Out of Control
Hutch came back from dropping their reports into Dobey and put on his tan leather jacket. Sporting his dark blue wind cheater, Starsky was already waiting impatiently by the squad room door.
"Where are we headed?" Hutch asked. "Huggy's?"
Starsky just looked at him. Where else would they be going on a Friday night with no other fixed plans?
Hutch shrugged and started walking towards his partner, just as a roar came echoing out of the office of their captain.
"Starsky!"
Starsky had one foot through the door when the second bellow came from right behind him. For a big man, Dobey could move remarkably quickly when he wanted to.
"Oh no you don't, Detective Starsky! Get back in here this instant."
Hutch smirked as his partner reluctantly turned around. He slapped a hand on Starsky's shoulder and observed, "And you were so close to escaping…"
"Detective Starsky? What is the meaning of this?"
"Meaning of what, Cap?"
"This thing you call a report! That's what!" Dobey waved the offensive folder under his detective's nose to emphasise his outrage. "I have told you before about sticking to the facts."
"It is factual, Cap," Starsky protested. "Tell him, Hutch!"
Hutch shook his head in a count-me-out-of-this gesture.
"I want this travesty rewritten immediately," Dobey ordered.
"All right, I'll rewrite it but can't it wait until tomorrow?" Starsky suggested. "It's been a very long week and I-"
"-It's been a long week for all of us," Dobey interrupted. "I can't leave this building and go home to my loving family knowing that this ridiculous piece of fiction is sitting on my desk. Rewrite it now and leave out the out of control similes and metaphors. Plain English, if you please."
"It's not a piece of fiction. It all happened," Starsky stated.
"Oh really?" Dobey looked at the report and read, "As fast as a cheetah, Detective Hutchinson took off after the suspect, cornering his prey at the end of Lombard Street."
Starsky shrugged and looked puzzled at Dobey's raised eyebrow.
"As fast as a cheetah, huh?" Hutch asked.
Starsky nodded at him. "It was a thing of beauty to behold, partner."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Dobey rolled his eyes and went on, "The slender okapi-like suspect resisted his capture with a kick of his strong legs and the butt of his head, but he was no match for Detective Hutchinson, who brought him down in one swift dive. He then read the suspect his rights and herded him to the waiting patrol car."
"What's wrong with that?"
Dobey ignored the question and continued: "I then joined Detective Hutchinson and we gathered up the hoard of treasure that the suspect had dropped during his flight. Hoard of treasure? Really?"
Hutch wrinkled his face. "To be fair, Captain, you could call it treasure. The robbery was at Bay City Museum and it was a collection of ancient gold coins."
Dobey glared at him. Hutch knew when to beat a hasty retreat. He patted Starsky's shoulder as he said, "I'll see you at Huggy's, Starsky. I'll have the first round waiting for you."
Starsky refused to give up so easily. "All of it happened, Cap. I don't think it even needs rewriting."
Dobey looked as if he was about blow his top but his voice was strangely calm as he said, "If you have to read this aloud in court, you will make yourself and this division look ridiculous…and Mullins will walk free."
"Oh."
"Yes, oh. Now rewrite it and leave out the hunter-prey imagery, if you don't mind."
Starsky sighed and ambled over to his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out two sheets of paper, which he handed to Dobey.
"Here you are."
"What's this?"
"The boring version. Just for you."
"Starsky! You mean to tell me…You are no good for my blood pressure!"
Starsky grinned as he headed towards a chuckling Hutch.
"First round's on you, partner. You can't deny you offered. I've got a reliable witness, right here."
Hutch stared at his partner and then looked back at his captain.
"I get the feeling we've both been suckered!"
They could both hear Starsky laughing loudly as he headed out of the room and along the corridor.
