John Phoenix was at the Queen's Library the most famousest library in London and he was here to buy some books, as John Phoenix is a man of literature.
"Librarian I want some books," said John Phoenix. "Recommend me some. Now!"
"Okay! You should read Umineko it's peak fiction."
"Lived it," said John Phoenix. He was right, he was there on Rokkenjima when Umineko happened.
"Oh okay how about Henry Potter by JP Rowling? The JP stands for Jorden Phoenix and it's way better than trash authors like Barry Lawn. The cover's even got the writer's autograph on it!"
John Phoenix had no idea why the librarian suddenly brought up Barry Lawn but he decided to buy the book anyway for fifty dollars.
"Enjoy," said the librarian as John Phoenix left and after John Phoenix left he polished his nametag which was previously unreadable but now that it was readable it clearly said "The Freelancer Eel!"
John Phoenix opened the book and read the first page. But something was amiss!
"I've read this before!" said John Phoenix. But for once, he was wrong. He had not read Henry Potter before, he had read Harius Porter by Martin Summer!
But he wasn't sure. To become sure, he searched for discussion about JP Rowling's work and he found a recent 4chan thread pointing out all the similarities between Henry Potter and lots of other works, not just Harius Porter. It went on to say that the first page was copied from Summer's story word for word, except all instances of Harius and Porter were replaced with Henry and Potter respectively! The story even stole from small time writers on DemonicArt and similar sites.
John Phoenix was infuriated! JP Rowling was a con artist and had to pay! But first, someone else had to pay in a more literal sense.
John Phoenix went back to the library to make librarian pay him back the fifty bucks.
"W-We don't do refunds sorry," said the librarian.
"Wait a second!" said John Phoenix. He noticed the librarian's nametag. "You're not a librarian! You're a freelancer eel!"
The Freelancer Eel squeaked! He had to escape! So he morphed into an eel, a freelancer one, and jumped out the window and into the sea! The Freelancer Eel swam away and John Phoenix was about to follow but he remembered, he only learned how to swim recently so he still wasn't good at it.
But then Pete came along with his boat!
John Phoenix got on the boat and followed the eel but they lost him.
"Land's sake! We tried our best," said Pete in resignation.
"Damn you're right," John Phoenix frowned and opened the book and stared at the text. They'd never find the culprit now."
"Ho-Holllld on there fella I recognize that handwriting!" Pete pointed to the autograph on the back cover. "This book weren't written by no Jordan, it was written by me old pal Kyle Cutter!"
John Phoenix and Pete went back to London and searched for Kyle Cutter's house. Then they found Kyle Cutter's house! They knocked on the door and it opened. Inside, John Phoenix saw a computer and, next to it, a fishbowl with a freelancer eel inside it. It must be Cutter's pet. But more importantly than that was the man with the suspenders standing right in front of him.
"Who are you?" said Cutter.
John Phoenix readied himself. In order to catch this person out, he would have to be careful about his questions.
"YOU ARE A PLAGIARIST!" said Pete.
"Shut the fuck up!" said John Phoenix but it was too late.
"You snowflakes can't prove shit," smirked Cutter and he started closing the door. John Phoenix was annoyed! But then he noticed something in the corner of his vision.
It was Cutter's computer, and it was open on the 4chan thread John Phoenix found earlier! Not only that, but there was an unfinished post currently being written by Cutter himself!
"Memo to Anon, DeEpicMan who posted this evidence is a neckbeard autistic cuck who is adopted therefore his points are invalid. Also people on DemonicArt are [censored homophobic slur]s so it's fine to steal from them! I approve of concentr" the rest wasn't written yet.
Kyle Cutter slammed the door shut! But it was too late to save himself. John Phoenix had even more damning evidence against him.
The next day they went to court and John Phoenix had Pete testify about the computer and he also presented a photograph he took with his eyes as evidence.
Kyle Cutter AKA Jorden Phoenix Rowling went to jail for being a conservative terrorist (this story's set in an idealized progressive future where people finally decided conservatism should be illegal) and John Phoenix finally got his money back.
The End!
