I tapped the oaken table once or twice. The barwench's lips pursed sweetly, before bringing to me a jug of ale. Stirring the liquid, I watched as miniature whirlpools pop into existence, before chugging it all down in one swig.
Sadly, even the slight buzz I got from this had not offset the headache I felt.
"Are you done?"
A regal voice filled with charm resounded across the table. It was a voice that could make men and women alike swoon. In fact, I saw quite a few people look over the table.
I shook my head twice. The people here were quite inquisitive.
The owner of the voice was a woman clad in silvery and gleaming mail and plate armor, decorated with holy sigils and insignias of whatever knightly order she hailed from. She had electric blue eyes and dark, midnight black hair. Her skin was white as snow and smooth as ivory. It was as if she was the ultimate embodiment of a charming knight—were it not for her face, which held a frown that marred her face.
Damn pay-to-win players. Just because your characters are pretty doesn't mean that you have the skill necessary to play a high-level raid.
As if hearing my thoughts, she narrowed her eyes. "I'm quite able, thank you very much. One mustn't underestimate someone who one has met not a fortnight ago."
"Alright, dude." I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Stop with the roleplay. It's embarrassing."
"How many times do I have to tell you, I am a woman."
"I am as sure that you're a woman as I'm sure that dwarf-loli over there is an actual twelve year old girl." I palmed my face. "Look, man, this raid…"
"Yes? It is quite the fortune that we are able to find the floor boss within the time frame of a few days." She? He? narrowed his eyes. "However, I do not know where thou is going with thine line of thought. What is it about the raid that thou inquire of me?"
"You need to stop rushing in." I said, biting the side of my cheek. "I'm telling you, we need you on aggro. You keep rushing the boss and creating a mess of the attack plan."
"It is merely befitting of a knight of my stature and caliber that I lead the way into battle."
"Look, man, just because you've got legendary gear and incredibly high stats doesn't mean you get to disregard the game plan for the sake of your 'roleplay'." I shook my head, sighing. "We need everyone to stick to the plan, and you, with your crazy-ass stunts, need to cool it. We've been stuck fighting this floor boss without success."
A thunderous roar suddenly emanated from the table. I looked over the paladin, shock at such intensity within her eyes. "Are thou blaming me for thine failures?"
"Yes." I raised my staff, repairing the broken table. That display had garnered the attention of onlookers once more, and the bar wench simply looked faint. I raised a hand, twisting it once in the air to signal that the show was over…
But YUKINO, the character, shouted once more. "It is not my fault that one such as thou art inadequate with thine spellcasting. One barely felt one's strength boosted, after all."
"Are you saying that I, Hachiman of the Hundred and Eight Spells, am inadequate." I asked incredulously.
"Truly, thine narcissism holds no bounds. What is thine use for thine fake title? "Thou skills are but a mirage-a delusion that thou has draped thyself upon."
"Look, first of all, my wizard plays are unmatched." I pointed out, bringing a finger up. "Second of all, you're no golden goose yourself, Ms. Paladin. In fact, the whole point of why I brought you here is to tell you that you've been a terrible tank."
"Oh, and thine wizardry skills be lacketh the sufficient potency to break the guard of our enemies, not a sufficient reason as well?"
"You're a terrible paladin. You bring shame to the paladin class."
"As of thou," YUKINO sighed. "Thou art but a vulgar thief, wearing the guise of a magic-user. In fact, if thou had or had not been in the battle, thine strengthening spells would not have had much an effect on the outcome."
"The reason why it didn't have an effect to begin with is that you kept rushing in and dying!" I argued. "I'm strong, but I'm not that strong that I could keep idiots like you alive."
"Art thou calling me an idiot?" her voice gained an edge.
"Yes, and stop with the roleplaying." I rolled my eyes.
"Thou wilt rue the day thou hast insulted oneself. Thou will mark one's words."
"Sure," I said. "Just don't rush in, anymore. Please?"
…
Days later.
"Where's the fucking tank?" the archer was pinned by a massive horde of goblins. The boss had looked at us with a gleam in his eyes as he swung his massive blade. It lopped off the head of the poor archer as a second one took his place, as per strategy.
"I don't know." I turned to look at where the Tank should have been, finding no one. "Where the fuck is YUKINO?"
"Thou hast said not to interfere, so one hast merely taken the back."
Oh. OH.
Fucking damnit.
Me and my fucking mouth.
"Get back in here, you roleplaying freak." I screamed, as my character's head got lopped off by another swing of the boss's sword. As my character died, I saw YUKINO's character smile, before she rushed in..
...getting killed in the process.
