I don't normally do this, but trigger warning for attempted suicide.

This was a powerful, heavy chapter and one that means a lot to me.


One month before Merlin arrives in Camelot.

Smoke and Sorrow fluttered into the window, breaking Orion's heart as he watched Uther's vileness craft yet another pointless execution. Leaning on his cane, looking out of his window, he knew it was time. Turning on heel, he marched to the his desk, covered in books and scrolls and a single box... a box containing a knife. Pulling it out, the gift from Uther when he first was presented to court, the Son of the Black Knight Tristen Debois. Though smaller and sickly, he resembled his father and aunt Ygraine with his almost white hair and green eyes. No one had been able to deny his identity, and he was accepted into the court by Uther all those years ago. The Knife had been a gift, and now it would be a curse, a reminder to Uther that his evil came at a cost...

And that cost...

Orion's life.

He wrote it down, the words that would pierce the monster's heart, or so he hoped.

'I cannot go on living, knowing that you use your power, the same power that grants me untold privilege, to harm countless others. Healers, lovers, children... I cannot bear it any longer. Let my death be the key that changes your bitter heart.'

Simple, he grabbed the dagger and held it close to his throat. "Cailiech, Guardian of the Spirit World. I know I am not one of magic, but please allow my weary soul allowance into your world, help me to help them, those souls my Uncle has destroyed with his evil. Even if it that is to reassure them, nurture them... guide them."

Taking a deep breath, the young boy, fourteen years old, moved his hand to carve a path across his throat only to stop as a terrible cold blasted through his palm, making him yelp and almost throw the dagger across the room in shock. Horror filled his soul as he saw his hand, smoking with cold.

"I would not do that, child." Jumping, he turned and saw a woman, cloaked in green and holding a staff. She radiated cold and magic, magic even a mundane soul could feel. She was smiling, but it did not reach her eyes, only unbearable cold and misery did, eyes that bore a tremendous burden. She walked towards him, and her hand brushed his face, lovingly, as a mother would. "You can do so much more with life than you can in death."

He gulped, shaking, "You are the Cailech..."

She nodded. "I am the Cailech, the Guardian of the Veil, Mother of Cold and Goddess of Winter." Her tone was solemn, sad but also happy in a strange way. "I heard your prayer, I have felt your sadness for your long life. You wish, crave, need to serve others, to make amends for your family's evil. A noble calling, but one that you cannot do without aid. You need magic, you need protection, you need guidance. All things I will grant to you, in a fashion... the magic you must get for yourself, through effort and training but the guidance and protection, I can grant that to you."

"Why me?"

"You want to help, you are in a position to use your political power and resources and you are not afraid of getting dirty despite your high birth. No... my son, you are the perfect person to make a difference."

"How do I start?"

"By becoming my priest, calling forth my power, channeling my magic, will allow you great strength in times of need but also serve those that need it such as those Spirits you wish to help. Do you wish to become my priest?"

"Yes... I do... especially if I can really make amends,.. but how do I learn magic, the tomes are kept in places I cannot reach?"

She smirked. "You are a clever boy, you know more than you realize... but you are right, it would be unwise for you to not have some assistance here..." She wave her hand, her eyes not glowing as a typical magic users would, and in a swirl of frost, a book formed. "This tome belonged to the woman who just perished at Uther's command, it contains magic for a variety of things. Including healing."

He froze, his hand moving to his weary chest. "Could... could I heal myself? Unwind my sickness?"

She nodded. "It is possible, but it would take greater magic than you would be capable of for some time. Now, it takes times and energy to manifest in this mortal plane. I cannot sustain my presence here for long... you must not get caught. Learn fast, learn well, and rise above. You can make amends for your family's crimes, if you are willing to endure."

The world, which had taken on a blue tint, returned to normal and he found himself smiling for the first time in six years. Standing as tall as he could, he walked over to the dagger and grabbed it from the floor before placing it back into his box.

"Thank you, Cailech, for giving me this chance, thank you for seeing me as more than Uther's evil... thank you for giving me a reason to live. "

Pleased with himself, he turned his gaze to the book and got to reading, ever grateful for not only the lock on his door but the hiding place he had found iin the wall two years prior. It would make masking his spell books all the easier.

But for now, it was time to study.


Chapter end, tell me what you think in the reviews.

This was a joy to write.

Love, your Ninja Overlord,

Mika.