He Hadn't Realised
When he looked back, he realised that he had unconsciously made the decision on the day he had left on his tour. But he had still been smarting some from Marina's betrayal to acknowledge it. He almost hadn't gone. He had heard that Penelope's father had died, although he did not know any further details.
Eloise had headed over to her friend as soon as she heard the news, but he had the urge to be the one who comforted Penelope. He had cast a look over at the Featherington residence considering how it might look if he stopped by. In the end he felt the Featherington women had enough to deal with right now and had headed off to lick his wounds abroad.
He wrote to her the first chance he got to make sure she was alright. He was stunned when she wrote back so quickly. She avoided saying much about her father or the reast of her family. Instead, she asked about his travels. It seemed a safer subject for her. So everywhere he travelled he would write to her, receiving a responding letter every time. It was almost as though she were travelling with him.
On returning home he had hoped to run into Penelope to reassure himself she was indeed as well as she had claimed to be in her letters. It was a welcome surprise to find her in his home when he entered the drawing room. Of course, she had noticed him before any member of his family did.
She looked happy to see him, even to the point where she might have hugged him if it hadn't been for his two youngest siblings almost knocking her over to get to him.
In fact, his siblings particularly Eloise always seemed to be getting between them. The same day he and Penelope had actually managed to begin a conversation before Eloise appeared and dragged her away. No wonder he had not realised he was in fact courting Penelope Featherington.
Despite telling Penelope at another gathering that he had foresworn women, he looked forward to seeing her at every ball and the conversation they had. He felt as though he could tell her anything. Telling her she did not count as a woman because she was his friend had not been a smart move.
Yet she had not foresworn off him. He still recalled the vision of her in green, running down the hill to greet he and Eloise. The colour suited her and she clearly enjoyed being out of yellow.
The concern on her face when he mentioned he was going to visit her cousin had tugged at his heart. He had not wished to worry her, but he needed to settle things with Marina. His mother's appearance had given him the opportunity to sneak off. His visit had left him dis-satisfied to say the least.
She had been loyal and constant despite him being moody and despondent. The faith she had shown in him was breath taking. He had despaired that he would never find his purpose and yet she had been so certain he would.
Then there was his brother's almost wedding to Miss Edwina Sharma. She had such grand plans that he was simply in awe of her. They spent so much time together and yet no one had batted an eyelash.
So many times, he had been alone with Pen unchaperoned. He thought nothing of holding her hand. Now that he thought about it, he usually was the one who approached her at balls. Just lately he had been asking her to dance simply because she was a graceful dancer and he enjoyed having her in his arms.
Although he had not appeared at her residence with a gift or flowers, he had evidentially be courting her. Then he had defended her family against their conniving Cousin Jack and informed her she was special to him. He had meant every word.
It was the words he had uttered later that were coming back to haunt him. Those he hadn't meant. And Penelope was certainly not meant to have heard them. He had been on top of the world. She had looked at him as though he were her own personal hero and they had danced which had caught the interest of a number of the attendees at the ball.
Suddenly others were interested in Penelope and he was torn. Part of him couldn't believe that Penelope was so overlooked and all it took was one dance with him to change that. And another part of him selfishly wanted to keep her to himself.
There was no excuse for his actions. Announcing "I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington. Not in your wildest fantasies" loudly at the home of said lady, was not the highlight of his evening. It wasn't until the following morning when Lady Whistledown reported it, was he aware that he may have been heard by others. Or the damage his insensitive words might have caused. Even though he hadn't considered marrying Penelope himself, he had always thought that someone would see passed her shy demeanour and realise what a catch she was. Now the mere thought of her marrying someone else sent a tremor of fear through him.
Now he was faced with the possibly of the woman he had subconsciously been courting might never speak to him again. At the very least, she would never look at him the same again. How could she? No one who had looked at anyone with such adoration only to hear mere moments after being told they were special to you that they were worth even the possibility of being courted.
How could he fix this? Was it even fixable? He missed their friendship even before he knew if Penelope would still be willing to be friends. He wanted more but he would consider himself lucky at this point if he still had her as a friend. Charm and a smile was not going to get him out of this pickle.
