The next morning after all that went down, Hector was up first as usual. He checked the weather after using the bathroom-thankfully it wasn't raining but it was still wet outside. Hector got himself dressed in his PT uniform and went running like always. Just two miles, then walking back. By the time he reached the barrack it was almost 5am-which is when they were allowed to leave drill and go back home. Of course, this going home wasn't so simple because there was a lot of preparation to be done before their third deployment would start in Afghanistan this time and once more-no idea on how long they'd be there. It was stated they would know when they arrived but for right now until they got there it was still unknown. When Hector reached the barrack again-everyone was still sleeping. There was still about ten minutes until the lights flipped on after all. Hector decided to just grab a towel and go take a shower while he waited for the others to get up.
"Anyone else awake?" Darius asked.
"We all are," Evan sighed.
"I couldn't stop thinkin' about it all night, guys," Drew sighed.
"About the fact Hector actually tried to kill himself? Yeah, same here...I never knew we hurt him that much..." Jessie rolled over onto his stomach and looked at the others who were using their phones as flashlights so they could see better.
"I feel so stupid for not realizing sooner that something was off about him being that sick, Mom even mentioned around 8:30pm that she couldn't find her sleeping pills." Darius held his head. "We were awful to him, we almost killed him with what we did...I'm a horrible brother and cousin..."
"How sick was he?" Ryan asked.
"It was bad. Hector went home around lunchtime that day, he said he cried for an hour that would of meant he tried to kill himself around...1:30 or 2pm...Heather and I were still in school. Mom and Dad were working...when we got home he was already throwing up, that was...around 2:50ish. I asked him if he was okay and he told me he was fine-just sick. It went on for hours until Mom and Dad got home. Mom at 5:30-Dad at 6:20ish. They ordered pizza, Hector didn't eat and we knew he didn't eat at lunch so that made us worry. It must of stopped around 8:30-9pm-and he just stayed in bed all night. Next morning, he looked awful but wasn't throwing up anymore," Darius replied.
"And I remember...he was really quiet after that day. No look on his face, no emotion in his eyes...didn't we back off for awhile after all that happened?" Trent questioned.
"We did. Because we figured we did something to hurt him enough for a good while," Skylar nodded.
"That you did. You really did hurt him and if I had known him back then-I would have kicked your asses myself. The sad truth is, even though he's friends with all of you now, he still feels that pain. He's told me he does and it goes back to never forgetting what happened to him. Anytime he gets upset or depressed-he thinks about everything. As he said, wounds may heal but the scars will always be there as will the pain," Tallon remarked now. "I don't even know how you lot could have been that heartless,"
"We were assholes back then, we enjoyed picking on the nerds and Hector was the biggest," Drew sighed some.
"We never knew how awesome he was. But we didn't give him the chance either-he told us that. The military didn't show us anything new about him, it gave him confidence. He never had that before-in a way, he was hiding who he really was. He was afraid to get judged more by us," Jessie said.
"He's still kind of a dorky, nerdy, geek," Trent stated.
"Watch it, that's my boyfriend you're talking about..." Tallon warned.
"Didn't...mean it in a bad way..." Skylar said quickly. From within the bathroom, Hector had only stepped out of the shower to get his razor to shave with and overheard the conversation they were having about him. "But I mean he is still a goofball, know-it-all, dork. And don't take this the wrong way, he is a loser," Hector gasped a bit, blinking in horror almost. They still thought of him as those things-even after everything!?
"Take it back or I swear to Odin I will beat you into the ground," Tallon got off the bed now.
"Hey, hey! Didn't mean it in a bad way! Hold on, just hear me out a sec," Skylar said with his hands up as Tallon neared him slowly, "He is still a loser. He still keeps to himself most of the time, he's pretty quiet unless we're all joking around. He still has the same...sarcastic mouth he always did. He is a loser-but he's hilarious and he showed us that being a loser isn't so bad-that having a little can go a long way...well, he taught me that at least and I was the biggest jerk to him. What we're sayin' is that: he's still a loser but that's okay because there's nothing wrong with that. Hell, we like being losers along with him. He's still a dorky little loser who is a hilarious, jokester, know it all, smart mouth. That will never change about Hector no matter what he does,"
"Gotta agree. Hector is always gonna be my little dork of a brother," Darius nodded.
Even Darius thought those things about him still! Hector couldn't help the tears forming in his eyes, he tried to blink them away but it wasn't working. He moved back into the shower and leaned against the wall as the water poured over him, the tears falling from his eyes. He understood they didn't mean it in a bad way but they still were calling him those names and it still hurt as bad as it did back then when they were bullies-but maybe this hurt more...because they were supposed to be his friends. He knew Tallon, and the rest of Inferno were excluded but Jessie, Trent, Skylar, and Drew, that hurt to hear coming from them. Maybe...he really was still a loser, joining the military didn't change any opinion they had-they just...thought he was funny and knew how to have a good time. They still thought he was a loser-it didn't matter how it was looked at. The name alone said it all.
"I don't care. Hector isn't those things to us and you should feel terrible for saying it the way you did. It doesn't matter how you put it-you basically just called him all the things you did before and if was out of the shower and had heard it, especially after the emotional night of talking about his suicide attempt-no doubt that it would have hurt him more to know you call yourselves his friends and still think that way about him. You still called him a loser, even if you think now that it's not a bad thing. You labeled him and you should be ashamed for doing so. You keep your comments to yourselves and don't speak them around me or Hector. He's been through enough and I'm through letting people hurt him," Tallon said coldly as the lights came on signaling that it was 5am, he grabbed his towel and entered the bathroom. "Morning babe,"
Hector quickly stood up and wiped his eyes while trying to compose himself, "Morning babe. How did you sleep?" Hector asked.
"Good, how about you?" Tallon answered, "Which one you in?" he added. Hector stuck his arm out and Tallon walked over-stripping down and stepping in with him.
"You know how much trouble we'll get in for this?" Hector asked him.
"Drill is over, I don't care." Tallon leaned in to kiss him but saw his red eyes, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing baby, I'm okay." Hector smiled at him.
"You've been crying, your eyes are red and puffy. What's wrong, talk to me?" Tallon asked holding Hector's hand.
"Really...I'm okay. I just...had a moment thinking about the deployment and...this time...Cody won't be there, or Drake, or even Alex...we aren't...even going to Iraq. Just...one of those things that gets to ya when you remember they aren't...there anymore," Hector told him.
"Oh babe, I know it's still hard but it'll be okay. They'll still be with us-all our fallen comrades will, we never walk or fight alone." Tallon cupped his cheek and kissed him gently, Hector returned it. "Everything is alright," Tallon added after they broke the kiss.
"I know. Like I said, just had a moment. Thank you, baby," Hector smiled at him. Tallon nodded as he hugged him again, "Well, my shower is all done. You can keep the stall for yours though," Hector stepped back from the hug and then got his towel and stepped out to the other area of the stall. There were two: one was the dry area with a mat to undress, wait for the water to heat up, get clothes ready-also used it after the shower to dry off and get dressed before stepping out to the rest of the bathroom area. The second part of the stall was the actual shower.
"Meet you outside when I'm done and we can head home?" Tallon asked him.
"Always. Love you," Hector told him.
"You more," Tallon replied. Hector dried himself off and got dressed, he went to shave, and then he was done. Hector grabbed his things then exited the bathroom to start packing up his things.
"Hey, there he is. Morning, Hec!" Thaxter greeted him.
"Hey, Thax. You know I'm usually up before everyone to go running," Hector shrugged some.
"How ya feeling this morning?" Darius asked him. Hector glanced at him a moment then focused on packing his stuff in his bag. Darius blinked a bit and looked at the others, why hadn't Hector answered him. "Uh, still got water in your ears or something bro? I asked how you felt?" Hector sighed some.
"I feel fine...just...fine, he replied slowly before putting his headphones in and turning on his music-turned the volume up pretty high too.
"Um...that was a little weird. Why'd he give us that look?" Jessie asked. Hector finished packing and closed his eyes-he brought a hand to his head and and his brows furrowed some.
/Flashback/
Fifteen year old Hector was getting his books from his locker to get to his next class when he felt someone shove into him. "Hey loser!" came Skylar's voice.
"Not you again, what do you want?" Hector asked with a sigh.
"Nothing much, just wanted to give you something for your birthday! Hope you didn't think I forgot, did ya?" Skylar grinned.
"Was honestly hoping you would have," Hector mumbled. Before he had time to react, Skylar's fist made contact with his stomach and he grunted hard bending over-he dropped his books holding his stomach.
"Happy birthday cuz. Hope your day is filled with endless thoughts of the fact you're a dorky, nerdy, know it all, loser." Skylar chuckled as his friends were laughing, Darius was there too.
"You're weak," Drew said pushing him into the locker again.
"You're useless." Jessie punched him in the arm.
"You're worthless," Trent elbowed him in the face. By this point, he could barely stand and his nose was started to bleed.
"You're a nothing," Darius whispered to him as he put his arm over Hector's shoulders and pushed him to the ground-he landed on his hands and knees with his head down, trying to hide the tears. Skylar crouched down now and lifted his chin up so he was looking at him.
"You're a nobody. You will always be a disappointing failure. You can't do anything right, no one will ever really like you. You'll never have any friends, and your family could care less about you. Come on, cry for me. I don't think my day would be complete without those tears falling. Remember your place: because no matter where you go, or what you do in your pathetic life, Hector...you will always be a loser because people can't change who they really are. Happy birthday," Skylar shoved him up and back into the locker again before they walked away laughing. Hector gathered his things and went to the bathroom to clean up and then finally cry.
/End Flashback/
Hector snapped out of it, blinked and panting.
He's still a dorky little loser who is a hilarious, jokester, know it all, smart mouth. That will never change about Hector not matter what he does.
Just a loser, that's all you'll ever be. You can't change you you really are.
Skylar's words echoed in his mind as he shook his head.
"Hector...are you alright?" Evan asked him.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just...didn't sleep well last night," Hector responded with a small smile.
"But you were out before the rest of us. You sure you're okay man?" Trent asked. Hector glared a little which made their eyes widen.
"I said I was fucking fine!" he snapped back.
"Yo, take it easy. You blanked out for twenty second on us, we're just worried about you. You're...not acting like yourself," Skylar said calmly.
"I'm just being me-I'm always just being me. I told you I was fine. It's been a long weekend, I'm tired, I have a headache and want to go home. Stop worrying about me, alright. I can take care of myself-just like I always have," he snapped harshly before grabbing his bag, tossing it over his shoulder-then getting his guitar and laptop cases before walking out of the barrack angrily. They all just looked at him walk away, shocked about the small outburst. They didn't say anything else, Tallon exited the bathroom fifteen minutes later and looked around for him.
"Where is he?" Tallon asked.
"Well, he just kinda snapped in anger and left. He's probably sitting in the truck," Viktor said.
"He wasn't angry in the bathroom-what happened?" Tallon said now.
"No clue. Darius asked how he felt, Hector ignored him, Darius asked again and Hector just said he was fine. He put in his headphones to pack-then blanked out holding his head for twenty seconds. Asked if he was okay again, he said he was fine and didn't sleep well. Skylar said he fell asleep before the rest of us and Hector just snapped saying: I said I was fucking fine. We told him we were just worried and that he wasn't acting like himself and he glared at us. He said: I'm just being me-I'm always just being me. I told you I was fine. It's been a long weekend, I'm tired, I have a headache and want to go home. Stop worrying about me, alright. I can take care of myself-just like I always have. Then he walked out with his stuff." Thaxter explained.
Tallon didn't really like how this sounded, why would Hector just snap when his friends were worried about him? "Well last night was...kinda hard for him, I'm sure. And he told me before coming out here that he was having a moment of missing Cody and Drake, knowing that they wouldn't be on the upcoming tour. He'll be okay, see you guys around okay? We're gonna hit the road," Tallon smiled.
"Tal..." Evan said as Tallon looked to him, "Think about what Holgerson suggested last night. Something is wrong with him, it can't just be about that. He snapped way too fast, defensively almost."
"Exactly. He didn't blank out-he flashed back. He was holding his head, his eyes were closed. We tried to get his attention but he didn't respond to it. I agree with, Ev. He needs to talk to someone or get checked out, Tal...Something is wrong with him and we're starting to worry about his well being. It just doesn't feel right, why would he say he's always being him, we know that." Ryan informed.
"And also say he can take care of himself just like he always has. You can't stand there and not have a feeling like something isn't right here..." Thaxter added.
"I'll see what I can do. Even if what you say is going on-we can't push him or he'll shut down." Tallon sighed, "Catch ya guys later," he headed out towards the truck. He was worried about Hector, he wouldn't deny that but he also knew that Hector had to want to talk about it or he'd push away feeling like he's being suffocated. Reaching the truck, he saw Hector sitting in the driver's seat with his head on the rest and eyes closed. Tallon opened the door and got inside, he put his bag on the floor and kissed Hector's cheek with a smile. "Ready to go home?"
"So ready," Hector smiled at him.
"Well, let's get going then!" Tallon put his seat belt on and sat back. Hector started the truck and backed out of the spot-then getting on the road to take them back to inner Berk. Hector might have been smiling on the outside but inside, he was started to break again. Hearing what Drew, Jessie, Trent, and even Darius had said about him-it brought back memories he didn't want, and also a feeling he never wanted to feel again. Was Skylar right? No matter what he did, he'd still always be a loser? That he could never truly change who he was? Was he a worthless, useless, weak, nobody? He didn't know anymore-but he knew one this: his depression was coming back.
