(Ponyboy's POV)
Soda fell asleep quickly, and I hoped that he would stay asleep and get the rest he needed. Hell, he earned it. As I recalled everything that he told us, I realized that my eyes were getting watery again. I rubbed my eyes, trying to prevent Darry from seeing me cry, but I was pretty sure I wasn't fooling him.
"Come on, Pone. You need to get some sleep too." Darry said. He put an arm around my shoulders and gripped my arm as he led me out of Soda's room.
We walked out of Soda's room and stopped when we saw Two-Bit still sitting at the kitchen table. There was an opened beer in his hand. Even in the minimal amount of light, I could see anguish in his eyes.
"It's three in the morning, Two-Bit. You should be sleeping, not drinking," Darry said. He wasn't necessarily scolding Two-Bit, but I could tell the beer made Darry a little concerned.
"After everything we just heard, I needed a drink," Two-Bit said seriously before taking a swig. "Steve filled me in on everything I didn't catch. I can't believe they went through all that shit." Two-Bit looked distraught, and I couldn't blame him.
I looked to the couch in the living room, expecting to see Steve lying down, but he wasn't there. Turning back to Two-Bit, I couldn't hide the concern in my voice. "Where's Steve? He didn't leave, did he?" I didn't want to imagine Steve secluding himself, not only because he could easily get jumped since he was using crutches and all, but after learning what happened to both him and Soda in Vietnam, I was nervous about his mental state too. I didn't want him to be alone for the same reason I didn't want Soda to be alone.
Two-Bit gave me a small grin. "Don't worry Ponyboy, he's just in the bathroom."
On cue, Steve opened the bathroom door. When he noticed us, he froze in the doorway. He looked exhausted and troubled.
"Are you okay, Steve?" I asked, not being able to bite my tongue. It was in that exact moment I realized that I never really asked him how he was. I was so excited to see Soda and so concerned about him, that I didn't even ask Steve how he was doing when he came home. Steve had been held and tortured in Vietnam too, so I figured he probably had some emotional trauma that he would have to work through, just like Soda. I could only hope he would let us help him.
He raised an eyebrow at me before crutching towards Two-Bit. "What? I just had to take a leak."
I rolled my eyes. "That's not what I meant."
After taking a drink from Two-Bit's beer, Steve met my eyes. A moment later, he gave me a small smirk. "I'll be alright, kid. Just keep lookin' out for your brother, you hear?" I didn't miss the fact that he didn't directly answer my question.
"You're family, Steve," Darry said. He gently squeezed my arm and pulled me closer to him. "We're looking out for you too."
Steve gave Darry a grin but he didn't say anything, then he made his way back to the couch. It seemed like Steve wasn't really concerned about himself, and that bothered me. As he got himself settled, I spoke again, not able to let it go.
"Thanks for everything, Steve." He looked at me a little confused, obviously not following. "For helping Soda, protecting him, and making sure he made it back." I felt my eyes get watery again, but I blinked a few times to stop the tears from falling. "Thank you," I choked out.
Darry pulling me closer and ruffling my hair made me believe that he had the same appreciation for Steve.
Steve nodded. "I wasn't comin' back without him." Then he let his head fall down onto a pillow and he closed his eyes. "You can thank me by makin' breakfast tomorrow." I couldn't help but snort at his remark. I saw another grin on his face, and he still kept his eyes closed. "Now go get some sleep, kid."
Even though he wasn't looking at me, I nodded, and I allowed Darry to lead me to my bedroom. Before we walked through the doorway, I looked back at Steve lying on the couch. "I'm glad you made it back too, Steve."
He opened his eyes and turned his head towards me. Steve gave me a small smile. "Thanks kid. Me too."
With that, Darry and I went into my room. My mind wondered as we walked. I remembered what Soda had told us, and I wondered what life would've been like if neither Soda nor Steve came home. There was a time that I thought that was reality – that they were both dead and I'd never see them again. I never wanted to relive that horrible time, but I couldn't help it; my mind was always going, and I couldn't control it. I felt myself start breathing heavier and my heart started racing. After I got under the covers, Darry sat on the side of the bed, looking slightly concerned. "Are you okay, kiddo?"
I raised my eyebrow in my best attempt to look like Two-Bit. "Me? Why you askin' that?" I wanted to convince him I was okay by acting like I didn't know what he was talking about, but by the look on his face, he wasn't buying it.
Darry shrugged a little. "Because you just found out some pretty serious stuff, and I want to know how you're feeling. Plus, you're shaking like a leaf."
I shook my head and tried to keep myself still. "I'm fine, Darry." My voice wasn't very convincing, especially since I sounded like a crying child. "I wasn't held prisoner. I wasn't tortured. I didn't almost die." As the words poured out of my mouth, I felt tears form in my eyes again, betraying the tough exterior I was trying to exhibit. "I'm fine."
Darry gave me a strange look; he was still concerned, but he was grinning a little. "It's a lot to deal with, Pone." He pushed my hair back, trying to soothe me. "Nobody would blame you for being shaken up."
I wiped my eyes vigorously, trying to force them to stop producing tears. Darry sat there silently, pushing my hair back and rubbing a hand up and down my arm– two things that he had learned calmed me down whenever I was worked up. It took a minute to figure out what I wanted to say, but I finally had a response. "I shouldn't feel like this, Darry. I'm glad Soda's back, more than anything, and Steve too… so why am I upset?" The tears were stilling streaming down my face.
Darry moved to lie next to me and rest the back of his head against the headboard. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head against his shoulder. I was suddenly renewed with appreciation that Darry and I had gotten so much closer and that we hardly fought anymore. Darry equated to safety and comfort, not arguing or distrust like before. He spoke quietly. "Probably for the same reason I am." Then he continued in a serious, almost dangerous, tone. "Someone out there hurt our brother."
I shuddered at his words, and Darry rubbed my arm again.
I knew Darry wouldn't like hearing what Soda told us any more than I did, but Darry wasn't as visibly upset as I was. Not only did he help Soda, but he was trying to help me get through it too. He always was better at keeping his head than I was, so I shouldn't have been surprised that he had a better handle on his emotions than I did with this situation. I just wished that I was more like him.
"How do you handle it so well?" I asked quietly. "I think about what he said, and I just get angry, and sad, and start bawlin' like a baby."
Darry spoke again, a little softer. "It's painful to think about what happened to them over there, but we need to remember to be grateful that Soda's home and safe. Steve too. All of that is in the past now, and we need to help both of them get better and move forward."
I nodded, and we remained lying there in silence for a minute before I spoke again. "Why do you think Soda wanted to sleep by himself? If he's havin' nightmares, shouldn't one of us be with him?" Then the thought that really worried popped back into my mind, and I had to say it out loud. "Is it because of me?"
"No, Pony, it's not because of you," he said firmly, but also in a caring voice. Then my brother sighed. "I think he was scared about what would happen if he had nightmares or something. Things were different in Vietnam… it'll take some time for him to adjust." He went quiet, and I thought about what he said.
What does he mean by that? What was Soda worried about? Then I thought about what having nightmares in the middle of a war would look like. For me, it would mean waking up screaming in the middle of the jungle. I didn't know what it meant for Soda because I hadn't seen Soda have a nightmare since we were in grade school. Did Soda wake up every day screaming like me? For some reason, I couldn't picture Soda reacting like me, he was too tough. Sure, he'd be scared, but he wouldn't be so obvious about it. What would be the scariest part about fighting in the jungle? Did he always expect someone to be pointing a gun at him? Did he worry about dying, or watching other people die?
Before I could think anymore or figure anything else out, Darry spoke again. "The war changed him, Pone. I think he's protecting us from him."
I shook my head, snapping out of my imagination. "That's not fair, Darry. He shouldn't be scared and suffering by himself just for our benefit. He's finally home… we should be there for him. He's always been there for us."
Darry pulled me closer to him, my head resting on his chest and his chin resting on top of my head. "I agree, kiddo. That's why I'm going to go back in his room to sleep on the floor in case he needs anything." I was glad Darry was going to be with Soda, but I wanted to help too. I didn't care if Soda screamed or punched me in his sleep, if he needed someone to be with him as he slept, I wanted to be that person. He was always there for me, especially after our parents died, and he probably didn't get much sleep because of me. I opened my mouth, about to beg Darry to allow me to join him, but he already started shaking his head. "I want you to stay in here, Pony. At least for now… until he starts to adjust and gets better."
I let out a defeated breath. I wanted to argue, but I was tired and I didn't want to fight with Darry. "Okay."
Darry ruffled my hair. "We'll get through this, Pony."
I yawned. "I'm just worried about Soda… and Steve. I want them to be okay," I whispered. "I want them to be able to get back to normal."
Slumber started to claim me, but I forced myself to listen to Darry's reply. "Me too, kiddo. We'll do everything we can to make sure they get there."
