At nearly the same moment, a sedan pulls into a park and ride a mile away. Carlisle Cullen slams the door shut on his way out, fully intent on distancing himself from the remnants of her scent. He was so close to giving in. He sprinted nearly a mile in the woods and breathed deeply, cleansing breaths. His head wasn't swimming anymore but his chest ached. Was this a form of withdrawal? The burn in his throat led to a deer paying the price of Carlisle's suffering. Warm, fresh blood helped the confusion and burning aside. Carlisle's resolve felt strengthened. He wouldn't damn an innocent young woman from his selfish, physical desires. It was just a special torture for him, and Carlisle would gladly carry that burden himself. If he hadn't found Edward, Rosalie, and Alice, he thinks he wouldn't have had the strength to keep himself away from her. But he had others to be mindful of. This wasn't wanting to save someone, or have a companion for his own life. This young woman had the unfortunate circumstances to be his singer, nothing to do with who she was and it could mean nothing good for his family. The sense of control, clarity, and serenity returned for Carlisle that he had cherished and worked excruciatingly hard to maintain since he had awoken in this second undying life.
The sky was dark and the air was cool and quiet. A prayer formed in his mind. He didn't think anyone was listening, and not to him anyway if there was anyone. Sometime ago, Carlisle began these meditative prayers as a cathartic experience. With Edward near it became nearly impossible to want to be truly honest at all times with even himself.
He wanted this girl's safety. Carlisle felt real fear and anxiety over the gravity of the situation at hand. Why did they have to stay in Forks? Alice was so adamant about that. There seemed to be an increasing likelihood that he would cross paths with her again. Especially with you giving her direct contact, you utter fool. It was difficult to describe, the same feeling that left him wanting to run away inspired him to hand her his phone number. Like some weak attempt to offer himself as a knight in shining armor service. And why was she so adamant about treating him to a drink or meal? If she didn't suffer a calamity this evening, Carlisle felt it was very possible that she would text him about that regardless. Why did that give him a twist of hope and agony?
His mouth set in a scowl again at the cruelty of the situation. If he was a human still, he would find her desirable. What he felt was beyond the normal fascination with a welcomed and handsome stranger. He mentally corrected himself to think of her as beautiful and not handsome, since that had fallen out of style in how women's beauty is referred to. The difference in their age suddenly felt like an obstacle as well. To what? What was he even thinking about being too old to court someone.. Around his age? Oh God
It didn't dawn on him to spy on his patient's charts but he didn't even know how old she was. It didn't make a difference but a few years meant a lot in this day and age too. She had to be at least 21 right? She didn't… seem the type to drink underage? Who was he kidding, making assumptions about a young woman. She likely didn't think of him at all and he was obsessively contemplating the potential addition of a few small years to his roughly 342 now.
Well. He would just have to make an effort to steer clear of her then. He did hang a few streets down from the bar she was at until she walked back to her car later that night. Just to make sure she got back safe.
Back at Charlie's, feeling too sober after a not at all relaxing evening, Bella reflected on the confusing Carlisle Cullen.
She felt idle, useless, and childish. She had left the house dead set on thoroughly enjoying a few drinks with her friends and probably splitting an uberpool to their homes, if it came to not being able to drive home.
She laid on top of her comforter with a freshly washed and prepped face for bed. Her laced underwear seemed to rub just right since leaving his car earlier.
Maybe dinner and one date night? Surely she could convince him to share his undoubtedly luxurious bed with her for one night. Bella suppressed a giggle at the thought of him being too prudish to accept. Or too married to accept. Bella stopped smiling at that thought.
No sense dwelling on what she didn't know. Bella closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift to strong, steady hands grazing up her skirt and grasping her thigh in a stupid, nice vehicle.
If she closed her eyes she could smell the car. A musky ambrosia, gently spicy and velvety in her nose, and fresh like the mountain air. Those lips would probably feel wonderful kissing down the side of her jaw and neck. She eyed her dresser and thought about the item that was an attempt to replicate what she wanted most from the doctor right now. It was easy to imagine his lips kissing her neck delicately and trailing downwards.
After feeling spent, the facsimile of male anatomy was left aside and Bella dozed off.
The next day when Bella woke, she felt determined to improve her situation and move on in her life or career or something. Choosing a passion wasn't easy, and she still felt raw at times but today would be different, she was determined.
She wasn't sure what kind of work felt like a good fit but maybe bartending was a good start?
Bella paused on that thought and tried again. Maybe coffee was a better start?
A "Help Wanted" sign on the Coffee Time down the street from Charlie's house would have been too much for Bella to hope for. As she was being handed her cappuccino, Bella looked at the Barista. "Hey um. Do you know if there's anywhere looking for a new barista? Or receptionist? Or lumberjack? I'm really not picky about what I do."
"Ha! Oh yeah, my buddy Mike needs some help at his shop. I think just at the register. You're the Chief's kid, right?" Bella smirked with what she hoped was more happiness than she felt. The double edged sword of growing up as the only child of a very small town's chief of police had many layers. Primarily growing up, there were these moments where she was given maybe more credibility than she deserved due to just being his progeny. On the other hand, she definitely felt like rapunzel at times, locked in the tower. Not from Charlie being so overprotective (though he was at times), but the stigma of not wanting to draw attention from the police when involving his young daughter was wrath many didn't want their kids or themselves to face. So Bella was used to this song and dance at times now.
"You got it. I'm the newest model of Swan." The barista's eyes crinkled in an attractive way when they smiled. Bella thanked them for the tip and headed on her way to the Newton shop.
Oh fresh hell. Could this purchase take any longer? Carlisle adored the pace of small towns and the lax attitude and speed of living. He cherished the ability to find acceptance and peace in the places they had chosen and lived in over the decades. The small talk between Newton and his friend checking out in front of Carlisle suddenly seemed to be taking far too long. At this very moment, he wanted nothing more than to leave with his things as quickly as possible. She had pulled into the parking lot. Carlisle was starting to feel like Alice was trying to get him to bump into her on as many occasions as possible when remaining generally accidental, or if he was just unnaturally drawn to her and was somehow… He didn't believe in fate. But good lord, he was crossing paths with her too frequently, and unintentionally.
He steeled himself for the intensity of her scent as she walked into the room. The back of his throat tingled as she called to his wretched body. "Carlisle!" She said with some surprise herself when her eyes landed on him in the checkout line. Carlisle gave a polite nod and wave with the hammer he was holding in one hand as he held the bundles of rope in the other.
Bella walked up towards Carlisle and seemed to wait beside him. He felt his eyes darkening with her proximity, but it was manageable this time. The feeding last night had helped dull the severity of what he was feeling whenever this girl was near.
"What's the rope for?" Bella attempted conversationally. The small voice in the back of her head was dying for an opportunity to make an innuendo-laced joke. She wasn't usually flirty but something about being near this guy really brought the worst out in her today.
"Hiking and mountain climbing. I go frequently with my family, especially when it's sunny." It always felt good to sprinkle in his affinity for good weather, and have planted a good alibi for their shared absence in sunny weather.
"Oh," Bella nodded, then leaned closer to whisper, "I had hoped that it might be for something else." If Bella was someone else, she might have aimed for a wink then too but she tried to just smile and meet his gaze and, wow, very intense. His pupils seemed large, or his eyes like a rich, honeyed golden brown seemed to get darker as he held her gaze, and she saw him swallow. Bella felt a small amount of pride at getting his attention. Her pride briefly wavered when she felt like she was giving a false impression of herself. Whatever, not like this guy looked up to her anyway. She was glad she managed to keep her innuendo quiet from prying ears.
Carlisle imagined that he would have blushed if he could have. Instead, he was feeling his throat drying and tighten at her comment and increased proximity. In any case, he could only imagine the uses for heavy-duty rope like this. On him, it would be purely decorative and symbolic, if he was extremely in control. But that idea seemed to agree with Bella. He started to wonder if she liked feeling in control or wanted to be tied up, or if she just wanted to have him thinking about uses for rope in a bedroom. He felt teased.
"I'll keep that in mind." The words left Carlisle's mouth with a small smirk, even though the rational chunk of the brain focused on him barely managed to continue to keep his hands to himself. When he saw her last he was able to just focus on the gravity of the situation, keeping her safe and his hands on the wheel steadily. Now she was barely a foot away. She looked even more lovely than she had the night before, and something in her eyes looked more confident and at ease today.
His reply coaxed a smile and he felt suddenly that he had yet to see her in any positive circumstance. She's been incapacitated, followed, and hurried by in a store and today was the first time he felt like he was able to see her the way she acted with her peers. The burn at the back of his throat wasn't agonizing- he just felt entirely hyper-aware of her pulse and exposed neck. He could trace that artery with his tongue...
"Well, I know this isn't the side of the road or in dire straits, but would you let me buy you lunch or something? I feel some level of indebtedness, especially after last night."
"I couldn't let you. Anyone would have done the same."
"Not just anyone, I think. But you did."
"I did… I suppose I swore an oath once relating to that." Bella grins again. He is totally a stoic weirdo. Pretty privilege was real, and Bella felt some proof of that in her wanting to pursue Carlisle still. Nothing about him screamed her type. Evan had been a selfish asshole. She didn't historically go for the totally out of her league and unrealistic, usually. She has a selfish streak and looks for what doesn't challenge her. She's always liked what she knows. At least that's what Renee said when they were trying to dissect that debacle. But something about Dr Cullen makes her want to poke and prod him. Or have him poke and prod her. Suddenly she's aware that she feels a little charged and revved up from talking about rope and teasing him. Her heart is beating a little faster and she feels like she's blushing.
"Fine, no lunch. A coffee?" Bella is half teasing, half grasping at straws. "Would it really be so terrible to let me buy you something, as a gesture of a thank you?"
"Coffee would be nice." One of the last things Carlisle wants to drink is coffee, but not even the passing thought of throwing up the indigestible drink is impacting him right now.
Carlisle can smell her faint arousal from talking to him. He doesn't feel the usual sense of understanding or disdain for his physical form and the effect it can have on people. He's smelled it on men and women alike, for others and for him, and been unmoved. This is so different now when it's for him, from Bella. Carlisle feels himself start to harden, and his lower abdomen clenches in anticipation. His body wants to lay claim, mark, something. He wants to smell closer, feel her, taste her, everywhere. He doesn't want to leave a scratch on her, and yet. It's unlike any arousal he's felt. He feels totally compelled to drop the hammer and lengths of rope and carry her out of the hardware store. The whole idea feels aggressive and primal and Carlisle certainly will not be giving an inch on any of the ideas that attempt to follow after. The Newton boy's voice cuts into his reverie slightly but even as Carlisle faces him and steps forward to pay he's completely aware of the distance between their bodies.
Bella stands a few feet off to the side and waits patiently for him to finish his order.
"Hey, Mike!"
"Oh hey, Bella! What's up? What brings you to the shop today? I can help you out or find something if you need." Mike's eagerness is suddenly grating on Carlisle.
"Actually, Andrew at Coffee Time told me you might need some help around here. Cashier role? I'm looking for something I can do to help out around here." She pauses for a short moment and adds in a deliberately insincere tone,"...I'm passionate about tools."
Mike laughs a little at the lame joke and finishes checking out a very quiet Carlisle. Carlisle has never felt a moment of jealousy in this way. He feels suddenly as young, or younger than his body. He wants her attention and jokes, the energy. But knowing she could be here for hours at a time is dangerous information. He seems to be able to keep better control of himself with more recent feeding, but his mind is still totally distracted by her.
"Oh yeah! We've needed an extra set of hands for a few months so I'm not multitasking the front house and back house always at the same time. Do you think you'd be able to stick around and see if you can work with our ancient POS system?"
Carlisle pays and nods and waves on his way out to both of them, listens to them chat about the new work for Bella, and tries to not make it look like he's booking it to get away from the extremely dangerous Bella Swan.
