Chapter Five: Gwen

"…you must promise me that you will hold on to hope."


POV: Peter Three

By the time the three had arrived at Older Peter's apartment, the sun was beating down on them in the middle of the sky. Upon realizing that Peter hadn't eaten yet- Peter wisely didn't comment that he hadn't had a real meal in days- Older Peter insisted on paying for pizza. A good twenty minutes of arguing which pizza place to order from later, and then finally receiving their delivery, the Peters Three were settled in a tiny living room.

The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. Peter wondered what his counterparts had discussed in the five minutes he'd been in the shower. He chewed his pizza as a way to prevent himself from breaking the silence. He hoped one of the others would speak up soon; the pizza box was almost empty.

On the other hand, the lack of talking among the three of them had given Peter ample time to reign in his emotions. Or, rather, he supposed it were his brain chemicals adjusting after being manipulated by Venom for so long. Peter found himself glancing longingly in the direction of the front closet, where Venom's container had been stored.

So much for 'out of sight, out of mind,' huh, guys? Peter thought. He took another bite of his pizza before the words actually slipped out of his mouth. More like 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' In a weird, unhealthy, host-symbiote way.

It wasn't that he missed Venom himself. It was more like a drug. The power Venom had given him and the narrower spectrum of emotions were the drug, and Peter the addict. And boy, did Peter want his drug of choice. His hands shook in a mockery of withdrawal.

Without the alien constantly in his head, Peter knew perfectly well that Venom didn't have his best interests in mind. The creature wanted revenge on Older Peter; Peter himself just happened to be the means to get to the man. Venom wasn't all bad, though. Okay, sure, he'd messed with Peter's emotions- and possibly his memories, Peter still wasn't completely clear on that- but he'd been willing to help find Gwen. Possibly as leverage, Peter admitted, to keep him compliant. But still.

The other Peters clearly disagreed with his reasoning that criminals shouldn't be allowed to roam the streets. But under Venom's guidance, Peter had realized that it really was the only way to keep people safe. Kill one perpetrator of attempted assault, and that person never hurts anyone ever again. Peter knew his counterparts blamed Venom for this shift in morality. However, even he could acknowledge that he'd already been going down a darker path for a while. Thinking back to how badly people were hurt when he'd first stopped holding back, Peter realized it had only been a matter of time before he took that final step. Venom had just urged him along a bit faster.

"This feels really awkward," Small Peter spoke up. Older Peter and Peter made sounds of agreement. "Shouldn't we, uh, shouldn't we talk? Or something?"

"Or something?" Peter volunteered with a tentative grin. Literally anything would be better than the uncomfortable conversation he could feel coming on.

Older Peter huffed a small laugh with a shake of his head. "No, he's right." He wiped his greasy hands on a napkin. He leaned forward, staring at Peter intensely from across the coffee table. "We need to talk about Gwen."

And there it wa-

Wait.

Gwen?

Peter shifted uneasily. Maybe he shouldn't have eaten so much pizza; he feared it was about to come back up to say hello. He thought this conversation was going to be a debate about morals and killing criminals, not about the love of his life, his path. Peter shook the sudden thought away before the full memory could form.

"I- Gwen?" he asked hoarsely. He cleared his throat. Tossed the last piece of pizza back into its box and placed the box on the table, lest he drop it onto the floor. "What about her?"

It was Small Peter who answered. "Dude, you're obsessed with her," he blurted as he balanced his own pizza box precariously on his knee. He glanced between the two older counterparts. "It's really creepy, man."

Peter opened his mouth to retort- he wasn't obsessed!- but Older Peter cut him off. "And it isn't healthy, either." He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "I remember what you said, back in Peter's world," he nodded at Small Peter, "About how you stopped pulling your punches. And about how you have no time for, and I quote, 'Peter Parker stuff.'" Older Peter reached over to place a hand on Peter's knee. "Peter, life doesn't stop when someone you love dies. It feels like it, I know that it does, all of us do. You're stuck in the past, blaming yourself for what happened." Peter jerked his knee away. His hands twisted in his pants. He shifted to avoid eye contact. "Peter, I don't know exactly how she died, but you aren't at fault. You need to let her go."

Peter finally looked back up at Older Peter, eyes watery. "Let her go?" he whispered harshly. He wondered if he'd be able to run to the closet and reconnect with Venom faster than either Peter could catch him. He didn't like his chances. "You think I haven't tried to move on? To get some, some kind of peace with what happened? She was my everything," he hissed, a couple tears slipping free. His lip trembled. His anger evaporated, leaving only absolute sorrow and heartbreak. "I'd follow her anywhere. To the ends of the earth, if I had to. And look!" He gestured wildly with a broken laugh. "I did!"

"This world's Gwen isn't the one that you lost," Older Peter said gently.

"You think I don't know that?"

"What, are you just going to force this world's Gwen to date you?" Small Peter asked, nose scrunched up. "That's-" He cut himself off, reworded, "That can't be healthy."

"Crazy?" Peter shot back. "That's what you were going to say, right? You think I'm crazy. For, what, trying to get back someone I lost?" Maybe he should have let Small Peter's MJ fall, a treacherous thought trickled in. Peter shoved it down immediately, sickened.

"I don't think you're crazy!" Small Peter defended, eyes wide.

"You're hurting," Older Peter soothed, ever the peacemaker. Peter wished he'd yell instead.

"Yeah, well, you know what would make it stop?" Peter retorted, baring his teeth in a semblance of a smile.

"Even if you reached out to this world's Gwen, what would you do?" Older Peter went on calmly, as though Peter wasn't riled up. "Force her to date you?"

"What? No! Well, not at first," Peter defended himself. "We could just be friends! And over time, we'd fall in love, and-"

"What did that alien do to you?" Small Peter whispered, so quietly that it became evident he hadn't meant to speak at all. He shrunk back from the gazes of the other two men. "I just mean," he stammered, tried to strengthen his voice. He gestured helplessly at Peter. "You weren't like this before. At all." Peter found himself meeting his younger counterpart's steady gaze. "And man, I totally get it- Well, not totally, I've never been literally attached to an alien- Which is really freaky, by the way-" Small Peter shook his head to get back on track. "But I've had my head messed with. It was more, like, psychological and science-y than alien, but. Yeah. I get what it means to have your head all jumbled up."

"'Psychological and science-y'?" Peter asked, simultaneously intrigued and concerned.

"We're getting off track," Older Peter said. Déjà vu, Peter held back a laugh. As different as the three of them were, some things still overlapped. Older Peter also seemed to realize he'd unintentionally copied Small Peter if his embarrassed face said anything. He didn't comment on it. Instead, the older man pointed at Small Peter. "We'll revisit that later."

"That's really not necessary-"

Peter smirked over at Small Peter. "Hey, if I have to go through this weird intervention-slash-therapy session, then so do you."

Older Peter spoke before the topic could get derailed again. "Peter," he paused, inhaled deeply through his nose and then letting it out slowly. Finally, "You can't just take any Gwen Stacy you want and take her to your universe."

"That's totally kidnapping," Small Peter added his input. Thank you, peanut gallery.

"She has a life here," Older Peter pleaded his case. "Family, friends-"

Peter quickly grew tired of his older counterpart's attitude. "Okay, fine, so I'll stay here then."

"You don't exist here," Older Peter countered.

"Fake IDs."

"You don't have a job here."

"I'll get one with the fake IDs. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if I even have a job back ho-"

Peter thought he could see a bulging vein pulse in Older Peter's forehead. "You're not listening-"

"No, you're not listening!" Peter snapped.

Older Peter scowled. Ah, so his never-ending patience did have an end. "And what about your Aunt May?" Small Peter flinched. Peter jumped to his feet, fists clenched. Older Peter stood as well, voice rising. "You'd just disappear from her life? What would that do to her? Did you think about that? Or are you just thinking about yourself?"

"Uh, guys?" Small Peter interjected. "Maybe you should calm down a bit…?"

"Don't you bring her into this," Peter growled, shaking. "Don't you dare!"

"Why not?" Older Peter stepped around the coffee table, closer to Peter. "Someone has to remind you that there's someone waiting for you back home. Someone you haven't lost yet- but you will if you keep obsessing over your dead girlfriend." Peter didn't hit the older man, but it was a close call.

"Whoa, whoa, let's cool down," Small Peter shot to his feet, pizza box tumbling to the floor. "Let's not do anything crazy here."

Older Peter cut off the response Peter had ready at the tip of his tongue. "I'm just looking out for you," he said, frustrated.

"Well, you can stop," Peter spat. "This may surprise you, but I am- oh look!- an adult. And!" He hurried to add before the other man could speak. "And! Don't forget that although we are the legit exact same person- we're also total strangers! Dude, you don't even know me, so how can you be 'looking out for me'?"

Small Peter stepped closer to the two, head swinging from one speaker to the next, helpless. Peter felt a pang of guilt that he and Older Peter were having this- ahem- conversation in front of the youngest of them. But his hurt and anger clouded his judgment. And, evidently, frustration clouded Older Peter's.

"It's because you're me- you're Peter Parker," the older man frowned. "And I know where your head's at-" Peter scowled. Doubtful. "-And I know the feeling of wishing you could have done something different or said something different to change the past- but you can't, Peter, you just can't. You have to move on."

"You telling me or yourself?" Peter retorted, crossing his arms to prevent himself from physically lashing out.

"I'm trying to stop you from doing something stupid!" Older Peter snapped.

"Do us all a favor, and stop trying," Peter replied lowly. "You're not my dad, you're not even Uncle Ben, so stop trying to be!" Maybe he'd gone too far, he admitted to himself. Older Peter had flinched back, a slightly haunted look in his eye for a split second. It was gone in a flash, replaced by anger. Peter braced himself for the onslaught.

Only for Small Peter to push his way in between the two. "That's enough!" He pushed on Peter's and then Older Peter's chests, widening the minimal gap between them. Even so, the youngest counterpart was clearly frazzled and out of his element. "Break it up, guys. Walk it off."

Peter threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "Good idea!" He grabbed his shoes and stormed over to the apartment entrance.

"Where do you think you're going?" Older Peter demanded.

"Out!" Peter snapped, slamming the door behind him. With his enhanced hearing, he heard Older Peter walk further into the apartment. He also heard Small Peter mutter, "Well, that went well." Guilt churned in his stomach. Not for the argument with Older Peter, but that Small Peter had witnessed it. Some 'brother' he was.

As it turned out, walking really was a great way to clear one's head. The longer Peter wandered, the more his ire fizzled out. The hurt he'd been hiding became more prominent, as well as the doubt that his counterparts had, unfortunately, successfully planted.

Maybe…maybe he was obsessive. Peter bit his lip. What kind of guy went after the counterpart of his dead girlfriend? He was no better than the stalkers he caught.

And yet, the seed Venom himself had planted hadn't died yet. More than anything, Peter wanted to see Gwen again- even if it wasn't his Gwen. He missed her and how happy he'd made her, and vice versa. Perhaps that was part of the problem.

Peter was selfish. He'd already known this, but now he wondered if it ran deeper than he'd thought. After all, a big reason he wanted Gwen- besides seeing her alive and well, of course, that was a given- was so he could experience the love and happiness and hope he'd felt when he'd been with her. Peter pushed back tears. When was the last time he'd been happy? Besides maybe for a few minutes here and there, his long-term happiness had been nonexistent for years.

Selfish.

But what else could he do? Even if it was obsessive and selfish and probably a bit crazy, didn't he deserve happiness? Didn't he deserve another chance?

He wasn't so sure anymore.

As lost in thought as he was, Peter bumped into someone as he turned a corner. He managed to catch himself, but the other person fell.

Peter scrambled to help the woman up. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. That was my fault, wasn't looking where I was…" He trailed off once he'd gotten a look at the woman's face. "…going…"

The person stood before him- he recognized her face from that profile picture he'd searched. Gwen. Peter had to stop himself from hugging her tightly and never letting go. He also had to fight the urge to run. Or break down into ugly tears. Yeah, Peter was pretty sure the tears were on their way. Very quickly.

"It's no problem." This world's Gwen was older, her face more mature than her teenaged counterpart. Her smile was almost the same. Peter's heart ached like it hadn't in years. All that pain he'd beaten down to be able to function? Yeah, that had abruptly burst forward.

Peter realized he was just staring at this poor woman. Great first impression. He couldn't seem to form a coherent thought, however.

Should…Should he befriend her? Set forth his plan?

Peter didn't have a chance to say anything as someone called out Gwen's name. She turned and waved at a group of three waiting further down the sidewalk. Were they friends? Was one of them her boyfriend? Husband?

Reality crashed down onto Peter.

He couldn't take Gwen home with him. He also couldn't stay in this world for the sole purpose of trying to date her. Gwen had friends- family, probably- what kind of person would Peter be if he took her from that.

Gwen was walking away. Panic blinded Peter. No, no, he'd only just met her again! It had all happened so fast- He had to say something- But what could he say?

"Hey, uh, Gwen, was it?" Peter called after her.

Gwen turned, a bit of a wary frown on her face now. Peter rubbed an arm. Right. She didn't know him. And now he was being a creep.

"Uh, I just wanted to say-" Peter's mind blanked. There were so many things he wanted to say, but those were to his Gwen, not to this woman who was a total stranger. "That is, I mean-um-" Gwen's frown slowly turned into one of confusion and concern. Peter took a deep breath. Gathered his wits. "Goodbye."

Yeah.

Yeah, that would do.

Gwen quirked a confused grin. "Goodbye," she returned. She let her gaze linger for a split second longer, but Peter knew it wasn't out of any sort of recognition. How could it be? This time, when she walked away, Peter let her. And with her, went some of his lingering guilt.

Peter held himself together- barely- until he'd returned to Older Peter's apartment. The moment he'd been let in, he burst into tears. Older Peter and Small Peter held him close.

From his position squished between the two, Peter felt something he hadn't felt in a long time.

Hope.


"I know it feels like we're saying goodbye but we will carry a piece of each other into everything we do next."


A/N: Yeah, I know, the odds of Peter Three running into Gwen are basically zero, just roll with it. And the abrupt ending...

Sorry not all the loose ends were tied up, but I knew before writing this story that I wanted an open ending. Peter Three is on his way to healing, but it won't happen overnight. Catching MJ in NWH helped him heal a bit from the actual event of catching Gwen, but I firmly believe that he still needed to process her death itself. Venom took advantage of that, and we get this story.

I don't think I'll ever write a sequel, but perhaps eventually I'll write additional scenes as oneshots (no promises, though).

Did anyone notice that the quotes at the beginning of each chapter (and the title of the fic) were from Gwen's valedictorian speech? The entire fic centered around what would motivate Peter Three to even work with Venom in the first place, and the only thing I could think of would be Gwen- so the quotes were there sort of as a way to lead you through the story and Peter Three's journey.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I sincerely appreciate every single one of you. Each review brought a smile to my face and encouraged me to keep posting this story. You guys are the best!