Trigger warnings ** There are references to drug use in this chapter and to past abuse.
I go into more detail in the bottom author notes if you rather skip it. The scenes aren't graphic but I don't want to upset anyone.
There is no r*pe in this story.
I will give trigger warnings as I go, but please just be aware and let me know if there is anything else you think I may need to be warning for. Thanks!
I wanted to give you all another chapter partly because of how much I love this one, hope you enjoy it! :)
Rose POV
Dimitri rubbed my back, the motion of it soothing. As was everything else about him, just his presence made things seem a little easier to handle. I was able to compose myself fairly quickly, feeling bad for getting his shirt wet but he didn't seem to mind.
Olena passed me a tissue, running her hand through my hair. It amazed me how easily she treated me like one of her own. Something my own mother couldn't even do.
Once I dried my face, Olena placed a bowl of her beef stew in front of Lissa and me. "Eat. It will make you feel better."
Dimitri nodded towards it, encouragingly, moving from his crouched position to take the empty chair beside me, hand still rubbing my back.
I was unsure I could eat, but managed to make myself, my body grateful for some food. I used the time to work through my thoughts.
I felt violated again, for something to have been happening to me for so long, but it lifted a weight. I had been hating myself so much every day for how weak I kept getting. Hating what I presented as because it changed me so much, taking my identity with it. But now I know it wasn't because of me.
Which means I could regain some of what I lost. I turned to Lissa, "Do you know if the stuff wears off?"
She bit her lip, "I'm not sure. I don't even know what the drug is called or what exactly it does. I only know the basics."
"How did you find out about it?" Dimitri questioned. His hand had stopped moving on my back, and now his fingers were playing with the ends of my hair. I had to stop myself shivering from the feel of it, focusing on Lissa instead.
"Tasha told me."
Dimitri's fingers stilled.
"On the drive here, I called her to find out as much as I could. She's been pushing a campaign lately against Queen Tatiana about how omegas are treated. Somehow she found out about the drug and is going to release the information soon." Lissa continued, looking at me. "She said that she wanted to meet you if you ever feel up to it."
I shifted in my seat. Did I want to be part of some campaign? The world of politics never appealed to me, having seen Lissa dealing with it even when we were younger. Once her parents died in the car accident when we were fourteen, it only got worse.
"I don't know, Liss." I finally replied. I had enough of my own problems here to work through before I threw in the rest of the omegas in America. Including dealing with Jesse.
"Tasha knew all of that?" Ivan asked, pulling out his phone and pressing some buttons. I noticed his eyes were glazed over, peeking at Dimitri to see his the same.
Lissa nodded, a solemn look on her face, "Yep. She told me about the drugs and the omega accommodation, and about the silver whip."
My body tensed, my blood feeling like ice in my veins as fear took over me at those two words.
Everything else faded away until there was just the feel of cement walls and the sound of the metal hitting flesh.
"Roza?"
I blinked rapidly, escaping those dark memories. No one else seemed to have noticed, still talking about what Lissa had learnt. I turned my head to find Dimitri's eyes on mine, the corners pinched in concern.
"Are you okay?"
I realised he must have felt me tense up. As his hand moved down my spine I felt some of the tension leave me. I gave him a weak nod, leaning back into his touch. I didn't like to think too much of that room or that night, it also brought with it thoughts of Jesse. It made anger build in me, which steadily changed into determination.
If I could gain back some of the strength I had, then I could stop Jesse from using his control over me like that again. "Dimitri," My mind made up, "Did you mean it? That you would train me."
His surprise showed for a second before becoming serious, "Yes."
"Good," I nodded. "I want to start today."
There was a little apprehension about starting so soon, but it seemed Dimitri had issues saying no to me when I gave him a pleading look, something I will have to remember for later. He agreed to test what skill level I was currently at. Thankfully, we could do that in the small gym at the pack house.
I wasn't ready to go to the gym in town yet and I think he knew that. Alberta was quick to offer to help as well, she had been teaching me when I was younger, and would be better able to tell how different my abilities were now.
Lissa had gone to sleep while Ivan left to take care of pack business, leaving me with Dimitri and Alberta in the small gym. It had a couple of weights and some machines, enough to start with.
"Just remember to not push yourself too much. We don't know how long it will take for what they were giving you to leave your system." Dimitri warned me, gesturing for me to get on the treadmill. "I'll start you at a lower setting and then increase it as we go. I want you to tell me when it becomes too much."
I nodded, finishing off my stretches. I wasn't too worried about running, I just hoped that my stamina carried over from my wolf.
"Rose, are those the only shoes you have?" Alberta asked with furrowed brows.
I shrugged, "Yeah."
"If you are going to do this regularly we'll need to buy you some new ones." She commented, "Are you the same size still?"
I frowned, "I'll buy my own." Dimitri had a resigned look, knowing how this argument would go.
Alberta shook her head, "Just tell me your size." She told me in a firm tone that she only used on me when she wasn't going to put up with me arguing. I sighed dramatically.
"Fine. Yes, I'm the same size."
She crossed her arms triumphantly, "See that wasn't so hard."
"Whatever. Can we start now?"
I knew I was out of shape, but I didn't think it would be this bad. Overall, that was a pathetic two hours of me struggling. It was depressing really.
I didn't move from the ground, lying on the grass. There was a chill to the air but I was sweating so much that my undershirt felt soaked, the material sticking to my skin.
After testing my endurance and then my strength, Dimitri led me outside to see what my sparring abilities were, directing Alberta and me through some sets. Each time, it ended with me on my ass.
"Considering how long it's been, that wasn't that bad," Alberta assured me. I scoffed at her.
"That was terrible. I'm terrible!" I complained, throwing my arm over my eyes as I groaned in frustration. Already my body was aching to the point I didn't think I could stand up, let alone walk up three flights of stairs.
Omegas weren't allowed to spar at the academy, and though I tried to practice some of the moves by myself, trying to hold myself up against Alberta's attacks was like me trying to stop a truck with my body.
Felt like it too.
"I think that's enough for today," Dimitri commented, "I can design a workout plan and talk to Mama about what I want you to be eating."
I squinted up at him with a dubious look, "You're still willing to train me? After seeing that?" I had expected them to tell me that there was no hope. I sure felt like there was none, I was too far gone.
He tilted his head at me, "Of course. You have a lot of potential. You just need to build your strength again." He walked over to crouch beside me, using his large form to block the sun from hitting my eyes. "It's going to be a lot of work, and you will probably feel worse than you do right now. But we'll get there."
There goes that warmth growing bigger in my chest again. I chuckled, though the sound cut off into a groan from my strained muscles. "I don't think it's possible for me to feel worse."
He smirked down at me, a look of promise and amusement in his eyes, "Trust me, Roza. You will."
I couldn't respond, instead for a squeak that escaped as his arms went under me. Lifting me up like I weighed nothing. "What are you doing?"
"I'm taking you up to your room."
"I can walk by myself," I replied indignantly. He just rolled his eyes.
"If I let you do that, it would take hours. Just let me help you."
I folded my arms, pouting but inside I enjoyed him carrying me.
After a long shower, I felt less dead on my feet, relaxing in the recreation room with Lissa again. She was on the couch with me on the ground between her legs, her hands massaging my back. Lissa honestly had magical hands, making all the pain disappear.
Christian walked in with a frown. With his bright blue eyes and black hair, one could say he was attractive, but I always saw him as the annoying kid I went to school with that had a habit of setting things on fire. One time he had lit one in our science class that had almost burnt my hair. Since then I've called him Sparky. He was more of a slim build, being a beta he didn't work out as much as alphas did. It was comical seeing him standing beside Dimitri earlier.
"I leave for five minutes and you are all over my girlfriend," He scoffed, placing hot chocolate in front of us.
I looped my arms around Lissa's leg with a grin, "I did see her first, Sparky."
He pulled a face, "I did not miss this," He grumbled sinking into the opposite couch. We would tease each other a lot, but even he understood how close Lissa and I were, not trying to impose on us catching up.
Christian and Lissa were both there the day I presented, he never once looked down on me for being an omega. Even now, he treated me just the same. "I still can't believe you two are here." I mused aloud.
"Yeah, I guessed that after the third time you said that." He snorted. I threw a pillow at him, though with how sore my arms felt, it was a weak throw.
He easily caught it, "Wow, Hathaway, is that the best you've got?"
"Would you two stop it? It's only been twenty minutes," Lissa scolded us, moving from massaging me to playing with my hair instead.
"Yeah, Sparky," I poked my tongue at him. I took the hot chocolate, warming my hands on the cup.
Dimitri hadn't been lying about making a workout plan, after I showered and could make it back down the stairs, I had found Dimitri and Olena going through what food I needed to be eating. My appetite was still coming and going, as was the stomach aches and nausea. I keep blaming it all on my stress. I'm hoping with Lissa being here and with training, that will start to ease.
"Is your stomach okay?" Lissa's question caught me off guard, eyes flicking up to her.
"What?"
She pointed down at my hand, "You keep rubbing it."
I didn't even notice I had been.
It had been aching after the workout, almost like cramps from my heat, but I knew that was still a couple of weeks away. "It's fine, just a stomach ache," I told her, sipping at the hot chocolate. The taste turned my stomach.
"What's wrong?"
Great, Christian noticed.
I set the cup down, "I probably just pushed myself too hard today."
Lissa reached down and squeezed my shoulder, "Maybe you should go rest before dinner."
The thought of food didn't help, but I agreed to rest. The lack of sleep was definitely catching up. I waved at them both, telling them to come to wake me if they needed anything, and then slowly made my way upstairs.
My legs felt like jelly when I made it to the top, all but dragging my feet to the bedroom. I halted when I noticed the door next to mine was cracked open.
The next thing I noticed was Dimitri's scent.
It had become stronger when we were exercising, Dimitri doing some of the reps with me to show the proper form. For some reason, even just the slightest hint of his scent soothed my stomach ache. My feet moved on their own, taking me towards him rather than my room.
Viktoria had pointed this room out as Dimitri's private study, explaining that he didn't use it very often, so I was surprised to see him behind the desk looking through a pile of papers. His hair was tied back, a few strands hanging loose around his face. Lately, I had been wondering how his hair would feel, if it was as soft as it looked. Then my eyes trailed down to his lips and my heart skipped a beat, I didn't need to imagine how those felt.
"Rose?"
I jumped, silently cursing at being caught staring at him. I gave Dimitri a small wave, "Hi. I didn't mean to interrupt you." I should just turn around and go to my room, pretend that I wasn't thinking about kissing him. But then Dimitri smiled and I didn't want to leave.
"It's okay, you aren't interrupting." He waved me in, and so I went. While his office in town was simple, this one was more elaborate, with a dark wood desk and large bookshelves, all with intricate carvings that matched the ones from the library downstairs. The books on the shelves looked old and dusty. Even the chairs were fancy, plush leather chairs that I wanted to sink into.
"This is…"
"Stuffy?" Dimitri supplied with a grimace.
I laughed, "I was going to say not your style, but it's not bad." Dimitri definitely looked more comfortable in his other office.
"I meet with other pack Alphas here, so it has to look professional. That and some of the furniture is original to the house."
I dragged my hand over the wood of his desk, noticing the little nicks in the wood from years of use.
"I thought you were spending time with Lissa?"
My eyes flicked up to his, shrugging, "I wasn't feeling great so I was going to try to sleep."
His brows furrowed, "What's wrong? Do you need anything?"
Concern laced his voice, hand hovering by his phone ready to get me anything I wanted. "It's just a stomach ache, I'll be fine, comrade." I gave him an easy smile.
He didn't look convinced, "How long have you been feeling sick?"
I contemplated lying but decided to tell him the truth, "On and off since I got here. I think it's just the stress of everything. It's been a long week." Sunday alone was just a constant roller coaster of events and emotions.
A look passed over Dimitri's face that I couldn't decipher, eyes becoming unfocused as he got lost in thought. "Anything else?"
I bit my lip, I didn't really feel like it was necessary to delve into everything I had been feeling, especially because some of it was because of my fear. I didn't like being a burden, so I shook my head. "No." Before he could ask anything else, I backed out of the room, "I'm going to go lay down."
I was out of the office and into my room within a couple of seconds, closing the door behind me. I could hear Dimitri sigh, the sound of his chair dragging over the wooden floor through the wall. It gave me a small sense of comfort having him so close. Crawling into bed, I hoped that that would help me get some real sleep.
**Trigger Warning**
It was dark, but I could feel his hand running over my body and tugging at my clothes. It was hard to breathe with the other hand covering my mouth. My head was pounding from the blows I took, making me feel sluggish and dizzy.
When the hand slipped under my shirt, I started to cry. As much as I struggled, I couldn't break free.
There was a knock on a door but I knew help wasn't coming. Even when they come in here, there will be no help for me. I was stuck in this horrible loop. Going from one terrible event to another. Always haunted by the sound of him chuckling behind me as I tried to fight.
The knocking increased.
Even though I knew it would do no good, I tried to scream for help, begging to be saved.
I just wanted someone to save me from what I knew was coming.
"You're mine, Rose." His chilling voice whispered in my ear.
I jerked awake, feeling hands on my shoulders shaking me. Still lost in the haze of the dream I tried to fight against whoever was holding me. It was a pathetic attempt, my limbs sore and tangled in the sheets. My body was covered in sweat yet I was shivering.
More tears fell as I felt hopeless to stop him again.
"Roza. You're safe here."
That deep voice made me pause. It was full of warmth, speaking to me gently. Slowly I focused on my surroundings, eyes adjusting to the dark room, the light from the hallway shining in like a beam.
The familiar presence beside me soothed me rather than caused fear. My body relaxed in his hold, eyes moving to his. Dimitri was watching me with a look of concern and panic, "It's okay now."
My lip trembled, biting it to make it stop. I had that damn dream again, the memory of it turned my stomach. I rolled onto my side, clutching at it. Everything felt so much worse now, my head pounding.
A cool hand was pressed to my forehead, "You're burning up," Dimitri commented, a moment later he was gone. I heard the sound of water and footsteps, when a wet cloth was laid over my forehead I jerked back. "This will help," He soothed, holding it against my skin, moving it to my cheek and then the back of my neck.
"I'm sorry," My voice was gravelly, trying my best to not shiver. I didn't understand how the cloth felt so good and yet I was freezing.
Dimitri pulled the blanket up to cover me, untangling it from my legs. "Don't be. Do you need anything?"
I shook my head, curling further into myself. The pain was flaring up again. The last time it felt this bad was when Dimitri had avoided me for two days. At the time, I had assumed it was something to do with the mating bite, that maybe I was feeling his pain, or the distance was affecting me. Now I wasn't sure.
"Is the stomach ache worse?"
"Yes."
His hand rubbed my back, easing the tension, "Do you have a headache or nausea?"
I rolled a little to peer up at him confused, "Yeah."
He moved the cloth around again, using it to wipe my tears, "And this has been happening since you got here?"
I nodded, trying to figure out where he was going with this.
"I think you might be going through withdrawals." He explained, jaw clenched, "I'm going to get you something to drink. I'll be right back."
I didn't respond, instead, I was processing his words. Withdrawals. It never crossed my mind as a possibility, but after what I learned today, it made sense. I had been ingesting some kind of drug for the past three years and now I've been cut off from it.
My body ached, I rolled and pressed my face into my pillow, muffling my groan. This whole time I've been writing it off as stress or fear. Nope, I'm just an addict.
Just another way that I was fucked up.
Dimitri didn't even want a mate, and yet he was now stuck with me, nothing to my name except for past trauma and, now, drug issues.
I didn't even realise I was crying again until Dimitri was wiping them. He placed something on the bedside table, climbing in the bed next to me, trying to coax me to sit up. "This will help," He whispered, holding up a bottle of water.
Reluctantly, I allowed him to sit me up enough to drink. There was a noticeable lessening of pain when he held me close to his side as I drank. The pain had always eased when I was with him, part of why I wrote it off as mate related.
After I drank what I could, I pushed the bottle away from me but stayed close to Dimitri. My head angled towards him, inhaling deeply.
"Can I get you anything?" he asked.
I shook my head, hand fisting the material of his shirt, "This is good. Can you please stay a little?" I felt so silly asking him, but it felt so good pressed up against him. I didn't understand how he was able to make me feel better like this, and I wasn't going to question it too much right now. Instead, I just wanted to relish in the feeling of it.
His arm moved to wrap around my back, holding me close as he shuffled on the bed into a more comfortable position. I felt the cloth being pressed against me again, sighing at the feeling.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't want to be a burden," I admitted. "I thought it was just stress or something. It's not always this bad."
Dimitri hummed, staying silent for a couple of minutes before speaking again. "You were crying for help in your sleep," His voice was strained, spoken in a hushed tone as if he was unsure of bringing it up.
I tensed. It wasn't the first time I woke up in the midst of panicking but I didn't think I had been talking in my sleep. I hoped that no one else had heard me.
"Is that part of the reason why you locked yourself away the last couple of days?"
I focused on his chest, fiddling with his shirt. "It isn't important."
"Roza," he implored, "you are safe here. You can tell me and I promise I will do everything I can to help you."
I huffed a laugh, Dimitri may be the Alpha here, but there was nothing he could do to a member of a Royal family. If he did, there would be consequences, he would practically be declaring war against other packs that the Zelkos' ran. "I don't want to talk about it."
I could feel him deflating. "I don't like seeing you in pain." He was so quiet, I almost didn't hear him. I didn't respond, just pressing closer. Eventually, I was lulled back to sleep, calmed by Dimitri.
When I woke again, I felt better, more than I had in days. I was still snuggled close to Dimitri, though now we were laying down in the bed, his fingers toying with the ends of my hair. I shifted in his arms, wiping the sleep from my eyes. The room was still dark, the bedroom door closed so the only light coming in was from the moonlight outside.
"Hi," Dimitri whispered.
I blinked up at him, waiting for my eyes to adjust. "Hey. How long was I sleeping?"
"A couple of hours."
I grimaced, "I'm sorry." I tried to push myself away, I hadn't realised that I was practically laying on top of him. His arm looped behind me again, running down the length of my spine.
"Don't apologise, I'm glad you managed to get some sleep." Even in the dark, I could tell he was relieved, "How are you feeling?"
"Better," I replied, allowing myself to lean into his side again. It was dangerous just how good it felt being this close to him, something I could get used to very quickly. His hand moved further up my back until it was on my shoulder, so very close to my bite mark. It made me shiver. My own hand came up to cover it. "Do you ever regret biting me?"
He shifted under me, eyes catching mine, they looked like they were glowing in the moonlight. "I regret how it happened," He replied honestly, "but I don't regret that I have you as a mate."
"Are you sure?" My insecurities weighed heavy in my heart, "Even though I have all these issues? Even though I'm omega?"
"Being an omega doesn't make you any less of a person, Roza," Dimitri told me firmly. "And, who doesn't have issues. I have my own. I care about you, and I'm not going to be scared off easily." His words were so earnest that I blushed.
Dimitri cared for me. The affection in his voice made me think his feelings were more than he admitted to, though I couldn't bring myself to fully believe it.
One thing I knew for sure, I was starting to fall for him and that both scared and excited me.
I was falling in love with Dimitri.
**The reference to drugs is when talking about the one Rose is given when in the academy against in her will, and then mentioned again when she realises she is going through withdrawals.
The past abuse is shown in a small dream sequence where she is being pinned by Jesse and he gropes her. It isn't very long and doesn't go into too much detail.
A disclaimer also, the withdrawals isn't exactly how it would happen in real life, but let's roll with it because this is fanfiction :D
