TW: Panic Attack, please don't continue if you find that triggers you.
It was dark, the clothes she was wearing felt brittle and fragile against her skin. Something scratched against her face. She didn't know where she was, panicking, worrying if the hacking into the framework hadn't worked as well as she and Daisy thought it did. She didn't think the was supposed to be where ever she was.
She inhaled her pulse quickening, she felt something beneath her hand, something bony, she quickly processed that she was in a mass grave of some sort, she took a breath and repeated to herself.
THIS ISN'T REAL
THIS ISN'T REAL
This isn't real
This isn't real
She repeated it her brain foggy as she panicked breath quickened panicking, she was drowning, she didn't know which way was up right now it was like the bottom of the ocean all over again. She was buried alive, she wasn't even alive in the framework.
This was a problem, she wondered how much had been changed amidst her panic her frantic clawing trying to figure out which way was up, she clawed at the hay-like material that was above her face. Trying desperately to breathe, she needed to breathe. She saw the inklings of light, beginning to break through as she clawed, tears on her face, trying not to think about the bodies that were surrounding her.
She broke through and saw the sun, so glad she could see the sun once again. She inhaled deeply through her nose trying to regain her composure. She sat on the grass bringing her knees to her chest, she tried to breathe like Andrew had taught her before, he became homicidal, inhuman. She needed to breathe she needed to figure it out. She needed to save her friends, she needed to figure this out.
She had to save them for all of the times that they had saved her it was what she had to save Fitz for all of the times he had saved her. She had to fight for May like all of the times she had fought for her. She had to guide Coulson for all of the times he had guided her. She had to help Mack for the help he had given Fitz when she couldn't.
She took a breath and started towards the direction of the road, the scene around her warped, and switched to the bloodied bodies of her friends before altering once more to the bottom of the ocean, switching to a dark blue land full of sand, missing the sun.
The world swirls all around her as if it is replaying her greatest hits she didn't know what to do, it switched again to Fitz begging her not to kill him she tried to shoot up with a start. She found herself entangled in something unable to find her way out.
It was dark and she still felt like she was buried in that shallow grave as if she had never escaped it she had failed. She clawed at everything that she could get her hands on desperately trying to escape her tomb.
She clawed and tried to escape, clawing at everything, that was around her, clawed at herself desperately trying to escape. She couldn't get out, she was drowning. She was drowning. She was drowning. She was drowning. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe. She failed, failed… failed.
She felt arms wrap around her she tried to escape, she heard soft murmurs in her ear telling her,
"Jemma your okay, your okay, please breath."
She couldn't breathe didn't they get it, she was suffocating, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe. She clawed at her own skin, trying to find something to grasp on as she tried to escape the grasp of whoever was holding her. Tears formed in her eyes as she started sobbing, finally giving up trying to escape the arms that were holding her.
She couldn't breathe, she was buried, surrounded by the dead bodies of people she knew. She couldn't breathe. She felt the arms rubbing up and down her arms, whispering,
"You are going to be okay, please breath, your going to be okay."
She wasn't okay, she couldn't breathe. She started clawing at her own skin, only to have her hands pulled away from her flesh. Someone was holding her hands keeping her from scratching herself, she couldn't breathe.
"Jemma, your okay, your safe, nothing is going to hurt you, please try to breathe with me," the voice said again. "In… out… in… out…"
She tried to listen to the voice, she inhaled and exhaled trying to listen to the instructions. She could feel her breathing calm down, her vision cleared. She realized that she was in the bedroom, she was sharing with Fitz, his arms wrapped around her.
"Fitz," Jemma sobbed out shakily.
"Your okay, you are okay," Fitz said shakily.
"I'm sorry I am so sorry," Jemma said pulling away from him and curling up into a ball, on top of the blankets, she didn't deserve his comfort right now, she had woken him up, he was hardly sleeping, to begin with. He didn't deserve to have to deal with her on top of his guilt when he could hardly sleep, to begin with.
"Jemma, you have nothing to apologize for," Fitz said gently, she felt so bad that his voice was filled with all of this concern for her, she didn't deserve it.
"I woke you up," Jemma said mournfully, not looking up to meet his concern-filled eyes.
"It's okay, Jemma do you want to talk about it," Fitz asked gently. She didn't want to so she just remained silent, knowing that would worry him, but she woke him up with her thrashing so there wasn't much she could do to dull his worry at this point.
She still felt like she was buried alive drowning under the weight of the earth on her shoulders, crushing her chest, restricting her breathing. She couldn't tell Fitz though he would get so guilty, guilt that he didn't deserve to have on his conscience if she could convince him it wasn't his fault she would have done it a while ago.
Author Note: Please let me know what you think.
