups of tea, and offered a cup to Anne with a gentle smile. He then set the tray on a small table by the sofa, and gave one to Winifred, kissing her temple as he did so. He then took the last cup for himself, and settled back onto the sofa.

Anne watched the two of them softly murmuring to each other, and smiling. She could see how much they loved each other. She was happy that Gilbert had found love. Truly she was. A small part of her only wondered how much different it would have been, if he had found that love with her.