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Here's yet another warning about language and mentions of violence.

(Sodapop's POV)

I woke up in the middle of the night shaking, sweating, and gasping for air. My heart was pounding, and all I could do to try to slow it down was remind myself I was finally home, safe.

Whenever a nightmare woke me up, it would take little while to calm down and realize where I was. Steve had told me that while we were captured, he would get me to crawl out of a nightmare and calm down in the middle of the night, but I wouldn't remember it the next morning. While we were in the hospital, things seemed better at times, but there was so much going on, I think my exhaustion led me to collapse into unconsciousness rather than fall asleep.

The doctors in Vietnam gave Steve and me some medication to help us with the pain and to sleep, and while the pain relief medicine worked well, I refused to take the sleep medicine after the first couple days. I constantly had nightmares that I would wake up from, but the sleep medication made it so I couldn't wake up from them easily. Instead, I would be forced to deal with the nightmares until the medicine wore off or I could break through the haze. The sleep medication seemed to work for Steve, but I only took it a couple times before I decided I'd rather not sleep than continue to be tortured by my own mind.

After I settled down a bit, I put my hand on my side, trying to alleviate the pain that was stabbing me. When I felt liquid under my palm, I knew my wound had opened up again.

"Shit," I said through gritted teeth.

I went into the bathroom, managed to get my shirt off even with my sling, and I tossed the bloody piece of clothing on the floor. I found the gauze that Darry insisted we always keep in the house and pressed it against my side. I turned to the side to look in the mirror, checking that none of my other injuries opened up. To my relief, only my biggest wound had ripped open. I stood there, wishing that I could just get a good night's sleep, not be hurt anymore, and have everything return to normal, but I knew that wouldn't happen from just wishing it. Gotta be patient, Soda.

"Soda?" I heard someone whisper. It sounded like a child's voice. "What's goin' on?"

I quickly turned around and saw my kid brother standing there with a look of shock on his face. "Pony, what are you doin' up?" Please tell me he didn't see anything that would worry him.

"I heard you walkin' around," he said quietly. "What happened? Are you bleeding?"

"It's nothin'," I said quickly. I knew I sounded defensive, but I didn't want him to worry about me. I wanted him to go back to bed and forget that he saw anything.

"It ain't nothin' Soda." Pony spat. I knew he was frustrated that I was ignoring his questions, and if he kept prying, I was scared that I would eventually cave and tell him everything. I can't do that to him. I can't tell him what happened. He's already been through so much. I can't add to the misery that he's endured.

Then Darry appeared behind Pony.

"What's going on?" Darry asked. He looked at Pony, then at me. Suddenly, Darry's voice softened. "Are you okay, Soda?"

Glory, now they're both here. "It's nothin'. I had a bad dream and must've moved around because this cut in my side opened up."

"Is that from…" Darry trailed off. I knew he was going to ask if my wound was from the grenade shrapnel the doctors took out, but I was glad he didn't finish his question. Ponyboy didn't need to know. Then Darry looked at Pony. "Why don't you go on to bed Pony-"

"No," Pony said sternly. I was shocked that Pony talked to Darry like that, and I think Darry was too. "You two have been hiding things from me, but I'm not a kid anymore, I can handle it." Pony looked back at me. "I saw your scars… I know you've been through a lot, and I wanna help, but I can't do that if you keep me in the dark."

My vision was blurry form the tears in my eyes. Damn, he saw my slashed back. Even though I could no longer hide my physical hardships, I still wanted to spare him the details and prevent him from more emotional trauma. "I don't wanna worry you, Pony. You're still my kid brother, and there are some things that you're better off not knowin'." I have to be strong for him. For both of them. I have to be as strong as possible.

"I'm sixteen. When you were my age, you quit school and worked fulltime to help Darry take care of me." His words sunk in as he stepped towards me. He really had grown up, and not just since I had been drafted. Ever since our parents died, he was forced to grow up too fast. "You've always been there for me, Soda. Please let me return the favor." He put a hand on my good shoulder. "We're brothers, Soda… it doesn't matter who's older and who's younger. We have each other's backs." He was pleading with me, and it was painful to hear the emotion in his voice.

I looked at my brothers, and after a moment of consideration, I let myself believe in Pony's words. Maybe I don't have to be strong anymore. I collapsed to the ground and started bawling.

Strong, caring hands surrounded me and helped me sit on the toilet seat as I cried as quietly as possible. A few minutes passed, and when my tears dried up, I realized Darry was addressing my bleeding side while Pony was sitting next to me, whispering soothing words, just like I used to do with him.

Darry must've noticed I had stopped crying, because he broke the silence. "Hey little buddy, anything else hurt? How's your back?"

I shook my head. Great, now both of my brothers have seen the lasting marks of the hell I went through.

"Soda, you can talk to us," Pony said. "Please. It'll feel better once you tell someone and get everything off your chest… I promise." I looked at Pony, and I realized that he had more firsthand experience with trauma than almost anyone else I knew.

I had withheld from sharing any details about my time as a P.O.W. with everyone except Steve, but Pony's pleas mixed with my emotional state made me want to spill everything. They've both seen my physical scars, but they don't know where they came from. I need to tell them.

The words started falling out of my mouth before I knew what was happening. "I read the letters you guys sent." I looked at Pony. "I'm real proud of you, Pony. Any school would be lucky to have you," I said with the biggest smile I could manage. He returned a small smile. Then I looked at the floor in front of me before I continued. I knew Pony would hang on to every word I said, and even though Darry was still fussing over my injuries, I knew he would be listening intently. If I can tell them everything this one time, maybe I won't have to say it out loud ever again.

"We were in a battle, and a grenade flung me to the side. I got some metal in me, but I was alive. Steve helped me out the best he could, and then the kid, Harrison, needed help. I helped him get out, but that got me a bullet in my shoulder and another grazing my leg. Steve patched me up again." I realized I was speaking fast and quiet, but I hoped my brothers could still understand me. "I was bleedin' and I told him to leave me behind, but he refused. He carried me and tried to get us both back to camp. He got a couple bullets in his leg for the trouble and we hit the ground."

I took a breath and focused on one of the tiles on the floor. It had a stain on it that I never noticed before. "Apparently the enemy had us surrounded, but instead of killing us, they decided to take us prisoner instead. According to Steve, I was out of it for a day or two. When I woke up, I was shackled and lying in a cold, dark, damp room."

I felt a shiver run down my spine as I remembered the room that I was held prisoner in. Pony put a hand on my knee and gently squeezed, trying to silently reassure me. He and Darry remained silent.

"While we were held, they asked us a lot of questions. We refused to answer. I couldn't understand what they said most of the time anyway…" I felt myself shaking, but I was determined to finish telling them what happened. "They tortured us. We were beat, burned, whipped, waterboarded… you name it, they did it."

I was sobbing again, but I needed to finish. "Steve got it worse than me 'cause of his rank, and he yelled things at them so they'd leave me alone and hurt him instead… he saved my life so many times over there." I wiped the tears from my eyes and unsuccessfully tried to calm myself down. "Our guys found us and brought us to the hospital. On top of everything else, Steve had an infection in his leg that almost killed him, while all I had was some cuts, pneumonia, busted ribs, and a messed up shoulder."

Once I stopped talking, my sniffles were the only noise filling the room. In the corners of my vision, I saw Darry and Pony share a look, but they stayed silent.

"I thought I'd be better when I got back, but I'm still messed up." I took a breath, trying to steady myself. "I wish I could just forget everything, but it all keeps comin' back to haunt me," I muttered. I rested my elbow on my leg and covered my eyes to both hide my tears and to avoid looking at my brothers.

"Is that why you haven't been sleeping?" Darry asked quietly on my left. I felt Pony give my knee another reassuring squeeze.

I didn't even bother asking Darry how he knew I hadn't had a good night's sleep in who knows how long, I just nodded. My next words spilled out before I realized I was speaking. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Darry asked, apparently confused.

I kept my eyes covered. "Everything… leaving, makin' you guys think I was dead, and then comin' back all messed up."

"It's not your fault, Soda," Darry said. He gently rubbed my left arm, and the physical touch from my older brother made me feel safe. "You didn't choose to leave or for anything to happen to you."

"And you're not messed up," Pony whispered. The tone of his voice somehow forced me to pick my head up and look at him. I was expecting to see a wide-eyed kid on the verge of an emotional breakdown, but instead, his watery eyes seemed steady and determined. "Your mind has wounds that have to heal too, and those will take longer than your physical injuries."

I blinked at him. Is this wise kid really my younger brother?

"I have an idea," Pony said as he stood up. "I'll be right back."

After Pony left the room, Darry spoke again. "Terrible things happened to you, Soda, and you're going to carry those things with you for a long time." I looked at him, and although I saw a hint of pity in his eyes, I mostly just saw love. "We're so glad you made it back, and we'll help you through everything."

Pony returned seconds later with something in his hand. "Here," he said as he handed me a notebook. "When your mind is spinning or you feel like you're losing control, try writing stuff down." I took the notebook and looked back at him, trying to give him a small smile.

"Thanks, Pony." I flipped through the pages and saw that almost half of the pages had Ponyboy's handwriting on them. "You sure write a lot."

He returned a small grin and shrugged his shoulders. "Writing down my thoughts helps me deal with things, and after Mom and Dad, Johnny and Dally, then you and Steve… I've had lots of practice. Writing helps me, and I hope it helps you too. If it doesn't, we'll find something that does."

Tears streamed down my face. I pulled Pony's arm towards me and wrapped my left arm around him. "Thanks, honey. I'm so sorry that you've had so many things to deal with over the years."

Pony returned the embrace. "It's not your fault. I'm just glad you're home."

After Pony and I separated, Darry suggested that we all try to get some sleep. I was pretty sure I wouldn't get a wink of sleep, but after talking to my brothers, I at least felt like some weight had lifted off my shoulders. The three of us walked out of the bathroom, and to my surprise, we weren't the only ones awake.

Even though it was the middle of the night, Two-Bit and Steve were sitting at the kitchen table, talking quietly. When the two of them saw us leave the bathroom, they both looked at us. Two-Bit looked distressed, but Steve had a different expression: a mixture of sympathy and understanding. I nodded my head at them, acknowledging their presence, then I let my brothers lead me back to my room.

I put Ponyboy's notebook on the side table in my room before getting into bed. While I got settled under the sheets, Pony spoke quietly. "Are you sure you don't want either of us to stay with you?"

As much as I wanted my brothers with me, I still didn't trust myself enough to allow them to stay with me while I tried to sleep. There was no way to know if I would physically or emotionally harm them while I fought with my mind. I still had to protect them from that.

I lowered my head onto my pillow. "I'm sure, Pony. I'll be alright." I closed my eyes, trying to convince him that I'd fall asleep.

"Okay," Pony replied, but I could tell by his voice that he didn't believe me.

"Thanks for talking to us, little buddy," Darry said as he ran his fingers through my hair. The familiar and comforting gesture caused slumber to start claiming me. Maybe I'll get some sleep after all. "We're always here for you, Soda. If you need anything, just tell us. Savy?"

I hummed a confirmation as I felt myself drift off. Then I felt like I had one more thing they needed to hear. "Love you guys."

I heard both of their voices reply, but I was too far gone to make out the words.