AN: Oh, my idiots in love. I love them so much and after a very eventful week of promos, sneak peeks, talk of the last episodes, and tons of fan theories, I decided to write this and get it out of my head.

Kate was exhausted mentally and physically. Everything hurt, her heart, her mind, and even her feet. It was an early night and that is what she needed. Jane offered for her to come over for dinner. The kids missed her hanging out as well, but Kate didn't have the mental capacity to socialize much. Everything felt like a weight lately and she wasn't sure how much of that was based on her actions anymore or external forces. The shower helped her relax a bit, the steaming hot water managed to relax her shoulders, but the tension still remained in her neck. After getting dressed in a comfy pair of shorts and an old college shirt, she fell onto her bed. She took in a deep breath and held it in for a moment before letting it out slowly, just the way her mother would have her do whenever she would get worked up or too stressed. Her phone buzzed and she was surprised when she saw Lucy's number. She took in another deep breath before answering, hoping it wasn't work-related or another resource the team would need her to tap for a case.

"Hey, everything alright," she asked as she slowly sat up.

"Yeah, I just wanted to thank you for helping with Ernie and talking me down."

"Of course, it was a stressful situation for everyone."

"I was right, you know? Totally FBI." Kate sighed as she looked at the clock on her nightstand.

"Yep. You were right and I was wrong."

"Wow, I think that's the first time you admitted that. I was right about the fire on the island and the hitman too, but this is the first time you admitted that you were wrong."

"Look, I'm sorry, but I'm really tired and don't really have the energy to go tit for tat tonight. You were right about the FBI and finding Jesse and plenty of other things, okay? I should go…"

"Wait, that's not…I wasn't calling to gloat."

"You sure?" She heard her sigh and Kate fell back onto her pillow. Everything between them felt hard lately and she didn't know what to do with that.

"When did we get so bad at this," asked Lucy.

"At what," asked Kate.

"Talking." Kate stared up at the ceiling, letting the question hang between them for a moment as she thought about how to answer.

"Were we ever good at talking? We were good at a lot of things together, but I'm not sure that has been our strong suit."

"I don't think that's fair. We used to talk plenty. It's what always confused me when we were at work. I always felt like I could talk to you at your place or mine, but it's like as soon as we were on base, everything would change. You would just run cold and you were suddenly Whistler, not the woman I could laugh and spend all night with."

"It's a bit different now that I'm not with the DIA, but work for me is work, Lucy. It isn't my entire life, but it is important in my life…"

"You think it isn't important to mine?"

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying our jobs are different. Your boss is Jane. She invites you over and wants you to always feel like you are part of her family. She cares about you and would do anything to have your back. I've never had that. At the DIA, my bosses threw me under the bus every chance they got. I always felt like I was being pulled in so many different directions. There were the protocols and procedures or the gut instincts of your team and that didn't always work out well for me. It's why I left. I couldn't hold the weight of both anymore."

"We always solve our cases and you are great at your job."

"In my line of work, it isn't just about the results. It's the path you take to get them. Chain of command matters, the way it looks matters, and I undermined my bosses a lot to help your team. Calling in FBI to help on a case I was given a direct order to shut down? That put me on their radar in ways I just couldn't deal with anymore."

"Why didn't you ever tell me? I would've understood that."

"Luce, I'm really happy that I have a better working relationship with your team now, but I'm not part of it and didn't exactly have Jane's backing at the time. I was between a rock and a hard place. Either I got the results or I followed the protocols. It became impossible to do both."

"That's not true, about the team, I mean. You are part of it."

"I think Jane does her best to make me part of it, but it doesn't always feel like it. It never really did."

"You have helped us on so many cases lately."

"Yeah and gotten pushback from you every step of the way."

"You push back on me too, like questioning me about the fire."

"I was trying to make sure you were being careful, that's all. We'd all been wrong about a lot of things and that case was way too high stakes. Jane already was dealing with the fallout from Maggie. I couldn't imagine if something happened to one of you or Jesse. There were so many factors out of our control. I was just trying to make sure you weren't going in head first without thinking about every scenario."

"But I don't need you to do that for me. I'm a good special agent."

"I never said you weren't."

"But every time you question me, it feels like you are questioning my competence."

"Like you've questioned mine," challenged Kate.

"I've never…." She heard Lucy take in a deep breath and sigh.

"I think we've both been defensive," conceded Lucy and Kate nodded.

"Yeah, I think we've both given each other reasons to be. I know you are an amazing special agent, Lucy. You and your team are the best I've ever worked with. It's the reason I was willing to put my neck out so much."

"You are a great special agent too. Ever since I've arrived, I've been trying to prove myself to Tennant, but I guess I'm not the only one with something to prove."

"Every phone call I make, every resource I pull, especially when I was with the DIA, it was a favor, a mark against me in some cases. I was willing to take the risk because I believe in you and the others. It wasn't always easy, though. Being with the FBI makes it better."

"You know, when I found out you were with the FBI, I was pretty pissed."

"Why, because it meant working closer with your team?"

"No, because you didn't tell me. That isn't an easy process. You must have made the decision before things went bad between us. It was just another thing I could add to the list of what you were hiding from me."

"I had to keep it under wraps until I knew for sure."

"But even from me? Kate, that's the problem. I'm not just anybody."

"I know you aren't."

"It doesn't feel like that. It feels like you are so busy trying to protect your intel that you shut yourself off from everyone, including me. I know we never really talked about or confirmed our relationship, but we were together. What does it say that you couldn't tell me about that big of a career move? You couldn't let me be excited with you and nervous for your interview. How am I supposed to feel about that?"

"I've never let someone in the way I've let you into my life, but it's hard for me and yes, before you say it, that still makes me human."

"I wasn't going to say that." Kate took in a deep breath again before continuing.

"Not all of us are good at showing and telling like you. I do in my own way, though, when it feels safe for me to. It doesn't mean I don't feel. I know what the team used to say about me, what my colleagues used to call me, the mean girl, the ice queen, the bitch, but compartmentalizing keeps me safe."

"I know you aren't any of those things. When I said it was hard for you to be human, I was hurt, literally and figuratively. I had gotten my ass handed to me, it had been a really long day, and I was upset because I thought you were embarrassed by me. I didn't mean to hurt you by saying that. I know now that it bothered you."

"My whole life I've never really felt like I fit in, even when I got better at it and made friends. When I was a kid, I was overeager as a people pleaser, I got burned a lot, but I found ways to be useful to people."

"I don't need you to be useful to me. I need you to let me in."

"It hasn't felt like that lately."

"Kate, I'm hurt. I mean…I know you've been trying. I know I haven't made it easy on you and a part of me didn't want to. It's been hard to process all of this with you right under me all the time, though."

"And I don't know how I'm supposed to do my job if I can't talk to you, but I can admit, I've been sticking around more than needed. From now on, I'll talk directly to Jane about things."

"I don't want that."

"Then what do you want, Lucy," she finally asked.

"For Cara to never have been at your door! To never have hurt this much and question if I can trust you." A tear fell down Kate's cheek as she heard the heartbreak and Lucy's voice crack.

"Damn it, I have to pull over," muttered Lucy and Kate frowned in confusion.

"Wait, you're driving right now?"

"You couldn't tell?"

"Lucy, you shouldn't be driving when we're having this conversation. You really shouldn't be driving at all. Jesse can probably attest to that."

"You really are going to insult my driving right now, Whistler?"

"Sorry, low hanging fruit, where are you pulling over? Where are you?"

"Just, around."

"Then, at least come over so we can talk," she said as she sat up in bed. Her heart began to race and she tried not to get her hopes up too high like she had done in the past when Lucy called. This was the first time she called and wasn't all business though either.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," admitted Lucy.

"Okay, then maybe call me back when you're home," suggested Kate.

"Yeah, okay."

"Okay." With that, Lucy hung up and Kate pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. It was progress, but their conversation didn't exactly go the way she wanted it to either. There was so much more she wanted to say and better ways to say it. She fell back onto her pillow and pulled up her messages on her phone to text Jane. The two of them had been checking in with each other more.

Is it possible to crash and burn multiple times in one day?

It didn't take long for Jane to text her back and she smirked at the response.

For most people, no. For you? Obviously.

Kate shook with mirth and started to write a witty reply to her friend. She'd never had a friend like Jane before, one who teased her as much, but also found a way to comfort her. Her other friendships were strong and supportive in their own right, but a part of her wondered if Jane knew that is what she needed. Jane was perceptive and always one to know what the people around her needed and when they needed it.

A knock on her front door stopped her mid-text and she tossed her phone on the bed before getting up to go answer it. She was stunned when she saw Lucy standing there looking as nervous as she suddenly felt.

"Hi," said Lucy as she stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets.

"Um…hi…I thought you were going home."

"I was, but I don't know. I felt like we were trying to get somewhere and…you asked me what I want." Kate silently nodded.

"I want to talk," added Lucy and Kate swallowed hard as she opened her door wider.

"I can do that," agreed Kate. Lucy walked inside and immediately headed for the kitchen. Kate quietly watched her, afraid if she made a move or spoke too loudly, Lucy would put back up her walls and run again. Lucy grabbed a bottle of wine and two mason jars before heading toward the balcony.

"You coming," asked Lucy and Kate cleared her throat as she nodded. She followed her outside and both sat down. Lucy poured them both some wine. She quickly downed hers and blushed when she saw Kate watching her.

"Sorry, I'm a bit…" Before she could get out her apology, Kate downed hers too.

"Me too," agreed Kate and Lucy let out a small giggle as she poured them each another one.

"Slower on these, we don't need a repeat of that night when you…"

"No, no using that against me," warned Kate with a giggle and Lucy shook with mirth.

"It's the only time I've heard you sing," teased Lucy.

"Oh, you've heard me sing plenty," assured Kate with a charming smile that made Lucy bite her lip.

"None of that either," said Lucy and Kate put her hands up in defense.

"None of what, I'm being good. I'll be good," she assured and Lucy playfully glared at her.

"You know, you make it hard to stay mad at you. I'm mad at you for that. You should just let me hate you for a bit and get it out of my system."

"I'm sorry," Kate questioned more than stated and Lucy sighed.

"I have questions about Cara and that whole situation," Lucy confessed and Kate slowly nodded as she put down her drink.

"Okay."

"Were you sleeping with both of us?" Kate sighed.

"Lucy, of course not."

"Well, how am I supposed to know that? She was your secret girlfriend and I was your…"

"Please don't call yourself that again. That wasn't what we were and…" Kate's jaw clenched in frustration as she tried to find the right words. Lucy waited patiently for her to continue.

"Cara and I were together when I was in D.C. It was convenient and then it wasn't anymore. My life there was mainly work and so was hers. We thought that was a good thing, but we never put each other first and we both knew that. When I got the job here, that was it for me. I didn't expect her to show up. I know I should've handled things better with her and you. I didn't think it would become a thing and I was trying to protect myself. It backfired either way though, so to answer your question from that night too, of course it wasn't worth it. Losing you was never worth protecting myself."

"From what, me?"

"Yeah, you. Lucy, I don't do this, like this. I have rules and a routine and I have them in place to keep me safe."

"From what," asked Lucy and Kate sighed as she looked down at her hands.

"When Noah died, it blindsided me. He was the best big brother. He was always there for me and I crumbled when he was gone. There were days I couldn't even get out of bed. It was like this fear that if I even stood up for a second, I would crumble all over again and never be able to put myself back together. I'm not proud of it, but it got really easy to shut off that part of myself, the part that was vulnerable and emotional and easy to hurt. I didn't have to worry about that with Cara. It was never about that with us. My life was focused on my career. Then I moved here and it's like the day we met, my walls started coming down. It made things scary and fragile, but it also made me feel again. But, you and I've been complicated from the beginning." Lucy nodded in agreement.

"I wasn't exactly looking for something serious at first either," she admitted.

"I honestly don't know when it happened, but there was this shift and everything got blurred, every rule, every routine. That's what I was trying to explain earlier. My job with the DIA became impossible because I couldn't do it without emotion anymore. Cases get shut down, people get left out to dry, our work isn't all happy endings and saving the day. You know that."

"Yeah, I learned that the hard way when I was undercover. It has been a really intense year." Kate slowly nodded.

"I never got to ask, but how are you dealing with all that?"

"I'd never killed anyone before and I never want to do it again, but that's the job. For a while after, I wasn't sure I could do it," she confessed as she looked away.

"What changed?"

"Jesse getting kidnapped. I reminded myself that I have the power to save him, to do something, and if I had to, I would."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you through that. I'm sorry I put myself in a situation where I couldn't be there for you."

"I know you wanted to apologize earlier and I didn't let you, but I just couldn't."

"When you hurt someone, you don't get to decide when they forgive you," acknowledged Kate.

"Doesn't mean they get to hurt you back in the process. I was thinking about what you said earlier. We've both hurt each other unintentionally to protect ourselves and I think at some point, it felt easier to lash out at you then to deal with us."

"I screwed things up because I didn't want to deal with my past. I told myself I wouldn't hurt you but I did anyways. I am so sorry for that, Lucy."

"I know you are. I've known that for a while now. Like you said, you aren't always a teller, but you've shown it. That isn't what bothers me."

"Then what does?"

"It isn't about Cara. It's about us, Kate. The secrecy, the keeping things to yourself, how do I know if things get too real, too emotional, and vulnerable, you won't just shut down on me or take another job somewhere else to let it all fizzle out?"

"Because I haven't and I can't."

"Haven't," questioned Lucy and Kate ran a hand through her hair.

"After everything went down, I was offered the job with the FBI, but it wasn't automatically here, I had a choice and honestly, a part of me wondered if we would both be better off. At times, I've felt like I didn't belong here, like I didn't fit in, and that made me feel like that little kid all over again, so overeager to fit in with every offer of a favor, every resource I pulled, I just felt like I was giving in out of some hope of being seen and I hated that feeling. I don't want to be who I was when I first arrived, but I can't be the version that's afraid to say the wrong thing every second at work either. I did think about leaving, but I didn't." She gulped as she felt the tears swell in her eyes and looked over to see tears in Lucy's eyes as well.

"What stopped you, then?"

"Jane knew I was thinking about going and we had an honest talk. She said she understood why I would want to go, but also gave me some reasons to stay. It's been nice, you know? Having another woman I work alongside who doesn't see me as a threat to their power is refreshing. She asked me to really think about what I wanted, so I did. I want us, Lucy. I want a chance at actually being in a relationship and I think when I realized that, when I decided to stay, I got overzealous. I wanted you to be ready too, to know I was all in, but I think I pushed too hard sometimes. Then, you would say something that stung or left me doubting if I was really helping you or the team by being here at all and it would send me down a vicious cycle. Oddly enough, it's what I needed, though. I can't just stay here when I hope it's easy. I had to want to stay even when you were making it clear it wouldn't be and I didn't feel like anyone but Jane wanted me around. So, that's how I know. I'm all in because my heart is all in. I don't want it destroyed or broken and I hope you don't think that's what I deserve after everything we've been through, but I'm willing to wait, if that's what you need." Kate glanced over at Lucy and could tell she was processing everything she had been told. She decided to give her time and took a sip of her wine as she looked out at the night sky. Lucy glanced over at her and took a drink from her mason jar before speaking up.

"I've been so focused on how hurt I am that I didn't care at times if I was hurting you. I don't think you deserve that or to be broken. I think we've both handled things poorly between us, probably from the beginning."

"There's a reason trying to keep things casual can be a problem, especially with a coworker," conceded Kate.

"You know, after being undercover and everything that happened with Jesse, I kept thinking about how quickly everything can change. How I could be in danger or lose someone I love. I don't want to try to stay angry when I know exactly where I want to be when I'm not anymore." Before Kate could question her, Lucy walked over and leaned down to tenderly kiss her. Kate moaned when Lucy crawled into her lap and straddled her waist. Their lips meshed together sensually, both relishing in the feelings coursing through them. Kate's hands slid to her backside and trailed up her back. She smiled and watched Lucy peel off her own shirt before passionately kissing her again.

"We should um, take this inside," suggested Kate as she looked down at the bra Lucy was wearing.

"Focus, Whistler," whispered Lucy in her ear and Kate nodded with a smile as she tenderly kissed her again. She allowed herself to get lost in the woman she loved, feeling for the first time in a long time that they were finally back on the right track.

AN: So, what did you think? I did my best to think from both of their perspectives and get them to see one another as they were, instead of what they were assuming they were...while also having to make my own interpretations of what has and will happen. I love this ship and I hope they can work things out soon.