Author Note:

Apologies for the line-breaks, but I'm still struggling to make the line-breaks stick on ? Weird. Either way, people seem to be enjoying it, so thank you!

Huge thank you for the in-depth comments and reviews I've received. I love reading them and they have really helped shape and reshape the chapters I've been editing. Think I've got 6 chapters in waiting and the feedback I've been getting is great. It has been giving me new insight or reassuring me that I'm taking the characters in a good direction.

Speaking of which, we are getting to the Oliver Saga now, so we will be branching out from Anna and Ryan. Oliver makes for a hard time for all involved. So hopefully you don't mind our protagonists taking some apart time. Probably not going to split it up on ff as you don't seem to be able to link them as easy.

Onto the chapter itself:

This was actually inspired by a story where Anna and Ryan meet on the NYE after she gets with Seth and he tells Marissa he loves her. My version is quite different though, but thought it was worth highlighting as the fact that they could've crossed paths was a real revelation to me and is my high-key head canon in the actual show. I love the idea, so many permutations of how that meeting could've gone.

Also, please forgive me for using what I imagine to be one of the most over-used chapter heading, but in my defence that song is in The OC and the sentiment just worked too well.

Sorry I'm not more regular. I've still got loads of chapters ready to go, I just get a little in my head about editing them. So hope you like this!

Might split the next one up on A03 and link them up as I said above. As we will be getting firmly in the Oliver Saga.

I also might do some other little one-shots at some point. I've been getting some ideas that don't fit in this timeline.

Anyway, way too much from me. Enjoy.


Chapter Four: When You Get What You Want But Not What You Need

Anna had left the New Year Party early, leaving Marissa with the person she assumed to be Oliver. She had left knowing Ryan hadn't gone to the party. That he had left Marissa alone on New Years Eve. Anna didn't know what to think as she looked at Marissa and Oliver talking. Was this her chance? She had to go back to the Cohen House. She had to go even if she was scared of the answer she would get on arrival.

And so she had driven her teal car through the night, she parked around the corner. Took a deep breath and walked up the drive.


She found Seth, alone. Without truly realising it, Seth told her that Ryan had made his decision.

Seth smiled as Anna approached. He smiled as he told her Ryan had nobly charged off to declare his love to Marissa. In that moment, all she could think, all she hoped, was that Ryan had made a choice that would keep him safe, that would keep him in Newport. She hoped that Marissa would no longer put him in these horrible situations. And so, Anna made her decision. She took the easy option, the easy option for all of them.

Anna had got what she wanted hadn't she? What she had fought for. Her and Seth were together at last.

Hours later, Seth was asleep. He had talked himself unconscious with stories of his aunt and the party and Ryan and Marissa, the fallout from the Chrismukkah drinking miracle, Oliver, her saying 'I love you'. Anna now knew it all. Her heart had ached as he told her. What an auspicious start to their relationship, she thought.

Anna quietly opened Seth's door, walking through the dark hallway of the Cohen family house. She checked her watch in the moonlight, it was nearly 3am.

As she walked down the grand staircase, she heard gentle movement in the kitchen. Her heart pounded.

No.


She tried not to look, she tried for what felt like an eternity, but she turned, and there he was.

Ryan looked directly at her, leaning against the Kitchen's central island. He was wearing just the wife-beater and his jeans. Anna couldn't meet his eyes.

"You...you weren't here", she said, breathlessly, trying to whisper. She knew he knew where she'd just come from.

Ryan stood up straight, placing his food on the counter. His features were firm, but he looked pained.

"Who did you come here to find?" he asked, barely above a whisper, looking straight at her. Was he annoyed? She didn't know. She felt a pain in her chest as she realised that she didn't feel she could ask him anymore.

With the light of the moon softening his features and highlighting the hardness of his body, Anna thought he looked beautiful. Standing there in her white New Years Eve dress, Ryan struggled not to tell her that she looked incredible. She didn't know that it made it hurt all the more, made him even more confused

"I don't know", she said, after a moment. It wasn't a good answer. But it was the real answer. It was as close as she could get to the truth. Ryan tried not to wince, but failed.

"You were at the party with Marissa and Oliver", he said. He said Oliver's name bitterly. "You knew I wasn't there, you thought I'd be here".

"Yes, I did. I thought I did". He looked at her, she averted eye-contact still. She didn't know what she'd do if she looked at him. The memory of being against his chest came rushing to her mind.

Silence settled between them. Not a comfortable silence. Not like the pier.

"Are you with Seth now?"

"Yes", she said again. She wanted to say so much more.

"Okay", he said, breathing out.

"Did you tell her you loved her?" Anna asked, the words barely escaping her mouth. She didn't care that Ryan would know that Seth had told her.

"Yes", he said. The words hurt her. Hurt her so much that she'd asked the next question before she'd even thought about it.

"Did you mean it?" she said, breathless.

Ryan stood there, frozen, she stayed looking down at his body, at his muscles, at his slightly clenched fist.

"I don't know", he said, after what felt like forever. "I don't trust people Anna, not easily. And I don't talk, not like that. Not like I did with you. I haven't told Marissa, not what...Not as much as I told you".

Anna didn't say anything.


"I know you think Marissa is bad for me", Ryan continued when he realised she wasn't going to respond. "And you might be right...And...I don't know what to do".

"I…" Anna said, after a moment, but it died with her. Say something, she thought helplessly. Say everything you have thought about saying to him.

Tell him you don't understand. Tell him your life has been impossibly privileged compared to his. Tell him you want him to be safe, to be loved. That you don't want Seth to hate him, or to incur Marissa's wrath. Tell him you never want to see him look like he did in the pool house when Sandy told him Julie had seen them hugging. Tell him anything.

"Anna?" he asked, when it became clear she wasn't going to continue.

Anna considered running away. Then she considered running towards him. She imagined him picking her up, spinning her around and kissing her. Then she chided herself for how inappropriate that seemed. And then finally she thought about Seth sleeping upstairs. Marissa and Summer.

She saw the same pain as before now etched across Ryan's face.

She didn't know Ryan was waiting for the slightest sign that that was what she wanted. That she understood what he had done, and why.

"Marissa, at...the Christmas party…The drinking...You de-" Anna said, trailing off again.

Her resolve failed, unable to bridge the gulf between them. In Anna's mind, he had made his decision. Just like he had at Cotillon. Nothing she could do now would change that. It would only make it worse. Tear him between two people. Ruin his relationship with his best friend. Anna closed her eyes to try and stop herself from crying.

She realised, selfishly, that she still wanted him to walk towards her.


Ryan said nothing, he didn't move. She opened her eyes, she hoped in the dark he couldn't see the tears.

"You deserve to be happy, Ryan. Good luck. With her". Anna couldn't speak her name.

"Anna, wait ", Ryan said breathlessly.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm only going to make your life worse. I should go".

Ryan watched as she fled the kitchen, put on her coat and left into the still night. He unclenched his fist, shaking. He put one hand to his face, closing his eyes. He wanted to run after her. Every second he didn't she got further away. She slipped further away.

But Marissa...And Seth.

She was right. As every urge told him, screamed at him to run after her, he stayed perfectly still.

Marissa and Seth.

Before Ryan knew it he had slammed his hand against the kitchen counter. The sound echoed through the lower level of the mansion as he slid down the counter to the cold tile floor. He couldn't follow her. He didn't even have her number. He couldn't ask Seth, not now. He couldn't do anything. She had left to make sure he couldn't do anything.

Ryan sat there, thinking of Anna up in Seth's bedroom, right as he had been kissing Marissa. He thought of Oliver, he thought of the Cohens. Of how many times he had been close to losing all this. Four? Five times? In as many months, and every time. Every time it had been Marissa. Ryan lowered his head, looking at the lavish tile floor, running his palm over it, before clenching his fist again.

Ryan thought of Sandy, asking if he could watch him play soccer sometime after he had tackled Luke. He thought of his own father. Of Seth, and then of his own brother, Trey.

He slowly stood up to his feet. Washed the bowl he had been eating from. Poured himself a glass of ice cold water and walked out to the pool. Sitting on the end of one of the sun loungers, he looked out into the night. He took a sip of the water, letting his mind take him back to Chino and his childhood.


Anna found herself standing at the top of the Cohen driveway, even if she didn't remember stopping. There was a light wind on the cloudless night. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the front door.

She realised she was waiting for him to come out of the door. That she was trying to put him into the same situation again. And with that, she forced herself to leave. She walked into the night, around the corner to her car. When she got back she wiped the tears and make-up from her eyes.

As the fourth hour of the new year chimed, Ryan removed the smallest trace of moisture from his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. As he went back to the pool house, he took a moment to look out across the quiet, dark pacific ocean before entering and closing his door.