Explosive Encounters


Alex was pissed. This was the eighth time in a row that someone had ruined his carefully laid explosion plans. Admittedly, he had planned to take down whole buildings but that was beside the point. They couldn't have found his plans because he never wrote down, typed up, or, heaven forbid, tweeted them in advance. Alex rarely made them more than about twenty minutes in advance. How the fuck did these people keep finding him? He was supposed to be a secret. Then again, he did cause an explosion in nearly every mission. First, there had been the arrow shooting nutter, then it had been the cute redhead who'd nearly downed him, then it had switched to his nemesis. The man in the red tin can. Alex could see the appeal of using red and gold. He had stolen a cherry-red Ferrari with golden trim before. What galled him the most was when his tinnitus kicked in at the worst times. Alex had misheard their names quite badly. He was fairly certain that Tony Stank was probably the most accurate one he'd heard that night. Case in point Alex felt the familiar sensation of the metal man crashing into and grabbing him. Alex felt his ears ring slightly. "Goddamn you, you red tin can!"

The laughter came through the metal as slightly metallic. "Sorry, no explosions for you tonight."

Alex moved to escape but was pinned in place by metal arms. Not to worry, he had a strategy for this. "Well, for all you know, this is how I get off."

The man didn't even flinch. Damn it. Alex hadn't been expecting the huffing laughter as he was carried about a street away. "Nice try, kid. I'm older than you. And way too old for that trick."

Alex was gently set down on the street. Boo! Hiss! Alex felt the man shift as he moved. "Did you just hiss at me?"

Alex wasn't sure if he had but wasn't about to let the man see any sign of weakness. "Nah, it's probably just your shoddy engineering, mate."

The man seemed to be on the verge of shrieking. Alex resisted the urge to laugh madly. "EXCUSE ME?!"

Alex grinned. Got him. "You heard me, check your pipes. And, uh, not those pipes."

The red and gold tin man crossed his arms. Alex leaned against the phone pole. "MY PIPES ARE JUST FINE! AND BOTH KINDS!"

Alex bit into his cheek to keep from laughing and tasted blood. Oops. Oh, well. "See, I knew I'd get to you eventually, Tony Stank."

The tin man almost fell over. Alex felt like he was going to crack a rib trying to keep a straight face. This was the most fun he'd had since making all those sword jokes to Nile. That had been…a while ago. "MY NAME IS TONY STARK! S-T-A-R-K!"

Well, that simplified things. Even Alex could hear that loud and clear. "Well, Mr. Stock, it was nice seeing you but I have a building to explode."

It wouldn't do to get his new enemy's name right after all. "IT'S STAR-GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHI-"

Stark was interrupted by one of his colleagues as Alex ran towards the building. With any luck, he'd get to see the explosion even if he didn't get to set it. Alex didn't hear the exchange but he assumed that Stark was going to be annoyed. He almost made it into the building when an arrow artfully pinned his jacket to a pole. Alex got out of his jacket in one smooth move and kept running towards the explosion. This was what he lived- BOOM! Alex watched as the building imploded with a distinct pout. Foiled again by the team of lunatics. Sorry, 'superheroes.' Super vibe killers, more like. Alex watched the building finish crumbling and then sulked over to his jacket. The arrow was easy enough to pull out. Alex turned around to find Legolas himself standing there. Alex sighed. "It's not even explosive."

The man gave him a hard look. "Why do you-"

Alex grinned and opened his mouth. The man sighed loudly. "Don't answer that."

Alex felt a bit put out as he pulled his jacket back on. Oh, well, better luck next time. Maybe they'd be busy doing superhero things? Yeah, right. His luck was never that good. "Please go to a doctor."

Alex rolled his eyes. Something in the man's look made him stop. "Oh, fiiiine. You all suck!"

And then he walked into the distance. Something told Alex he'd be better off going to the doctor in the next city over. He started with a light jog towards the train station. Alex had been far enough away that nothing should have jabbed him. He ran through the station and caught the next train just as it pulled into the station.

Alex was looking up Tony Stark on his phone when he ran into the redhead again. "You know, I'm normally more of a brunette kind of guy."

She rolled her eyes at him. To be fair, she was hot and an adult. Alex was, well, Alex. And still kind of gangly on account of being a teenage boy. "As if. You should stay away from explosions."

Alex grinned. These were the kinds of adult agents he liked winding up best. "Well, I would but I have this compulsion that drives me towards exploding human trafficking rings. I'm sure you know how it is."

Alex watched her clench her jaw ever so slightly. He leaned back against his train seat. "So, why are you here?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly. It probably wouldn't be noticeable to a civilian. Or maybe she was deliberately toying with him. Alex knew some agents specialized in near-total control of their body language. "Clint told me to make sure you went to a doctor."

Alex shrugged. If they wanted to waste their time on the dubious state of his welfare, they were welcome to it. The redhead eyed him. Alex stared right back at her. Not another word was said for the train ride. Alex watched her vanish into the crowd as he got off at the station nearest to an emergent care center. He didn't need the hospital for this. Besides, blowing off concerned adults was his specialty. And he still needed to plan his revenge on Tony Stark. This was going to be fun.


Fin


Written for Prompt #79 by mediaboy. This is the 33rd work in the Winds of Change 2022 Alex Rider Prompt event, where a new prompt (plus a short 1-3K work) is posted every day. For more details, see the AO3 collection :) Want to discuss? Leave a comment beneath, or join the discord (Link on AO3 Fics or just PM me, lol).