Carlisle is heading to read in his study when he crosses paths with Jasper, who gives him a hint of a smile and knowing glance.

"Carlisle… your compassion has rubbed off on us all. Don't deprive yourself of it."
Carlisle feels his chest tighten at the sincerity.

When he sits in his study, Edward comes to his doorway and facades a knock.

Edward

Carlisle thinks his friend's name before he looks up to meet his eyes. His friend has long since been like a brother to him. What had started as almost a father-son interaction had been feeling like kinship and friendship the last few decades, more than it had ever felt parental. Carlisle is grateful and amazed at seeing someone who appears to be totally frozen in time growing and improving. He has to admit to himself that he also is grateful to feel like there is some semblance of life after this death and damnation. Seeing determined growth and patience makes the years from before Edward feel so worthwhile in a way Carlisle never thought possible. In some ways he does see his eternity as a different life, and not simply a curse. If every civilization is indeed at the same time also a document of barbarism, one should forget neither side of this equation. Carlisle thinks frequently of Benjamin's words and works to see the struggle of mankind reflected in the equally long history of the vampire too. He has found great comfort in reading humanity's reflection on their own barbarism and works to find his own peace.

"I'm glad you texted her."
Carlisle nods with a small smile and tries to suppress the tension in his mind. It had been with no little conflict and anxiety that he had mulled over reaching out to Bella again. In a house with Edward, Jasper, and Alice, there were very few secrets that one could keep, let alone that it was beyond exhausting to try to keep anything a secret. It's one of, but not the only reason that Rosalie and Emmett were taking another visit with their friends in Alaska.

The Denali clan's location had always appealed more to Emmett's desire for wilderness, and to Rosalie's need for peace. Her resentment was not easily abated when Jasper and Edward were around, and Carlisle understood why being around a mind reader and an empath could be trying. Add to that the suburbs, seeming to be full of young, happy fertile women and mothers near for Rosalie to dwell on what she could no longer have. Rosalie has continually been Carlisle's biggest source of conflict these last decades. While they all struggle with a different existential dread than they ever could have in their past lives, Rosalie truly mourns her human abilities. It's visible to all that she loves and cherishes her mate, Emmett, but her mind harbors resentment and jealousy. In this life, Rose is still looking for satisfaction beyond birthing her own children.

It's been a few years since Rose has started to try to work with her immortality and not against it. She will never bear children, but she can work with them, and support them. Carlisle knows that it has recently become her goal to work alongside humans similarly to how as he does and to care for infants and young children in hospitals. But she still has a lot of time to build a tolerance to the level she needs to be at to be around children. The time she spends up north with Emmett and the Denali clan is spent visiting towns in Alaska, working on cars and "keeping tabs" on the local wildlife populace.

"Not everyone is like Rosalie. And I think especially not someone that you would be bonded to."

Now Carlisle has a small smile playing on his face at that statement.

I don't want to hurt her.

"I know."

Bella tells Charlie her plans to not expect her back right after work today since she's going to get coffee with Carlisle after work again.

Charlie raises one eyebrow but nods slightly.

"It's just coffee dad. There's nothing there." Bella isn't sure she completely believes what she said but she knows he isn't interested in her. More than that Bella knows she isn't ready for anything right now. She's trying to put her energy into at least not dwelling on Evan and the life she just abandoned.

Charlie senses her unease about the subject. One cup of coffee for a doctor that had found her on the side of the road is perfectly reasonable. Two cups with the single, ridiculously good-looking doctor definitely gave some pause to the police chief. Two cups of coffee with a nice, honest man after reporting your ex to the police was also probably comforting and a good way for Bella to take her mind off of things, so Charlie doesn't want to push it.

Bella clocks in for her shift at the Newton's Store and works on cataloging. Early morning through midday shifts are pleasantly quiet and rather uneventful, with the occasional customer needing something but generally, more than an hour will pass before anyone even swings by, let alone Mike or his parents.

They're sitting in the coffee shop across from each other at a small round wooden table under hanging ceiling lamps that glow a warm golden light. The Windows at the far side of the room let in the light and a vision of the rain slowly washing away the gravel parking lot.

"I miss discussion classes the most, I think." Bella states with some confidence.

They've only been sitting for a few minutes, while Carlisle ponders for a moment on how to ask about her absence from college. It's mid-September and the chill in the air brings back memories of the fall semester for Carlisle just a few years ago when he had returned for his master's in computer science. It has been handy in learning to erase his family's digital footprint as needed.

"Do you plan on going back next semester?" Likely not, but leading enough to allow her to fill in the gaps perhaps.

"I think not… I think next September will be better." She nods as she's saying this, but her eyes are slightly downcast.

"What prompted taking the year off?"

Bella huffs a breath of air out. "It's so many things. I'm not trying to be evasive with that but I had to get out of New York." She bites her lip for a moment as she thinks about how to respond.

"You aren't obligated to tell me anything you don't wish to, Bella."

Bella's heart burns at the open kindness in his eyes. Can you like someone so much it hurts? She's overwhelmed at the mounting differences between Evan and Carlisle, it's not even fair to compare the two, and she feels guilt for thinking of Evan while sitting across from Carlisle.

"It's not that, just it's not fun to talk about yet I guess. I think I was starting to feel like I was wasting my time. I mean, it's more than just my thesis, but everything was a mess. I didn't even feel like myself, and nothing felt important. It just felt wrong and Charlie's house felt like a safe place to reevaluate things."

"There's nothing wrong with self-preservation. There's no need to feel guilt for protecting yourself."

Bella swallows at the statement. She isn't blameless but the words are kind again.

"I guess I would have wanted to go back sooner if I didn't rein fire in my wake. I guess the guilt would be easier to swallow if I had been myself." It feels like a cop-out to Bella, but she knows she wouldn't repeat her actions even now. The bitter taste in her mouth has turned to ash when she thinks of how she reacted. She doesn't feel bad for Evan, but the shrapnel that flew in every direction in the wake of her actions, and prior lack of action.

"I… I'm not proud of the person I have been lately." Her voice is quieter at the admission. It feels good in the most sincere manner to open up to Carlisle in these small pieces.

"I used to think that I was damned." Bella's attention is grabbed by his admission. He continues,"I still think that sometimes… but I don't think that masochism is the key to absolving yourself. I don't know what you're not proud of, so I won't try to speak for your experience but in my life, I know that time and kindness heal all wounds."

"It's hard to take cliches seriously."

"I know."

"What do you want to do? It doesn't sound like you really want to be in New York or in Forks."

Bella shakes her head and shrugs. "It doesn't feel good enough to say that I don't know what I want."

"If you had all of the time in the world, what would you do?" Carlisle internally smiles at the hidden question. It's a question he asks himself frequently. He is constantly trying to fulfill the dues of immortality, in his own way, whilst following the laws of preservation for himself and his kind.

Bella rolls her eyes a little at the question

"What is this? Next you'll ask what I would do if I was invisible? I feel like all of these questions are just personality gauges."

"Humour me. If you didn't feel pressured to accomplish something by an unspoken deadline, what would you like most to do?" He adapts the question to hopefully remove the existential air to it.

Bella reflects on it for a moment. Carlisle can see her brain turning behind her wide and expressive eyes. He feels twenty and head over heels while sitting here now.

"I would write more. Go back to Ballet classes. I think I'd want to read a novel every day and spend the rest of the day writing. Or maybe teaching and unpacking Thoreau and Benjamin." She pauses. " I want my writing to mean something. To live on past me and impact someone the way I still reread Jane Eyre. I don't think I'm a gifted author now or have much to say, but I would like to write more."

"Do you ever think about starting a family?"

Bella visibly pales

"Oh wow. Um," she shakes her head," No, I actually don't." Bella tries for a calm and composed reply but is pretty sure it sounds tense and anxious.

Carlisle bites back a laugh at her reaction, "I didn't mean to insinuate anything just all of your interests you mentioned revolve around your career and not so much a romantic or nuclear family life."

"Well, I'm not eager to think about a ball and chain after the chaos that I'm following." She pauses, realizing she sounds bitter.

"I haven't um, given up on love. Just don't have that as a focal point in my life. I think if it's meant to happen it will, but I'm not chasing down something for my own satisfaction or goals. I also don't think I've ever liked being around children."

"Childcare isn't for everyone."

"Yeah, I think I'm missing the warm, fuzzy part of my heart that craves motherhood and someone needing me. Maybe a dog would be enough for me. What about you? Do you want kids?"

"It's not in the cards for me." Carlisle doesn't meet her gaze when he replies.

Bella feels like all of the air has been sucked out of the room at Carlisle's answer. "Yeah, kids and relationships are heady topics. What's your most controversial take on the book to film adaptations?"

He huffs a laugh at the abrupt change in topic.

"Nosferatu has been a favorite of mine, though I suppose that's not controversial. Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet is my favorite."

Bella nods.

"I can see that. I love the newest Pride and Prejudice adaptation. It's passionate and condensed for film, I think it works as an adaptation."

"I used to have difficulty in enjoying film adaptations always but I love seeing how far technology has come. I am a fast reader and sometimes the pacing isn't quite what I imagine for the novel." Carlisle recalls seeing Chaplin and then the magic of the Jazz Singer. He and Edward had been isolating for nearly a decade when Carlisle took him to the film. It was brand new technology, a marvel even to the two vampires.

"I get that. Interpretation happens somewhere between the page and the reader, like the space between art, and its viewer." Bella has pondered on this topic more than once before.

"What's your take on the Death of the Author?" Carlisle asks.

"I think art isn't immune to the authorial intent, once the intent is known. How can the work be impacted if the intent isn't disclosed? I don't understand how some people are capable of being clinical about separating the work and what we know about the author completely."

"I don't think they are capable but I do think that people imagine themselves capable." Carlisle pauses before continuing, "Nothing is ever black and white. I don't think someone can completely divorce their human instinct and empathy from an experience. A book, an action, whatever it is. How it impacted them is also swayed sometimes by the experiences of the author and other parties involved."

"Have you heard of the moral machine?" Carlisle shakes his head.

She continues, "It's like, who can decide moral reasoning? Is it for us to say that we should all think and operate with the same moral structure? It's how we are trying to design fully self-driving cars and transportation decisions. Part of it's the idea that a machine reacts faster than any human can and needs to act in the agreed-upon moral decision. Like, an accident can happen in a split second and trying to decide which is the lesser of two evils to base a decision on. It's pretty rough, like what should someone do in a brake failure? Kill its passengers or potentially someone else on the road, sidewalk, etc? We would always want to protect ourselves but do you save yourself or an innocent bystander?"

"I try to weigh my odds very carefully. I think logical decisions offer peace of mind but we can't always be 100% analytical and logical. That's where empathy and humanity must come in."

"But how could you be empathetic to everyone? How can you judge the value of a life? Time lived? How much someone has given back to society? What makes one life more valuable above others?"

Carlisle thinks there is no way that she can read his mind and yet… She's sitting here in front of him with barely 22 years to live, asking the questions have suffered for centuries. The pull of his heartstrings deepens. He can't help but feel the pull of his mate is real, the combination of bloodlust must be his desire to turn her above all others. It's at this moment he realizes that Carlisle knows he will value her life above his always.

"I don't know. I know that we try our best to balance the scales in the way we see fit."

Bella swallows now. "I don't know that we always act in a just manner."

"I'm sorry but it feels like you're dancing around something bothering you especially today."

She scowls a little at the accusation. "Maybe."

Something in her chest warms at the idea of being honest with Carlisle. She looks at his face and keeps his gaze. He looks so different from any man she's met. It's not the greek god looks and chiseled pale face like marble, it's something in the warmth of the dark amber honeyed eyes. She feels safe when she's here. It's probably psychosomatic.

"You'd make an excellent serial killer. Ted Bundy, eat your heart out."

"What?" Carlisle's startled expression breaks her into giggles. She sips her neglected coffee.

"I just mean, you know, I barely know you, but I want to tell you my life story."

Carlisle laughs a little. His voice has been soothing this whole conversation, but his laugh is gentle and rich and warm and comforts her somehow more on this rainy day. This is gonna be such a problem when she leaves.

"I don't know that I have that effect on all of my victims." Carlisle attempts to keep his tone low and face sincere.

Bella laughs and smiles broadly. His heart explodes in his chest at seeing her so radiant. He wants to make her laugh and smile every day. The burn in his throat is there and tempting but the pull in his chest is so overwhelming he feels like he could ignore his thirst forever with her laughing like that. Something inside of him claws lower in his abdomen and wants to claim her.

"Honestly, I had a very difficult breakup recently and I'm," She pauses to gather herself," I made a huge mistake in trying to put him in his place. I was stupid and reckless. And I don't feel safe." Bella swallows before adding in a smaller, softer voice, "I feel safe with you."

Vampires had allure and appeal. They couldn't persuade humans to act on their behalf, but their acumen and enhanced senses and reflexes helped a vampire to understand and be more convincing to someone. Their smell drew humans in, their looks had appeal and disarmed a human, and of course, the incredible speed, indestructibility, and strength were the signifiers of an apex predator.

However, safe is not usually what people feel around them. As a doctor, Carlisle has always put an emphasis on his bedside manner. With his patience, understanding, and care, one would expect to feel at ease but the body's sixth sense reminds them to be wary of the other. Carlisle was used to feeling othered in this way. It's a sign of the bond probably, or something genetically wrong with Bella to feel safe in the presence of vampires. He feels so drawn to protect her that he wants to tell her she is safe in his presence but he knows better.

Let alone being his singer, being around Vampires, in general, has its own drawbacks. The closer he got to her the more in danger she would likely be, and the more in danger he and his family would be in. Carlisle is suffering exquisitely and silently at her admission.

I would do anything to keep you safe. The words burn in his throat with the sweet agony of being around her.

Carlisle chooses instead to smile slightly, masking the tightness in his chest, and respond, "Bella, why don't you feel safe? What happened?" The initial statement she makes is concerning and startling that she doesn't feel safe from something that has happened recently, it seems. His stomach turns at the thought of her being hurt by some foolish person that would come between them.

She blows out a breath, and some of her scent wafts directly up Carlisle's nose. The bitterness of coffee is nothing compared to her. He's been feeding more and getting better but he feels his eyes darken slightly as it burns to be here with her.

"Ev-" She stops to reconsider and lets her eyes wander the space of the cafe and avoids eye contact, "My ex sucks. And I am really unhappy with the way I let him treat me. I am also just unhappy with how he treated me. So um. I sort of blew up his spot online and posted about it everywhere." She nods

"I think that about covers it." Or at least how terribly I want to paint myself. Bella can't explain the urge she has to not reveal how she acted. Evan might have acted worse, treated her worse but was that good enough? She didn't want to take the low road. She didn't need to take the high road but she still feels so much disgust and guilt over her own life and actions and Evan muddled in it.

"Why does that make you feel unsafe? Is that why you're taking this year off from NYU?"

"He called Charlie's phone. I don't even know how he found Charlie's number, I mean. I guess you can find anyone online these days but he called looking for me and tried to ask Charlie where I was, acting like we were still together. Charlie saw through it but I'm kind of tense about it." She huffs a small and tight laugh. "I'm also not surprised you put two and two together. Yeah, I met him at NYU, at orientation. We didn't date though until like, the end of freshman year. He was gen ed when we met, now he's in fintech and the business track. It's not like we have classes in common anymore just it was the last straw to be there still. I haven't wanted to finish school for a while, but it was just too much."

"I'm sorry Bella, I can understand why you'd need space. And why you'd feel uneasy and unsafe. Has Charlie been able to help you out?"

"Yeah he helped me file a report yesterday, it's just fresh and really been a weight on my mind. I didn't mean to unload on you like that."

"I don't mind it at all."

"Yeah, you say that now. Later this year when I've swindled free therapy coffees out of you for months on end, you might think twice." Carlisle smiled genuinely at her playfulness. Some of it felt defensive and self-protective, but he sincerely couldn't imagine a better time spent in Forks or anywhere for that matter, compared to meeting up with Bella Swan for coffee.

He's holding his cup delicately with one hand and sips the bitter liquid. He's grateful for the years of acting to hide his disgust behind a convincing sip of what he hopes comes across as pleasure.

"It's not my favorite coffee shop but it does the trick. I'm not sure these chairs are as comfortable as my office's couch." Carlisle jokes

Something has to be wrong with him, Bella decides. He walks her to her car, holding an umbrella to shield her from the receding downpour. He might be too perfect? What guy wants to know her feelings and not make a move to get in her pants? There's also no way she believes he's been holding out for "the right one", because good lord, how has every hot lady and man let him get away? Sure, he may be 7 years older than her, but he looked every bit an international model and spoke with sincerity and charisma. He could charm the pants off of anyone, and yet. She felt colder now being alone in the car. While she was with him, it was like she was being given a warm hug. She was sincere when she told Carlisle she felt safe around him. It felt so genuine when she spoke it, and now she felt distinctly bereft of that feeling. Something is off but she can't put her finger on it.

When Bella walks into Charlie's house later, she collapses on a chair across from the TV with the Mariner's game on. It feels good to be around her dad, and she feels safe but it's nothing like the cozy and comforting feeling she had around Carlisle. She needs to bone him and get over this crush fast or find some other way to really rebound from Evan.