Suspected

Chapter Fifteen: A Lost Pet

Severus Snape passed a hand wearily against his forehead as he rested into the back of his office armchair, swearing another silent prayer for patience. Rita, bless this ill-tempered woman, had finished explaining what had happened with Professor Moody in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. He had stopped her from prowling viciously toward the wine cabinet— (for at first, she had said nothing at all, just fuming and grinding away at the back of her teeth in silent abhorrence)—and he honestly was shocked that she hadn't rushed toward the Forbidden Forest to take the edge off in her own way.

"Honey," Snape began calmly, "It is your job to simply aid the post of the Defense Against the Dark Arts position—"

"Are you really trying to tell me that I am in the wrong?" Rita snapped at him, ready to pounce.

"I really can't, can I, if you interrupt me before I've finished speaking." Snape replied, gesturing to her with an open hand. He gave a strained sigh, "Rita, it is his classroom. No different than how I serve out my curriculum: you may object to how I run my classroom, but the baseline is that the professor has the last say. If Mad-Eye wants the students to duel each other, what ever the rules are, that is what should happen."

"He threatened me," said Rita.

"He threatened to out you as Dark Witch with a formidable reputation as Death Eater." Snape said. "The public knows; not just Dumbledore or the rest of the Staff, Rita. Everyone who is anyone has read the Daily Prophet; they've spoken to others whom have been involved with the trials that took place when the Dark Lord fell. No doubt every single Death Eater in the Dark Lord's Circle has been spoken of negatively at least once in the school year, Rita."

Rita stared at him. Snape gave a small nod, "Though, Rita, if you truly don't want to fight for the position as the Defense Against the Dark Arts aide, I would understand your sentiments. It's a thankless job with a lot of headache, less pay, and a heavy temptation. If it is truly in Moody's agenda to out you as a practicing Dark Witch, he most certainly will do his damndest to prove it, one way or another. There's a reason why he was one of the best Aurors in the Order," he added when Rita's gaze smoldered. "He caught Bellatrix, your brother. More than half of the residents of Azkaban are there because of him."

Rita, although she was quite fond of her students, had found herself wanting while at Hogwarts as simply a teacher's aide. It had started with Dumbledore's attempt to keep her safe from going to Azkaban, to give her a place of purpose. But with every passing year, there was more to be desired. The Forbidden Forest was the only place that gave her solace, aside from being in the presence of Bellatrix Lestrange at Azkaban, or in front of her faithful husband.

Hogwarts…

It just didn't feel like home anymore.

"You want to leave, don't you?" whispered Snape. "To find Him."

Rita, whom had considered her options, had been rubbing her left forearm absent-mindedly. The nagging in the back of her head, the recall of his Summons, and Bellatrix's words echoing—The Dark Lord will summon His followers, Rita. When He rises, you may join Him, learn from him, as you always should have. And I will be at his side—just like the good old days.

Rita glances at her hands, healed from her past attempts to master the Dark Arts, touched by a light shade of gray from her misuse of magic that she didn't fully understand. The Dark Lord could teach her, to show her how to get so close to it that no matter the skill of an Auror, or the sheer number of opponents—she could take them on…with the Dark Lord's help. And then…and only then, Bellatrix would see her. Bellatrix would, truly, fall in love with her.

"To seek Him out," said Snape quietly, "is dangerous."

"Your place at Hogwarts is a credible reason not to seek Him out," said Rita calmly, shaking her head. "But what would I say when He asks me why I haven't tried to find Him?"

"It's not out of fear that you want to find Him, Rita." Snape said. "You're lost, feeling misunderstood, and your way out of understanding your conflicted emotion is to practice the Dark Arts, which we both know will destroy you eventually if you can't master it. Don't," he said when Rita opened her mouth, "lie to me. You want Him to teach you to master it, but to what end?"

The Ministry of Magic, Hogwarts—they won't appreciate your natural gifts. The magic I showed you, the magic that I—not Hogwarts—have taught you. They were passed down from the Dark Lord Himself. He will appreciate your talent.

Rita frowned. "The only thing that I could have used an explanation for not trying to find him is self-preservation, but not for fourteen years of it. At first, of course. When the Dark Lord fell, we all did what we could to stay out of Azkaban. But Mad-Eye Moody has made it clear that I'm not welcome as his aid; and honestly, I've felt inadequate with what I have to offer and what has been offered to me at Hogwarts—"

"If you're talking about the position for the Defense Against the—"

"I've been more qualified than the teachers that I've assisted in the last four years, Severus!" said Rita indignantly. "Dumbledore's kept me as an aide to help resist the temptation of the Dark Arts, but, hello!" She held up him her hands before her. "That really hasn't worked, has it? I am meant to serve my purpose elsewhere, and I can't do it from here!"

"And what makes you so certain that, when you actually find Him, He will not kill you where you stand for avoiding Azkaban in his service?"

"Well, that's just a chance that I'll have to take, isn't it?" Rita remarked, rising to her feet.

"Think, Rita!" he said angrily, rising from his seat and rounding the desk to stand in front of her. "Take a moment to think about what you're doing. If the Ministry of Magic catches wind that you're out looking for Him so he can teach you the ways of a Sorcerer Supreme, that is tantamount to an uprising! You will be hunted."

"I must do this," said Rita, stepping back from him. "Even if I didn't want to, I would eventually."

"Why?"

"Because it's what I have to do. And you know it. I know it. The thought has crossed my mind more than once. All year. All summer, since I felt the Dark Mark burn."She pressed a finger against her temple. "She's in there, Severus. She saw me for who I am, she knows me inside and out. I can't fight it."

Snape stared at her, with an expression on his face as if he had watched her leave already. As if he had realized something as he looked at her, listened to what she was saying—he heard her speak about the Dark Lord the same way Bellatrix spoke of him. The admirable terror in her voice but the expectant excitement of being in His presence: something that Lucius nor Severus actually felt when they stood before Him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Rita asked lightly.

"You're gone," he said.

"I'm still here."

"No, you're mad." Snape said slowly, pulling her hand from her temple to hold it in his. "You know that this decision is not in your best interest. It will either have you end up in Azkaban to share a cell with Bellatrix Lestrange, or you will die trying. This is what Bellatrix wants. Fides in Culpa. It's her curse."

Rita smiled slightly. "I'm not insane. This is just what I have to do. When I find Him, I will come back home and I'll see you there."

Snape shook his head. "If you come back…"

And without another word to extend the goodbye that was to come, he kissed her hand, and then he left his office with Rita watching the door close behind him.