Following Ryan into the pool house, Anna had the overwhelming desire to leave. The conversation with Mr Cohen by the pool had been taxing. The situation with Seth was precarious. Seth had told her that Ryan and Marissa weren't doing well after her drinking at the Christmas party had almost landed Ryan in large amounts of trouble.

This was the opposite of sensible, the opposite of Anna's usual conduct.

If Ryan was having similar thoughts, he kept them underneath his impassive façade. He had gestured for her to follow him from the pool to the pool house. Carrying several bags of shopping into his abode, he hadn't said a word. Was he mad? Had she overstepped the mark? Did they have a mark?

Ryan placed the bags down.

'Hey', he said, with his small, slightly unsure smile.

"Hey", Anna said back, trying to be casual. He was a little sweaty from the bike-ride, but his posture was relaxed, his hair a little messy and that cute smile didn't just seem like an embarrassed reflex. He wasn't annoyed. He actually seemed quite happy to see her. Anna felt her confidence returning after the conversation with Mr Cohen. "I was just getting ready to leave when you came back". She paused, giving herself one last chance to back out. "But as you are here, maybe we could do something fun?" She raised her hands, trying to be nonchalant but the words sounded hollow as they left her mouth.

Okay, so maybe not as confident as you thought you were.

Ryan looked skeptically.

"You know fun right? The thing you do between brooding sessions. It could even enhance the brooding, add some contrast to the Ryan Atwood schedule. Like when you've been in the dark too long and you are blinded to the light. Plato's cave, that sort of mood".

"Is that where Plato did his brooding?" he asked, she couldn't tell if he was winding her up.

"Yes, he swore by it. Even recommended a cave I think. But alas, all you have is this luxurious pool house to brood in. Brood House? Plato's Pool House?".

That got him laughing and Anna felt a wash of relief.

"Not sure I've accepted this as my new reality yet, but I'll keep you posted", he said, gesturing to the pool house.

"Ahh, so you do know what it is, were you teasing me, Chino?"

"Well, I wouldn't say I know what it is", he said, shrugging. "I know what the Matrix is".

"Hey, no self-deprecation on that joke, mister".

His face shifted and he sighed, looking away. For a moment she was worried she had said the wrong thing.

"Bad habit, I guess", he shook his head.

"I just meant you made a clever joke. No need to undercut it is all", Anna's face must've betrayed her concern, as he tried to smile reassuringly.

"Yeah I know, sorry. As I said, a bad habit, a defence mechanism, I guess, I don't know. Whatever you want to call it, sorry". He reflexively looked for something in one of the bags as he tripped over his words.

"It is okay. We can drop it, or talk about it. If you want?" Anna said, softly, slightly unsure at his unusual behaviour. Ryan looked up from one knee where he'd been unpacking.

"Thanks, I'm good". He got up and she went from looking down to looking up at him. "So what brings you to the Cohens?"

"Ahh, I came to give some comics to Seth but he wasn't in. And well, your da-, Mr Cohen is just so sweet. He was happy to host given no-one was around. I was going to leave and then well...You arrived", she shrugged and smiled.

Now or never Anna, she thought to herself.

"I could show you Princess Mononoke if we can find it?" she said, pausing. "Or you could show me this Dynasty Warriors game of yours, if it got you and Mr Cohen talking so profoundly before Cotillion". Ryan smiled as she started talking, running his hand through his messy hair until it settled on the back of his head and he looked slightly down, breaking eye contact.

"I'd like either of those things. Honestly, a lot". The way he said a lot as he raised his head made Anna believe him and she smiled back. A smile that made the next part all the harder to hear, and harder for Ryan to say. "But, I mean, what about Seth? You say you don't want to be his friend and he comes back to see us playing his PlayStation?"

Anna glanced away, a slight sigh escaping her lips.

"I mean, he had me in his room and Summer in your pool house? But we aren't allowed to play video games in the open?"

"I don't know. You know Seth…" Ryan winced. "I don't want to rock things with the Cohens anymore than I have so far. I had two near misses over Chrismukkah...I don't know". He said, accidentally book-ending his sentence.

"I get that, honestly, I do. And we don't have to do anything if you aren't comfortable with it, of course". Anna sighed, "But, selfishly, I will say this. What I know is that I want to be your friend. And to do that we probably need to be able to hang out at the places we live, right? Tell me if I'm being unreasonable".

"I get that. But", he paused, searching for what to say next. "Why now? You and Seth, half broke up, like, less than a week ago".

"Okay".

"And I'm not exactly in the best place with Marissa…" Anna closed her eyes, thinking about it.

"Okay, yes, you are right. Maybe I'm pushing this for the wrong reason, at the wrong time".

Ryan looked genuinely stunned and then exaggerated it for mock effect, smiling.

"Wow, sorry I'm not used to that. Thank you". He clearly meant it, the slight smile resting on his face.

"I'm not happy about it, but I get it Ryan, Seth told me things weren't going well. I'm sorry".

"Well I don't know, December is turning into a one hell of a month. I met a cop and didn't get arrested. I haven't been punched in the face yet and now a girl said I was right". He smirked and Anna couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey, don't make me throw you in the pool, Chino". Anna said, laughing as she rolling up her sleeve Now she wasn't trying to force the fun and he seemed happier again.

"Ahh, well I'd like to see you try with those arms", he said, adopting a defensive stance.

"With these arms? The arms that kicked your ass at the Skee Ball", she said, flexing a clear lack of muscle and staring at him sullenly "You are in trouble with these tree trunks'.

'All I see are a pair of noodle arms, Pittsburgh', Ryan said, moving closer as he spoke.

'Oh that is it', she dived at him and he playfully intercepted her, lightly grabbing her wrists. The two of them grappled for a moment, Anna trying as hard as she could to little avail. He looked down at her, she looked up at him.

Their stares locked and for a moment neither of them could bring themselves to look away. She saw the extent of his large, ocean blue eyes for the first time. In turn, he became lost in her deep brown eyes as they widened in response to his stare.

Anna pulled away first, Ryan not offering any resistance as she pulled her wrists from his large hands.

'Are you okay, Anna?" Ryan asked after a moment.

'No, I mean yes I'm okay. But if video games are off limits. So is this. Big time'.

Ryan paused, his posture changing. He nodded.

"You are right",' he said, shaking his head. 'I'm sorry. I guess it shouldn't be this complicated. It wouldn't be this complicated, if I was...normal".

"You are too harsh on yourself", she said quietly. Silence passed for a moment, two, three. Ryan looked down at the floor.

Now or never part two, Stern, Anna thought.

"I just want to be around you Ryan. I want to get to know you. But with you and Marissa, me and Seth. Those situations are complicated enough and I don't know what to do...So I came here. Hoping to see you. I hope that is okay". Ryan just gave one of his looks, but it said all it needed to.

'Can I ask you something? Something big'. Ryan said, glancing out the pool house window. Was he considering closing the curtains?

'Please', Anna replied, maybe too quickly.

'Why didn't you want to be friends with Seth?'. Anna couldn't help the sad smile spreading across her face.

'Ryan'. Anna said, pain in her voice 'I wanted to. I wanted to so we could all just hang out. Be normal. Well, more normal". She took a breath in, was she really about to say this? She couldn't stop herself. What was it about Ryan? Why did she feel like she could tell him this?

"Walking in on them like that, on Chrismukkah, it hurt me. In a way I'd never been hurt before. Seeing him tied up, with Summer looking like...that. That look in his eyes. I felt like a child. Like Summer had removed all my makeup, clothes, hair. Like she had taken anything that made me attractive or desirable and crushed it", she paused, closing her eyes. "Being feminine doesn't come easy to me, Ryan. It is why I try so hard. My interests are boyish, I'm not all boobs and lips and hair. When I walked in on them, it was like she had pushed me into a corner…'

The heavy eyes from earlier whilst talking to Mr Cohen had returned and the next words took a few moments to form.

"And I don't think I deserve that". Anna spoke quietly, her voice breaking slightly, contending with the oncoming tears. The look of pain on Ryan's face made it worse. She started to sob. Ryan, against all better judgment, pulled her closer. She was shorter than Marissa and Anna's head came to rest neatly on his strong chest, his arms around her.

'I get it', he said breathlessly.

'Do you?' she said after a few moments. 'How could anyone make you feel like that? You are so strong, you are incredible", she said, feeling first-hand now the firmness of his body against hers.

If the conversation hadn't been so serious, Ryan might've teased her for that comment. But just like on the pier, words came flowing out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

'Where to start Anna. The drunk boyfriends of my mum were the worst. Then my brother, his friends, my friends. I didn't wake up like this one day. If a man three times your size with a history of criminality and violence is giving you a beatdown everyday, and your mum just drinks through it all. Then she kicks him out, brings in the next one and the cycle repeats itself but even worse? You feel parts of yourself fall away, feel the rest harden up. That feeling when not even your room is a sanctuary anymore, if it ever was. That feeling. It makes you get bigger and harder. It makes you try to reduce that size difference. You toughen up, to survive".

Anna went cold.

'I'm sorry, I didn't think', she said, reflexively hugging him tighter.

'I don't want pity but know that I know", he said, stopping to take a quick breath. "Trust me when I say I know what it is like to feel worthless. To have people's actions make you feel worthless. To be told you are worthless. To lose". He sighed, resting his head gently onto hers, still pressed against his chest. "To be pushed into the corner, Anna. I get it".

The two of them stood in the middle of the pool house, in silence for a moment. All she could hear was the thumping of his heart.

"Is this going to be possible?" Anna said, struggling to get the words out.

"I don't know. This is all bad timing". He said, sighing, they hadn't let go of each other. She didn't want to leave it, she hoped he didn't either. They stayed there, gently rocking as their emotions calmed.

Anna thought carefully about her next words.

"When we met you weren't dating Marissa. I didn't know who Seth was. We were matched together...Should've been good timing". Ryan smirked slightly, though it was tinged with sadness.

"Ahh yes, but Anna, you are forgetting that I am an idiot".

Anna snorted a little through her tears.

"It wasn't just your fault. You came back, even if you did arrive with Marissa. You offered to debut with me. But in wounded pride, I sent you back to her".

That sound, her name. Those syllables hung between them and did not disappear. She felt Ryan pullback ever so slightly. Such a tiny movement. But it meant everything to her at that moment.

"So…" she said, pulling back slightly from the hug in defeat. "What now?"

The reply took too long, the conflict written across his face.

"I guess we have to try and be friends. Try not to lose each other in the chaos". As Ryan spoke he tried to look self-assured but it just made him look more lost.

"You just love repeating my words back at me don't you?" she said, trying to deflect the pain she felt at the solution. Friends. Friends.

"It is your fault for being so damn eloquent". Ryan said with a small laugh.

Anna slowly, with great effort, released her arms from his torso. Every second was a potential additional incident they didn't need.

"No compliments while hugging. New rule", she said, a slight, sad smile on her face. He raised an eyebrow then shrugged, just like he had at the Waltz practice.

"Cruel, but fair, Pittsburgh".

"That's me all over". She sighed, looking Ryan up and down. "So. We are friends".

Ryan nodded, his expression changing just enough to betray that he wasn't sure or happy with this either.

"I'm not exactly good at this", he said, his voice nowhere near as strong as it normally was. Anna looked down, rallied enough to smile and looked up.

"Me neither…" she said, a small, sad laugh escaping her lips.

Their conversation from the carnival came back to her.

"Anna, guys want to be chased by girls who aren't interested in them". His words echoed in her mind across the silence.

"So do Girls". She had shot back at him.

What had that even meant? What had they been trying to communicate to each other? Dancing around each other. She loved that conversation. She had played it over in her mind over and over since it had happened. The way he had looked at her, the words he had said. Ryan had made her feel confident. Seen. Wanted.

Back on the pier. She had wanted to tell him that. She had confided her doubts and fears in him. He had made her feel confident enough to kiss Seth. And then she had paid to keep Marissa and Ryan up on that Ferris wheel. The incident that got them together.

God. If I could do that night again.

No. She couldn't think that. She had made her decision. She felt the memory of that night becoming tainted in her mind as she looked across at Ryan, pain on his was with Marissa. Anything they did would ruin his relationship with Seth and Marissa. The two most important people in his life.

"I mean, if we try to…" In that moment, Anna wondered if Ryan had just gone through a similar thought process to her. But he never got to finish the sentence and the moment was washed away as Sandy knocked on the pool house window.

Ryan gestured for him to come in with a flick of the head.

Sandy gave a slight grimace.

"Well, do you kids want the good news or the bad news?" Ryan's face nearly mirrored that of his legal guardian.

"Good news?" Anna said in nearly a whisper.

"Well, Julie Cooper didn't walk in on you two mid-embrace".

"But…" Ryan croaked slowly, his hand subconsciously reaching for his face.

"She definitely saw it. Glass windows, open plan. Only so many strategic bagels a man can deploy when it reaches that stage".

Ryan sighed deeply.

"Guess this is what happens when we are seen together..." Ryan shook his head. "I should catch up with Julie", Sandy looked sympathetically at the two of them.

"She is going down to the country club. I'll drive you, if you want. We can probably catch her", Sandy said reassuringly. "Maybe we can talk to her before she jumps to any conclusions".

Anna felt impossibly far apart from Ryan, she wanted to say something. Anything.

"I'll see you around then, I guess", Ryan said offhandedly, his mind now far away, in damage control, in survival mode.

"Yeah. See you soon", was all she managed as she followed them out.

Anna wanted to stay with him, to ask for his number. To ask what he was going to say next. To ask about Marissa and how her drinking had nearly got Ryan in trouble again. To reach out and help. But seeing him charge after Julie Cooper, knowing she had caused this problem. It was a glimpse into what would happen. If she kept trying to push whatever this was. Ryan's situation was delicate. His hard exterior always close to shattering.

Anna now hated herself for crying about herself in front of Ryan, when he had been through so much. She knew he had had a rough childhood from what Seth had told her. But it was another thing to be told about it first hand, passionately as he held her. She couldn't bring herself to say anything, and she left the Cohen House without saying goodbye to Sandy. .

However, as she slowly walked back to her house, Sandy's words rang out through her mind.

"He has to make his own decisions". And Anna knew what he had meant now. Knew from the life Sandy had led before all this, before the mansion. Ryan had spent a life not making his own decisions. He wasn't a glamorous bad boy. He was hurt. Abused. Bullied. Neglected. In that moment she wanted him to be valued, to be happy, to be wanted. She didn't want to make anything worse for him. To ruin this tenuous, potential sanctuary he had found in Cohen's life. She didn't want to make it more complicated. To hurt him, or to hurt Seth either.

So as Anna walked down the long, beautiful road. She had no idea what decisions she was going to make next either, as New Years Eve approached.