Hello! My apologies for the long wait. My new job training has taken a lot of energy. But wish me luck, I'm changing my day job so I can spend more time creating stories.

Author's notes at the end.

About this chapter: This chapter is the calm after the storm...sort of. To my hardcore TWD fans, Rick's brother is the older one in this story. We learn more about Rick's family dynamics as he confronts his past and potential future.


Chapter Twelve

Without Shame

Sally Grimes left the summer of 1985, one week before the end of the school year.

Rick remembered that vividly. Because plans made by his parents for the summer, such as a road trip to Cedar Point, a few weeks of summer camp, and fishing with Grandpa, cease to exist. Plans replaced by the dark cool moons and bright blazing suns. The stale reality of his home that was decorated with empty beer cans and bottles in every corner and on every surface. The sound of Jeff and his father yelling at each other and slamming doors became background noise for his summer break.

Rick's summer hobby was observing his father, uncomfortable, surprised because he's never seen James so disheveled.

James was unrecognizable under the navy Georgia baseball cap he wore often over the last three months. His dark blonde hair was thick and peeked just at the nape of his neck. His full beard harnessed strands of gray that sprouted just beneath his jaw and surrounded his cheeks and lips.

He could only recognize his father with his eyes. Blue eyes circled by wrinkles and often filled with unshed tears. A haunted look James often held, one that told of memories and conversations that had everything to do with his mother.

James wasn't the caring father Rick knew. As James' lips moved lightly, he spoke words Rick could not hear and his breath reeked of the $2.00 beer he consumed on the porch many nights.

One of those summer vacation days, James woke Rick up just after sunrise and announced a trip to Grandpa Billy's home, which was just two and a half miles down the road.

Rick ran to the truck, excited to get out of the house, but James clicked his tongue and nudged his head towards the road and walked a few steps ahead of his son. His head bowed as he walked beneath the hard sun and avoided Rick's eyes.

James grimaced at the heat and swayed as he walked away. James would switch between the curb and sidewalk, his path clumsy as Rick looked on.

"Dad!"

James looked over his shoulder and quickly stepped onto the sidewalk as a car flew past.

He shook his head, somber for a moment, and looked down at his son before they continued the long walk.

Rick would occasionally look up at his father, lips pressed together as James went through some inner argument leading the trail to the familiar house. Some time ago, there would be Jeff accompanying his father and Rick on the trip and funny banter between the three as they rode to Billy's home to go fishing by the pond.

When they arrived, James just about ran up to his father's porch and pounded against the white door. He waited for a few seconds and knocked again. The knocks became more hostile as seconds passed.

Rick hung his head and his skinny legs strode until he stopped when he reached the porch and waited next to his dad.

"Damn it, James," the familiar hoarse voice sounded off near the front door.

Billy Grimes came to view a moment later, his silver and brown hair the first thing that came to Rick's eyesight as the silence broke by the squeaked of his screen door. Billy Grimes held a hard exterior from his days in the Marines. His honesty matched the rest of the men in the family. His softness displayed by light humor in tough times.

James ignored his dad. He dodged his head slightly and peaked in the home. "Jeff!"

His father leaned against the door, mouth turned down as he took in his son. "James-"

"Jeff!" James called for his eldest son again and Rick wanted to ignore the desperation in father's voice.

"He ain't here!" Billy replied.

James stepped away and waved his hand.

"I know he's here," James brows furrowed, "Can't believe he walked two miles-"

James couldn't finish his sentence, only backed away, hands on his hips and caught his breath. Rick only shifted. For the last three months, he grew accustomed, without choice, to his dad's stressful movements. He learned to just observe and stay quiet.

"He did, and he's safe. Slept like a rock and left early. He wants to enjoy his summer. You can give him that."

"He's 14! He can't run whenever I lay down rules."

"You can lie down the rules without your hands."

James sighed. "I didn't mean that. I was angry. He's been pushing me since his mom left-"

"Do you blame him? The house isn't exactly a home right now, James."

"Jeff needs to come home, dad."

"Leave him be. He's grieving. He'll come home when he's good and ready."

There was a long pause. "I already lost my wife." James shook his head. "I ain't losing my kids."

"And whose fault is that?"

Silence between them as James only blinked, and his tongue brushed against his bottom lip as he held eye contact with Billy.

As if he had a bright thought, James's head lifted and turned to Rick. His eyes were bloodshot and regretful, and Billy mirrored the same expression.

"Rick," James croaked, and nudged at the familiar pond just about eight feet away.

"Go on and play for a minute."

Rick looked between the two and, with resolve, walked to the side of the house, grabbed some pebbles and tossed it across the pond. All the while, he listened to his father's strained voice as he cried about missing his mother.

The conversation only lasted a few moments, though Rick wished it lasted longer with his grandfather's solid presence. But Billy seemed too concerned for his older brother.

James called for Rick, and Rick treaded to the porch. The conversation ended when Billy promised to care for Jeff in the meantime.

James signaled Rick, and they turned away.

"And take a shower!" Billy yelled.

"Rick!" Billy called and Rick turned. "Take care of your daddy, Rick."

"Yes sir," Rick waved and Billy waved back, a slight smile on grandfather's face disappeared as he looked at his James.

James wiped his eyes and called for Rick. Rick obeyed and walked at the same pace as his father down the road.

The walk was silent. James seemed to come back to earth as he took in the hot sun and looked around the dreary road.

"You know what happened last night?" James asked as he looked down at his youngest son.

Rick only shrugged. He should say yes, but he could already see that it would only create that familiar anguish in his father's face.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that." James said slowly.

Rick noticed a different look this time on his father's face, a pensive expression, and he seemed alert.

"Mom's not coming home." Rick stated.

James looked away. "No, son. She's not."

"Jeff's not coming home, either." Rick whispered..

James's silence was only confirmation.

"We deal with pain our own way, son." James sighed as they made a turn, their home coming into view.

"Me and you now, Rick. We'll make the most of it."

Rick looked up, and for the first time that summer, his dad looked him in the eyes. Rick gave a nod. He believed it.

James walked closer to his youngest son. His hand grasped the back of his neck as they trailed slowly up the porch.

"One day, this will pass." James whispered. "What we're going through right now doesn't define you, Rick."

"You just remember that. Whenever you're going through something." James sighed, "It will pass."

In the house, James locked himself in the bathroom, and Rick picked up a garbage bag. Small hands grabbed the empty bottles and cans that littered the floor as he lived up to his promise with his grandfather.

He cleaned up the living room and made his way to the kitchen. James opened the door and Rick stopped.

There was the dad he knew, the beard gone, and his hair was neater. James only laughed at his son's shocked look as he grabbed another bag and picked up a pile of mail on the table.

The home wasn't quite what it once was, but it resembled it as James made dinner that summer and sat with Rick on their porch.

James returned to work the next week, and they grew accustomed to the change over the years. But what stayed the same was sit-down dinners every night on the porch or in the dining room. Jeff and Billy would visit, but as James promised, it was Rick and his dad through the years.


Thursday September 5th, 1996

Rick gave Michonne the space she needed, however he could, in the small apartment. The first night together as he watched Michonne grieve, he attempted to prove to her that this was right. But he felt helpless when his efforts failed.

He decided then he had to let her be. Even when he wanted to remind her, kiss her and touch her, watch her give in, he stayed away. Because guilt replaced his desires..

He gave Michonne the bedroom while he slept on the couch and ignored the hurt when she didn't insist they sleep together.

He kicked himself. This was his previous marriage all over again.

When she asked for his honesty, he gave it reluctantly because he didn't want to face it himself. And he sat with the consequences. She lost everything for him; Michonne said. Grief plagued him and he still battled the urge to turn away in one breath and in the next show her he'd take care of her and the baby.

He got what he wanted, who he wanted, so why should he feel shame?

He would wait. Because that's the only thing Rick had control over at the moment.

Waiting was a stark contrast to the fast turnaround of his life over the course of the summer. Waiting brought the gift of memories of his father.

The memories were frequent, and it would always appear during mundane things.

Scrambling eggs brought back the memory of his father's back turned, head moving to music as he made breakfast. It was like a silent movie that flashed behind his eyes, milliseconds that connected him to his dad. And when it showed up, there would be a dull blade that followed and dragged along his insides.

He could only hope the funeral would help him move on.

Rick reminded Michonne of the funeral two days ago and he realized then he had much more to learn about her, particularly certain looks she gave. She gave a small short nod, mouth turned downward, and a small squint. Gathering her thoughts before words left her mouth.

It was a different territory. Lori was expressive and quick, but Michonne always needed time to say what was on her chest.

And when Michonne said something, it was careful and clear. Michonne approached him the other day and explained if Lori would be there that it was best not to go.

Patience and knowing it will pass. That was what he promised himself when disappointment was all he felt. Michonne still needed time and though she didn't admit it, she seemed relieved to have the bed to herself; she didn't push him to come back in the room when he started sleeping on the sofa.

He didn't press when he told her some lie about coming into work late and he didn't want to wake her up.

But she accepted Rick's small affections. That was a victory. A stroke of his hand as he walked past her, palm against her hip. Fingertips brushing along her knuckles when she sat on the couch and watched television last night.

Michonne kept the door of their bedroom closed most days. Rick grew accustomed to only seeing her when she went to the kitchen to gather food, or her shadow behind the door.

Today Rick watched the shadows of her feet underneath the bedroom door, through the bathroom mirror. He tried for the third or fourth time to wrap the silk black tie around his neck.

A memory. His father was suddenly in his place in the reflection, a smile on his face and lips moved as he explained how to tie a tie to ten-year-old Rick.

Rick gripped the sink and let the memory pass. He sighed before starting again. The lack of sleep caused tremors in his fingers, but he pressed on.

Behind him, the door opened and his heart hopped in his chest as he took Michonne in. She closed the door behind her and made eye contact with Rick. She wore a sleeveless black dress that stopped at her knees. Her pair of black heels in her hand.

Michonne held his eye contact. He was grateful, ready to tell her just how he felt, and he was ready for any sort of punishment from her to show she didn't care and that she didn't want to be near him.

He didn't react until her hand touched his arm, just now grasping that she was closer.

He turned to face Michonne, looked down at her as her soft hands wrapped around his loose tie. She only stared at the task at hand, tying it slowly while he watched her closely. The pregnancy glow returned to her skin and her brows etched in concentration as she finished the last loop.

Michonne stepped back and looked in approval.

"Thank you," He rasped.

Michonne nodded as she placed her shoes on the floor.

Before she could bend and reach, Rick bent and kneeled before her, softly nudged her heel and grasped it as he placed one foot in the insoles of her shoes. His heart pulsed when he felt her palm grasp his shoulder to keep the balance. He could feel her stare at the top of his head as he placed the other shoe on her foot.

His warm hand lightly grasped her calf and lingered right by her knee. He looked up when he heard the smallest intake of breath from her lips.

Rick stood slowly, eyes soft as he took her in.

"You ready?" He asked, and she gave a nod and turned. Rick followed right behind Michonne, letting her lead the way.


Rick told Michonne a bit about his family as they arrived at his father's home. A meeting point for the limousine that would arrive for the service. Michonne listened and smiled faintly when he told of his childhood. He told light stories and ignored the dark times. It wasn't appropriate, and he's sure his dad wouldn't want him to recall such things. Especially today.

"This is it." Rick opened the door, and he peeked into the dining room and kitchen. Everything was in perfect place, staged for potential buyers.

"Mrs. Morris, she has the key. She's going to bring the food for the repast..." Rick trailed off when he noticed the silence behind him.

"Michonne..." He walked back to the foyer, where Michonne had her back turned at the table and held a picture.

Rick walked, stood next to her, and watched as she held the picture of his wedding day. Lori and Rick, with his father and brother next to the newlyweds.

"I should have moved that." Rick softly pulled the photo from her grip and Michonne frowned.

"Why would you do that?" She asked. They held a look, and before he could ask, she broke the stare and looked around home.

"It's beautiful." Michonne whispered.

"We spent most of the time on the porch." Rick explained as she stood at the screen door.

"All of my memories, important ones, happened here." She opened the door and stepped onto the porch. That loving feeling came back when she sat in his chair.

He wanted to will away the fantasy of spending lifetimes in this home. Something he hadn't felt or dreamt of before, not even with Lori. But seeing Michonne now on the porch as he leaned against the door. It felt right.

He could get her to stay, he could get the house off the market.

It would be easy. But as that thought passed, that part of him that wanted control, he willed it away. Because she had lost everything, she said, and he had to prove to her she didn't.

He'd prove it to her by doing nothing. By waiting.

"Rick..." He looked down as she sat on the chair, looking ahead. He paid close attention and noticed the line between her brow deepen.

"I probably should stay here. During the funeral..." Michonne turned to Rick, and he watched her closely.

"This is a family thing. I don't want-"

He could hear then the worry in her tone.

"Hey," Rick gently replied, as he grabbed Michonne's hand and she stood. Stared at him curiously as he took her place on the chair and held her wrist. He pulled her forward until she sat on his thighs. His one arm wrapped around Michonne's waist with ease, the other hand gripped her thigh as he cradled her, forehead rested on her head.

"I don't want to cause any trouble..." Michonne let out a breath as he shushed her. He pulled back, a finger brushed against her chin and tilted so she could look him in his eyes.

"Stop that." Rick demanded with a gentleness that made the worry in her eyes dissolve.

Michonne closed her lips. But the frown deepened.

"Hey..." Rick started. "You're my family."

"You know that?" Rick whispered, and she pursed her lips. "You are."

"I just don't want it to be about us today. It shouldn't be-"

"It won't be." Rick reassured and once she gave him a small nod, he looked ahead.

"You haven't been in bed..." Michonne said in a small voice. He broke from the fields and looked down at Michonne.
"I didn't know if you wanted me to." Rick watched her closely. "Do you?"

"Yes." she said after sometime.

"I want you to have your space..." Rick reasoned.

That part of him that would always show her through his hands and mouth just how meaningless space was to him wanted to come to reappear.

But he'd keep it at bay.

"I know that's rich coming from me." Rick sighed as Michonne only watched him. "I'm trying."

They were without words for moments, as Rick only nodded, and she mirrored it. A look shared between them, permission from her. It was just a small nod and Rick answered. He bent and kissed her, a kiss that wasn't full of the familiar passion between them. But a tender, comforting kiss.

The kiss he shared with Michonne always made time stand still and his surroundings cease to exist. So much so that he didn't notice a car door and the footsteps on the porch.

Or someone's forced cough.

Rick pulled away and looked up. Lori's eyes hovered on her shoes as she held on to the porch banister.

Michonne slowly stood and Rick walked toward Lori, and Michonne stood behind him.

"Lori." He greeted, and Lori looked away. She crossed her arms and only looked his way when she could make eye contact with Michonne.

With a clenched jaw, Lori's eyes met Rick's.

"Jeff and Billy here yet?"

"No." Rick answered as he turned to Michonne. Her eyes watched Lori carefully.

"That's good." Lori leaned against the porch. "I suppose it's better I walked in on that... Can't imagine Billy-"

"Walked in on what?"

She scoffed, and they turned to the sound of gravel that rolled. Shane arrived, and soon after, Jeff and Billy walked along the lawn and up to the front porch.

Jeffrey Grimes was a different breed from the men in his family. He didn't enlist in the military or become an officer. The closest he got to such a service was joining the peace corps at 18.

Jeff Grimes built custom furniture. He lived in Palo Alto, and his Georgia drawl weakened as years passed. He traveled and surfed in his spare time and had no desire to marry. It was a lifestyle James always condemned, along with Jeff's hippie appearance, as James often joked.

His father often reminded Jeff that he was just like his mother whenever he visited with Grandpa Billy on weekends and holidays. But Jeff wore it with pride. His hair grew longer and their exchange was often a playful jest of how little father and son had in common.

"Rick." Jeff greeted and reached for a hug. His grandpa, though smaller as years passed, had the same strength when he shook Rick's hand.

Jeff's eyes looked at Rick and Lori with a bit of sadness as he watched them stand next to each other on the porch.

Jeff held warm eyes when he met Michonne. She kept her distance and Rick didn't want to force her. He wished she could meet his family under better circumstances.

As he expected, she was graceful and held a polite conversation with his grandfather, who often gave Michonne a curious look.

His grandfather only scowled but kept his questions to himself as he gave Lori a once over look.

The limousine arrived, and the family walked towards it. Jeff held the door and helped Billy inside.

Rick turned. He expected Michonne to be behind him.

Michonne walked with Shane, her head down as she listened to whatever he had to say. They moved at the same pace towards his car.

"Michonne." Rick caught up and two fingers pressed against her arm.

Michonne's eyes shifted from the limousine to Rick.

"It's okay, I'll ride with Shane." Michonne replied. That look was back in her brown eyes, but there was that tint of sorrow. Reserved for him, he supposed.

"What's going on?" Billy asked as he rolled down his window.

"Nothing granddad," Jeff sighed. "Rick's just trying to make last-minute changes."

Rick leaned forward. "There's room."

"Rick," Shane interrupted. "I'll take care of her."

Rick straightened and stepped back. He walked towards the limousine and gave them one look as Shane opened his passenger door for Michonne.

Rick was relieved for Michonne. She wouldn't be here for the awkward converation that could follow. Rick stepped in and Jeff and his grandfather sat across from Lori, the seat next to her empty.

Rick sat down, created some distance from his ex-wife. Lori shifted, with ankles crossed and hands on her lap as she gave a tightlipped smile at Jeff and Billy.

Rick tapped his foot, finding comfort in the silence as the drive to the service began.

Jeff and Billy shared a look, and Billy glared when he noticed Rick sliding to the other side of the limo.

"What the hell is going on?" Grandpa Billy asked, his face scrunched in confusion.

Rick only blinked, and Lori watched.

"Rick and Lori are divorcing Granddad," Jeff yelled. "We talked about this."

"Oh," Billy shrugged, "Women talk but they don't mean nothing."

"It's not just talkin'," Jeff gave a pointed look. "They haven't lived together for a while."

"How do you know that?" Rick asked.

Jeff shrugged, "Dad told us. Grandpa's pretending. He knew all about it."

His grandpa only stared at Lori. "Big mouths in this town. Lori, I heard-"

Lori looked at Rick, then at the window, her expression impassive.

"We shouldn't talk about this now." Rick looked into Billy's eyes. "It's not appropriate."

Billy broke the long silence that followed. He chucked and tapped his cane on the floor. He pressed his lips together as he looked down. "Sounds just like your daddy. Thought he was in the car for a minute."

Jeff and Lori snickered, and it only fed Billy.

"His nickname was wet blanket." Billy deadpanned.

Jeff slapped his thigh. "Remember that summer mom left? That man was a dark cloud."

"How could I forget?" Billy nudged his head at Rick and held Lori's eyes. "Rick wasn't drinking the summer away, was he?"

Their laughs started again, but it came to a halt when they noticed the look on Rick's face.

Rick turned to the window, only half listening to small conversations. Counting the minutes to the long day ahead.


Shane pulled out his keys, held the screen door with his shoulder, and waited for Michonne to enter first.

"James loved this house," Shane said after some time of silence as Michonne walked into the family room.

"Sad Rick's selling it." Shane's face was carefully blank as he only watched the young woman who observed the entryway.

Michonne took Shane's offer for a ride back to get the home. But not without Rick's complaints, as he urged her to ride in the limousine with Lori, his grandfather, and brother.

But she declined and ignored Lori's smug look.

A new found annoyance appeared in Michonne's gut as she watched Lori touch Rick's shoulder a few times at the burial. Though Michonne could see Rick stiffen, it didn't ease Michonne. Not that she was jealous, not in the slightest. She knew Rick wanted to make it clear they were together, but he restrained for Michonne's sake.

With his restraint, Lori squeezed at every opportunity to put on a performance. The wife of Rick Grimes.

Lori kissed and hugged every family member and colleague. Lori attempted to show Michonne she knew James and that the Grimes men loved her. She had Michonne beat in her eyes.

But it wasn't about her, it was about Rick's father. Michonne reminded herself often today. Because in the end, after everything that happened in the last week, Lori was the least of her worries.

Having a child, it was a bond that would last way longer than Lori and Rick's relationship. It wouldn't matter if Michonne won the affection of Jeff and Grandpa Billy, or if they hated her. Or if she broke up with Rick. In the end, she held Jeff's niece or nephew, and Billy's great-grandchild inside of her.

What bothered her was Lori's looks, as if Michonne should be guilty. An entitled look where she blamed Michonne for the downfall of thier marriage.

Michonne tried to feel something akin to remorse. But she felt that with her parents, not for Lori, only anger at how she caused a disruption to her life.

Michonne stopped at the mantle, and she held the picture of James holding a baby in the hospital. She knew it was Rick in his arms because a three-year-old Jeff was peeking at the newborn next to him.

"You're still pregnant?"

He just about startled Michonne, but she held her composure. She turned to see Shane, he took off his jacket and crossed his arms, staring at Michonne with a serious expression.

"It's not your business." Michonne firmly said. A second later, she gave only a small nod.

Shane sighed. "Good."

He flinched when Michonne gave a look.

"I mean, hey, it's your choice." Shane corrected, "Just… Rick's been through a lot with Lori and his dad. Not sure how much he could take."

"You're protective." Michonne whispered, "You have a lot of excuses for him, too."

"I do." Shane admitted, regret flashed in his eyes and he opened his mouth and closed it. Shifted under Michonne's gaze as she stepped into the living room and looked around.

"He's a good man." Shane whispered, "I hope you don't have doubts."

Michonne didn't answer, and had her own satisfaction that Shane felt powerfulness in her silence.

"Michonne, I hope you know you're very much a part of this family." Shane let out a breath and rubbed the back of his head.

"If you ever need to talk about it. I'm here."

"I'm sure you're used to being the middleman with Lori and Rick." Michonne turned to Shane and crossed her arms. "But I'm not Lori."

Shane arched his brow, and his eyes travelled along with Michonne. "That's clear."

"Does she know?" Michonne asked.

"About what?" Shane had the car in the driveway and walked to the door. "The baby?"

"No. not sure how'd she take that." Shane explained, "She's barely keeping it together, knowing he's in love with you."

Michonne stood next to Shane. "That's too bad."

Michonne surprised herself, because she didn't feel that familiar anger for Lori.


"It's off the market in a couple of weeks," Rick said, and he hoped his brother and grandfather could hear the sternness in his voice. They filled the long ride home with arguments between the three men as Rick shared the news he would sell the home.

The Grimes family held it together for the sake of James's farewell. A family filled with a curse amongst men didn't exist for the first few hours. There were no fights, only sentiment shared between them as they lay his father to rest.

Jeff did the eulogy. Rick thought it was a good way for Jeff to say goodbye to his dad and release any guilt he may have for not being there. Jeff's speech had a balance of humor and sorrow.

But now it was back to the usual. As soon as Rick announced his plans to sell the home, his grandfather made it clear he disagreed and Jeff, to Rick's surprise, was furious.

So when he repeated the decision was not a compromise, Jeff and Billy looked at Rick with baffled expressions.

It reached their ears as Jeff's face etched in disappointment, and Billy looked down.

"Rick, that's unfair." Jeff started.

"It's in my name." Rick said, probably the third or fourth time since the ride. "Dad gave me the deed."

Jeff shook his head, and the driver pulled into the driveway. Lori only stared out the window.

"Seems like since dad's gone, you can't wait to get rid of it." Jeff whispered and Rick shook his head and his gaze held his older brother.

"You left at 14. The house means something to you?"

"It meant a lot to you, and dad." Jeff softly added, "It's almost like you're rushing to move on-"

"I'd say the same for you, except you're a few years ahead of me."

Jeff gritted his teeth and Billy shook his head.

"Maybe we should take a breath." Lori leaned forward.

"Mind your business."

Rick had enough.

"Rick!" Jeff and Billy yelled at once and this only fed Lori as sadness that seemed too real appeared in her eyes.

But it did not fool Rick as he turned back to Billy and Jeff.

"I'm telling you out of curtesy. This isn't a group decision."

The driver since parked and Jeff leaned back in his seat, arm stretched behind his grandfather as his leg bounced.

"So this is the new Rick you've been telling us about?" Jeff's eyes fixed on Lori.

Lori only shrugged. Rick looked at the three of them.

"There's no new Rick." Rick replied, slowly, "The truth is since dad died, it only makes sense since the responsibility is on me. I've played son and wife for years-"

Jeff and Billy's spoke rebelled against such honesty with exaggerated breaths and eye rolls, as if they heard it before.

Silence fell again.

"This is something Sally should be doing." Billy rasped. Jeff and Rick held each other's gaze.

Billy rubbed his chin and looked at the two brothers.

"Did you tell him, Jeff?"

"Tell me what?"

Jeff stiffened. "It's not a good time."

"Good as any, I suppose." Billy whispered as looked at Rick. "He should know the truth at some point."

"Know what?" Rick asked, as he tilted his head.

"Mom." Jeff's replied, "There's a reason I'm in California-"

Rick ignored the tightness in his chest. He shook his head. "We don't need to talk about this now."

"Rick-"

"Jeff's right. Now's not a good time." Rick took a breath and opened the door.

He held it open and looked straight ahead. Rick ignored their conversation and Jeff's resignation as he replied to Billy that he told him so, and they walked out and towards the home to begin the repast.

Lori walked out last, and she stood across from Rick, but he only failed to address her gaze.

She let out a breath and gave a short squeeze to his shoulder.

He only acknowledged her when she walked away and approached his aunt and cousin who had just parked by the home.

When Rick walked into the home, he watched Jeff help Billy sit down at the dining room table. Behind Rick, he could hear more cars pull up by the house as voices filled the front yard. He didn't care to say hello as he walked through the house.

A sense of calm washed over Rick when he found her. Michonne was still with Shane in the kitchen gathering plates and food as they had a conversation. The conversation seemed small about Michonne's schooling. But he knew Michonne. She still held such a distance, tension in her shoulders as she kept her eyes cast downward.

Since this morning, silence seemed rare between Shane and Michonne as they always talked amongst each other. He should be relieved that Shane and Michonne could exist in the same room.

Michonne set down a plate and Shane walked by Rick and out of the kitchen to greet the guests.

Rick stood next to Michonne, who only acknowledged Rick for a moment before she gathered more dishes and utensils for the food.

"What were you talking about?" Rick asked.

Michonne looked up, her face gathering what and who he was talking about. Michonne shook her head a moment later.

"Nothing."

Silence. He wanted to fix it.

"Did he say something?" He probed.

Michonne looked away, "Don't be jealous."

"I'm not." Rick said and stopped when he realized he said it a bit too quickly. And she caught on, she always did.

"You should say hello to everyone." Michonne suggested.

He looked away, eyes fixed on the floor. Mouth closed and shifted as he bit the inside of his lip.

"I want to go home." He whispered, truthfully.

Michonne gave a sympathetic smile and squeezed his arm. "Just a few more hours."

"Rick, where's the-" Rick turned to Lori and in his side view he could see Michonne stare at Lori for a few seconds and turned to the sink.

Lori only walked to the counter and grabbed the utensils. She looked at Michonne a moment longer and walked away.

"I know this is hard for you." Rick said and Michonne stiffened. "I can get her to leave, she doesn't have-"

"It's not about her. Your dad would want her here." Michonne's words were soft but firm and Rick could only nod.

Rick stepped closer to Michonne. Until his chest met her back, lips pressed to her shoulder, and a hand planted firmly against her lower stomach. A few seconds longer, he felt her relax in his arms.


Laughter and shouting filled the Grimes' home. It reminded Rick of the Christmas parties James would throw every year. It was tradition in the Grimes family to keep the laughter going as second cousins and fellow retired police officers told stories of James that Rick had heard a few times through his father's own words.

He kept away from Lori the rest of the night, eyes followed her every move to make sure she didn't go near Michonne. He had to remind himself she was only here for his father. He wasn't doing this for her, but for James.

Rick walked through the house. Each guest would give him a look of empathy and squeeze his shoulder or arm, a pat on the back.

Towards the front of the home, he heard the children in the family room. Michonne was in the company of younger family members, about five of them, a group who were younger than 9, preoccupied and enamored with Michonne's company in the family room.

The noise of the repast gave Rick a slight pressure in his head and the nagging pain requested some air and silence.

He opened the front door and could hear whispers more clearly. Particularly Lori's voice covered with sadness and the trembles from a recent cry. He opened the door and Shane, Lori, and Jeff sat on the porch. Lori's shoes were off as she sat huddled in the chair, fingertips pressed against her lashes.

"Having a party without me?" Rick asked as he stared at the beer bottles that sat neatly on the wooden rail right next to Shane, perched up with his suit jacket long gone and tie loose. Jeff sat across from Shane, he leaned forward and he turned his head towards Rick's way.

"Just talkin'" Shane answered.

Shane sniffled. Jeff leaned forward and wiped his own eyes.

Rick nodded and looked out at the indigo sky. He leaned on the front door and crossed his arms. Took in the cool air and Michonne's voice as she laughed gently with one child in the background.

"I'm going to get another beer." Lori stood up. She must have cried for a while because of the rasp in her voice.

She walked towards the door, and Rick moved out of the way.

"You okay?" He asked, tension in his voice as he looked down at her. She gave a sad smile and looked up. The porch light shone the tears in her eyes that he wasn't sure were from crying or the few beers she drank.

She reached and gave him a tight hug. A long one at that, as Shane and Jeff looked away.

"I just miss him." Lori whispered against his shoulder.

Rick answered with a squeeze around her waist. "Me too."

Lori parted and looked up, face open, as she took him in. She seemed relieved.

"It's just…" She paused and her face crumbled, "I think about what he would have wanted-"

Rick clenched his jaw and looked away. "Yeah."

"Rick." Jeff interrupted. "Come sit down, let's talk."

Lori sighed and walked in. Shane followed.

Rick sat down and, though he knew he wanted to spend time with his brother, he still wanted time alone.

"I think dad would want me to talk to you about it, now at least." Jeff whispered. If it was one thing Jeff carried in his genes, it was the plain-spoken that all the men in his family carried. Which Rick appreciated.

"I'm in California, because mom moved there that night she left. I found her last year."

Rick didn't reply. He could feel Jeff's eyes burning at his side.

"She's good," Jeff continued with a trace of uncertainty. "Great actually. She's a painter, a popular one in Santa Clara. A home designer or some shit. It's funny considering what I do..."

"That is funny." Rick replied, "Maybe you could start a business together." Rick didn't mean for his joke to carry such a bitterness.

James ignored the remark. He rubbed his hands together.

"We started talking around 8 months ago..." He trailed off. Rick was sure it would happen because he could see that Rick was stiff in his chair, eyes squinted as he only looked ahead at the view he and his father shared.

"Why are you telling me this?" Rick asked and waved his hand.

"Because we just lost a parent and we have one left." Jeff said, as if he was stating the obvious. He leaned back in his hair.

"She wasn't a parent. That's being generous."

"Rick-"

"Look, Jeff," Rick started and for the first time met Jeff's eyes. "You left, and I thought maybe you would move on, but you still have some hope that our mom would accept you."

"There was a reason she left. Have some compassion."

"Dad said she cheated."

"Dad wasn't some saint." Jeff said, carefully.

Silence until Jeff was the first to break.

"Rick, you don't remember those fights? He was drunk sometimes... but he hid it while she was in the house."

"I don't remember any of that."

"You don't remember when I came home and you and Shane watched dad and mom fight in the living room. You were maybe eight. You tried to get in the middle of it."

Rick couldn't recall the fights, only as years passed, he remembered his mother's distance from the family. But fights, not from his dad, he only remembered hostility at the beginning of Sally's disappearance. But that was between Jeff and James.

He remembered the pain his father felt when she went away.

Rick only stared as Jeff looked ahead. A distant memory filled Jeff's eyes. "Dad always accused her of cheating, kept her in the house."

Rick sighed. "We were too young to know the whole story."

Jeff shook his head. "Rick, this is beside the point. Our mom is alive, she's well, and she asks about you all the time-"

"Tell her we're good."

Jeff gave a humorless laugh. "So that's it?"

Rick shrugged. If he had to choose a moment to remember his father, he wouldn't make that a memory, and he thanked whatever god he didn't believe in that he didn't recall any of what Jeff mentioned.


Michonne cleared her throat. She leaned forward and stretched until she could reach to flush the toilet. The sickness was waning, but it came in violent periods as her trimester moved forward. She was grateful to have a few moments alone. As fun as the kids were, she could sneak upstairs to the second bathroom where quiet welcomed her. She was exhausted and wanted, for one moment, to ignore the wandering glances of Rick's family.

Three taps on the door and she assumed it was Rick. Soon after the door opened, and the Lori stood mouth open as she took in the kneeling position Michonne was in.

"I'm sorry-" Lori blinked slowly, "The door was unlocked."

Michonne straightened and stood up quickly, though her vision blurred and caused another wave of nauseousness.

"It's okay." She murmured.

Michonne walked to the sink and washed her hands, bent and rinsed her mouth. Lori's eyes burned the back of her neck, burned through the reflection in the mirror as she could feel the indignation.

"It's nice you came." Lori whispered and closed the door behind, "Rick needed the support."

Michonne looked up and stared at Lori through the mirror.

Lori shifted. "James, he was more than just a father-in- law. We became really close after everything that happened."

Lori let out an uneasy laugh. "My best friend, honestly."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Michonne's voice was soft, as Lori appreciated the sentiment.

But her eyes hardened as she looked at Michonne.

"James really wanted us to get back together," Lori murmured. "I wonder what he'd think of you here."

Michonne didn't respond.

"Are you okay?" Lori asked, a contrast to her body as she crossed her arms. "I'm sure you don't drink. Grimes' tradition, get drunk and laugh at the good ole days. You're young, but you'll get some tolerance."

"I'm fine." Michonne said lightly.

Michonne thought for a moment to let it pass and walk out.

"You know this happens," Michonne grabbed a napkin as she dried her hands and looked at Lori through the mirror.

"But it stops by the second trimester." Michonne explained, a pout to her lip and hand against her stomach.

There was no understanding, words of comfort or small talk that came from Lori's mouth.

Michonne didn't expect it.

A hazel stare as sharp as a steel blaze fixed on her instead.

But Michonne can only stare back at the woman that caused her such embarrassment weeks ago. She could only stare with indifference and a twitch of a smile that could be mistaken for comfort.

Lori stared back. Michonne laughed. It didn't carry a sound, but from the slight huff under breath and shrug of her shoulder; it made Rick's ex-wife huff, but this time it carried a disbelief.

Lori shook her head furiously, eyes rolled in the back of her head, brown hair rattled as she turned and opened the door. Her heels tapped along the hardwood floor as she walked down the stairs and her head peeked through the living room, looking for her target.

"Rick!" Lori called, and she walked swiftly when Rick was nowhere to be found. She walked to the front door and peek through the porch.

Michonne was right behind her with a different tap on her heels.

It was a slow walk as Michonne watched the family members and friends look at Lori, their eyes following her. It was clear how angry she was; her skin turned red around her neck and cheeks as she looked for Rick until Lori opened the door and could see Rick and Jeff on the porch steps.

Michonne almost bumped into Lori when she came to a halt at the front door. Michonne stepped in between Lori and the door.

"I just need to talk to my husband-" Lori trailed off as she stepped back.

"Ex. Ex husband." Michonne whispered. She wanted to save Lori some dignity.

"Rick-"

"Lori…" Michonne paused and held Lori's gaze.

"It's not a good day." Michonne was soft and slow in her words. She watched Lori closely as the words and the last few minutes caught up to her.

Lori stepped back and shook her head. She let out a breath and held her head. Her breath fell out in short pants out of her mouth.

Michonne scowled. Maybe this woman needed some air. Michonne opened the door, and Lori rushed out, close to pushing Michonne out of the way.

She was right, as she only watched Lori bend and grasp her knees.

"Everything okay?" Rick asked as he walked up the stairs with Jeff behind him, who kept his eyes on Michonne.

Rick's eyes turned to Lori as she shook her head, his brow raised. Suspicious, he looked at Michonne.

Lori gathered herself. Suddenly, she sat upright and her gaze focused on Rick.

"Congratulations." Michonne only blinked, crossed her arms as she held the door open and stared.

Rick's head turned to Michonne. "You told her?"

Michonne shrugged.

He gathered his thoughts, sure that Lori started this, and Michonne simply responded to whatever Lori gave.

"No, really, congrats." Lori let out a shaky breath and held her hands close to her chest.

"You're getting everything you could ever want, Rick." Lori's words were slow and calm. This made Rick pay close attention. This didn't seem like the usual performance Lori gave. If she drank, there would be bigger sobs, a show for everyone to see.

"Lori, maybe we should take a walk." Jeff suggested, but she aimed for the porch where Michonne sat down and watched.

"DO you know what he did?" Lori asked as she tilted her head to look at Michonne.

"Lori-" Jeff called.

"Do you know what you got yourself into, Michonne?" Lori's eyes shift to Rick.

Rick grabbed her arm, and she dodged it.

"I hope you're happy-"

"Lori!"

"Lori…" He trailed, uncertainty hit him as he watched her only stare at Michonne.

"I have nothing…" Lori strained. "You took everything from me."

Lori rushed down the stairs and walked far and fast past the front yard and down the sidewalk to other houses.

"You should go after her," Michonne suggested.

"You care?"

Michonne shifted. "You'll feel bad if something happens."

It was the last thing he wanted to do, but the concerned look on Michonne's face caused Rick to walk towards the pavement.

He caught up to Lori. Her pace didn't falter.

He could barely see her in the close to pitch black darkness. She peeked over her shoulder and shook her head.

"You win, Rick." Lori's huffed head turned slightly. "You always do."

"This isn't a game." Rick scowled, "It never was."

"Then what was that about, at the bar? Negan!" Lori cried, "You don't love her, Rick-"

Rick stopped. "Hey"

Lori turned and pushed him, hands firm against his shoulders, hair fell in front of her eyes.

"He won't even talk to me!" Lori spat. "Everything is j-just gone!"

"Stop blaming everyone, for once-"

"Me!? Blame! You can't even apologize for what you've done-"

"What I've done-"

"What you did!"

Their words collided with screams and their own version of events.

"Everything I did was to get you to stay!" Rick gritted. "And what I'm doing now has nothin' to do with you-"

"And everything I did was to get out of your control, Rick!"

Rick stared at Lori from the corner of his eyes.

"Guys!" They turned to see Jeff at the end of the street. He waved his hands, shook his head at the scene.

"You're disturbing the peace. We can hear you from the house."

Rick shook his head and walked towards his brother.

"I should tell him." Lori broke the silence as they walked toward Jeff.

"Tell who?" He asked tensely.

"Negan. He's been asking where you are. And I've been protecting you."

Her voice was calm. Rick turned to Lori.

"You threatening me?"

Lori shook her head. "Why would I do that?"

Rick approached her, face close to hers as he watched her. The glassy look in her eyes spoke of all her hate for him.

"Tell him."

Jeff called for them again, worry in his tone as he watched the exchange.

Rick walked ahead of Lori, ignoring the dread that flowed in his veins as he felt her loathing glare along his back.


When they made it back to the house, Lori didn't say a word. She walked to her car and drove away, and most of the family left shortly after. Jeff said his goodbyes with Billy.

Rick could only think of what Lori said, not the threats with Negan, but his control. She said it before and he tried to brush it off.

Tried to brush it off like he could whenever someone brought up his dad's flaws.

No, he didn't control Lori. If he did, Negan wouldn't have been in the picture. It was only a circle of blame. That was a game he didn't care to play any longer.

Rick walked into the kitchen. Michonne was there, washing dishes.

She turned and looked at Rick. "Is she okay?"

Rick shrugged. "Lori's antics. Threatening me with her ex-boyfriend."

Michonne's brows furrowed.

"Everything's okay."

Silence danced between them. The only sound were the crickets along the window and the faucet.

"Thank you." He whispered.

They fell into the familiar quiet. He grabbed the rag from her shoulder and dried a plate, eyes distant.

"So..." Michonne started, "Your mom?"

Rick shrugged. "You heard that?"

"She wants to see you." Michonne eyes were soft. She bit her lip and waited for Rick. But he looked at the sink and continued to dry cups and plates.

"You'd think I'd have some memory of her…" Rick whispered. "I was 12 when she left. That's a good age to know your mother."

"She was just… there. She loved Thanksgiving. Some days she'd be up making breakfast. Those were good days. Most days she'd be in bed, barely got out of it, and my father didn't say a word. Just close the door and take us out to distract us."

"Don't think I really knew her at all." Rick whispered. "Especially the last years."

But seeing her could only bring a side of his father that Rick didn't want to know or want to remember.

He felt relieved that he didn't remember and angry that his dad kept that hidden.

"Don't think I knew my dad, either. He kept all that a secret." Rick mumbled.

Used to Michonne's silence, Rick finished drying the glass she handed to him.

"Nyadzi dzinokunda rufu."

Rick paused and looked at Michonne as she turned off the faucet.

"It's a saying in Shona." Michonne explained, "Shame is worse than death."


Lori could barely inhale even as she walked into her small rented cottage. The darkness consumed her, made her feel trapped.

Images of Michonne and Rick, together, showing off in front of her, made her skin crawl.

Lori wished she could move on, but the screams felt better. The sobs that wracked her body made her feel something, and it felt better than the loneliness she felt since Rick left. Since Negan left.

Rick won. He won, and he left her with nothing. Not even Negan.

Negan. He wouldn't speak to her since that night. And she couldn't blame him. That was her fault.
She walked to her phone and grabbed it, called the number she's called so many times when Lucille was asleep.

"Lori." Negan's voice was cold, and it squeezed her chest.

"I just want to talk to-" Lori gasped, "to you."

"I told you, unless you tell me where that husband of yours is. Then I have nothing to say to you."

She gritted her teeth and let out a sob.

"Lori..." Negan started. His voice was gentle. "What happened?"

"Rick-" She gripped the phone.

"What?" Negan asked. "Did he do something to you?"

Her words stopped for a moment. Because she didn't want to deal with the aftermath of telling Negan where Rick was. But it wasn't her fault, she reasoned. Rick didn't have to beat him. He didn't have to be with Michonne.

He didn't have to leave her. But he did, without remorse. Rick left her with the aftermath. Left her stuck as he moved on.

That was something she couldn't move past.


AN: We have maybe two or 3 more chapters to go. I'm sad I don't want it to end- but it's time to bring this to a close, but it's for a reason, these characters are ready to take thier next step.

My goal is to make writing a weekly thing this summer. So I need your help, readers! I am now taking smut requests for my Smut Summer series The Sweetest Taboo

How to request: Please DM me here or on tumblr via leannanscribblestuff. I'm quite open, so please don't be shy!